


Plug In Baby

by mmerainbows



Category: Glee
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, M/M, Prostitute Kurt, Skank Kurt Hummel, Skank Quinn Fabray
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:59:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 60
Words: 127,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmerainbows/pseuds/mmerainbows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>THIS IS NOT A FAIRYTALE FIC!</p><p>Anderberry!Siblings, Skank!Kurt, Prostitute!Kurt, Drug Use</p><p>Blaine passes by Kurt everyday on his way home, ignoring the pink haired pierced up boy to avoid the trouble that the boy seems to surround himself with.  One day though, Blaine can't avoid paying attention to Kurt, and one simple act of humanity creates enough drama that even Rachel is overwhelmed by it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Blaine Anderberry just wanted class to end.  World History 101 had to be the most content packed class in the whole of New York University and yet it had proven to also be the most boring with a professor that droned on in the worst monotonous voice about events in sequential order with no flare or passion.  What the man lacked in teaching quality though, he made up for in neck beard that crawled out overtop of a too tight turtle neck and curled around the top.  The man always wore turtlenecks and Blaine was sure they were the same brand and style but just in different colours.  

His fellow students were amazed at how well Blaine did in the class, heck, in all of his classes, but it couldn’t be said it was because he was good at paying attention to professors who had long ago lost whatever edge they had when they were hired and signed to tenure.  No, Blaine was just good at studying and getting a feel for how professors graded and tested.

It was why he spent the next three hours following his last class of the day in cavernous library, sometimes alone with his books, and sometimes surrounded by classmates who were more inclined to joke about something funny one of their professors had said or some move they had seen on the weekend.  

His parents had told him to expect New York to be big and exciting with lots of things that could distract him from his studies.  Blaine knew part of why they had said that was because they had hoped that they could keep him closer to home, but the other part was because New York was big and exciting - but while there were lots of things that could have distracted him, he had never been more routined in his life.

6 a.m. Wake up, go for a run.

7 a.m. Shower, get ready.

8 a.m. Eat breakfast, watch the news.

8:30 a.m. Leave to catch Express A to the university.

9 a.m. Classes until…

12 p.m. Lunch

1.p.m. More classes.

3 p.m. Classes done.  Go to the library.

6 p.m. Light supper.

6:30 p.m. Hit the gym.

8:30 p.m. Clean up and go home.

Blaine was almost disappointed that his life wasn’t more exciting.  His older sister Rachel had come to New York the year before and was already cast in a Broadway musical after only a year of study at NYADA.  She had friends in and out all the time, both from high school and from the city, had dated, lived with, and dumped a boyfriend she discovered was prostituting himself for money, and even had a pregnancy scare.  

Blaine’s first year was somewhat less exciting.

That being said though, there was safety and comfort in his routine.  He knew what to expect.  Even the background players were the same in his routine.  

There was that girl in Economics who always poked her pencil through her hoop earrings.  The guy whose nails were bitten down to shreds who always sat in the corner of the cafeteria.  The angry looking Asian man who scooped up the rice day in and day out behind the serving glass, and of course, there was that pink haired boy that was always standing out by his apartment when he walked home from the subway each night.

The first few times Blaine had noticed him, he had been awestruck by the boy.  Tight black jeans, torn in the knees wrapped his legs up leaving little to the imagination.  Military style boots that nearly reached his knees and had an impossible number of buckles.  Leather vest, also in black of course, that hugged his toned body perfectly.  He had small hoops all down the cartilage of his left ear, in his eyebrow, and one around his lower lip that Blaine had at first mistaken for an odd looking tooth in the limited light of the night.  Both ears were pierced in the lobes not once, but twice and he always wore differently coloured studs.  The top of his hair was coloured in bright pink, but the sides were left chestnut in what Blaine assumed was his natural colouring.  There was a peak of a tattoo out of the back of his vest, but Blaine had never seen it completely so wasn’t sure what it could have been.  Finally, his eyes.  Of all the things to strike Blaine about the boy it had been his eyes.  Fiercely blue and accented all around the edge by eyeliner to make them pop out all the more.

Rachel had to pull Blaine sharply to get him to stop staring and then warned him against adopting any of the homeless in New York like he used to take in dogs and cats when he was younger.

Blaine hadn’t thought the man looked homeless… just… out of place.

They lived in a ritzy area though, so anything that wasn’t suit and tie looked out of place.  

The shock of the boy wore off though once Blaine got used to seeing him there every evening.  At first Blaine had tried to nod politely, like he would have with any neighbour he might have passed, but found himself ignored.  Then Blaine had seen the boy leaning into car windows talking with people in the cars and assumed that the boy was dealing some kind of drugs.  That was when Blaine stopped nodding politely and just kept walking.

The truth of the matter though, as Blaine pieced together after several weeks, was that the boy was dealing - just not drugs.  When Blaine had seen the boy limp out of cars that had driven away hastily and then count his cash when he thought no one was paying him any attention, Blaine realized the boy was dealing sex.

Now Blaine wasn’t completely naive.  He knew prostitution existed and he anticipated he might see it in New York, but once he figured out for himself why that boy stood night after night in a rich part of the city in one of three outfits he seemed to alternate through, it had made Blaine sick.

Still, Blaine walked past him every night in what had eventually settled into a habit of mutual ignorance of one another.  He didn’t look to the boy, the boy didn’t look to him.  The most that ever happened was Blaine had to walk through a cloud of the boy’s second hand smoke and held his breath in an effort to avoid the carcinogens floating in the air.

He didn’t say or do anything when it got cold outside and the boy was out there in the same get up, he didn’t say or do anything when the boy looked like he was passed out against the wall, and he didn’t do or say anything when he passed by the boy and could hear his stomach growling.

Blaine had become a true New Yorker.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Blaine hears the boy's voice he's having a hushed conversation on a cell phone that appears to be made out of more duct tape than actual phone. It's also the first time Blaine notices the black nail polish on the boy's fingernails too.

"Just get the stuff Quinn. He knows we're good for it.... Yah... Yah.... Don't worry. I'll get some dates tonight and we'll be good.... Well fuck that...."

Blaine is pretty sure the dates the boy goes on don't include a romantic candlelit dinner and a movie.

Not long after that event is the first time that Blaine sees the boy away from his corner. Rachel sent him off to the 24 hour grocer a few blocks away and right in front of him in line is the boy, paying in loose change for a pack of condoms, a small bottle of lube, and a chocolate bar.

"Snoop much?" 

Blaine had only looked at the items for a second, but it was in that second that he had been caught, catching the scowl and stare of piercing blue eyes. As he fumbled over his own words trying to apologize, the boy left hastily, leaving Blaine with his milk and tea and relief.

This is followed by the first time Blaine has ever seen the boy speaking with anyone outside of a car or on the phone.

Although the boy is doing more yelling than talking.

"Call me a slut old lady?! Come over here and say it to my face!" He yells down the block at a tiny aged woman who is glaring at him. Blaine is on his way home, as usual, when he finds himself standing on the sidewalk a few yards away from the boy. Given how much posturing and reckless gesturing the boy is doing as he spits the words at the woman, Blaine isn't sure if it's safe to walk by him.

"You're a whore and you make this whole neighbourhood look bad!" The woman yells back at him, clearly with more guts than Blaine has at the moment.

"Whore? WHORE?! Get your facts straight lady! I'm a fucking cocksucker!" 

The woman looks completely taken aback by the statement and the boy just breaks into a fit of laughter, amused by his own antics.

Blaine isn't sure if he should laugh along because, content aside, it is kind of funny. He keeps quiet though, and as the woman decides she can't argue that and walks away, the boy turns and sees Blaine there. 

"Maybe I'd make more though if I charged for staring huh?" The scowl makes a reappearance and Blaine hastily looks at the sidewalk and walks as quickly as he can to his apartment without looking back.

Blaine doesn't usually see the boy on weekends, but that's because he alternates each weekend between his mom's house in Conneticut with his dad's house in Boston. With Rachel so busy with her career already, the guilt of visitation is passed down to him. She'll occasionally accompany him, but not enough to really make either of their parents happy even though they say it's alright. 

There's one weekend though in early January when Blaine has come up from Boston early since his dad was leaving for a conference on the Sunday. Blaine doesn't get back to his street until close to one in the morning and the first thing he see's on his street is that pink haired boy leaning back against the building as he sits on the ground. As Blaine gets closer and hazards a look, he can see through the hazy light of the streetlamps that the boy must have had a hard night. His right eye is swollen and puffy and there's a cut on his lip that's still fresh.

"Can I help you with something fucker or are you just going to stare again?"

Again Blaine loses all nerve to say or do anything and just rushes past and into his apartment.

The boy is gone for a couple days after that, and when Blaine sees him next the bruising around his eye has already faded and he's got it covered with some makeup to dull its appearance. Inwardly Blaine is grateful that the boy is okay, and then he gives himself a mental slap in the face because how fine could that boy be if he's out selling his body in the first place?

It leads Blaine to read up on prostitution, though he can only go through so much before he gets sickened by it and turns back to the much more stomach friendly topics of history and finance. 

Of course, Rachel, being the snoopy sister she is, finds his browser history before he has a chance to delete it.

"Blaine! You'd better not be planning to bring any hookers in this house!"

"That's not why I was looking that stuff up! Honest!"

"We'll enlighten me then because I have half a mind to call mom to set you straight."

Blaine groans and tells her about the boy on the street below. She's less than sympathetic, and given her history with Brody, the ex-boyfriend, he can sort of understand.

"Get over it. Streetwalkers are all over this city and the only reason you don't see them more is because mom and dad made sure we were set up in a good part of town. You ever see Bushwick?" She shudders, "Crackwhores and homeless people galore there. We're just lucky we only have to deal with one here."

Blaine lets it go because arguing with Rachel is like arguing with a wall, only the wall might eventually break or give way. He's pretty sure she got her role in Funny Girl by refusing to let the director think there was any other options for Fanny Brice but her.

He doesn't stop sneaking peaks at the boy though when he passes him by every day, even when he gets a scowl or glare in response. 

Bruises seem to fade and reappear on the boy, blemishing his otherwise flawless alibaster skin. Occasionally there's a cut as well. More than occasionally the boy sports dark circles under his eyes and when he isn't wearing shades, Blaine can sometimes see that his eyes are bloodshot. 

Over time Blaine also picks up on the boy's habits. He sees the boy nibbling on his fingernails, chewing on his lower lip, and twirling bits of his short hair around his finger. He can tell when the boy is about to approach a car by the way his head moves and the way he seems to become more alert. Blaine is also sure that when the boy paces in place it's because it's a slow night and he must be bored.

Honestly, what would you do between customers?

Still, it must be a good spot because the boy is there faithfully every evening. Blaine only sees so many interactions between the boy and his customers, and has never overheard any of the information the boy tells the client before he slips into a car. How much does he get? How does he know he won't be hurt? If he was hurt and stopped showing up would anyone else notice or care? Would another prostitue just show up there after awhile and resume business?

It's a frosty February night when Blaine is actually in town on a Saturday night that Blaine is able to finally do more than just look and wonder when it comes to the boy. He is awoken by noises out on the street and glancing through his window he sees the boy being tossed around between three men, shoving him to and fro like a rag doll and laughing. The boy is trying to escape with each shove, but seems weak on his legs and unable to do much but try and argue. 

Blaine throws on his coat, grabs an umbrella from the front closet, and rushes out without a thought to his own safety. Why no one else is responding immediately aggravates him because there's no shortage of people around here. Either no one cares or no one can be bothered.

Blaine has decided he's not one of those people.

He rushes out the front door and yells with all his might. He hasn't made action plan and is just hoping that being noticed by someone is enough to scare the men away.

Miraculously, his yelling at them to stop and flailing with the umbrella seems to do the trick. The three men pile into a car idling on hype street by them and speed off, leaving the boy to collapse in the frost that has lined the street in the early hours. Blaine rushes over and kneels down by him, first checking his pulse. It's there, but Blaine's fingers come away from the boy's throat with blood on them. 

"Oh hell...." Blaine grabs his cell phone out of his pocket and shakily starts to dial 9-1-1 but a hand reaches up and smacks the phone away from him before he can hit send.

"No." The boy weakly squeaks out.

Blaine ignores him and reaches for the phone on the ground, and again the boy tries to put up a fight, this time knocking Blaine's hand back with his own. "Don't."

"You're bleeding and hurt. You need help!"

A final effort on the boys part, and Blaine can tell it takes up most of his energy because he gasps afterwards, is to bat the phone away which causes it to slide under a parked car. Blaine swears and looks down at the boy who is wheezing and coughing by him. He's been out in the the dark now long enough for his eyes to have adjusted and can see that there are tears all over the boy's clothing, as well as blood. His face is puffy, as is his lip. There's no way Blaine can handle this on his own.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

"No... Insurance..... And.... Would.... End.... Up..... In.... Jail....." The boy heaves out, breath by breath. "I'm ... Fine.... Just... Need.... To.... Sleep.... It.... Off...."

Blaine's jaw drops, because really, if he was in the same predicament he would expect nothing less than an emergency room and several days in the hospital. He isn't in the same situation though, and he's painfully aware of it, but this is not something he can just walk away from now.

Still no one else has come out, and the sourness in Blaine's stomach has only grown because of it. It's bad enough that no one seems to care about this boy enough to come out and help him, but now there's no one out to even help a neighbour in need - and Blaine is definitely in need. 

The boys breathing becomes lighter and more raspy, and Blaine realizes that he's fallen asleep, or passed out on the cold, wet concrete. Left with no other choices, Blaine hooks one arm under the boy's knees and the other around around his back and lifts. 

He's surprisingly light and without much effort, and by leaving the umbrella on the ground, Blaine is able to enter the code into the keypad on the front entrance of his apartment with only his thumb and then maneuver himself through the narrow hallways, up the stairs, and back into his apartment where he sets down the boy on the couch.

Throughout it all, the boy doesn't stir at all.

"Oh no. Oh no, no, no. Blaine. This is not happening." Rachel's voice calls as she exits her bedroom in a robe, hair all in curlers and sees the boy on her couch.

"He was attacked Rachel! No one helped him!"

"That doesn't mean you have to! That's what cops are for!" She hisses at him, arms gesturing madly.

Blaine shakes his head, walking by her to get a blanket out of the linen closet in the hallway. "We'll they didn't come and no one else did either."

"Blaine. No."

She steps in front of him on his way back to the living room, blocking his path and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Fine. You carry him back out and lay him back down on the street if you don't want him here. I'm going to do the humane thing." 

She huffs and that's all she gets the chance to do because Blaine pushes past her and covers the boy up so he's not cold - even though their apartment has to be much more temperate than what he's used to outside. Then he's off to the kitchen to get their first aid kit and some water.

Rachel hovers nearby, like an antsy mother hen, and watches as Blaine carefully wipes the boy clean of blood. He sleeps through it all, and even moves into the touch of the warm wipe when it caresses his cheeks. Under her breath, Rachel mutters about idiotic brothers and deathwishes, but Blaine ignores it in favour of silently appreciating how much less hardened the boy looks when he's sleeping and doesn't have to keep up the tough boy act. Under the puffy skin and bruises forming, he actually looks sweet. 

Blaine has to uncover him to wipe down his arms, seeing old circular scars on his arms that look suspiciously like cigarette burns as well as a myriad of other scarring. His vest has been pulled apart in a couple places, exposing the alibaster skin beneath. His pants were already torn, part of his signiture look, but Blaine notices that his zipper is down and button isn't clasped and his stomach sinks further as his mind reasons why that probably is. 

Rachel eventually throws her arms up in defeat and tells Blaine that if she's raped and stabbed in her sleep then it's on his conscious before returning to her room. The shuffling sounds coming from within her room suggesting she was barricading her door with furniture.

Blaine stays with the boy though, worried that if he leaves the boy will die on his couch and then how would Blaine explain himself to Rachel, his parents, or the authorities? He watches the rise and fall of the boy's chest, making sure he keeps breathing, and watches to make sure there's no more obvious signs of bleeding. In the end though, sleep finally overtakes Blaine and he dozes off against the arm of the couch

When he wakes up, the light is pressing through the curtains and warming the exposed skin on his back above his pants and below his T-shirt. He's created a spot of drool on the arm of the couch where his mouth was pressed against and has to rub his face over because it feels numb from sleeping like that.

And that's also when he notices the boy has left.


	3. Chapter 3

Blaine is frantic at first, checking all the rooms and even under the beds to make sure the boy isn't just hiding somewhere in their apartment, but he's no where to be found. After Rachel calls through her door to see if the coast is clear and pushes her furniture back in place, she joins Blaine as he explores the apartment - though her intent is to ensure nothing has been stolen.

When he's checked the halls and the pantry, he finally accepts that the boy is gone.

Rachel meanwhile is complaining about the couch, which has a slight blood stain on it and a bit of an odor. She's sure it needs to be replaced, even though Blaine has yet to see her actually sit in the damned thing. She's also upset about the loss of what she calls "her favourite umbrella".

Nothing else is gone though, so Blaine goes outside to see if he can find her the umbrella and also retrieve his phone. Both are gone though and the boy is no where in sight on the street either. There's nothing more he can do but take a nap and hope the boy shows up again that night.

But despite Blaine checking through the window every five minutes that evening and well into the wee hours of the morning, until Rachel threatens to call their parents on him for being ridiculous, there's no sign of the boy.

He drags himself out to school the next day, bereft of a good night's sleep and worried about if he'll ever see the boy again. He even leaves the gym early to see if the boy is there that evening.

But he's not, and again Blaine stands vigil by his window and waits and hopes to see something more than New Yorkers walking by with entitled senses of urgency and vacant stares ahead of them. 

Three more days this goes on and Rachel is angry. Slamming doors and kettles down on the stovetop as she insists his obsession with the boy is unhealthy and going to ruin him. He lets her bark at him, letting the words pass around him. He's already too far gone. He's let himself care and there's no going back now.

It's Friday when Blaine see's him standing on the corner again as Blaine is coming home from the gym, and the instant he see's him there, he's walking faster and grinning broadly, just to elated that he's alive and back there and not in a metal case in the city morge.

The boy doesn't match his smile when he notices Blaine coming towards him. His face is still bruised, make-up covering the worst of it, and his vest has been stiched up, Dark splotches of bruises go up his arms but he's walking in spot and smoking and able to look darkly upon Blaine so there are some small miracles in this world.

"The fuck you want?"

Blaine stops short of being just a foot away from the boy, eyes going wide. Maybe he imagined that he was the one, the only one, that intervened in this boy being hurt worse than he already was last weekend or that he carried him and housed him for the night. 

"I just.... I..."

The boy lifts his head and exhales a cloud of smoke above him, his own personal cloud, forcing Blaine to stare at his long neck and try and figure out just what he intended to say when he came over here.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright." is what he finally settles on saying.

"Fucking peachy. Now get. I have money to make."

No thank you for saving me or thank you for taking care of me or no 'You must have been so worried about me for the past week and it must have driven you near crazy not to know how I was'. Blaine is dumbstruck by the disregard for his attempts to do good by this boy. It's not like he expected a medal, but some acknowledgement would be nice. He seethes on the inside just a bit for not getting that little bit of respect.

Although, he doesn't let it show as he gives the boy a nod and quietly walks off.

Blaine watches outside of his window that night. He see's the boy walk up to car windows and lean in, talking to whomever is inside. Sometime's he gets in and is gone for awhile, and other times he backs off and the cars drive off without him. He smokes through the night - probably to help him keep warm, and Blaine is surprised that there isn't a path worn into the cement where he paces back and forth between customers. 

It's one in the morning when Blaine watches a familiar car drive up. It's the same one the guys from last week drove off in and Blaine is running out his door and grabbing his coat off the hook before he realizes it and going out the front of the apartment building.

The boy is leaning into the open window of the car on the passenger side, talking to whomever is inside, but Blaine yelling out 'Hey!' and running over seems to spook both the boy, who stands up, and the occupant of the car, who speeds off on seeing Blaine.

"What the hell!"

Blaine looks off after the car, trying to see if he can catch the plate number before glancing back to the boy who has his arms crossed and looks seriously pissed off.

"That was the car from last weekend. I just... you... they hurt you."

"You fucking ruined a deal I was making. You cost me money!"

Blaine looks at the boy in surprise. Was money really that much more important than his safety that he was willing to risk going off with that guy? 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" The boy asks of Blaine, kicking one of his heels into the pavement.

"I just.... I didn't want you to get hurt again."

"Newsflash Romeo. Guys who pay guys for sex usually aren't the tender loving kind of man. I know what to expect."

Blaine can't help but smirk a little. "It's Blaine... not Romeo... and I just can't stand by and let you get hurt even if you seem to not mind it."

The boy snorts, shaking his head and pulling a cigarette out of his vest breast pocket and lighting it up with a lighter he retrieves from his pants pocket. "Fucking whatever. You're just a trust fund baby with a hero complex. Screw off."

Blaine can't hold back anymore, "Screw off? I saved your ass last weekend and you're treating me like shit! I had to replace my phone and my sister wants to replace our couch because of you!"

The boy just snickers and takes a puff of the cigarette before responding, "So?"

"So?!" Blaine spreads his arms out to either side and lets his jaw drop. "So you're whining about money and you cost me money and you don't get to say that I cost you a deal when I saved you!"

"I would have been fine without you." The boy turns and walks back to the sidewalk, Blaine in pursuit, "It's happened before and it'll happen again. You want a humanitarian award or something? 'cause I ain't on any nomination committee for that crap anyhow."

"No... no... I don't... I just... " Blaine sighs and rubs his hands over his hair, struggling to verbalize his feelings better, "I just don't understand how you can not care about yourself like that?"

The boy spins around in place to face Blaine again, eyeing him incredulously, "I'm fucking filling my lungs with cancer, out in the winter without a coat, staying up until all hours, and fucking whomever will give me a few bucks and you really think that getting smacked around a bit is going to suddenly make me give a shit about myself? Guess what, I clearly don't give a shit. Maybe you should give less of one. Or better yet - mind your own business."

Blaine frowns, and his anger gives way to sadness and pity. "Well... I can't. Can I at least pay you for what I made you lose?"

That catches the boy's attention, an eyebrow darting right up as he scans Blaine's face for sincerity, "How much?"

Blaine sucks in a breath and digs his hand into his coat pocket, feeling a few bills in there and pulling them out, "I have this left over from supper...."

The boy looks down at Blaine's hand, back up to his face to make sure, and then grabs the cash. It's just thirty dollars, but it puts a grin on the boy's face - the first one Blaine has ever seen him sport and it's genuine.

"What the fuck do you eat for supper that this is what's left over? Fuck...." The boy shoves the bills in his back pocket and then suddenly grabs Blaine's hand and drags him to the side of the building, Blaine yelping in surprise and then looking around in worry. Is he about to get mugged for more and just going to let it happen?

"You need to shut up." The boy scolds him and then shoves him against the wall, making Blaine cough. Hands are suddenly on Blaine's waist and he's sure he's opened himself up to letting this boy steal his credit card and watch by not fighting back - but he doesn't want to fight someone who's so clearly desparate for cash that he'll let himself get beat up anyhow.

But that's not what the boy has in mind. He drops to a squat in front of Blaine and peels down Blaine's pyjama pants so unexpectedly that Blaine yelps again - this time from the cold hitting him in his most sensitive places and because of the shock of it happening to begin with.

"Shhh..." The boy orders, grabbing Blaine's definitely disinterested member and trying to coax it to attention despite Blaine's frantic whimpers.

"No.... nononono... you don't have to... that's not why I....OH!"

The cold of the outside has been replaced by a warm, welcoming mouth that's dropped over Blaine's flacid length and begins sucking on him hard and demanding and there's no way his body can refuse to be interested now as his cock hardens quickly inside that mouth. Blaine reaches back and grabs the wall to brace himself. Jesus, this happened so quickly. What the hell?

Once Blaine is completely erect, a rip of a condom wrapper is heard and the mouth temporarily retreats and a condom is rolled over Blaine's cock so quickly he doesn't even have time to register the cold there because the mouth is back on him before it can happen.

"You don't have to...." Blaine gasps as a tongue is expectly swabbed back and forth over his frenulum, "You don't..... oh god...."

He winces his eyes shut and shudders as the boy's mouth bobs back and forth and he can't even form words anymore, only grunts of pleasure. He is vaguely aware that this is the first time this has ever happened to him, but it doesn't seem that important that this is the way it's happening because, god, it's happening and it's fantastic.

He comes soon, probably embarrassingly soon and slumps back against the wall, panting and wheezing, his breathes coming out with puffs of visible air as warm air hits the cold. The condom is pulled off him, tied off, and tossed him the boy who pulls up Blaine's pants as a courtesy when he stands up.

"I don't take charity."

Blaine can only nod and breath heavily in response and he hears a chuckle from the boy and then the flick of a lighter and the smell of cigarette smoke. Blaine opens his eyes up then and looks blearily over at the boy who is still snickering at him. Was he that pathetic?

"I didn't... I didn't... mean it to be charity but...oh god..." 

The boy laughs again and shakes his head, walking back out from between the buildings and to the sidewalk, leaving Blaine to collect himself before walking out after him.

"I didn't mean for it to be charity and you didn't have to do that...."

"Oh deal with it trust fund boy. It didn't seem like you minded all that much."

Blaine is quiet, and his body is so relaxed now that it doesn't seem like his spinning mind really belongs attached to it. How can he possibly argue that. Of course he didn't mind. He's a young man after all and the boy is nothing short of amazingly attractive. His brain though is trying to apply logic to this situation which is nothing short of illogical. The implications of letting a hooker suck him off... what would Rachel think? Or his parents? Is it sad that he's had to resort to a streetwalker to get his first bit of intimacy? Can he even call something like what just happened intimacy?

"You should go back up. You're going to scare off any customers. Unless of course you have any more spare change."

Blaine frowns, so easily discarded, and the total reality hits him. He's just a notch on this boy's headboard. Cash for pleasure. He turns and walks off, drawing his coat tightly around himself, so ashamed now. The pleasure not forgotten but definitely dulled by just how pathetic he must be.

And the boy just keeps standing out there, looking for someone else to make feel good for a little while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really rough chapter. DO NOT READ if you can't handle drug use (cocaine), prostitution, multiple partners, etc. Kurt's first POV chapter.

It had been a slow night, even with that trust fund kid that paid for more than just a blow job.  Of course, Kurt wasn’t in the habit of giving more than what was negotiated for to begin with and that kid definitely struck him as someone who didn’t know the going price for street love anyhow.  

Kurt fingered the bills in his pocket as he sat on the subway, ignoring the few other bodies around him as he let the train take him to Brownsville.  It was a good bit of travel from his corner to the place he stayed at, but that way he didn’t have to compete with all the other hookers and he didn’t get hit up when he was walking from the station to the house.

He and Quinn had hitchhiked their way to New York from Lima a couple years ago, right after graduation.  They both needed to escape their hometown for different reasons, and did what they needed to in order to get away, even when it meant selling their bodies for cash and crack.

Kurt knew he had envisioned his escape to New York as a little more glorified than what it had become, and was sure Quinn felt the same way.  They were trapped now however, part of the seedy underworld that required them to live on favours and debts in order to get by.  

As he stepped in the house, Cole immediately intercepted him, and without hesitation, Kurt placed all his cash into the man’s hand.  Quinn and he had been working for Cole almost since they got into New York.  He was their pimp, dealer, and landlord.  They got to stay in the basement so long as they gave him what they earned, entertained his suppliers, and only bought from him.  

When they got into New York City, both Kurt and Quinn had pledged to get clean and get regular jobs.  That didn’t happen though obviously.  It was like Cole, with his Beiber inspired mop of black hair and dimples could smell them coming.  They were his within a week.

“The fuck is this?  Only seventy?  What were you doing all night?”

Kurt shrugged his shoulders up, looking away.  “I tried.  It was cold out.  People didn’t want to go out.”

“You’re just fucking lucky Big G is going to be in this afternoon.  Make yourself smell less like piss and be ready when he’s here.”  Cole spat as he walked off.

Kurt sighed and walked down the old steps that brought him down into the basement.  Really, it was more like a storage room that kept the water heater and furnace and a small pile of his and Quinn’s stuff.  Quinn was already there, curled up in a blanket on the concrete floor.  He could see her pink and blonde tufts popping out from the way she had caterpillared herself inside the old comforter.  He grabbed his blanket and did the same, not bothering to change since he knew he’d have to wash up once he got up anyhow and huddled against her.  The furnace might have been down here, but it didn’t mean it warmed up the area.

“Big G’s coming this afternoon.” He murmured to her, cuddling up.

“M’know… he only likes you anyhow…” She replied, snuggling back.

“He always brings others though.”

“Whatever.  Sleep.”

And sleep he did.  Dreams of his dad and mom, dreams of a good high, dreams of the hopes he’d long ago abandoned, interspaced with nightmares about the things he’d done in the past couple years.

Quinn had to yell at him to get him to wake up.

“Fuck.  You’re such a baby when you sleep.  Get up and get ready.”

Kurt obliged, making sure Cole wasn’t using the main floor bathroom before ducking into it for a short shower.  He wasn’t supposed to spend more than five minutes a day in the bathroom according to Cole.  He always pushed that rule.  

Then he had to pull himself into his cleanest pair of pants, knowing that he’d be pulled out of them anyhow.  A tight black T-shirt followed, and then his make-up - black eyeliner that would double this afternoon as black lipstick.  He noted in the cracked mirror that his hair was fading and a new pack of kool-aid would be needed soon to bring out the pink he had sported since Quinn had taken him under her wing in high school.

“Fucking hottie.”  Quinn mused when he came out and then laughed.  She was always saying that if he had been straight, she would have scooped him up as her own long ago.  Kurt always said that it was a shame she didn’t have a dick.  If it wasn’t for her being around, all Kurt would have would be the drugs.

He hadn’t meant to get addicted.  Hell, he had always been one of those pristine kids that thought he was above the stuff.  It wasn’t until the bullying got so bad he hid in the bleachers to avoid Karofsky and his crew that Quinn had adopted him along with the other skanks.  At first, he was just posing.  He wore the clothes and the make-up and adopted the ‘don’t give a shit’ attitude just to scare off the bullies with his she-skanks at his back.  Then his dad had the heart attack, and the only ones there for them were his skanks, especially Quinn.  She was the one who medicated his pain with some marijuana.  When his dad came out of the coma, Kurt was already hooked.  It caused a bigger rift between them than already existed.  The posing he had been doing quickly became his reality, and the marijuana became a gateway for drinking and cocaine.

It was the cocaine that had been the final straw with his dad.

They tried to get him into rehabilitation when his grades dropped off and he stopped being the kid he had been before completely.  He was too old to have to comply though and as soon as he got through the mandatory classes, he stopped showing up entirely to school.  Oh, he was at school - just under the bleachers where he and the other skanks would just smoke and drink and yell at anyone who had the nerve to pass by them.

Quinn had gotten in with the skanks after Beth.  Beth had been taken away from Quinn by social services after Quinn and Noah Puckerman, the baby’s daddy, had fought to the point of having too many worried parties calling on behalf of the child.  Kurt didn’t know the whole story.  He just knew that Beth was now solely in the custody of Puckerman and Quinn had basically gone full bitch after it.  During high school she still had tons of cash though, cash that she used to make sure everyone in the skanks felt good via the drugs and alcohol.  

They had graduated, the both of them, with their basic courses, and it was at the ceremony that both sets of their parents had given them ultimatums - Clean yourselves up or get out.

They had gotten out.

But without any steady cash flow, they had resorted to making money with the world’s oldest job - prostituting themselves.

First it had just been the truckers, demanding handjobs or blowjobs in exchange for driving them so far.  Quinn was the one who complied, given that she was the less virginal of the two and the one that the guys were more interested in.

Then, when there wasn’t anymore willing truckers, they had to figure out how to make some real cash.  That was when things got really rough for them.

They were both in withdrawal by that point, stuck in the middle of nowhere at some shitty truck stop the last guy had dropped them off at, and sleeping on the ground.  Some guy had spotted them, huddled against one another in the morning, and held out several twenties.  He said that all he wanted was a quick fuck.  Quinn had been the one to get up, ready to help them both out, but the guy shook his head and pointed at Kurt.

Kurt had bit his lip so hard that morning that he still had the scar on the inside of his bottom lip from it.

But it was enough money to get them on a train to New York, where they thought they’d be free finally.

They were never more trapped.

“Well there’s your prize Cole.” Kurt heard as he entered the living room.

Big G, was, true to his name, huge.  The man was tall, and broad.  All muscles.  He had about twenty years on Kurt and the black in his hair was mottled by grey.  He wasn’t a bad looking man, just old, and fucking scary.  This was the guy that Cole would talk to if one of his girls couldn’t be found, and Big G would find them… or at least report back on how the police had found what was left of them.  

Kurt had never figured out his real name, but Quinn was sure the G stood for Ginormous.  

Big G also supplied Cole with his best crack, stuff that he always let Kurt have some of when he paid a visit.  It was well worth what Kurt had to do to get it.

Cole glanced from Big G, over at Kurt, the ‘prize’ referred to and smirked.  Kurt was pretty sure Cole put up with him if only because Big G seemed to like him and was more willing to do business with Cole if Kurt was there.  

“Go take care of our guest Kurt.”

Kurt didn’t pause or hesitate as he went to Big G and knelt down between his legs, sliding his pants down and taking care of the brute of a man not unlike he had taken care of the trust fund kid the night before.  In his mind, he was anywhere else, only coming back again when he was coughing and choking back the man’s orgasm.

His hair was ruffled, like he was a pet dog, and Big G pulled up his pants and then pulled a little package out of his breast pocket and handed it to Kurt, “Here.  Have it now.   It’s good.”

Kurt could have been starving and ignored a full feast in favour of the small baggie, emptying the white powder onto the coffee table and ignoring the fact that Quinn was doing to Cole what he had just been doing to Big G.  He carefully made it into a line and then sniffed it up, bit by bit and knelt back against Big G as the euphoria came over him.  Nothing felt this good.  Absolutely nothing.  There was no comparison, and people that didn’t use it surely couldn’t understand it.  He endured all the beatings and abuse on the streets just for this.  This… this made everything worthwhile.

Big G didn’t just give it to him as a gift though, nor as a payment for the blowjob.  Kurt was bent over the table not long after and while he was still blissfully out of it, Big G was using him again, and Kurt just didn’t care.  It didn’t matter.  Everything felt good.

The only problem was though, that as quickly as the high seemed to come, it also just as quickly went away, leaving him moody and angry and wanting more.  Big G found his pleading for more entertaining, treating him like a spoiled pet as he would get Kurt to get him drinks and strip down in front of him - tricks for treats.  Quinn was also getting her fix, though Kurt knew that Cole would give her less and expect more from her.  It always had been that way though.  Since that guy who paid for their train ride to New York, to Big G now.

He wished Big G would just make Cole a deal and let Kurt live with him.  Then he’d have the constant high he needed and only have to give himself over to one guy.

But Big G only seemed interested in the occasional visit to Kurt, and Kurt didn’t know what more he could do to try and entice Big G into wanting more, so he lived in a shitty basement, travelled to a rich neighbourhood every night, and bargained with guys who were more interested in beating Kurt than fucking him, all for these moments.  

When it was all over, Kurt and Quinn would retreat back downstairs, sleep for a couple hours, and not talk.  They could laugh and talk about most things, but these kinds of days, when they both had to coexist being used, they found they could never talk to one another.  It was a blend of shame and humility and sadness that kept them quiet, just holding onto one another as they slept and hoping they would just wake up and find out it was all a dream.  

But it never was.  They would wake up and go their separate ways for the evening, repeating the cycle of being used and abused for someone else’s benefit until they died or were cast away.


	5. Chapter 5

By the time Kurt woke up that evening, Quinn had already left and Cole was passed out on the couch upstairs.  He stole a bag of chips and a pack of cigarettes and went on his own way back to his corner in rich man’s land.

He had happened upon his spot by chance.  Wandering around town aimlessly, catching train after train, just to get a feel for New York.  Most of the busy places had been long since claimed, and once the local whores had his plan figured out, he was quickly chased away.

This spot though, was vacant for blocks all around.  He had yet to meet another prostitute that wandered into this area.  Part of it was that most whores dressed the part and cops had them figured out quickly.  Kurt though was dressed just like some punk kid with nothing better to do than hang out.  The cops didn’t see him as a problem and left him alone - especially in such a ritzy area.  He was pretty sure when they did pass by that they assumed he was just a kid rebelling against his rich parents.

It had taken awhile because of that image though to build up some regular customers.  Most of his regulars now were guys that had driven past a few times initially to make sure he was the real deal.  Unlike most of the gay sluts in this town, he wasn’t dressed up like some doll or like a woman.  He didn’t have many clothes to begin with and he certainly wasn’t going to cut them up to look more like something he really didn’t want to be.  

Kurt attracted two kinds of men.

The first one, his preferred client, was the married man type who just needed to get his kinks out on the side.  These guys paid well and didn’t want anything special.  Occasionally they’d expect Kurt to top which meant that Kurt had to force himself to get it up.  Yes, he was attracted to men, but no, he was not attracted to old, sleazy guys cheating on their wives with a whore.  He figured out though how to fantasize and that got the job done.

Kurt’s other clients were guys who knew they were gay and pissed off about it.  They were mad they had been born a certain way and used Kurt not only to get their sexual frustration out on, but to get their aggression out on.  They didn’t pay as well, figuring that Kurt must somehow like being used as a whipping post, and were always tops - and brutally so.  Those guys from the last weekend were all that way.  Like a self-hating gay club they had been.  They had each taken a turn with him and then beat him to get their money back since they argued that they hadn’t really wanted it anyhow and he should just enjoy it because he was ‘really’ gay compared to them.  

Assholes.

Cole had been really pissed off at him when he came through the door that morning, bleeding still and bruised and puffy.  He had no money to show for it and wasn’t able to go out for a few days afterwards because of how bad he looked.  Cole had added a few punches just to make sure Kurt knew how mad he was and then let Quinn take care of him.

Between scolding him for being so stupid to get into that mess to begin with, she cried.  “I’m sorry… I’m sorry….”

Kurt didn’t know what she was apologizing for, and was too in and out of it anyhow to try and figure it out.  It was a miracle he had the peace of mind to get from trust fund kid’s apartment back to the house with his brain hurting like it had been.  What that kid had been thinking - Kurt had no idea, but he knew that had their places been swapped, he certainly wouldn’t have taken in some street trash so easily.

When Kurt wasn’t working, he just stayed in the basement and spent most of the time sleeping.   It was the best thing to do when trying to avoid both Cole and his withdrawal.  Quinn would bring him a little bit of food and help him mend his clothes, but that was the most he would see of her aside from sleeping.  Kurt knew that Quinn probably distracted Cole with her own body to keep him from coming downstairs and taking out his anger over having a non-working whore in his house, and he was grateful.

Kurt only wished he had a way to show how grateful he was to her.

Quinn mothered him as much as she could - making sure he ate even when his body told him he wasn’t hungry - a side effect of the drugs, she helped him do his make-up after dealing with rough clients, and had become good enough at shoplifting to supply him with new boxers when his clients inevitably tore his.

He didn’t do enough to ever make it up to her and Kurt wasn’t sure why she did it all in the first place.  Maybe it was because they only had one another, but lately she had been doing it more and become more sullen in the process.  She had him worried, and he didn’t like being worried.

It was going to be another slow night.  He could tell.  Few cars were driving by and those that did had no one looking his way.  He leaned up against the building and lit up his first cigarette of the night, waiting for someone to take notice of him.  Waiting…

It took an hour.

“How much for a whole night?”

Kurt narrowed his eyes and squinted suspiciously at the trust fund kid, what was his name….

“I mean… I did some math… thirty for about fifteen minutes would mean one twenty for an hour… but I know you don’t book solid… and….”

Was this kid for real?

“You don’t have enough and your mommy wouldn’t like it anyhow.” Kurt snapped and looked back to the street, flicking the ashes off the end of his cigarette as he did.

The kid cleared his throat, “I live with my sister and she’s not home tonight anyhow.  So how much?”

Kurt watched the street for a minute, devoid of cars, and then thought about how much closer he could get to another fix if he made enough money to make Cole happy.

“How much you got kid?”

“Four hundred.”

Kurt nearly choked on the smoke in his lungs and looked at the kid again, “What?”

“Five hundred then?”

Oh fuck, this kid was not real.

“Five hundred…. “

The kid nodded, his curls bouncing along with his head, and then pulled a wallet out of the pocket of his coat, “Two fifty now and two fifty when you go?”

Kurt’s eyes were locked on the bills being handed to him, trying his best not to let his eyes bug out of his head and keep his hand steady as he took them and quickly shoved them into his back pocket.  “Fine.  Lead the way Romeo.”

“Blaine.”

Right.  That was his name.

Kurt followed him up into the apartment, which had to be three times the size of Cole’s shitty little house.  Kurt did all his work in the backseats of cars or between buildings, so as he stood in the entrance of the apartment, he hesitated, what the hell was he supposed to do in here?  And for all night?  What kind of kinky shit was this kid into that he needed the whole night with Kurt?

“You want a drink?  Tea?  Coffee?” The boy offered, walking into the large, open kitchen that was off the the right of the entrance.

“Uh… coffee I guess.”  Kurt looked down at his boots.  They were a bitch to put on and take off, but somehow he figured he was going to have to suck it up and take them off.

“Oh no… don’t worry about your shoes… boots I mean.  The housekeeper will take care of any dirt you might have on them.” The boy said as he saw Kurt leaning over to remove them.  Of course there was a housekeeper.

A cup of coffee was handed to Kurt and he held onto it tightly with both hands, savouring the warmth  before taking a small sip.  God, it was good.  Cole only bought the shitty stuff and Kurt only got some when it was already lukewarm.

Blaine watched as Kurt drank the liquid.  To say it put Kurt ill at ease was an understatement.   He was sure this was a mistake now.

When the cup was empty, and that didn’t take long, Kurt looked at Blaine, “So… where you want to do this shit?”  Setting the empty cup down on a shelf, he went to undo the button on his pants.  May as well get this over with.

“No.”  Blaine put a hand to Kurt’s and Kurt looked back up at him and paused.  “I… not yet.”

“Fuck kid.  You paid for a whole night.  I don’t know what you’re expecting but I don’t peddle in singing lullabies and reading bedtimes stories.”

The hand retreated, “I know…”

“Then what the fuck you want me to do here?”

“Just… stay safe.”

Kurt eyebrows both went up and he stared at the kid, who was definitely now a kid in Kurt’s mind.  “Stay safe?  You brought me up here to stay safe?  You’re paying me five hundred to stay safe?  Are you dumb or just slow?”

Blaine frowned and shook his head, “Please.. just… humor me.  I am paying after all.”

“Fuck.”  Kurt was definitely out of his element now.  He followed Blaine as he walked over to the couch and sat down.  Kurt waited a moment, just to make sure Blaine was being real and didn’t expect Kurt to drop his head between his legs before Kurt took up a space on the opposite side of the couch, spreading out his own legs and enjoying the cushioning that Cole’s couch was woefully low on.

“What is your name?”

Kurt looked over, “I don’t generally give it out.”

“I’d like to think you might seeing as how we keep crossing paths anyhow…”

Kurt sighed.  Of course.  This kid saw him as being somehow involved in his fate.  “What do you think my name is then?”

Blaine shrugged, looking Kurt up and down, “Do I have to pay you for your name too?”

Kurt rolled his eyes and tipped his head back, “Fuck… It’s Kurt.”

“Kurt.”  The kid hummed thoughtfully, mouthing the name and nodding to himself as if he had figured out some monumental kind of problem.  “Good German name…”

Kurt was tired of this already.  He crawled himself forward on the couch and palmed at Blaine’s crotch, which responded almost instantly to his movements, “I’m a good German fuck too.”

Blaine’s yelp, combined with the way he scurried back away from Kurt did nothing to alleviate Kurt’s concern over this whole situation.  He sat there, confused as hell, as Blaine stood back up and looked down at him, “I’m not… I mean… I… I’ve never done anything like this Kurt.”

“I figured that much out stud.” Kurt said, his eyes rolling once again.

“I mean sex… I never….”

Oh.  A virgin.  Well that all made a shitload more sense now.  Kurt let a smile creep over his face and chuckled softly, “Well then… I’ll have to ask why you picked a prostitute.  I’m sure a cute little tart like yourself could get any ass you wanted.”

The kid went beet red, and even Kurt had to admit it was kind of cute.  “I just… I didn’t… oh god… what am I doing?”

Before Kurt, Blaine began pacing back and forth, and then the rambling started, “I just saw you outside and I didn’t want you to get hurt again and I know you need to make your living so I just went out and I didn’t even think about this at all and if Rachel or my parents find out they’re going to kill me and I haven’t even worried about sex or anything because I’m so busy with school and making sure I do well and I don’t know what -”

Kurt wasn’t good with dealing with rambling, freaking out kids.  He decided to stop it the only way he knew how, and that was grabbing the boy by the waist of his pants and drawing him back to him.  “Shut the fuck up kid.”

Blaine shuddered and looked down at Kurt, such wide and worried brown eyes that Kurt knew this kid couldn’t lie even if he tried - he was so open, and Kurt also knew then that this kid really was in way over his head - even if way over this kid’s head was only toe deep for Kurt.  

“You want me to give you a good fuck, I’ll give you a good fuck.  You want me to suck you off, then I’ll suck you off.  You want me to just sit on my ass all night, then I’ll do that... but for fuck’s sake, just stop freaking out.”

Blaine nodded, and then reached out to gently draw his fingers over Kurt’s cheek, “Okay….”

Kurt sighed, letting himself be the object of the kid’s fantasy for the moment and letting himself be touched - though he shut his eyes.  After a minute the fingers retreated and Kurt felt the cushions beside him sag as Blaine sat himself down.  Kurt reopened his eyes and looked over.

“I think… just… maybe rest.  I meant it.  I want you to be safe.”

Kurt nodded.  The kid was paying him after all.  Kurt figured he could handle getting paid to sit on his ass - it’s what so many people seemed to do anyhow.

“You got any food here?”

The boy nodded quickly, “Sure.  What do you want to eat?”

Kurt shrugged.  He wasn’t really hungry - but then he never really was.  The only thing he ever craved anymore was the high.  He knew he needed to eat though and figured if the kid was willing, he might as well take advantage.

Blaine went back into the kitchen, letting Kurt lay back on the couch.  It was new.  Not the one he had bled on.  The kid and his sister must really have cash if they could afford to replace a couch just because of a little blood.  Cole would have, and had, simply flipped the cushion over.

When Blaine returned, he had a platter (of course), filled with everything from doughnuts to salad to noodles.  Kurt looked at him suspiciously as the platter was set before him on the coffee table.  “How the fuck much do you think I eat?”

“Not enough.”

Again Kurt’s eye’s rolled.  At least Quinn would approve.

He snacked over the next couple hours, letting the boy watch whatever he wanted to beside him.  First it was some basketball game Kurt was sure his dad would have approved of, and then a reality T.V. show.  When Blaine asked him what Kurt liked to watch, Kurt thought his answer of, “The navel’s of my clients.” was hilarious but only garnered a frown from the kid beside him.

After awhile though, there was too much silence and even Kurt was getting uncomfortable with it.  “So what’re you studying?  Let me guess… A major in earning cash and a minor in being pretentious?”

That earned Kurt a small smile but the boy shook his head, “No… much as my parents would like that.  I’m just in general studies right now.  I don’t know what I want to do.”

“And what about your sister?  Major in prissiness with a minor in bitchiness?”

That got him a laugh, “Close.  She’s at NYADA and also working on Broadway.”

Kurt sucked in his lower lip and bit down gently.  There had been a time that that had been his dream.

“You might have heard of her…” Blaine continued, “Rachel Anderberry… in Funny Girl.”

Oh Kurt had, as he had made note of all Broadway stars.  He knew it was a stupid way to use his brain cells, seeing as how he’d never be on stage with them, but even after all this time, and putting away his own dreams, he still couldn’t help but pick up on the things that used to make him happy.

Blaine looked over at Kurt then, since Kurt hadn’t replied, and caught him.  “Sorry… did she kick some puddle water at you or something?  She is rather full of herself.”

Kurt shook his head, “No.  Just didn’t figure I’d end up invited to the home of a Broadway star by her brother.”

Blaine smiled over, “If it makes you feel any better, I never figured I’d invite up a… uhm… what’s the preferred lingo for what you do?”

“Whore? Slut?  Prostitute?  I don’t know.  This isn’t L.A.  I know they like sex trade worker there.  I’m good with whatever.”

Blaine looked away and nodded, “Right… anyhow… I didn’t figure I ever would have…”

“Well, as if it’s any kind of shock, I never figured I’d be having to tell someone that I’m a slut for a living either.”  Kurt admitted as he leaned back in his spot.

“I somehow never thought anyone got into your line of work because they grew up wanting to.”

“It was never something I wrote in after those ‘When I Grow up I want to’ writing assignments… no.”

They chuckled, and then continued as they had been - Blaine watched T.V. until he dozed off and Kurt snacking and looking around at his opulent surroundings until, he too, dozed off.  In the morning, Blaine paid out the rest of the cash, just as he said he would, and Kurt boarded his train without a crick in his jaw or a pain up his ass and with more cash than he usually made in a week.

Cole let him have some blow that morning.


	6. Chapter 6

After his night of do nothing and make big cash, Kurt began to see a lot more of Blaine as Blaine invited himself to hang out with Kurt almost every night.

It was less than endearing.

“I’m trying to earn a living here!  Either pay me to hang out with you or piss off!” Was how Kurt put it one night.

Another night, when Blaine was insisting that Kurt wear a hoodie that Blaine was offering because it was especially cold, Kurt less than calmly asked if Blaine really knew what his business was.

“But you’re always sniffling.”  Blaine countered, causing Kurt to laugh while Blaine looked on in confusion.  The kid really was naive.

Then of course, there was the fact that Blaine always burst out of his building every time Kurt was getting dropped off by a client to make sure that Kurt was alright.  Honestly, Kurt had gotten along fine for the past two years without this kid so who was this kid to think he needed him now?  

“Fuck.  Off.”

Then there were the times that food was delivered to him from Blaine.  Kurt really couldn’t say no to it, especially since Quinn seemed to be ridiculously hungry lately and eating more than her share.  He let Blaine feed him, almost becoming dependant on him for his daily meals - not that he’d let Blaine know that though.  He did need to shake the kid off after all.

“I’d pay you to come up again… but my sister is there and…”

“And she doesn’t take kindly to strangers who have been known to bleed all over her couch and suck her brother’s cock.  Got it.”

Besides, while the kid might have some cash, there was no way he could expect him to do that for him every night.

The worst of it came after one of his regulars used him so hard that he was sore and bleeding afterwards.  He’d only be able to suck cock for the rest of the night and that would limit how much he could take back home.  When Blaine saw him though, he thought the poor kid was going to have a conniption fit.

“Why don’t you report them to the police?  Why do you let this happen to you?”  He whined, looking over the bruises dotting Kurt’s arms like spots.  He didn’t even know what had happened below.

“It’s not a pretty world Blaine.  There’s a lot of guys out there who take out how much they hate themselves on me.”  Kurt mused, taking a puff of his cigarette between breaths as he tried to keep himself calm in order to calm down the kid beside him who, try as he might, would definitely not leave him alone now.

“That doesn’t make it alright…”  Blaine grumbled and looked up at the building, “Look… my sister is probably asleep now… you could come up and…”

“You paying?”

“I… I haven’t been to a cash machine today.”

Kurt shook his head.  This kid needed to know where he stood.  Much as a warm shower and a place to rest up for a bit sounded nice, he wasn’t about to let the kid think he was some kind of guardian angel for Kurt.  Kurt could handle himself, and he knew that as soon as whatever fantasy this kid had for him had passed, he’d need to get used to not having Blaine around anyhow.

“Cole says Big G is going to be by today…” Quinn noted when Kurt crawled into his blanket that morning.  Cole had been sleeping when Kurt came in, and, as expected, Kurt just left the cash he had made in the bowl by the front door and gone downstairs.

“Thank god… I need a good fix.” Kurt groaned as he snuggled in against Quinn.

“Kurt…”

“Quinn…?”

“I need to tell you something.”

This didn’t sound good.  In fact, Kurt could count on one hand the number of times Quinn had started a conversation with that and each and every time had ended up with her bawling and him pissed.

“What the fuck Quinn…”

“I’m going to go…”  She whispered.

Kurt’s eyes went wide and he sat right up, “What the fuck you mean you’re going to go?  Go where?”

She sat herself up to, rubbing her arms as the cool air hit them, “Back home.  Back to Lima.”  She looked up at him pleadingly, “Please come with me.”

“What?”  He was aghast.  Where this had come from he didn’t know, but Kurt did know that Cole wasn’t just going to let them leave, and Kurt knew that there was nothing for him, for either of them, back in Lima.  “You have got to be shitting me.”

She shook her head and looked down, “Haven’t you seen… I mean… I haven’t been taking anything Kurt… It’s still hard, but I’m clean…”

That took Kurt by surprise, and he tried to think back to the past month and no, he didn’t remember seeing Quinn using, but then again, Kurt was usually too blissed out in his own little world to notice anything besides how good he felt when there was coke around.

“And… I can’t do this anymore Kurt… I need to go back… I need to go…. I can’t…”  She was already sobbing softly between her words and trying to lean into Kurt who was pulling away.

“Fine.  You’re clean.  But that doesn’t mean you need to go.  Cole will freak… and I’ll be alone… and…”

“No...no Kurt… I need you.  You can come with me… and Cole has no reach out there.  We’d be fine.”  She snuffled, again trying to seek out the comfort of his arms.

He blindly wrapped them around her then, just shaking his head, “You’re crazy… insane… I can’t go.  What the hell would I do in Lima that I can’t do here?  There’s no way I’d make more on the street in Lima than I do here and then I’d just be a Lima Loser.  Better to be a New York Loser….”

She sobbed against him, “You could clean up Kurt… please…”

“I… can’t…”

Another set of choked sobs, and then, “You remember… a couple months ago when Big G visited and Cole also had over all those other big guys?”

By big guys she meant guys who were big dealers, and yes, he definitely remembered.  He remembered the day long high anyhow and not much else.  Things were always fuzzy when he was in his bliss.

“I remember they were here Quinn… fuck… did something happen then?”

She just nodded, “Yes… but you don’t remember… and I don’t want to tell you then… just… it’s just changed everything Kurt… and I can’t be here anymore… I want to see Beth again.  I’ve missed so much.  Fucked up so much… and I want to be a good mother.”

Kurt sighed.  He wished he knew how to argue that, wished he knew how to counter it… but he remembered his own mother, who was probably rolling over in her grave at how Kurt had turned out.  He remembered how much her love meant to him when he was little and it seemed like no one else loved him.  He couldn’t fault Quinn for wanting to be that.  

“What the fuck am I supposed to do without you…”  He whined.  He couldn’t even picture it.  It had been him and Quinn against the world for as long as he could remember it now.

“Come with me… Kurt… please…”

He didn’t respond, but his lack of response seemed to tell her plenty and she cried against him until her tears ran out and there was nothing left in her.

“Please don’t tell them where I’ve gone then….”

“You know I won’t.”

“If only you loved girls.”

“If only you had a cock.”

Soft, weak chuckles and they held one another as they fell asleep.  When Kurt awoke, Quinn was gone.  

He got himself ready for Big G like he usually did, putting the fact that Quinn was gone to the back of his mind and then made his appearance - Big G cooing over him as usual.

“Beautiful skin… like a doll I tell you Cole.” Kurt heard Big G saying above him as he worked.  If only beautiful skin was all he needed to get by in the world.

“Indeed…. Kurt.  Where the fuck is Quinn?  Much as I love to watch you giving head - I’d like to be getting some as well.” Cole spat, forcing Kurt to lift his head and look back.

“Don’t know.  She was gone when I got up.”

“Fucking cunt….”  Cole was up behind him and storming down into the basement while Kurt’s head was redirected by Big G back to finishing the task at hand.  By the time Cole stormed back up, Kurt was getting his reward and snorting it up with glee.

“She’s fucking gone.  She took all her shit and she’s gone.  Now don’t fucking lie to me Kurt.”

Kurt looked up at Cole, eyes wide as he tried the best he could at innocence. “I didn’t notice… I was sleeping.”

He registered the kick to his thigh, wincing his eyes shut as he forced himself out of his body.  Don’t think about it, don’t think about.  

“Where is she!?”

He heard Big G and Cole arguing then, and, in what seemed to take longer than usual, Kurt felt the drugs kick in.  As always, all he registered was the euphoria.  He always felt like he could do anything when he had the high, and knew he was especially agreeable to others as well.  

When his high tapered off, he found himself in the living room still, pants around his ankles, and alone.  He pulled them up, wincing at the pain up inside him and went to go see if anyone else was around.  

Cole was passed out upstairs, in his room, with two of the other whores that shared the place - though they got the upstairs spare bedroom to share since they had been there first.   In the kitchen, Kurt found one of Cole’s mules, some kid still in high school who was totally blissed out as well, sleeping in a puddle of his own drool on the table.  

Downstairs all he found was the aftermath of Cole’s rage.  It looked like Kurt was limited to the clothing on his back since the rest of his clothes were tattered and left strewn over the floor there.

“Damn it Quinn….”  

He left early for work that night, assuming that Cole would expect more out of him since Quinn had left.  It also stopped Kurt from having to worry about where she was and if she was okay.  

The only thing stronger than how worried he was over her was how mad he was at her for leaving.

When Blaine greeted him that night, he managed to scare him off with a slew of filthy words and threats.  The kid had retreated into his apartment, even though Kurt knew full well by this point that he was probably watching him out of the window like the creeper he was.

Thankfully, Kurt was busy that night, and seemed to have a steady stream of customers right up until well past midnight when things tapered off.  Everytime Blaine tried to come outside to check up on Kurt, Kurt had been vicious right back to him.  He didn’t have time for babysitting.

At one, a regular of Kurt’s pulled up.  “Hey baby!”

Kurt licked his lips over and did his best to saunter in the most sultry way he knew how over to the car, “Hey yourself.  In the mood for some attention tonight?”

The guy inside the car grinned.  It was one of the crew that hated themselves, but they were nothing if not regular customers and Kurt had to ensure what they needed out of him in order to make a living.  He dug into his pocket and pulled out a little baggie, filled with powder, “I don’t have cash, but I thought maybe you’d like to share in this?”

Fuck.  Did Kurt ever need that right now.

He was in the car right away, driven off to a quiet lot where he gave the guy the fastest blow job he could manage.  He needed the high.  He needed not to think.

When he was done, the guy just laughed and handed the package over, Kurt sniffing it up without pause.  It wasn’t bad… but it felt like it had been cut with something else, and as the high started to hit, Kurt also felt his heart began to beat itself outside of his chest and the world began to go black.


	7. Chapter 7

When the car came screeching down the street, Blaine already had his coat on.  It was the same car that he had seen the night Kurt had been beaten and the same one he had chased off before.  Kurt had been angry though tonight, moreso than his usual irritable self, and as much as Blaine wanted to step in when he saw Kurt chatting up the guy in the car, he also knew he had to stop being such a pathetic shadow to a guy who clearly didn’t want or need him.

He regretted not interfering the instant he saw Kurt being pushed out of the vehicle like a slab of human meat.  The car took off and Blaine took off down the stairs and out the door.  When he reached Kurt he tried to keep himself calm, he truly did, but Kurt seemed to be spasming involuntarily and Blaine just didn’t know how to handle that.  He scooped Kurt up into his arms and went back into his apartment as quickly as he could.

“Rachel, Rachel… call Wes.” He demanded, banging on her bedroom door with the sole of his foot.  He had Kurt in his arms, and didn’t want to let him go.  This boy had a ridiculous hold over him that had Blaine questioning his sanity on a daily basis.  He wasn’t going to let him die.

“What the hell Blaine… oh no.  Not again!”  Rachel came out of her room, covered in a housecoat, and the instant she saw Kurt in Blaine’s arms she was shaking her head.  “This is not happening again Blaine.  I just replaced that sofa and -”

“Cut the fucking drama and just call Wes!” Blaine yelled, effectively shocking her into silence.  Blaine never yelled.

Kurt was delicately placed on Blaine’s bed and Blaine crawled up beside him, trying to figure out what was wrong.  When Kurt had left, there was nothing the matter that Blaine could see.  He was walking, seemed to be able to talk, and now here he was, his whole body feverish, drenched in its own sweat, and unconscious.

“Come on Kurt… come on….”  Blaine tried to cheer him on, listening in the hallway as Rachel called his old friend.  Wes didn’t live far away and was in pre-med.  He worked part time at a free clinic so Blaine figured he might know what to do.

“I just want you to know Blaine, that I’m going to tell mom and dad about this.  It’s gone too far.” Rachel preened from the doorway.

“And Wes?”

“Is on his way.”

Blaine would have to figure out what to tell his parents later.  He couldn’t imagine they’d be much happier about this than Rachel was, but he wasn’t going to stand by and let Kurt die outside either.

While he waited for Wes, Blaine did his best to help Kurt, wiping the sweat off his brow with a cool rag and holding his hand, making sure his pulse was still there.

Kurt had a very fast pulse.

When Wes arrived, Rachel let him in since Blaine didn’t want to abandon Kurt.  He could hear them murmuring in the hallway as they approached his room, Rachel no doubt informing Wes about her idiot of a brother and Wes acknowledging that Blaine was in fact an idiot.  Blaine was the one who was always trying to coerce the Warblers into adopting new animal mascots after all.

“So Blaine… you’ve managed to outdo yourself it seems.” Wes noted as he entered the room, eyeing Kurt warily before continuing his approach.

“Just… I know I’m a dumbass… but that doesn’t make him need help any less….” Blaine said, looking at Wes with pleading eyes.

Wes went into his doctor mode, looking Kurt over, checking his pulse, and opening his eyes to check his pupils.  “Blaine… not only are you an idiot, you’re a damned fool of an idiot.”

Blaine perked up, “What?  Is he alright?  Did I overreact?”

Wes snorted and shook his head, “You’ve not only got an obsession with a whore, but a crackwhore at that….”

Blaine blinked, and looked down at the boy in his bed.  Crackwhore?  Cocaine?  Is that what did this?  He didn’t look like the crackwhores in the movies…

“Great Blaine, just great.” Rachel spoke up then from where she was watching in the doorway.  “Mom and dad will be thrilled. My god… I can’t believe you.”

Blaine glanced towards Wes, doing his damndest to ignore his sister, “Is he going to be okay?”

“Well he probably had a seizure… that’s why he would have been shaking when you found him…. might have had a reaction to some bad stuff or just a withdrawal symptom.  Hard to know.”  Wes shook his head.  “Honestly Blaine… this guy will only be okay if he decides to cut the habit.  It’s not a one shot kind of thing.”

“But… he’s going to be okay… right now?”

Wes eyed Blaine warily.  “You can’t adopt him like you can a kitten with a broken paw Blaine…”

“I just asked if he’s going to be okay right now.”

Wes sighed.  “I don’t know.  I’m in pre-med.  When I see crackwhores it’s usually because they’re getting checked out for diseases and infections and -”

“Oh god Blaine!  He’s going to put diseases in your bed!”

“Shut up Rachel!” Wes countered, looking to the doorway before looking back at Blaine, “I don’t see them when they’re like this.  He needs to see a real doctor.”

“He doesn’t have insurance and he doesn’t want to get arrested….”

“I’m sure he doesn’t want to die either.”

Blaine went quiet, sobered by Wes’ words.  Rachel was freaking out in the hallway, grabbing the lysol like it was going to help and Wes was focusing on trying to settle her down while Blaine just looked over Kurt.

How did he get himself into this situation?

“Wes… can you call an ambulance?”

Rachel was happy to see them go, even if she did flirt obnoxiously with one of the paramedics who recognized her from her show.  Blaine and Wes followed in Wes’ car, Blaine equipped with his credit card his parents told him was only for emergencies.  He’d have to explain this one later.

He was going to be in such hot water.

Wes took charge thankfully, telling the doctor on call what the situation was and what his hypothesis was based on what he could tell.  Kurt was assessed while Blaine waited in the lobby, Wes trying to figure out from him why he was so suddenly involved with such a dangerous individual.

Kurt could be irritable… but he wasn’t dangerous….

Everytime a call was made over the intercom, Wes had to calm Blaine down.  It was never for Kurt, but Blaine was in full panic mode anyhow.

It was a couple hours before the doctor came out to see them.

“Bad cocaine.  He’s on an IV and we’re running more tests.  I understand you’ll be covering his medical costs?”

Blaine just nodded.

“I’ll let billing know.  He had no identification on him by the way, so we also had to run extra tests to determine blood type and possible allergies…”

“That’s fine.”

“He’s sleeping but you can go in if you’d like.”

Blaine didn’t need to be told twice.  He left Wes behind and bolted into the room.  Gone were the black clothes.  The eyeliner had been rubbed off and the piercings had been taken out.  All that was left was a pink haired boy with a sweet face in a hospital gown, brow furrowed as he dreamed.

“You’re going to hate me when you wake up….” Blaine said to the sleeping boy, walking up aside the hospital bed and looking down.  “I’m sorry.”

Kurt didn’t respond.  He just continued sleeping.

“So, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re not going to want to leave until he either makes you leave or something.” Wes asked from the door.

Blaine just nodded.  “Thank you Wes… I know I -”

“Don’t Blaine.  Just…. be careful okay?  A kitten with a broken paw will scratch you at worst.  Him?”  Wes pointed at the sleeping boy, “He’ll do much worse.”

Blaine nodded again.  Wes didn’t know Kurt though.  

But Blaine didn’t either.  Not really.  

As he waited, he walked around the small private room his parents were going to end up paying for.  He drew his fingers over Kurt’s folded clothes and smirked at the bowl sitting beside it, full of studs and hoops from all over his face.  Why Kurt needed all of that when he was so good looking without it was beyond Blaine, but this whole situation was beyond Blaine.

Then there was the duct tape phone.  Blaine picked it up and looked at the screen, so full of cracks Blaine didn’t know how Kurt would have been able to see anything on it.  He pressed the button at the bottom, watching the screen, or what was left of it, light up.  

Kurt had two missed messages.

Someone named Quinn saying that she had made it.

Someone named Cole asking where he was.

Some kind of party Kurt was missing out on?  Blaine looked over at the clock beside the bed.  It was morning.  Kurt would usually have left his street long ago by now.  Blaine was going to miss classes today.

Blaine sighed and set the phone down, taking out his own phone then - clean and clear and unflawed.

So without the character that Kurt’s phone had.

He spent the morning playing various viral games, chatting up the nurses who came to check on Kurt or change his IV, and talking to the sleeping boy about his classes as if he might care.

It was noon when he got a response.

“What the fuck… what… where….”  

Blaine had been half asleep when he heard Kurt’s voice, snapping into full alertness as he looked over at Kurt, now sitting up in the bed and trying to tug the IV out of his wrist.

“No Kurt!”

“What the fuck… what the fuck… I need to get out of here… I can’t….”

Something must have been triggered because the room flooded with a few nurses and the doctor.  A bell went off and Blaine was shooed to the back of the room while Kurt tried to fight off the staff.  It was a losing battle though and Kurt was sedated and when the staff left again, Kurt’s wrists were bound to the bed.  

Blaine hesitated to go up to Kurt.

“I can’t….”  Kurt whimpered, still weakly struggling - both against his bonds and the sedative.  “I need to get back….”

“Do I need to call someone for you?  Who?”

Kurt looked at Blaine, his eyes locking, and for the first time Blaine saw fear in Kurt’s eyes.  Pure, unadulterated fear.  “Please get me out of here.”

“I can’t Kurt… you’re sick…”

“No.. I’m an addict.  Now let me out of these… please.”

“I won’t.”

“Why the fuck not?  Why did you do this to me?”

“I’m sorry.”

The bed shook as Kurt tried to pull his hands out of the restraints, “Let me out!”

“No.”

The nurse came in again then, checking the chart and then preparing another syringe in front of them both.  Blaine dared not ask what it was for while Kurt started swearing up a storm and shaking the bed violently.  The nurse had to call in another two nurses to hold Kurt back so she could administer the medication.

“More sedative.”  She explained when it was over and Blaine had his arms wrapped up around himself.  “His addiction makes him more tolerant of the usual dose than we normally have.”

Blaine nodded, watching as Kurt’s body relaxed and then fell into sleep again.  It was terrifying.  How could someone do this to themselves?  


	8. Chapter 8

"I thought we raised you better than this Blaine!  Do you know how much I worried when the bank called me to notify me that thousands of dollars had been charged to your credit account from a hospital?  Do you know what that does to a parent?  How am I supposed to pay for someone else's kid to be in the hospital?  Where are his parents Blaine?  Why am I paying to help someone else's cocaine addicted kid?"

Blaine tried to tell his mother how he felt, how what he was doing was the only humane thing he could think of, but Rachel had gotten her argumentative spirit from their mother and Blaine couldn't get a word in.  He just sat there, being yelled at, and made to feel guiltier by the moment.  

His mom was right.  Where were Kurt's parents?  

The hospital still only had a first name only for Kurt, and that was just because Blaine supplied it for them.  For all Blaine knew, as Wes, Rachel, and now his mother all told him, Kurt could just be a fake name.  He really didn't know as much as he pretended he did about Kurt.  

"I'm stopping payment Blaine.  I do well enough to help you and Rachel out, but no more."

"Mom... he doesn't have anyone else..." Blaine tried.

"Well maybe he should have thought of that before he began using a dangerous and illegal substance."

Kurt had been kept in bed at the hospital.  Apparently, so long as Blaine was paying, the hospital was quite content with administering drugs and treatment to help with the withdrawal and subsequent problems Kurt was having after his seizure.  He didn't like it, and Blaine had suffered, along with the medical staff, verbal abuse the likes of which even Rachel couldn't compare to.  Kurt was insistent that he was in danger if he stayed in the hospital and his wrists at this point were rubbed raw from his attempts to free himself.

"Mom... is there any way I could make it up to you?  Earn it back?  Please... "

"Absolutely not.  I don't like that you've suddenly become so interested in this boy.  I have half a mind to withdraw you from the college and take you home with me so I can keep an eye on you."

"That's.... you don't need to do that mom..."

"Oh really?  Then you must think that as a mother I can just accept that my son, who has always been so good and well behaved, is suddenly consorting with a streetwalking drug user with no name?  That while he's usually so frugal with his money I discover his bank account is suddenly drained and he's using an emergency credit card for that boy's medical bills?  Be honest Blaine - are you using?"

That took Blaine by surprise.  "No mom!  I swear I'm not!"

"Then why the sudden allegiance to a boy you don't really know?"

"I just... I don't know mom.  I feel like I have a connection to him."

She sighed.  "I feel like I have a connection to Brad Pitt but you don't see me freaking out over him to the extent you're obsessing over that boy.  Honestly Blaine...."

Here it was.

"... I am so disappointed in  you."

He hung his head.  Those simple words made his heart drop like nothing else.  Of course he wanted to please his mom - what boy didn't?  

His dad hadn't even talked to him yet either.  Blaine wasn’t looking forward to that.

By the time his mother was done reprimanding him, Blaine barely had the heart to go check in on Kurt.  He did though, if only because he knew no one else was and there was something terribly wrong about that.

"You fucking fucker asshole....."

At least Kurt was more direct with his rage.  Blaine let the words glide over him and went to sit at the chair beside the bed.  "You're going to get your wish... my mom is going to stop the payment and then you'll be out of here."

Another stream of cursing and Blaine's heart couldn't sink any lower.  All of this was for nothing.

Through Wes he'd been given a lot of education on what Kurt was apparently going through, information he'd read and only paved the way to him feeling more upset about the whole situation.  If Kurt was a typical case - things were grim.

Wes was also sure he'd seen Kurt before.  Something about him was familiar, but the clinic Wes worked at had no record of him so he was looking into other clinics around the city. That took time though.  If they could find more information on Kurt, they might be able to find some next of kin or at least a home address.

When Kurt had finished verbally demoralizing Blaine, he tried to demand that Blaine scratch his legs.  Kurt was sure something was crawling in his skin, but no matter how much Blaine tried to convince him that it was all in Kurt's mind, Kurt seemed insatiably itchy.

"They're going to find me and make an example of me.... they're going to make me tell them where Quinn went... I need to hide... I need a fix though... can you get me a fix?"

He asked Blaine this every single time.  Blaine had to remind him that not only did Blaine not even know where he would get Kurt "a fix", he definitely wasn't going to support the habit.

"Who's Quinn?"

Kurt shook his head, the sweat dripping off his brow.  The amount he had been sweating did a number on his pink hair and the pillow had absorbed a lot of the colouring, leaving Kurt's hair mostly brown and dull in the places it had been the brightest of pink.  "My best friend... she left though.  She left me all alone...."

"Where did she go Kurt?"

Again Kurt shook his head, "I can't tell you... you might tell them.  She'll get hurt... then I'll get hurt for lying."

Blaine sighed.  "Kurt... what are you going to do when they release you?"

"Get a fix."

Blaine put his face into the palms of his hands and sighed.  "Kurt.  If they're going to hurt you why would you think getting a fix is the best thing to do?"

"Because... because...."

Kurt looked off then, vacantly at the wall ahead of him.  When Blaine looked over, he had to catch his breath.  Why was he so obsessed with Kurt?  He was just a shell.  Like a zombie, expect that instead of brains he sought out drugs.  

“I’m sorry I tried to help you Kurt.”

Kurt looked over then, the scowl reforming on his otherwise delicate features, “I didn’t ask for your help.  This isn’t some Pretty Woman fantasy.  I don’t need some fucking sugar daddy to swoop in and save me from my life.”

Blaine nodded and stood up.  “I get that… so I’m sorry.”

“You’re leaving?”

Blaine frowned, “Yes… unless you have a reason for me to stay.”

Kurt was quiet, and when he turned his head away, Blaine walked out, nodding over to Rachel who had been waiting for him.

“Let’s go home.”


	9. Chapter 9

After Kurt was released, he did the only thing he could think of.  He returned to Cole’s, endured a beating for disappearing despite trying to tell Cole he had been held hostage at the hospital, and then went back to turning tricks.  He didn’t go back to Blaine’s street though.  The clients had proven unkind, and the residents… well they weren’t on his side as far as Kurt was concerned.  It had been nice to have someone who genuinely seemed to care about him, but the kid was clearly messed in the head if he thought he was going to get anywhere with Kurt.

With Quinn gone, Cole brought in a couple more girls and Kurt was booted from the basement and relegated to sleeping on the couch.  Honestly it wasn’t a bad deal.  He didn’t have anything more than the clothes on his back anyhow and the couch was more comfortable and the living room seemed to get better heat.  

Quinn being gone also meant that Kurt was expected to service Cole more, even if he had gotten more girls.  Cole also kept Kurt on a tighter leash.  Stay in the neighbourhood essentially.  It became more and more frequent that dates were scheduled for Kurt instead of him having to go looking for them.  On this end of town he didn’t make as much, but the clients also didn’t expect as much either, and he rarely had to endure any kind of physical backlash.  

The only thing that kept Kurt happy now were the visits from Big G who always doted on him - bringing him not only blow, but little gifts like a pair of headphones and cigarettes.  It went without saying that Kurt had to pay him back the only way he could, but it was worth it.  Someone made him feel wanted.

He missed Quinn.  Without her he felt a hole in his heart that he medicated with whatever he could find - alcohol, cigarettes, prescription meds the other girls offered him.  Without her he didn’t know when to eat.  Sleep became something he did when no one else was around.  He didn’t even bother with eyeliner most days.

Kurt had no idea how much time passed.  He kept no schedule and didn’t bother checking clocks or calendars.  There were only three times of day for Kurt - asleep, awake and dry, awake and high.

Things started to change though when Big G stopped giving him attention.

At first Kurt thought that it was just something distracting the massive man, but after awhile, he knew that there must be something wrong with him that Big G was shooing him off in favour of any one of the other girls.  Kurt became bitter, lashing out at the girls like it was their fault until Cole had to intervene - usually with a boot to Kurt’s side.

Then there was the afternoon that Kurt had been passed out on the couch, the T.V. blaring before him as the others watched whatever was on.  It must have been in a commercial or on some singing show because Kurt’s hazy dreams suddenly became focused, a song playing that his mother used to hum all the time.  In his dream he saw his mom, so clearly, so beautiful.  He was a kid again, trying to get her to pay attention to what he was doing, trying to impress her, and she smiled at him.  She loved him.  She never asked for anything in return from him but to be himself and be happy.

When he awoke everyone was staring at him because he had started sobbing in his sleep.

The dream had been so real, so gut wrenching.  For the first time in months he looked at himself in the mirror.  He was pale, so much more so than normal.  His skin seemed to hang on him and his hair had grown out.  No wonder Big G didn’t want him anymore.  He looked nothing like a doll anymore - he looked like a corpse.

He should have gone home with Quinn.  For the first time in two years, Kurt admitted to himself that he needed to get clean.

That was easier said than done though.  Everytime he tried to pass up the blow, he broke into a cold sweat.  His mind seemed only able to think about it when he tried to stay off of it and each time he tried to stop, he was getting a fix again within the week.

He became sick too.  At first it was just a little cough and cold, but Kurt was so worn down that his body wasn’t able to fight it off.  It stacked then.  The cold became full on shivers, the cough became a dry hack compounded by mucus, then there was the insistent fever that came with a variety of frightful hallucinations.  When he tried to eat, he got sick within minutes, and his chest always hurt - whether he was breathing or coughing.  He tried to sleep it off, and falling asleep was easy because he felt continually exhausted, but Cole would often kick and hit at him, calling him lazy and trying to get him to go out and do his job.

No one wanted to touch a man though that was coughing up sputum as much as he was, bent over on the sidewalk and holding onto a lamppost to brace himself.

The only reason Kurt knew what day it was when things came to a head was because he had just been staring at the news.  He hadn’t put it on that channel, but the remote was too far away and he felt too weak to reach out to change it.  The anchors had been talking about the spring carnival set for the weekend when Cole brought Big G in.  Normally Kurt would have stood up and offered the man a smile.  Today he could barely keep his eyes open.

“Look at him.  He’s useless.”  Cole said.  It seemed like there was an echo in the room after Cole spoke, but Kurt couldn’t figure out why.

“It is sad to say my friend, but the boy has run his course.  Short street life for sure.”

“I can’t have him dying in here.  I got too many cops looking in on me and ready to bust my ass for nothing.”

“So you want me to drop him off.”

“Yah.  That’d be great actually.  Maybe you could grab some burgers on your way back too.  I’ve had a craving for fucking ever!”

They were talking about him.  Talking above him.  It sounded like it was all around him actually, and Kurt couldn’t even find the energy to move his lips to try and respond.  His eyes looked down at the ground to the side of the couch - all the kleenex he had coughed into still bunched up down there, tinged with green, and yellow, and red.  Was he dying?

Maybe he was lucky and he was already dead.

He felt hands on him though, strong hands.  They picked him up like a rag doll and he was carried, but couldn’t see clearly as he was moved.  Everything looked like the blurs on an action photo and it hurt his head so he kept his eyes clothes.  At one point he realized he was in car, being driven away, and then he ached horribly when his body was dropped somewhere.  All he could register was that it was dark wherever he was, and he was alone.

Alone.

In the story of his life, Kurt never thought he would end up dying alone.  When he first figured out what death was all about, he was sure his mom and dad would be there for him.  

Then his mom died.

Then he left behind his dad.

He thought he would have Quinn, but she was gone too.

And this was what his life had amounted to.


	10. Chapter 10

At first, Blaine still watched outside of his window.  No one told him when Kurt had been officially released from the hospital, and he hadn’t been there to see him go.  He kept vigil over the street from above though, hoping he’d see the boy again, if only to know he was alive and alright.

But Kurt didn’t show up again.

His mother was quick to find Blaine a job working at a humane society on the weekends courtesy of a favour of a friend. All his paycheques went directly to repaying the cost of Kurt’s hospital stay, a debt which would take eternity to pay only working the weekends.  It was mostly cleaning up and helping with the filing, but it satisfied his need to take care of others, especially since so many of the animals there needed that extra bit of love he was more than willing to provide.  The job was a good fit, and Blaine began to feel normal again after only a couple weekends of working there.  When Rachel announced that she was moving into her own suite, leaving him with the apartment, Blaine felt it was safe to finally do what he had always wanted to do but was never permitted to.

Adopt a dog.

It didn’t take long for one to come his way either.  A couple brought in and surrendered a chocolate lab, not even old enough to neuter, citing that they didn’t realize how much exercise the dog needed and they didn’t have the space or time to offer the dog.  Blaine filled out the paperwork the same night the dog came in, walking home with a new leash, bowls, and bag of food and his new best friend, who certainly seemed to be walking Blaine more than Blaine was walking him.

Wes was the first one he called, and the man came right over to meet the dog.

“What’s his name?” Wes laughed, getting a tongue bath all over his face as he knelt to greet the new addition.

“No idea yet.  They had named him Peanut.  Terrible… and so not fitting.”

Wes wrinkled up his nose and nodding in confirmation of that fact.  Together they spent the evening playing with the happy canine and tossing out name ideas.

“Ernest!”  
“Rex!”  
“Cato!”  
“Edward Cullen!”  
“Bob!”  
“Deogee!”

Everytime they offered a name to the dog, he just crawled into their laps, clearly unaware of his own size, and licked them.

“God he’s such a lover boy.” Blaine chuckled, trying to evade the massive tongue aimed at his face.

“Such a Romeo.” Wes cooed, the dog rushing back over to the asian man and trying to give his face another sweep of his tongue.

“Romeo….” Blaine mused.  He knew he’d heard the name being used towards him before and racked his brain trying to think of when and where.

“Romeo fits.  He’s definitely a romantic - what with all the tongue.” Wes laughed.

Blaine chimed in and then stopped.  Oh.  He remembered.

Kurt had called him that.

A slight sourness in his belly came and left, as did the memory.  He was over it.  He was over him… whatever it had been.  A boyish fantasy.

As the semester ended, Blaine began to work more hours at the humane society to keep busy and in the hopes he might be able to repay his mother before he retired.  It was there that he met Sebastian.

“Hi… ah… I’m looking for Dr. Lychmen?”

Blaine looked back from where he had been sorting papers behind the desk and his eyes went wide.  There was a gorgeous man smiling down at him.  Dusty coloured hair and striking green eyes and a smile that could knock his socks off if his shoes weren’t keeping them on.

Sebastian, it turned out, had come to work at the humane society too.  It was his first academic practicum assignment for his business degree and he was spending his hours at the society doing bookwork and accounting.  

It only took Sebastian a day to ask Blaine out.

It only took a week for them to be an official “item”.

Sebastian was sweet and took Blaine out and treated him.  He made him feel special instead of just a second child, another student in the class, or another notch on the bedpost.  He felt like he was the only one when Sebastian was around, and it was a feeling he definitely enjoyed.  

“I hate to have to admit this Blaine…”  Wes said, looking over at him across the table where the two of them had been having an afternoon game of chess, “... but you’ve really grown up in the past few months.”

“Hardy har har.” Blaine mouthed, eyeing the pieces in front of him as he planned his next move, “... this a joke about how I can wipe myself now or something?”

“No.  Honestly.  A few months ago you had a schoolboy crush on the badboy that was totally unhealthy, and now look at you - your own place, albeit paid for by your parents, a real boyfriend, and even a dog that I am proud to be an uncle to.”

“You are ridiculous.” Blaine said with a shake of his head, moving his piece, “Check.”

“Oh dammit… come on here.  I’m asian.  You white boys shouldn’t be beating me at this…” Wes tsked.

Blaine laughed, “Half asian remember?  Anyhow… when Rachel moved out I felt less like a little kid.”

“Oh yah.  She’s good at that.  You know she still brings up the time I wet the bed when I was having a sleepover?”

Blaine snickered, “You were only three….”

Wes nodded insistently, “I know!”

Blaine’s phone went off then, and as Wes analyzed his own move, Blaine accepted the call.

“Hello?”

Blaine listened to the voice on the other end, a woman, identify herself as a social worker at one of the city hospitals and then…

“... we have your information on file for a patient we have admitted currently.   Could we ask you to come to the hospital to identify him?”

Blaine blinked a few times and looked over at Wes who was looking at him curiously.  Hitting the speaker button on his phone so Wes could hear, he continued the conversation.

“What do you mean?  Who?”

“He was identified by bloodwork in the system we have matched to file from a few months ago from another hospital.  You were listed as the person taking care of the account and billing.  The only name we have on this file is Kurt and we want to ensure we have the same person as listed…”

Blaine’s eyes went round and he looked at Wes, questions in his eyes that Wes shook his head to.

“... I…. I don’t know what I can do…?” Blaine offered the voice on the other end.

“We’re just needing to ensure identity and if you have any other information that could help us we’d also appreciate it.  There’s no other information we have on next of kin or anyone else to contact and he had no identification of any kind when he was found.”

“Found?!” Blaine choked, “Is he… dead?”

The voice was still for a moment, and then, “No… but he’s not well either.”

“Blaine…” Wes hissed at him.

Blaine ignored his friend and asked for the information he’d need to get there, also getting the name of the social worker before running to the door and slinging on his jacket.  “I’m not going because of a silly schoolboy obsession Wes…”  He pulled on his shoes as quickly as he could.  “... I’m going because I’ve spent the past few months wondering and if I’m the only link he has to anyone, then it’s the humane thing to do.”

Wes watched him get ready and give his explanation before swearing under his breath and following Blaine.  “Fine.  But I’m going too.”

The ride over was quiet, Blaine texting Sebastian to postpone their date for later in the afternoon, citing that an old friend was in the hospital as his reason.  

It wasn’t necessarily untrue.

Blaine and Wes met with the social worker, who first gave them the rundown.

“He was dumped in an alleyway.  He was lucky though considering… a couple kids were making out behind a dumpster there and not only were able to call in an ambulance, but catch the licence plate of the car that dropped him off there.  He has pneumonia, mononucleosis, and they’re doing some S.T.I. tests.  He’s showing signs of significant malnutrition and dehydration and if that wasn’t bad enough he’s got contusions all over of various sizes, age, and severity.  The doctor says he has dental problems they’re going to look at and - “

“Geeze.  What’s the good news?” Wes cut in, Blaine giving him an elbow jab to the side.

“Well… he’s alive.” She offered sadly.  “I’m usually not so lucky with the patients I’m assigned to look into.”

There was a somber quiet for a moment more as they followed her down the hallway, through the loops and passages and doorways - a maze only a hospital staff member would have been able to navigate.  Finally they came to one of the critical care wards and the social worker paused outside the door.

“Now… it’s just identification and any other information you can provide.  He’s on state insurance right now.  The government doesn’t like to admit this sort of thing happens as much as it does and has funds there to support those that end up in these circumstances.  I read the file from before.  I get why he was cut off before.  If someone had been doing their job properly, then it shouldn’t have come to this point anyhow.  He should have been referred over when you brought him in… but….”

Wes finished the statements, “... the system is underfunded, overworked, and guys like Kurt slip through the cracks.”

She nodded and pushed the door open, staying still to allow the men to pass in.  Blaine led the way, stopping in his tracks as he saw Kurt… or what had been Kurt, laying in the bed before him.

He was thinner, scarily so, and his eyes were dark circles on his face.  Again he wore the hospital gown that Blaine had last seen him in, but no shackles were needed since this time it didn’t look like he could fight off a fly.  There were several drips holstered up by the bed near him, all entering him intravenously along with a heart monitor that had wires travelling under his gown.  

He looked like he had aged decades in months.

“His name is Kurt….” Blaine meekly piped up, Wes nodding beside him.

“Alright… so it is him…”  She wrote something down on her clipboard, “Anything else?”

Blaine slowly shook his head, “He was working as a prostitute on my street… he was using drugs… he knew someone named Quinn who got out.”

More scratchings of a pencil was all that was heard as she took down that information.  While Blaine remained locked in spot, Wes walked further up, scanning Kurt up and down beside his bed.  “Has he regained consciousness?”

She hummed thoughtfully, “For a few seconds at a time.  He’s not in a coma if that’s what you’re asking.  The doctors figure he’s just too weak and the only way his body knows how to repair itself is through rest.”

“What about the car?  Did they catch the people… or person that did this?”

“That doesn’t fall under my jurisdiction as far as being informed on it.  I only contact the police if… when… he can stay awake and with it enough to make a statement for them.”

Blaine’s brow furrowed.  How did this sort of thing happen?  Was it his fault?  Should he have fought harder for Kurt?  Would it have made a difference?

“I’ll need your street address so I can interview other people in your area to see if they knew more.”  She prompted Blaine, breaking him out of his quiet reverie.

He gave her the information quickly, hazarding glances over at Kurt and Wes every now and then.  She asked if he wanted to be informed of any changes to which he answered in the affirmative.  Then she confirmed his phone number and escorted them back out, leaving Kurt behind in the square, solitary room.

“Did you ever figure out where you recognized him from Wes?” Blaine asked on the drive home.

Wes shook his head.  “No.  I stopped when you stopped obsessing over him.  I’m going to pick it back up though… someone out there has to know him.  There’s no way that a person can be unknown like that… to only have a first name and be known by some kid who paid a little more attention to him than anyone else who saw him on the street…. if he dies… I mean…”  Wes looked over at Blaine worriedly before looking back at the road, gauging his reaction to make sure he didn’t upset the curly haired man, “... well he should at least have a proper grave… not just a John Doe with no birth, only a death...”

“Wes?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for coming with me… I really… I wasn’t prepared for that.”

“You’re like my half-asian brother Blaine… of course I’m here for you.”

Blaine smiled softly and looked back out the window at the scenery flying by.   In a world where he had an overbearing sister, a dictatorial mother, a conspiratorial father, a true friend, and an over affectionate dog - how was it that someone who peddled in love as a business had no one?


	11. Chapter 11

“Are you sure you’re okay to go on your own tiger?” Sebastian asked as he looked over at the passenger side of the car where Blaine was just getting out.

“Yes… I mean… you don’t know him and I’ll introduce you if he’s feeling up to it when he’s more with it.. but…”  Blaine hesitated, looking back at his boyfriend who had taken the time to drive him to the hospital.  Generally Wes took him since Blaine otherwise didn’t need a car and used the subway for his transportation, but Wes wasn’t available today.

Sebastian smiled that trademark grin of his and nodded, “It’s okay.  Let me know if you need anything or need a ride back to your place.”

Blaine breathed relief and said his goodbyes, exiting the vehicle and travelling into the now too familiar corridors of the hospital.  They hadn’t discovered anything more about Kurt, if that really was still his name, and despite Wes’ and the social worker’s attempts to look into missing persons of New York, they hadn’t found a match.  Still, they had over forty other states they could now start to look into.

It was a start.

Blaine and Wes usually spent their mutual free time at the hospital.  Even though Kurt still hadn’t regained consciousness, at least not for more than a few bleary and confused minutes at a time, they had unofficially begun to use his room as a base in their efforts to find out who he was and where he had come from.  It was like their days growing up as kids, solving mysteries like ‘where can we find peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?’ except this mystery was much more daunting, more depressing, and more consuming.

Each time Kurt seemed temporarily roused from his perpetual sleep, Blaine would rush over and Wes would call in a nurse or doctor if one was nearby.  His pupils were checked, his responses monitored, but every time it seemed like he was truly waking up and pulling himself out of the sleep that had consumed him, it pulled him back and he dropped off again.

The doctor said it was actually alright, and that, based on their charts, he was getting up more frequently and logging more seconds every time.

If that was the case, why did every instant he did it seem so much shorter to Blaine?

Today he was alone on his quest to find out more about his sleeping beauty, sitting in the worn out old orange chair and propping open his laptop on the rolling tray that would have normally been used to hold meals for Kurt had he been capable of eating and not just absorbing his nutrients.  Today, Blaine decided, he would look through missing persons of Rhode Island.  It was small, close, and might easily be checked off their list if he could get through it.  

Wes and Blaine had still not discussed the idea of Kurt coming from outsides the U.S.A… they could only handle so much at once.

The process was time consuming.  Blaine didn’t know how long Kurt had been lost for so he had to look at all the photos and composite sketches from children right up to adults.  The little kids were the hardest to look at.  Little boys that had disappeared in the night or been taken by a relative, usually a parent in a custody battle that didn’t want to risk losing their kid.  Blaine would have to assess the fine details - eye colour, the way Kurt’s earlobes swooped and arched, hairline… and then compare it to those of the kids.  He really didn’t want to get close and have to call a parent that had been missing a child for over a decade and give them what might be false hope that they had found their missing family member.

So far he had been lucky enough not to have to.

The social worker also suggested to them that Kurt might have been an orphan that grew up in a group home and became independant upon turning eighteen.   He might not have been reported missing because there would have been no one to have reported him missing in the first place.  It was a grim thought and one they set to the side for after they had exhausted the missing persons lists.

They had had a dentist come in a few times, first to check his teeth, then to do a few fillings, and then to work on the teeth in the back that needed root canals.  The doctor and dentist both said it was easier to do while he was asleep.  At the whining whizzing of the drill, Blaine couldn’t help but agree.  The dentist was not his favourite place - not when he liked sweets as much as he did.

They were also apprised of any changes in his medication or treatment.  Wes initially argued it, saying they shouldn’t have that privilege since they weren’t next of kin, but the social worker argued back that someone who seemed to care should know - just in case.  

He was still on antibiotics he was getting intravenously, as well as a buffer solution (Wes seemed to understand what that was for - something about the pneumonia).  A nutritional formula was also administered intravenously.  He was periodically given medication for pain via injection, the night nurse saying that he seemed to cry out the most in his sleep when he dreamt during late night.  At one point the doctor told Blaine that they had changed from one type of antibiotic to another and Blaine couldn’t even pronounce either of the medication’s names.  

He had begun to deeply appreciate Wes being there to help him out.

Blaine had been there for an hour that night when Kurt awoke the first time, whimpering softly and looking around in confusion, and as always Blaine rushed over but pressed the call button for the nurse since Wes wasn’t there.  Again they checked him over and again Kurt fell back asleep within minutes.  Each time he awoke, he looked like he was lost in a dream, not really seeing anyone around him but seeing through them.

The next time Kurt woke up was a half hour past that and the routine followed the same as it had earlier.  Blaine always called out Kurt’s name to see if he recognized it or at least responded to it, but, as had consistently become the case, Kurt just looked ahead with his bright blue eyes and whined.

The third time though was different.  

Blaine was getting ready to go walk to the cafeteria to pick up whatever reheated item they had on special and stretch his legs when a small, almost inaudible voice piped up.

“Where am I?”

Blaine’s head snapped around and he saw Kurt looking around, though not with the usual glossed over vacant look he had when he had woken up before, this time he was really focusing and trying to take in his surroundings - specially Blaine.

Blaine’s first instinct was to press the call button.

His second was to try to see if there really was a difference this time.  

“Kurt?”

“Trust fund kid?”

Blaine laughed, the sudden shrillness of it making Kurt shrink back in surprise and Blaine slapped his hands over his mouth before letting his fingers unravel from over it.  “You’re awake!”

“Fucking apparently….”

That was all Kurt was able to get out because the nurse rushed in, and upon a quick check of Kurt’s responsiveness, a doctor followed.  Blaine stood back, watching as Kurt winced when the light was shined in his eyes, gritting his teeth when the cool metal of the stethoscope was applied to him, and demanded to know just what the hell was going on from the white jacketed people around him.

The social worker was alerted, and she too joined the fray, standing back with Blaine while a few more preliminary checks were done and the doctor informed Kurt of his list of ailments and the treatments for said ailments before letting Kurt know he’d be back to check on him again in an hour.

“Well fuck.”

“Charming.” The social worker noted, being awarded a glare from the bed ridden boy.

Blaine finished shooting off a text to Wes who was already planning to join him as soon as he could and then noted, “He’s quite dapper can’t you tell?”

“You two are fucking comedians.  Who the hell is she and what the hell are you doing here again trust fund kid?”

Blaine tipped his head to the side, regarding how amazing it was that the body could go through that much trauma but still retain all the brain cells required to swear and spit that much.  “I was called when you were picked up… and this is your social worker, assigned by the state.  She’s been the one looking after you.”

“Right.  Well in case you haven’t noticed my balls have dropped so I don’t need a social worker.”

“Oh good.  Clients are always so much more fun when they have a chip on their shoulder.” The woman casually remarked and flipped open her clipboard.  “Kurt’s your name right?”

Kurt’s eyes flicked from the woman, back to Blaine accusingly, and then back to her, “Yes.”

“And the last name is…?”

“Why do you need to know?”

“So we can properly document and -”

“No.”

“Is there a reason you don’t want to share your last name?”

“Yes.”

“Are you going to elaborate on that?”

“No.”

“Perhaps we could discuss this and -”

“No.”

Blaine smirked at the exchange.  Really he wasn’t surprised.  If anything he was still elated by Kurt’s sudden awakening and happy to see that there was still a spark in him.  For now, the social worker also seemed to see that the route she was going was pointless and changed course.

“You were dropped off in an alleyway.”

“If you say so.”

“You don’t remember?”

“Last thing I remember was… “  Kurt looked away and up at the ceiling, and Blaine could almost hear the gears turning in Kurt’s head as he tried to think, “.... I don’t know… I was feeling like shit.”  He looked down at all the tubes in his arms and wrists, “Apparently I still am feeling like shit…”

“You might want to think on it Kurt.  Now that you’re awake the police will want to question you.”

“They can ask all they want.  I’m not saying shit to them.”

“Do you have a criminal record?”

“No.”

“Then why do you feel hostile towards them?”

Kurt shrugged, looking away from them and towards the floor.

“Alright… well… I need to contact my superiors.  Will you be alright with Blaine for a few minutes?”

“Blaine… right… trust fund kid…. sure.”

When the door was closed on them, it suddenly became much more quiet than it had been when Blaine had been working and Kurt had been asleep, like they were both holding their breath.  Blaine took a cautious step towards the bed, then another, remembering just how hostile Kurt had been the last time he had been in the hospital.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Cigarettes?”  Kurt caught himself and then shook his head.  “Nevermind.  Probably won’t let me have any in here anyhow.”

“Probably right.” Blaine replied softly.

“Why’re you here?”

“They called me when you were brought in… I’m the only one that has a name connected to you in any form from when I paid for your last hospital stay.”

“Huh.”  Kurt turned his head back and looked at Blaine, “Well that was kind of stupid of you.”

Blaine chuckled and nodded, “Yes.  My friends and family all agree on that.  Because of you I’ve had to get a job to pay off my debts.”

Kurt snickered a little, “You’re welcome.  I hope you’re not turning tricks though.  Not a good livelihood.  Wouldn’t recommend it.”

Blaine shook his head, still smiling at Kurt’s attempt at humor, “No.  Animal shelter.”

“Fucking adorable…. should’ve figured….”  Kurt looked down at his hands again, “Does all of me look like shit or just my hands?”

“Pretty much all of you right now.”

Kurt let out a single laugh, “Well.  Guess I’ll have to rely on my brains now since my beauty is gone.”

“Once your system is cleared of all the things you let yourself get sick with and you’re eating and moving again you’ll be fine Kurt.  Assuming you take care of yourself after all this….”

Kurt was quiet again, still looking down.  Eventually he nodded, “Yes…”

“Yes?”

“Fuck… yes.  Yes I want to not be on shit or doing shit or… “  He brought a hand up, the tubes coming with it as he carefully brushed back his hair.  “... I don’t know.  I know I just can’t keep on like I have been…. I already figured that out before I got sick but then I got sick and… well… fuck.”

“You know your social worker is right hey?  You really are charming.” Blaine teased, giving Kurt the opportunity to ease himself out of what he was clearly uncomfortable doing - namely being serious and straightforward.

Kurt grinned, then winced, “Fuck.  It feels like someone was drilling around in my mouth while I was out.  You do anything kinky to me while I was asleep trust fund?”

Blaine laughed, “No.  You had some dental work done courtesy of New York.”

“Well damn.  I better start brushing again then hey?”

Blaine smiled.  “Yah.  You’d better.”


	12. Chapter 12

“I’m not telling you.  Stop asking lady.” Kurt insisted from his hospital bed.  The social worker had come around for the upteenth time in the past few days and once again tried to get his last name and background information out of him.  He was too weak to refuse having needles stabbed in him, too weak to get to the bathroom without help (and damn did having a catheter jammed in him hurt like a bitch), and too weak to lift his head up most of the time, but he wasn’t too weak to refuse to give out information she had no right to.

Besides, the last thing he wanted right now was to have his dad contacted and showing up after Kurt had ditched him after graduation.  This was not the way Kurt wanted their reunion to go… if they ever did have one that was.  He didn’t want to be seen as fallen and pathetic, reduced to exactly what his dad had warned him would happen if he continued down the dark path he had gone on.

If there was one thing he could control right now, it was going to be his own information.

The tiny woman sighed and flipped over several papers on her clipboard from where she was seated in the chair beside the bed.  “Fine.  At least for now.  We do need to discuss what happened when the police were here though and also discuss your future after you’re released.”

Kurt had clammed up when the cops showed up.  They had shoved pictures in his face of Big G and Cole and even one of girls from the house, all with the telltale markings and labels that told Kurt they had been arrested.  He knew better than to say anything though.  If they had been released or had contacts on the outside and found out he was alive and said anything against him, the small miracle of him being found alive would be short lived.

The social worker scolded him for it, saying she owed it to other kids like himself to speak out against his abusers.  He owed it to himself, she said, to his own conscience.  She was a public cronie though.  She didn’t know what it was like out there.  She didn’t understand him or what he had been living through.  You just didn’t rat out people who were above you.  It was certain suicide.

“I’m not saying anything to the cops.” Kurt reaffirmed to her, making her sigh in agitation.

“Fine.  Then once you’re out of here.  Let’s talk about that.”

“Ideally a nice penthouse in Manhattan would be nice.  I’m thinking one of those that has the pool and gym room… preferably with a sauna.  I’d also like my own personal masseuse.”

“You’re a riot Kurt… now really….”

She detailed the different options available to him.  Different types of group homes and counselling options, the different supports he could access and things he might want to do.  Every now and then she brought up how he would need to let someone know his vital information so he would be able to get the government documents needed in order to go to school or get a job.

He tuned her out.

“Anyhow… those are some of the options available to you and while we know you’ll be in hospital for awhile longer yet, I really need to know what you want to do soon since the waiting list for a lot of these public programs are long and it’s better if we reduce the time between here and getting into a group home to increase your success….”

“Success at what?” Kurt grumbled, reaching over and fumbling as he tried to get his water cup.  He was so uncoordinated that they had a lid on the damned cup with a straw coming out of it so he didn’t spill it everywhere.

Wes came through the door then.  Kurt had been visited by him and Blaine frequently since he awoke.  Asian Trust Fund was the name Kurt had affectionately given him.  

“How about success at getting to pee without the help of a tube man?” The man chuckled, having obviously heard the conversation as he entered.  He tossed his jacket down on the table by the door and walked over, nodding to the social worker who gave him a look of relief that wasn’t lost on Kurt.  He knew she was tired of dealing with him already. Why the hell wouldn’t she be?

Kurt rolled his eyes a little at Wes’ humor.  It might have been funny had he really not needed to rely on a tube, as mentioned.  

“Where’s the kid?”

“Blaine is on a date.  He’ll be by tomorrow.”

Kurt nodded.  For as much as he had tried to push the kid away, he was grateful he had someone to talk to while he was stuck in bed - at least, aside from a pushy bureaucratic busy body trying to convince him that getting a minimum wage job and living with a bunch of ex-addicts was success.

“So.  Going over the options I gathered?” Wes asked, getting a nod from the social worker.  “Out of curiosity, what exactly is the success rate on those?”

She blew into an explanation of the different programs for Wes, different to how she had explained them to Kurt.  Apparently the success rates were different depending on the drugs used prior, the frequency of use, the connection to users the person had while in the program, the level of support…..  Kurt’s brain hurt as he tried to listen in, though eventually he just ended up tuning it out just as he had before.  

Statistics were never his strongest area in math.

Wes however seemed deeply invested in the conversation.  Kurt had learned that the guy was one of Blaine’s best friends from childhood, was studying medicine, worked at one of those clinics that some of the whores about town insisted he should go to regularly to get free condoms, and had a low tolerance for bullshit.

He would let Wes listen and then let him tell Kurt what he really thought of all this group home bullshit. 

When Wes and the social worker were done talking, she clicked her pen so it retracted and stood up.  “Well I need to move onto the next patient.  Talk to you tomorrow Kurt.  Wes, always a pleasure.”

“Thank fucking god.”  Kurt noted as she left and Wes took over the chair by him.  “All she does is fucking lecture.  It’s like having a dad again.”

Wes cocked an eyebrow for a second and then let it fall back, “Right.  So.  How was today?  Anything good on TV?”

Kurt shrugged.  He napped, ignored the cops when they came by, watched a special on ants since he couldn’t change the channel, napped again, was subjected to a sponge bath by what had to be the oldest and grumpiest woman ever to be a nurse, watch a show about gene modification until he drifted off again, and then was harassed by the social worker.  

“Well, how about prognosis?  Have the doctors said anything new?”

Kurt shrugged again.  “Something about getting a physical therapist in here so I don’t get all stiff… as if I could with this thing up me…”  He snickered at himself and Wes also gave him a chuckle.  “I don’t know.  I can only listen for so long….”

“Well you have been on a lot of pain medicine that would affect your ability to concentrate.”

“You think they would know that seeing as how they’re the ones giving me the shit.”

Wes nodded, “Anyhow.  You look like you’ve got more colour to you today.  What was on the menu?”

“I think it was potatoes and roast… couldn’t really tell… they tasted the same and were almost the same colour.”  Kurt wished he was joking on that matter.

“Mmhmm… and your social worker?  What did she have to say?”

“Well… like I said… she’s a naggy bitch.  I don’t know how she can expect me to make any decisions about that shit….”

“Well for starters…”  Wes leaned forward, “You’re right.  The programs are shit.  If you actually do want to get clean, those places aren’t the way to do it.  Too many guys in there with too many links to drugs and all it takes it one guy going weak and grabbing some stuff and then everyone in there has it.”

“Then why the shit is she suggesting it?!”

“Because you don’t have what we in the industry like to call home supports.  That’s what would help you… “

“So… family n’ shit.”

“Yes.  Family.  I know you’ve been pushing away from it, but if there was someone even I could get in touch with to help you out or that you could go to that would be safe and help you….”

Kurt shook his head.  He wasn’t going back.  Not like this.  Not as a failure.

Wes sighed, “Okay then… well… there’s the group homes and then there’s another idea I have but I have to pass it through Blaine first to see if he’s okay with it.”

“What, like, living with him?”

“Something like that yah…”

“I don’t want to go back to that street.”

“You wouldn’t be on the street Kurt.  You’d be somewhere that someone could keep an eye on you and you’d be safe.”

“I don’t need a new dad.”

“Blaine is hardly what I’d call dad material Kurt.  He has a dog and the thing is already getting fat from how much he spoils it.  I’m just trying to think of a place where you might be safe, where there’s a spare room, and with one of the two people in this world you seem to know.”

“It’s a stupid idea.”

“You have a better one?”

Kurt pressed his lips together, his nose wrinkling up as he tried to think.  It was hard to concentrate though, like Wes said, and it’s not like there was anyone aside from Wes and Blaine he could trust right now.

“So.  I’ll take your stunned silence as confirmation that you don’t have a better idea and I will go ahead and talk to Blaine about it later.”

“Fuck.” Kurt gave his head a small shake, “And then what?  If he says no then I’m back to the fucking group home idea and if he says yes then I’m agreeing to be babysat by him?  What kind of fucking choices are those?”

“Kurt…”  Wes said softly, “... they’re better choices than the ones you have been making up until now.”

“Fuck you and fuck this shit.” Kurt spat from where he was reclined, “Fuck… well just fuck.”

Wes laughed and leaned back in his seat, “And that’s how I know you know I’m right.  You resort to insults and cursing.”

Kurt fumed, brows pinched together as he did his best to glare at Wes who only seemed more amused by Kurt’s attempt to scare him off as he continued to chuckle and grin dopily.  

“Fine.  Fuck.  Ask him.  I don’t fucking care.  This is all insane.”

Wes nodded, “I will… and it is… but no more insane than the circumstances.  I’m glad you’re letting us in though… especially me since I didn’t even know you before Blaine had me come over to check on you before.  If you didn’t make such idiot choices in life we might have met up and been friends before all this.”

“Right.” Kurt rolled his eyes.

“And if Blaine does go for it, then do me a favour?”

“Hmm?”

“Maybe try to wean him off the bowties?  The man has a serious addiction issue of his own.”


	13. Chapter 13

“No.”

“But you haven’t even heard all of what -”

“Wes!  No!  Do you hear yourself!”  Blaine sputtered towards his friend.  

They were in the hospital, outside of Kurt’s room where Kurt was working with a physical therapist to ensure he could be independently mobile at the same time he was released from the hospital.  Wes had sprung what he had preambled was a “brilliant” idea whereby Kurt would live with Blaine after he was released, Wes could work with Kurt’s recovery and log more medical related volunteer hours for his degree, and Blaine could get the stipend that came with accommodating a recovering addict in a clean and supportive place as Kurt’s caretaker through a special program offered by the state.

“I do.  And I also point out that I came in top of my class every single year since pre-school.  I know my idea has to be quality.”

Blaine winced his eyes shut and just shook his head.  No. It wouldn’t work.  It was a bad idea that his sister and his parents would never go along with.  He knew Sebastian wouldn’t be thrilled by the thought of another guy living with him, and, truth be told, Blaine was kind of liking living on his own.  He enjoyed not having to report to anyone or worry about where another person was or which milk to drink or not drink.  For the first time in his life he truly felt like an adult.

“No.  Just…. what if he steals something?  Or brings drugs into the apartment?  Or has a party?  Or….”  He dropped his voice down to a whisper, “...has sex for money in my home?”

Wes just looked with amusement at Blaine, and Blaine failed to see why.  This was a serious question being asked and he was giving Wes multiple reasons why it was ridiculous to consider.

“He won’t.”

“How the hell do you know he won’t?”

“Because you and I will be around to watch over him and… I kind of trust the guy.”

Wes shrugged apologetically for the admission and Blaine facepalmed himself. “Why on earth would you trust a junkie Wes?”

“Do you hear yourself Blaine?”

“Yes.  I’m pretty sure I did.” Blaine lifted his face out of his hand to look at his friend soberly.

“Are you sure?  Because you don’t sound like you… you sound like Rachel.”

Blaine grimaced, his nose wrinkling and his brow bunching, “Well she’s not always wrong….”

“But she is always a bit of a bitch.”

Blaine couldn’t exactly refute that.  He sighed and tipped his head back against the wall, staring up at the plain white ceiling.  “Make your point Wes.”

“The point is, that the best part of you Blaine, is the part that believes in people.  You took a chance on him before and let him into your home, not once, but twice already.  You dropped everything when you got that call that he was back in the hospital, including the date you had been excited about up until that call, so you could be here to help him.  You might not like what he’s done, or trust him, but I know you can’t refuse someone in need, and if you don’t do it, trust me… he’ll be in this position again.  At least with you he has a shot.”

Blaine frowned, continuing to stare up at the blankness above him.  “What do you mean?”

“Those group homes are shit.  They’re a lottery.  First he needs to wait to get into one, and who knows how long that’ll take.  While he’s waiting he’ll be back on the streets because there’s no government segway plan between here and there.  Then when he gets in, it’s a crapshoot what other people will be in the home.  If there’s even one guy in there that succumbs to the need to get a fix, they’re all screwed.  That guy will bring it back in and they’ll all know and they’ll all crave and it will have all been for nothing.”

Blaine winced and brought his hands up to rub his temples, “What about finding family of his?  Couldn’t they help?”

“Uh… Blaine….”  Wes gave his head a shake, “What the hell have we already been doing?  Either Kurt has a home that’s not safe for him to go back to or he has no one or he’s just not in a place where he’s ready to face home.  No matter what he isn’t talking.”

Blaine groaned, “My family is not going to like this….”

“You’re a big boy Blaine.  They’ll have to get over it.”

“May I remind you that my parents pay my mortgage?”

Wes chuckled, “And yet, they never visit.  Honestly Blaine - why are you trying to talk yourself out of this?  It’s win-win-win for all three of us.”

“Because talk like that always ends up resulting a giant debacle where the protagonist doesn’t have a happy ending because he’s had to learn some life lessons.”

Wes snorted, and because Blaine was looking away he wasn’t sure if it was because Wes found that amusing or ridiculous, “Really Blaine?”

“And what about Sebastian?  We’re just getting… y’know… closer.”

“Sebastian is your boyfriend, not your keeper.  Kurt is just a roommate as far as he can be concerned.  You don’t have to tell him anything about how Kurt gave you the blowjob of you life or-”

“Enough!”  Blaine instantly regretted telling Wes all the details now.  “Oh my god Wes….”  He turned his head around to look at his friend who was clearly keeping in a laugh with pursed lips.  “Fine.  FINE!”

Wes drew his hand in to his side, a fist pumping down, “Yes.  I am awesome.”

“I honestly don’t know how you and I are friends.” Blaine said, shaking his head at Wes’ antics.

“I just told you why.  I’m awesome.”

The door beside them opened and the physical therapist stepped out, muttering under her breath about ‘lacking morals’ and ‘inappropriateness’ which prompted the boys to jump from their seats and rush into the room where Kurt was sitting on the edge of the bed - a definite improvement from where he had been for the past week.

“Well look at you!” Wes said, walking up to Kurt who did not look pleased with his progress.  In fact he looked downright pissed off.

“I don’t think she’s going to come back.  I told her if she was going to get that close to my crotch she’d best either give me a handjob or fuck off.”

Blaine snorted, immediately drawing a hand up to cup his jaw to keep his laugh in whereas Wes just openly guffawed.

“Brilliant.” Wes said when he caught his breath, earning a smirk of approval from Kurt.

“Well it’s good to see you out of the same ol’ position anyhow.”  Blaine offered with a weak smile.

Kurt looked over at Blaine, face still radiating amusement, “Hell, I’m used to being on my back or on my knees.”

Wes chuckled again and Blaine flushed up.  He felt bad that Kurt was joking about something that serious and horrifying.  He was also shocked that Wes could find humor in it.

“Oh lighten up Trust Fund.  Maybe it’s you that needs a hand job.”

Wes hand to hold his arms around his stomach to brace himself he was laughing so hard and Blaine only got redder.

“Is your boyfriend that bad of a lay?  Honestly?”

“We… we… haven’t…. we…”  Blaine sputtered, looking over to Wes for help but Wes was too busy trying to wipe the tears from his eyes as he kept on chuckling.

Kurt made a small o with his mouth and nodded, “Right.  He must have a small penis then if he’s holding back.  That’s the only reason guys hold back.”

“Oh…”  Wes leaned himself down into the seat, the laughter picking back up, “.... god….”  Another hard laugh.  “I’m going to piss myself.”

Blaine frowned and folded his arms over his chest, looking between his humor-crippled friend and his recovering-junkie acquaintance.  Clearly they were in league.  

Kurt just grinned to himself and was silent.  When Wes recovered, wiping another tear away from his eye, the asian man was finally able to speak again. “Okay… so… Kurt… Blaine said yes.”

Kurt looked from Wes back to Blaine, arching up a single eyebrow as he regarded him and Blaine instantly felt like he was being assessed.  The boy had that way of looking at someone.  

“You actually agreed?”

Blaine nodded once, still apprehensive.

“Why?”

“Because… it’s the best option.”

“Not for you.” Kurt stated simply.  “You get stuck with a guy you don’t really know that you know has used and abused and worked your street dry.  I can’t pay rent.  I have no skills unless you count deepthroating as a skill…”  

Just as Blaine’s blush was beginning to fade, it came right back with that and he had to choke back his breath in order to find his voice again.  “I… there’s assistance… for people who are coming off the streets and recovering…”

Wes smiled at Blaine and took over, “There is Kurt.  Blaine would have to oversee it because he’d be kind of like a guardian…”

Kurt immediately looked angry by that and Blaine took a step back.

“... but it would cover things like rent and food and clothing until you can be independant.”

“Really.  The government just does that huh?”

Wes nodded, “For awhile… though there are requirements.”

“Shocking.”

“You’d have to attend weekly meetings with a therapist and possibly some kind of recovering addiction group.  You have to do some kind of job training so they know their money will come back to them in the future via taxes you’d pay in a job…  They’ll inspect Blaine’s home and check up with him too.  I can also volunteer my time as a medical student to help you with your recovery and that’ll look good too….”

Blaine had to roll his eyes.  Wes was good at looking out for others, but only as good as he was at looking out for his own interests too.

“Fuck… it’s like being a kid again… money overseen by someone else… school…”  Kurt grumbled.

“Look.  If you don’t want to - I understand.  We can tell the social worker to put you down on the waiting list for a group home.”  Blaine offered.

Kurt snickered and looked back up at Blaine, “That wasn’t a complaint Trust Fund.  Being a kid again might actually be nice.”

“Oh.”  Blaine blinked a few times, trying to consider that.  Here he was happy to be free of being overseen by Rachel and Kurt was alright with being cared for.  

Then it hit Blaine.

He was going to be the one in charge.  He was going to be a caretaker… not just to a dog, but to a real, live human.  Not just any human either, a super needy human that couldn’t be threatened with being grounded or spanked like a child could be.  

His heart sped up right away.

Kurt let his legs swing back and forth where they hung over the edge of the bed.  He was still in a hospital gown, but it only when to the bottoms of his thighs so Blaine could see just how thin his legs were.  Granted they still had muscle, but not much else, and his knees were just  so knobby.   Blaine was going to have to take care of him.  He would have to make sure he ate healthy and got exercise and…

“You aren’t allergic to dogs are you?”

Kurt looked back to Blaine.  “No.”

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief.  “Okay then.  Well… I guess we’re going to talk to your social worker then.  Your doctor say anything about how much longer you’ll be in here for?  I’ll have to get the spare room ready.”

Kurt shook his head, “No… but the doctor doesn’t tell me much.  He usually talks to Wes since Wes seems to know what the fuck he’s talking about.  Then Wes translates.”

Wes nodded, “The doctor hasn’t given a release time yet.  I’d say Kurt has at least another week in here though.  They still need to do a lot of follow-up even though the major issues have been treated.”

Blaine again breathed relief.  A week.  He had a week.

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Are you going to kick me again?” The doctor asked Kurt after he had said he needed to check Kurt’s lower anatomy.  

“Last time you said you just needed to look.  You said nothing about putting your cold, clammy hands on my junk.”  Kurt grunted back, already uncomfortable with being checked over.  The doctor gave him a full check up daily, and he was tired of being poked and prodded as if anything had really changed all that much.

“Alright, well, just so you know then, part of my check is to ensure there’s no infections or other concerns down there.  Your antibiotic regimen is done so if there is something going on there, we’d like to catch it before you leave the hospital.”

Kurt exhaled heavily and rolled his eyes, dropping his head back to his pillow, “Fine.  Just don’t get too grabby unless you intend to pass me some cash.”

He grimaced through the touching, intermingled with periods of absence as the doctor scrawled notes on his clipboard.  Kurt had grabbed the clipboard that hung on the end of his bed once and tried to make sense of it all, but all that happened was he gave himself a headache.

When it was over and he was allowed to put his gown back on, the doctor grinned at him, “Well, everything looks pretty good.  Ready to rejoin civilized society?”

Kurt huffed, trying to redo the snaps on the back of the gown to give him some modesty, “Nothing civilized about it.  Are you trying to tell me I can leave?”

The doctor nodded, “Just as soon as your social worker and guardian arrive we can finish up the paperwork.  There’s also some prescriptions but I’ll talk to your friend Wes about those and your guardian.”

“Brilliant fucking idea.” Kurt grunted, resting back on the bed as soon as he was done up in the back.  

When the doctor left, Kurt glanced around the room.  He had nothing they he owned left to his name.  His clothing had never made an appearance in this room and Wes had said something early on about it being so torn and gross they just garbaged it.  He had no idea what had happened to his phone or headphones, and his piercings… well… they had been given back to him and he was wearing them again - but he had to argue with a nurse for them.

Was he expected to leave the hospital wearing the ugly blue patterned gown that barely covered him?  If so, it was a new low in the system.

Eventually Blaine and Wes arrived.  Wes was as cheery as always but Blaine seemed nervous and reserved.  Kurt couldn’t blame him.  He certainly wouldn’t want to live with himself even if he was being paid to.

They carried a couple bags and Wes pulled out a few items of clothing, “We had to guess at your size but anything is better than nothing hey?”

Kurt sat up and nodded, glancing at the nondescript jeans and T-shirts and hoodies.  “Payment for me already come through?”

“No.  I just didn’t want you to have nothing in the beginning…” Blaine said, setting the bags on the bed so Kurt could look through them.  “If you don’t like them or they don’t fit we can get them exchanged…”

Honestly Kurt didn’t care.  They were real clothes and they were new.  He hadn’t had new clothes in years… He took a second look at the bags they came in and a little voice from his past popped into his head and alerted him of just where these clothes were purchased from and made him realize just how much they must have cost even though they didn’t look any different from what he could have gotten from a thrift mart.  

“There’s no way whatever you’re getting paid to babysit me will cover this shit Blaine.  Hell… I couldn’t make enough to pay for one of these pants in a week on the street…”

Blaine just shrugged and Kurt gave his head a shake.  Of course he didn’t care.  He probably didn’t even care about the money he was getting to watch over Kurt because it was barely a drop in the bucket compared to what he was used to having around.   Of course, that begged the question, why was he doing it?

Without warning, Kurt pulled the damned gown up and over his head, making both the other boys in the room yelp in surprise and turn around synchronously.  Kurt chucked and pulled on a T-shirt.  It was a little baggy, but then, he was all bones right now.  If he could eat a bit better he could fill it out no problem.  Boxers and pants followed, and then socks.  God, socks… of all the things he’d gone without in the past couple years he didn’t realize how much he missed the warmth around his toes that came with socks.

“How’d you know I was a size ten?” Kurt grunted as he looked at the black sneakers in the bag and then pulled them on.

“I might have been really bored when you were still out of it and compared my foot to yours.” Wes admitted with a bit of a chuckle.

“Well fuck.  Nice job.”  Kurt slid off the bed and walked slowly to the bathroom to look at himself, the boys turning back to look over at him too when they realized he was dressed.

He was too thin, too weak looking, and his hair was all brown.  Without eyeliner his eyes looked like they were just dark spots on his pale face.  He would need some hair dye, and also…

“Get me any cigarettes?”

He looked back to see Blaine looking confused and shaking his head.  Wes also shook his head but at least supplied an answer.

“Honestly, we were kind of hoping you might quit since Blaine’s building doesn’t allow it.”

Kurt huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets, “Well I fucking need something.”

“But you’ve been fine without anything all this time…” Blaine uttered, looking with worry between Wes and Kurt.

The doctor knocked and entered without waiting then, holding several papers which Wes accepted and looked over, nodding periodically and asking questions about.

“Kurt,” Blaine whispered over as the doctor and Wes were occupied, “You know you can’t use drugs at the apartment.  It’ll be a dealbreaker.”

“Fuck… yes I know mother.”  Kurt grumbled, walking towards the bed and grabbing one of the hoodies bought for him and pulled it on as well.  He was always so cold.  Hopefully Blaine’s place had good heating.

The doctor left and Wes turned back to the pair, “Alright, so I have all the information on the meetings and sessions you need to attend Kurt.  Your social worker dropped them off with the doctor since she had some emergency come up.  I also have several prescriptions - “

“Why the hell do I need prescriptions?  Didn’t they fix me all up?”

“Well, yes and no.”  Wes looked down at the sheets in his hand, “These are mostly to help you adjust to life off the streets… there’s an antidepressant…”

“Fuck that shit.” Kurt didn’t need anything else to mess with his brain.  Blow had done enough.

“Kurt.  I’m going to level with you here… depression is the biggest side effect of withdrawal, and granted your body did the biggest part of the withdrawal while you were sick and out of it and that was kind of a blessing in disguise, but this isn’t just something that’ll go away like that.  It can take months.  Just try them.  Please.”

Kurt didn’t respond.  He didn’t like being told what kind of drugs to take.

Wes sighed and kept going, “There’s some stuff here too just in case you have common side effects of withdrawal - like panic attacks or insomnia.  You don’t have to take those, but this way you’ll have them if you need them.”

“Fine.”  Kurt knew a guy on the street that used to pay big bucks for some medications… if this didn’t work out at least he had some gold in those little prescription bottles.

“There’s also one here to help you ease your addiction process.  Honestly I’d just say we hold off on it too because you haven’t taken anything for it this whole time you’ve been in the hospital and you said you don’t remember when your last fix was before all this because you were sick for awhile then too, so you might be one of the rare few who can just do this cold turkey.”

Kurt shrugged and then nodded.  He would take Wes’ word for that.  He didn’t know though there was drugs to help one get off drugs.

“As for cigarettes… “

Kurt immediately perked up at those words.  He had been craving a cigarette the whole time he’d been stuck in this room.

“I get that going free from everything is tough.  So I think we can get you a pack and you can ration them off slowly… see if you can break that cycle too once you’re feeling better… but you can’t do it inside the building.”

“I could get in trouble with the apartment board.”  Blaine noted.

Kurt just snickered at that, “Right.  Bunch of old geezers that have nothing better to do than get on power trips about how a building is run.  Don’t worry.  I’ll stick my head out the window or use the stairwell.”

Blaine seemed like he was about to make a retort to that when Wes chimed in, “Fine.  That’ll work for now.”

Kurt glanced around the room one last time before grabbing the shopping bags off the bed, “Well.  Let’s go then.”

Blaine and Wes walked on either side of him, and he felt like it might have been because they were afraid he might bolt for it once he was given his freedom, but Kurt knew better.  This was the best shot he was going to get and he intended to make full use of it.

They stopped at a pharmacy and convenience store on the way, Wes and Kurt staying in what Wes identified as his car while Blaine ran in to get the prescriptions filled.  The instant Blaine returned though, he handed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter back to Kurt who immediately tore off the wrapper, pulled out one, rolled down the window, and lit up the beautiful slender stick between his fingers.

“Oh fuck yes.”  He moaned as the warmth caressed his throat and fell up and down inside him.  He had been waiting for this forever.

“Did you know they have like… sixty different kinds of cigarettes?” Blaine asked of Wes, causing both Kurt and Wes to chuckle at the naivety of the boy in the front passenger seat.

“So how’d you pick for me then Trust Fund?” Kurt asked between puffs.

“I just… I asked the guy for the ones that most people liked.”

Kurt chuckled again, shaking his head.  The guy sitting in front of him was so childlike and yet he was in charge of Kurt.  He wasn’t quite sure how this was going to play out, but at least he’d be entertained in the process.

When they arrived at Blaine’s apartment, Kurt sunk back into his seat.  He didn’t want anyone to see him, to recognize him.  He had worked this street for over a year and didn’t want to have to deal with anyone from that time… Blaine excluded.

“It’s okay Kurt.”  Wes said, looking back at him in the rearview mirror as they pulled into the private parking lot and Wes flashed Blaine’s key fob for access in.  “It’s daytime, you’ve been gone from here for months, and you don’t even have pink in your hair.  No one will recognize you.  You’re safe.”

Safe.  He hadn’t been truly safe since… well, he’d have to think about when.  He wasn’t sure.

Wes parked and while Kurt grabbed the clothing bags, Wes popped the trunk open and Blaine and he gathered a few more bags which Blaine explained as “Groceries and necessities of life.”  There was an elevator trip up to Blaine’s floor, which was not that far from ground level as Blaine explained that he generally took the stairs and didn’t want to wait for elevators all the time and then they were all in Blaine’s apartment.  It hadn’t changed much since Kurt had been there.  A few items seemed barren where there had once been pictures or decorations, and the living room looked like it had been reconfigured, but Kurt knew it, and knew where to find things from his night with Blaine months ago.

“Here.”  Wes dropped his bags by the entrance, “I’ll show Kurt his room and you can put the groceries away Blaine.”

Blaine nodded and left the two of them for the kitchen while Kurt followed Wes to what Wes explained had been Rachel’s room. “Blaine redid it though this week.  Not sure what was wrong with it before, but he gets ideas in his head and then he just follows through on them….”

Kurt nodded, looking around at the room that was his.  Just his.  It had a bed, and a bigger bed at that with pillows and sheets and a comforter.  He had night tables and drawers and a big wall mirror and a closet that was open and emptied with hangers waiting for clothing.  There was a window above the bed that had real curtains and blinds instead of foil pressed into it.   He had a lamp beside his bed and a rug on the floor.  It was clean and smelled fresh and….

He had his own room.  His own.  He bit down on his lower lip just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.

“So Blaine and you can go shopping for some more clothes when you’re more settled in and fill up that closet.  And - OH!”

Wes was interrupted by the arrival of a large brown dog that hopped up on it’s hind legs to place it’s forepaws on Wes and try and lick him making Wes laugh delightedly.

“And this is Romeo.”

Kurt grinned and held out a hand to the dog who sniffed it over enthusiastically before covering it with his tongue several times over as he licked it.  “Hey there pup.”

By the time Blaine came to check on them, Kurt and Romeo were wrestling with one another on the bed, sheets all askew, as Wes looked on.

“What the….?”

Kurt laughed and grabbed the dog in a bear hug while the dog squirmed back and did his best to try and do the same to Kurt.

“They are fast friends.” Wes explained over to Blaine.

“Apparently. Ah.. supper?”

Kurt made one more playful growl over at the dog and then hopped back off the bed.  Romeo tried to engage him one last time in play with a whine but Kurt just patted the dog’s head and promised, “After supper.”

He was looking forward to a meal that wasn’t made by hospital staff and had a feeling Blaine didn’t skimp on things like spices, and the meal met those expectations and more.  Wes kept telling him to take it easy, don’t overeat, and pace himself - but Kurt was famished and it actually all smelled really good.  By the time Blaine suggested dessert, he had already unbuttoned the top of his jeans and was leaning back in his chair.  The thought that there would be dessert hadn’t even entered into his mind and he regretted scarfing back as much as he had when slices of cake were placed in front of Wes and Blaine.

“It’s okay.”  Blaine said with a forced smile, “There’s lots more in the fridge when you’re done digesting supper.”

Kurt nodded and let his hand fall to his side where Romeo was waiting and began licking at it.  “Not now pup… too full to play.”

“You did promise him…” Wes said with a smirk.

Kurt groaned and peeled himself off the chair and laid down on the floor, letting Romeo bounce back and forth over him and sniff at him freely while he continued to let the food process in him.  Somewhere above him he heard someone giggle but he couldn’t be bothered to look up.  

After he felt okay and heard the dishes being cleaned up, Kurt dragged himself up to his feet and lazily played with the dog.  He had never really considered himself a dog person.  His mom had been allergic and so Kurt had just accepted early on that he wouldn’t have a dog even after she had died.  There was something great about another creature though that didn’t care or judge you or what you had done.  As far as this dog was concerned, Kurt was just another guy to play with and hang around with.  Kurt knew that dogs were always happy to see their people, and while Kurt was here, he inwardly knew that he needed that kind of cost-free affection.  He needed someone to want him there no matter what. 

 


	15. Chapter 15

Blaine finds it difficult to suddenly have a roommate again, especially one he doesn’t really trust and one that needs to be paid attention to so much.  WIth Rachel he only ever had to worry to tread carefully around her because he never knew what kind of mood she was in, with Kurt, he is constantly paying attention.

One of the first major issues is Romeo.  

His dog is friendly.  Blaine gets that and loves it about him, but Blaine can’t seem to help but feel jealous when it’s Kurt that Romeo goes to snuggle with at night and Kurt that Romeo curls up beside on the couch when they’re watching TV.  Blaine is the one that feeds and walks Romeo, that makes sure his nails are clipped and his fur is brushed and his ears are clean and yet Kurt is the one who reaps all the rewards of having a dog it seems.  All the cuddles and play and Romeo even sits beside Kurt at the table when they eat. 

Although, Blaine does enjoy the sight of seeing the pair of them curled up together on the couch or on the floor, both deeply asleep and wound up with one another.  His dog is always adorable in his eyes, and Kurt just looks so at peace like that.  He wonders if Kurt has had pets before because he took to Romeo so quickly and seems to know what he’s doing with him.  At the very least, Kurt definitely seems more comfortable with Romeo than he does with people.

The next issue is the thermostat.

Blaine likes to keep his temperature at 21°C (70°F).  It’s the perfect temperature in his mind.  It keeps things warm without any worry of sweat.  That is the temperature he likes to get out of a hot shower into.  It limits the humidity.

Kurt however has other ideas about temperature, and everytime Blaine looks away, it seems like the thermostat has been reset for some ungodly hot setting even though Kurt wears his new hoodies all the time and even a double layer of socks.  The breaking point for Blaine is when he comes back from a run with Romeo and the apartment makes him sweat more than his run with the dog did.  The temperature has been set to 30°C (88°F).

“This is insane Kurt!  You just can’t do this!” Blaine stammers as he goes to set the temperature back down.

“It’s cold.” is all Kurt offers to counter that.

“Then run around, do some exercise… just… ugh….”  Blaine goes to shower after that and when he steps out of the shower, instead of feeling the nice cooling air, he finds it just as hot as it was before.  A quick check in his bathrobe confirms that Kurt had set the temperature back up while he was in the shower.

Blaine is close to pulling out his hair.

Another concern Blaine has is Kurt’s relationship with Wes.

Wes and Kurt, for whatever reason, get along.  They joke like old buddies and Kurt even beats Wes at one point in chess which Blaine has yet to do despite many close calls.  Like Romeo, Blaine finds himself jealous.  Not just of Kurt’s time with Wes, but of how easy a time Wes seems to have talking with Kurt.  When it’s just the two of them, it’s so strained.  They coexist in the apartment but Blaine is never really sure what to say or how to say it.

Kurt also no longer calls Wes Asian Trust Fund.  He’s just Wes.  For whatever reason Blaine is still called by the nickname Trust Fund with Kurt.  Kurt seems to prefer that particular moniker and Blaine can’t shake it.

Kurt intimidates him still.  He’s so much more street smart than Blaine is and he can just put on that snarky attitude and Blaine is immediately backing down.  It’s why Blaine doesn’t fight harder over the thermostat.  He doesn’t want to invoke Kurt’s ire.

He already has to fight with Kurt on a daily basis to get him to take the antidepressant.  Somehow he wins that battle, but Blaine is sure it’s only because Wes keeps telling Kurt how much he’ll feel a difference in a couple weeks when his brain starts to sort things out.  Without Wes, Blaine isn’t sure how’d he handle Kurt.

Surprisingly the smoking is not an issue.  Kurt will duck out of the apartment a couple times a day and hide in the stairwell to smoke.  If anyone has noticed, they haven’t said anything, and Kurt does seem to be making the package last as long as he can before asking for another.  Whatever pleasure he derives from those things, Blaine doesn’t understand, but he does see how much more mellow Kurt is every time he finishes smoking one so he doesn’t complain about the smell of cigarettes that Kurt brings with him.  He can tolerate it for the bit of peace it brings.

Before Kurt moved in, Blaine bought a small safe that he now keeps in the bottom of his closet with all his documentation and credit cards.  Everyday he puts his wallet in there unless he needs it for something.  Wes said he was paranoid.  Blaine thought he was just preparing for the worst in case it happened.

Rachel said he should put a gun in there.

She and his parents weren’t happy when they heard Blaine’s plan.  As far as they all knew though he was just taking on a roommate because, as Wes suggested he say, he wasn’t used to being alone and Wes was locked into a long term lease in his current place so couldn’t move in.  None of them knew the actual situation of his roommate and Blaine was glad he didn’t tell them more because Rachel insisted that he couldn’t trust a stranger (thus the gun comment) and his parents said he needed to learn to become more independant.

If anything he was past being independant and now taking care of a dependant.

Blaine does all the cooking, the chores, and even the laundry.  He has to coax Kurt into changing his clothing daily and Kurt seemed stressed about getting back his clothes when the laundry is done because he always rushes over and grabs his freshly cleaned clothes once Blaine returns from the laundry room in the building.

Blaine guessed he could forgive him for that.  When he had been in front of the building night after night he had usually only seen Kurt in one of a couple outfits and then only in one towards the end.  He could see that clothing was sacred to the boy.

Kurt also sleeps a lot.  Like, most of the day.  He’ll sleep all night, wake up for breakfast, have a nap, wake up for lunch and some TV and then nap again.  The longest he seems to stay awake for is the period between his afternoon nap and going to bed.  Blaine can’t figure out why he does it, but the pills they picked up for insomnia have remained untouched and Blaine is guessing that if Kurt’s current sleep schedule is any indication - he’s not going to need them.

As the week passes, there is a notable change in Kurt’s health though.  He eats well enough and his colouring looks better.  Wes suggests that he goes with Blaine to use the gym or the pool so he just doesn’t get fat but actually puts some muscle weight back on.  Kurt says he’ll “think about it” and then gets caught up in Jeopardy, yelling answers at the TV (half of which are surprisingly correct) and calling the contestants morons when they don’t know something he doesn’t.

He still hasn’t told them any more information on his background.  Wes told Blaine in private that at the very least Kurt had a dad based on something Kurt had said back at the hospital, but Kurt guards his personal information very carefully and while Blaine is trying to get Kurt to trust him, he’s not going to push it.  Wes is still doing research on missing persons back at his condo, and every now and then he’ll tell Blaine that Rhode Island is clear or that New Jersey is clear.  They’re no closer to knowing more about Kurt than they were before but at least they’re slowly narrowing down the states he might have come from.

After a week of living together, the thermostat aside, Blaine is somewhat more comfortable with the arrangement.  He finds humor in the little quirks that Kurt seems unaware of, like the way Kurt hums while brushing his teeth or how he’ll step on his toes with a grace that’s akin to a dancer’s.  He still hasn’t gotten Kurt out of the apartment yet, even to go to the apartment gym or pool, and doesn’t know when to expect the fear of the outside to subside in Kurt, but as far as roommates go - Blaine supposes he could have much worse.

Kurt isn’t messy, he keeps to himself, and when Blaine leaves to go work at the society or have a date with Sebastian, Kurt doesn’t complain when Wes is there in Blaine’s place to make sure everything is alright.  Blaine expected Kurt to complain more than he has about being cared for, but there has barely been a peep out of him.  On the contrary, Kurt actually seems to accept their constant presence with a bit of relief.

Sebastian hasn’t come up to meet Kurt, in fact he hasn’t come up to Blaine’s place at all yet.  Despite working at a humane society, it turns out that Sebastian isn’t keen on dogs and would rather avoid Romeo.  He doesn’t seem concerned with Blaine having a roommate though when Blaine tells him, citing that it’s an “economical thing to do in this city” and there’s no more talk of it.  He’s almost clinical in his assessment of Blaine’s new living situation and completely unworried about another man sharing space with Blaine.  Blaine knows he should be relieved by that, but instead he finds it irritating.  He realizes then he had kind of hoped Sebastian might be just a little bit jealous.  Instead, Sebastian is indifferent and Blaine is annoyed by it and knows he shouldn’t be.

Everytime Blaine returns from a date with Sebastian, Kurt eyes him up and down, and then will look to Wes to announce that Blaine is “still a virgin” much to Blaine’s embarrassment and Wes’ entertainment.  He doesn’t know how Kurt knows, figuring it must be something he picked up from his previous line of work, and retreats to his room.  It isn’t that he isn’t interested in doing that, he’s just not ready to do it WITH Sebastian.

Sebastian has made it clear many times already that he’d like to go further with Blaine than just chaste kisses goodnight.  His hand wanders when they make out in the car and he’s directly asked Blaine to come home with him many times already.  Blaine knows Sebastian has had many boyfriends before him and hasn’t dare asked how many casual hook-ups Sebastian has had too.  If Kurt and Sebastian are any indication, Blaine is fairly sure he must be the only romantically inclined gay guy in the world.  

After their one week anniversary of living together, Blaine returns from work to find that Kurt has pink in his hair once again.  He prances in front of Blaine and even goes “Ta da!”, Wes chuckling in the background.

Blaine can only smile and nod, and really it is a bit of a throwback to months ago.  He suddenly worries that Kurt is going to take his pink hair down to the curb.  That worry is cast off though as soon as Kurt flops himself on the couch and turns on a show Blaine doesn’t recognize.  As soon as Kurt starts calling the characters idiots, Blaine knows Kurt isn’t about to go anywhere because he’s fully engrossed in the show.

Wes has been taking care of the requirements of the program, taking Kurt to a couple appointments and meetings since he has a car, and talking to the social worker on the phone when she calls to check in.  He’s here more often than he ever has been and if it wasn’t for the stupid lease on his condo, Blaine would just ask him to move in as well since the music room could easily be converted into another bedroom.  

If there’s one room Kurt seems to avoid it’s the music room.  He didn’t see it when he stayed over the one night because Rachel had always kept it locked up but now that she’s gone Blaine keeps it open.  He had hope the instruments in there might have provided a creative outlet for Kurt, even if he didn’t know how to play anything, but instead Kurt gives the room a wide berth when he walks by it in the hall, even quickening his pace.  For whatever reason, he doesn’t like what’s in there.

For Blaine on the other hand, the room is a sanctuary.  Whether he’s stressed or nervous or just needs some time to himself, all he has to do is go in there and sit at the piano or pick up his violin and play until he feels balanced again.  He’s done it more than a few times in the past week and even caught Kurt sneaking peeks from the hallway.  Kurt doesn’t ask him about it though, and it’s just one more thing Blaine has relegated to the ‘do not push him on it’ pile.  

It’s a big pile.

 


	16. Chapter 16

Everyday he battled.  He wanted a fix, no, needed a fix.  Everytime he’d look out the window of the apartment he’d remember his days on the curb and what that entailed and feel a rush of desire go through him for that white powder.  So Kurt avoided looking through the windows and when his need was the worst he’d go have a nap.  Napping replaced the need with dreams and by the time he woke up again, he felt okay.

Well, as okay as he got anyhow.

After this particular nap he blearily let his eyes open and turned towards Romeo, faithfully at his side on the bed as always and snoring wheezy little snores as he slept.  Kurt wrapped his arms around the dog and snuggled against him, the dog only adjusting a little in place at the shift beside him before dozing off again, tongue falling out of the side of his mouth.  Kurt had to chuckle at the sight and took another moment to cozy up to the dog before begrudgingly getting up as his stomach growled.

Blaine was in the kitchen when Kurt wandered in, making something, probably supper.  He was an excellent cook and Kurt knew he would end up fat and complacent if he ate what Blaine made every day.  There was going to come a time when Kurt would have to work out or at least watched what he ate.  For now though, he grabbed a granola bar out of the cupboard and mumbled a groggy ‘Hey’ to Blaine before moving to his favourite place in the whole apartment - the living room.

Since moving in he had been reacquainting himself with TV.  Cole always had shit on at his place and no one was ever allowed to change the channel.  Here though, Kurt was free to immerse himself in old guilty pleasures - romantic and dramatic series and reality TV.  Courtesy of Blaine’s Netflix account, he caught up on shows he had started watching a few years ago and now knew how they ended.  He also caught up on the big movie hits and finally got some of the quotes and references people had been making while he was out of it.

Blaine came in once Kurt had settled on watching one particular movie and asked if he could join Kurt, who gave him a shrug and told him, as he always did, that it was his place.

Kurt was sure Blaine was a lot more uncomfortable with this set-up than he was.

While dinner baked in the oven, Blaine sat on the other end of the couch, watching the movie quietly and, when he thought Kurt wasn’t looking, glancing over at him.

“What is it?” Kurt finally said, having enough of the silent face stalking.

“I just… how do you know I’m a virgin still whenever I go out with Sebastian?”

“Because you still look all pent up and tense, and because if you had a good lay you wouldn’t always be home so early.” Kurt noted matter-of-factly, never taking his eyes off the screen.

“Oh.”

Quiet for a couple more moments and then Kurt couldn’t handle it, “What now?  Just ask for fuck’s sake.”

“Well… I don’t feel pent up and tense, so how do I look it?”

Kurt groaned and paused the movie, turning to look at Blaine.  “Well you sure as shit aren’t relaxed are you?”

Blaine’s bushy brows bunched on his forehead and he gave a little shrug.  “I… I don’t know.”

“You would know if you were.”

“Oh.  Okay….”

“Look.  I get it.  You have a guy in your home that’s useless and not trustworthy.  Believe me -”  He held up a hand to silence Blaine when he saw he was about to respond, “- I know what I am Trust Fund.  So you’re tense and worried about your shit and for whatever fucking reason you feel responsible for me and that can’t be relaxing…. in addition you apparently, according to Wes, have parents and a sister that have high expectations and no trust in you so you’re always doing your best to try and please them.  Then of course you have a boyfriend that won’t put out and that’s got to be hard… or not hard as the case may be.”

Blaine’s cheeks flushed pink and Kurt smirked.  He had him pegged.  It wasn’t really all that hard though, Blaine was more of an open book than the kid thought he was.

“He’d put out.. I’m just not… there.”

Kurt snorted, “Why?”

“Because… I’m just not… it doesn’t feel….”  Blaine sighed in exasperation and shook his head, “I’m just not.”

“Maybe you should take up smoking.” Kurt teased, though the questioning look in Blaine’s eyes told him he didn’t get the joke.  “Kidding.”

“Oh… and Kurt…. you’re not that bad to have around.”

“Right.”  Kurt turned back towards the television and set the movie to play again.  

That seemed to be the dynamic of their rooming situation.  Blaine would tiptoe around Kurt and Kurt would call him on it.  Wes would come in to bring some life to the apartment, telling Kurt exactly the kinds of things Kurt needed to do while giving Blaine a break to go out with his boyfriend.  Kurt had yet to meet the guy, but he had a feeling any guy that left Blaine that unsatisfied after every date wasn’t going to last.  

Wes came in one day with a limp, hobbling awkwardly while Blaine prepared for one of his loveless dates.  

“The fuck happened to you?” Kurt asked, grabbing Wes’ jacket when he handed it over.

“I tripped on the curb coming in… pretty sure I gave myself a sprain.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and shook his head.  Of all the injuries he had sustained over the past couple years, spraining his ankle on a curb had not been one of them and he had been out on the curb most night for hours at a time.

Blaine left and Wes and Kurt started up a game of chess.  After about an hour of getting his ass kicked by Wes, Romeo insistently came up and whined at them, circling in place to let them know that he needed out.

“Uh…”  Kurt looked from Romeo to Wes.  Shit.

“Just wait until Blaine gets back boy.” Wes cooed.

The whining continued and intensified until Kurt was sure Romeo was crossing all four paws.  The noise was irritating and he finally stood up, “I’ll take him out.”

Wes looked at him skeptically, “Are you sure?”

Kurt nodded, making his way to the door and slipping on his shoes.  “It’ll be quick.  I can do it.”

He was convincing himself more than he was Wes, but the dog needed to go out and before he let himself chicken out, he was going down the stairwell with Romeo in tow on his leash.

Kurt knew Blaine took Romeo over to a little green area a block away, and luckily Romeo seemed to know where to go, dragging Kurt along until he got there.  Kurt pointedly avoided looking at any around.  He didn’t want to recognize anyone - or anything for that matter.  Instead he focused on the feeling of the warm, humid air on his skin and the smell of the outdoors.  He tried to ignore how free he felt.  Free was scary, being free had led him to making dangerous choices in the past.

“Come on Romeo.  Hurry it up.” Kurt coaxed the dog as he sniffed around to find the perfect spot to empty himself on.

“Oh beautiful doll….”

Kurt froze.  That voice.  THAT voice.  Millions of people living in dozens of boroughs and suburbs of New York City and THAT voice with THAT person was at the same place he was at this moment in time.

“Beautiful, beautiful doll…. risen from the dead….”

Kurt’s head snapped to the side, eyes going wide and jaw growing slack as he saw Big G there before him.  At least, he looked like Big G even though he was wearing a suit and tie and looked so put together compared to the Big G Kurt had known at Cole’s.  Kurt knew he should run.  Bolt for it and never look back until he got back to the safety of the apartment, but his feet were rooted in the ground and he couldn’t look away.

Big G grinned, closing the space between them as he stepped forward.  Kurt could smell him now.  He smelled the same.  If cocaine had a smell then it smelled like Big G, and vice versa.  He shuddered as the want came over him.  

It felt Kurt left his body and then watched from above his empty shell as Big G took Kurt’s hands, taking the leash from him and letting it drop to the ground.  Kurt was led away, leaving Romeo there behind him, still sniffing around, and taken to the alleyway nearby.

“You missed me yes?  Needed me at least?”  Big G asked, pushing Kurt up against the wall and pinning him there.  Kurt could feel the man’s arousal as he was ground against and then awkwardly palmed though his pants with a too big hand.  Some semblance of his sanity was still within him though as he looked away, shamed by the fact that he was here, so easily reduced to what he had been before - a weakling.  No matter how much Big G tried to entice him though, he wasn’t aroused - quite the opposite in fact, but that didn’t help him find the courage to try and escape.

“Don’t you worry.  I’ve got all you need little doll.”

Kurt just stood there, letting himself be vacant and blank.  Letting himself not exist as he heard a zipper being pulled down and his body was turned around to face the gritty, dirty wall, shutting his eyes closed as tight as he could.  If he couldn’t see anything, maybe it wouldn’t be real.

“Cole will be happy to know you’re alive.” The voice of doom behind him spoke as it worked to pull down his pants.  It wasn’t hard.  Despite eating well, there was only so much weight he could put on in the time since his hospital release and his hips weren’t that good at holding his pants up on their own just yet.  Big G shoved his legs apart, the cool air hitting him hard, trying to draw his mind back into his body with the shock of it.

Kurt whimpered.  Why was he allowing this?  Why couldn’t he fight back?  Did Big G have some kind of power over him?  Was he really just going to let himself go back to that place and time?  He had come so far…. at least he thought he had.

Clearly he hadn’t.

Big G’s head dipped down to speak right into his ear, “Once I give you your punishment for getting me dragged to the cop shop, I’ll give you a reward for taking your punishment so well.  You look like you need a hit.  So tense… and far too pretty to be so tense…”

That was it then, Kurt’s time in the hospital and at Blaine’s had been nothing more than a vacation away from his reality.  He was doomed to a life he thought he’d escaped from.  One run out into the world away from the safety of the apartment had shown him that clearly enough.  He knew Big G wasn’t going to use anything to make the stretch easy.  Kurt would be torn up and used and probably wouldn’t even live that long after that if Cole had anything to say about it.  

And he couldn’t even move.

 


	17. Chapter 17

Blaine damn near hammered down the door when he got home, phone in his hand, and his jacket on backwards.  Inside Wes hobbled up to him and Blaine immediately looked back and forth around, “Anything? Is he back?”

Wes glanced down and Blaine had his answer.  Nothing new since Wes called him.

He had been on a date with Sebastian, listening to him drone on about what was wrong with the way the government invested its money and trying his best to look interested and not drink his wine too quickly when Wes called.  Kurt had gone off a half hour ago to walk Romeo and hadn’t returned.  Now, an hour after Kurt had left, and Blaine was back at home having quickly rushed off from Sebastian citing that a friend was having an emergency and jumping on the first train back home.

“I’m so sorry Blaine… I… thought it would be alright…”  Wes said quietly.

“So much for your fucking brilliant ideas now Wes.” Blaine snapped and turned back around through the door.  “Stay here and call me if he comes back!”

Blaine nearly ran into the old man from two doors down the hall who had his hand lifted to knock on the door just as Blaine was going out.  They both stepped back in surprise and then the old man spoke.

“That pink haired boy and brown dog belong to you?”

Blaine nodded quickly, “Yes.  Yes.  You’ve seen them?”

The old man nodded and pointed to the stairwell.  Blaine rushed past him, letting the door swing shut after him.  “He don’t look too good son.” The man called off after him as he ran down into the stairwell, finding both his dog and Kurt huddled together on the landing between the first and second floors.

“Kurt!  Romeo!” Blaine gasped, kneeling down before them both as relief flooded his system.  His dog was sitting right beside Kurt, whining at Blaine as soon as he caught sight of him.  The leash handle on the ground so Blaine knew that Romeo was staying with Kurt because he wanted to, not because he was physically attached.  

Kurt didn’t make a sound.  He had his knees drawn up against his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around them.  His head was set on his knees and his eyes looked vacantly ahead of him, absent of life.  As Blaine waved a hand in front of Kurt’s eyes, the boy made no indication that it registered with him.  He was here, but he wasn’t.  It was like he looks through the hand as if it were a ghost.

“Kurt… Kurt…. what happened?  Kurt?”  Blaine tried to coax him to respond.  Romeo continued whining though, looking at Blaine with big, hopeful eyes and marching his front paws up and down in small steps in an impatient gesture.  

He heard some shuffling behind him and Blaine snapped his head back, seeing Wes slowly descending the stairs.  “What happened to him?”

Blaine shook his head and turned back to look at the shell of Kurt, “I don’t know…”

Together they got both the boy and the dog back up into the apartment, Wes holding the leash (even though it was now clear that Romeo was loyal enough to stay by Kurt), and Blaine scooping Kurt up into his arms like he had once months ago.  

Once Kurt was laid down on the couch, he made his first show of movement, rolling away from the other men and hiding his face into the cushions where he silently stayed. Romeo laid down beside the couch and whimpered softly, heavy tail making a thud-thud-thud against the ground in a weak wag.

Wes and Blaine exchanged worried glances to one another before looking back towards Kurt.  That was when Wes noticed something and slid up to Blaine, whispering in his ear.

“His pants are undone.”

Blaine’s heart sunk along with his stomach.  Had Kurt gone out and turned a trick in the time he’d been gone?  Was he high?  Was this what it looked like?

Wes sighed beside him and knelt down to pat Romeo’s head in the absence of anything else to do, and that’s when he noticed the next thing.

“Blaine… look here…”

Blaine crouched down by Wes and looked where Wes was pointing.  In Romeo’s mouth, caught between his teeth was a piece of fabric.  Blaine coaxed the dog into opening his mouth with his fingers and found that the bit between his teeth that showed from the outside was part of a much larger torn piece of fabric that was soaked in blood.  As he pulled it out , Romeo used his tongue to lick over the spot it had been in and Blaine was sure he saw gratitude in the dog’s eyes.  

Wes took the piece of fabric and looked it over and then looked at Kurt, probably to assess if it came from his clothes - but this bit of fabric was not from the heavy cotton hoodie Kurt had on, nor was it denim from the black jeans he wore.  This looked like it was from someone’s suit.

“Do you think Romeo attacked someone?” Wes asked quietly, glancing over at Blaine.

Blaine couldn’t see it, but then, his dog was friendly like no human had ever been and he’d never seen Romeo so much as growl yet.  He guessed it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility though if Romeo was turning out to be as loyal to Kurt as it appeared, especially if the dog perceived that Kurt was being harmed.

“I don’t know….”

Wes awkwardly sat himself down on the bit of edge of the couch he could find that Kurt’s body hadn’t taken over and whispered down the the defeated looking boy.  “Kurt.  I need to know if we need to take you to the hospital or if I need to give you something to help you with a panic attack.”

No response.

Again the boys shared looks and Blaine slowly pulled his phone out of his back pocket.  He wasn’t going to take a chance.

“Kurt.  Blaine is going to call for an ambulance…”  Wes started when he saw the movement, and then the tiniest little squeak of “No” could be heard in the couch.

“You need to tell us what happened then…” Wes urged.

“No.” came the small voice again.

“Then we need to call for help.”

“No.”

Wes growled in frustration and shot a look to Blaine that clearly read as ‘You need to deal with this’ to which Blaine did his best to shoot back a look that said ‘I don’t know how to deal with this anymore than you do!’.

“I’m going to go get the ativan…”  Wes said, standing up and hobbling to the kitchen where the medication was stored, making sure he made an over dramatic sigh as he went.

With Wes gone, Blaine took over the small spot on the couch and gently put a hand to Kurt’s shoulder, “Hey Kurt… whatever happened… you’re safe… but -”

Blaine was cut off by Kurt rolling over and resting his head on Blaine’s knees his fingers wrapping around Blaine’s thighs and digging in painfully.  “Don’t make me go…”

For the first instant of this change, Blaine just sat, dumbfounded and focused on Kurt’s grip into the meaty parts of his thighs.  This was definitely not the boy he knew, and, damn, that hurt.  He didn’t know Kurt was that strong.

Then, as Blaine looked down at the boy, now using his lap as a pillow and a brace all at once, he saw the fear and the trepidation.  Something had happened.  Something that wasn’t Kurt’s fault.  He was deathly afraid.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” Blaine murmured softly, wrapping a hand gently around Kurt’s shoulders.  “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Over and over he repeated the mantra until Wes returned to the sight, arching both eyebrows for only a moment before kneeling in front of Kurt and offering him a pill.  

“Let this melt under your tongue.”

Kurt opened his mouth obediently and let the pill fizzle under his rarely seen tongue ring.  His eyes closed and while it might have looked like he had fallen asleep there, the fingers dug into Blaine’s legs told a different story.

“Wes… maybe you could stay the night?  Just to make sure things are alright?” Blaine said, looking up at his old friend while he kept one hand around Kurt and the other now moved to gently stroke Kurt’s hair back rhythmically in his effort to soothe him.

“Yeah, sure.”  Wes said, hobbling to the kitchen table to grab his phone.  “But I’m calling for pizza.”

The rest of the night was quiet and consisted of Blaine’s legs going numb as Kurt refused to move away.  In that place they watched TV, silently eating pizza and trying to persuade Kurt to eat until they realized that, for now, it was a futile effort.  Concerned glances were shared between Wes and Blaine, seeking answers in one another that neither had to give.  What had happened to upset Kurt to the point that he seemed to lose all that he was in a matter of an hour?

Sebastian left several messages and texts, all of which Blaine ignored for the moment.  How could he possibly explain the situation to his boyfriend when he wasn’t even sure what the situation was?  

At one point Blaine was sure Kurt was asleep as his fingers relaxed just a bit and Blaine thought he might be able to escape if only to make a run to the washroom.  No such luck though because as soon as Blaine shifted the fingers dug back in.

“Sleeping on the couch tonight?” Wes joked.

Blaine sighed and resumed petting Kurt’s hair.  “Seems so.  My bladder might explode though and then I’ll definitely need to replace another couch because this fabric won’t get rid of that smell.”

“Don’t go.” Kurt whimpered again.  The only thing he had said all night aside from ‘No’.

“I’m not going Kurt.”  Blaine tried to convince him.  “But I really do have to go to the bathroom.  Maybe you could affix yourself to Wes for -”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

Blaine sighed and looked back up at Wes who just looked the tiniest bit amused given the way the corner of his mouth was peeking up as he watched the interaction.  

“Well you’re going to have to come to the bathroom with me then.”

“Don’t go.”

Wes shook his head and poked around on his phone, “I’m going to call his psychologist and see if she does home appointments or at least has some kind of idea of what’s going on…”

Blaine nodded, again trying ease Kurt’s fingers out of his thighs.  He really need to go to the washroom and the pressure on him wasn’t helping things at all.  “Come on… what if you just come to my bedroom and lay on the bed while I use my bathroom?  Would that be okay?”

Kurt made a little nod against Blaine’s thighs, relaxing his fingers and letting Blaine help him up and support him as they walked down the hall.  Kurt moved as if he were a zombie, and once they got to the bedroom Blaine had to help him lay down.  Romeo followed and hopped up onto the bed with Kurt, laying aside him and looking to Blaine as if to say ‘Go ahead.  I’ve got this.’

It was the fastest bathroom break Blaine had ever taken and he also used the opportunity to quickly change into his pyjamas since he had the feeling Kurt wasn’t going to unlatch himself again.  But when Blaine came back into the room, Romeo had nudged his head under Kurt’s arm and Kurt was breathing softly into the dog’s neck.  On closer inspection, Blaine saw that Kurt’s whole body was relaxed and boneless.  He had fallen asleep.

“Good boy.” Blaine whispered to Romeo.  “Stay.”

With that, Blaine retreated to the living room where Wes was engaged in a phone call.

“Yes….. I understand….. Yes….. Yes….. No…. A dose of ativan…. Two hours ago….. Well, yes actually….. Mmmhmm…. When we were going to call emergency and again when Blaine tried to move…. Yes… Okay…. Okay… Yes…. Thank you doctor.  Have a good night.”

Blaine’s ears perked up and he looked impatiently towards Wes.  Clearly the call was centered on Kurt.  “He fell asleep.  What’s up?”

“Well, “ Wes began, turning towards Blaine, “She’ll stop by tomorrow, and for reference she’s a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.”

“There’s a difference?”

Wes rolled his eyes and continued, “If he continues to avoid eating and continues to be mostly catatonic than she’ll be referring him to a colleague at the mental institute in the city and hopefully we can get him there.  However, the fact that he has responded to threats from us about taking him anywhere suggests he’s still there, just… removed.  Some kind of coping mechanism for whatever happened out there.  She says it’s not ideal but if we’re really concerned about him and need him to open up than we should threaten him with the hospital again to jerk him back to reality.”

“Did she have any ideas about what could have done this…?”

Wes shook his head, “Not specifically.  She can’t say much about their sessions because of patient confidentiality but she did admit it’s really too early to have expected him to open up much around her when he’s not even opening up to us.  She’ll come by in the morning and check on things with him.”

Blaine sighed in relief.  “Thank goodness.”

“She also said you should stay with him tonight if you can.  If he wakes up and finds you not there he might freak out again.”

“Oh Sebastian will love that.”  Blaine grumbled.  “Won’t sleep with him but I’ll snuggle up to my roommate and past prostitute.”

“You don’t have to have sex with him Blaine!” Wes snorted.

“I know… I know… it’s just… well it’s weird.”

Wes shrugged, “Sucks to be you.  I’ll take his bed.  Enjoy your snuggles tonight.”

Blaine groaned, left alone as Wes retreated to Kurt’s bedroom.  He delayed going to bed just yet, prolonging his evening routine of brushing his teeth, washing the gel from his hair, and doing his facial scrub.

But he couldn’t avoid it forever.

When he did get to the bedroom, Kurt and Romeo were still intertwined, leaving Blaine a small sliver of bed which he awkwardly tried to creep into without causing the other boy to wake.  It seemed to work up until he put his head down on the pillow at which point Kurt rolled over and affixed his arms around Blaine.

“Don’t go.”

Blaine sighed.  This was going to be a long night.

  
  



	18. Chapter 18

When he awoke, Kurt felt more tired than he should have.  Like he could close his eyes and sleep for another day still. Sleep hadn’t cured his fatigue - it never did, and last night it was no better.  

Last night it was the worst actually.

Romeo was still firmly plastered across his back, a constant source of fuzzy, solid, warmth, and in front of him he held onto Blaine who made soft little wheezing sounds as he slept.

_Blaine.  Safe.  Blaine._

Outside the room he heard Wes’ voice mixed with another voice.  It took Kurt a moment to pinpoint where he had heard that voice before.  It was his shrink - the lady with whom he occupied a room with for an hour a few times before this.  She’d ask him questions, he would pick at his fingernails, she would ask him more questions, he would remind himself to ask Blaine to pick him up some nail polish so he’d stop picking at his nails.  By the end of each session his nails looked absolutely torn up and she would have nothing written down on her notepad.

His eyes closed again as he focused all his energy on listening into the conversation outside the door.

“So no improvement?”

“No.” Wes replied, “Granted he’s been asleep since we spoke last night.”

“That’s actually an improvement.  He felt safe enough to sleep.”

_Safe.  Blaine.  Safe._

“I’ll go on in and see if either of them are awake.  Give me a sec.”

The door was pushed open then and Kurt kept his eyes closed, feigning sleep.  He didn’t want to see that over-educated bimbo anymore than he did any other time he had to go see her.  He went because it was expected of him, and nothing more.

Blaine stirred however with the noise and murmured, “Huh?  Wes?  Wha?” as he shifted awake under Kurt’s hold.

“Kurt’s doctor is here.  She’d like to check on him.”

He could feel the movement of Blaine’s head as he nodded and then a hand was gently placed on his back, rubbing him gently, “Kurt, come on… wake up.”

A noncommittal grunt was all he gave, doing his best to make his head extra heavy on Blaine’s chest where it had fallen in the night.

“If you don’t let her see you, you’re going to have to go to the hospital and it’ll be out of my hands Kurt.  Come on…”

Well Fuck.

He let his eyes flutter open and looked upward at Blaine who was looking back down at him with what?  Worry?  Pity?  Sadness?  It didn’t matter.  He had screwed everything up and delayed this as long as he could.  Time to pay the piper.

“Fine.”

Blaine carefully detached himself from Kurt, patting him on the back and telling him he’d just be outside if Kurt needed anything before his presence was replaced with the over perfumed woman that was definitely on his list of people he didn’t want to see right now.  Or… ever.

“Kurt.  I know you haven’t spoken much at our meetings but I need you to talk now or else I’ll need to refer you to another specialist that doesn’t make house calls.  Let me know that you understand what I’m saying.”

He sighed and sat up, wincing as he recalled the pain within him before focusing on her legs.  The cut of her pants really didn’t suit her body shape.

“I fucking get it.  Spill or get fucked over.”

“Well, in a manner of speaking, yes.  Do you want me to ask you questions or do you want to just tell me what happened?”

“I took the dog for a walk and tripped on a rock.”

“Kurt…” she warned.

“I was asked to dance in a music video and was overcome by my newfound stardom.”

“Kurt…”

He sighed, looked at his lap, and let his voice become small, the same as he felt saying what came next.  “I ran into someone from before.”

“And?”

“He took me out of sight….”

“Kurt….”

“He hurt me….”

_Without the drugs or the high or the alcohol, there was nothing to numb him and make him feel alright.  His mind wouldn’t separate from his body the way he had grown accustomed to, and he couldn’t stop the way he reacted.  Besides, he deserved this.  He expected it.  His time with Blaine had been a vacation away from the way things really were and would be forever for him._

_But as he screamed, his own voice was overpowered by a yell by the man behind him, who flew backwards off him as a brown blur jumped between them with a growl and a snarl.  Kurt looked back and saw Romeo with Big G’s arm in his jaws, tugging back on it while Big G struggled to grab the gun in his belt that Kurt could see the hilt of now that his jacket was loose._

_“Fucking mongrel!  I’ll put you down!”_

_Kurt deserved to be hurt, to be killed even.  He had accepted what was to come the moment he had let Big G take him here without argument, but Romeo hadn’t.  Romeo was innocent.  In a flash Kurt had his pants pulled up and gave Big G a kick to the groin and making him fall to the ground before calling Romeo to run after him as he used all the adrenaline he could muster to flee, the dog at his heels._

_Running like that was the most painful thing Kurt had ever experienced, and because he had no destination except for “away” he kept running until he was short of breath and his body was throbbing with burning aches that shot up and down him relentlessly.  He paused then, just long enough to look back and ensure that they hadn’t been followed.  That’s when he took Romeo’s leash and stumbled back to the apartment._

_At the very least, he needed to get Romeo back to where it was safe._

_Though by the time he made it to the doors of the apartment, he was dragging his feet, and crawled up the first flight of stairs.  That’s where his legs had given out on him and that’s where Blaine and Wes had found him.  When they had found him, he had been able to let his consciousness drift over him so he didn’t feel the pain or the humility.  He didn’t feel anything when he went to that place._

She sighed.  “Alright Kurt.  I do keep a rape kit in my bag given the nature of my clientele…”

He nearly growled at the suggestion, wrapping his arms around his chest, “Nothing to fucking check for.  He didn’t finish off on me.  Dog stopped him.”

Another sigh.  “Smart dog.  Alright… but what about damage or… -”

“Look.  I fucking told you what happened.  Can’t you leave me alone now?  I don’t want to talk about it!”

“But it isn’t right Kurt.  It’s clearly affecting you and you need to -”

“Fuck what I need!”  He snapped, looking up and at her face for the first time since she came in.  “I’m a goddamn whore!  If the dog hadn’t jumped in I would have let him do more and then let him get me high and take me to be beaten by my pimp!”

“Kurt….”

He looked back away, trying to ignore her even as she kept speaking.

“You need to tell me Kurt.  I need to know if there’s damage.”

“Yah.  A shitload.  I’m all fucked up.”

“You know that’s not what I meant… not that I’m trying to minimize what’s going on in your head.” She insisted.

He shrugged and then, after a breath, gave a small nod.  “Just… like give me some of that cream my friend always got for me from the free clinic.”

“This has happened before?”

“Just give me the damned cream if you have it.”

She sighed, clearly hoping she was making some kind of break through and getting nothing but back his wall.  After digging into the purse she carried, she wrote a few things down on a pad of paper.  “I’ll give this prescription to Blaine to get filled and I’ll see you at our next meeting.  However I will be advising both those boys out there, who are quite concerned about your well being by the way, that if you go unconscious or you disassociate again that they are to call for an ambulance no matter what you tell them.  Understand?”

Perfectly bitch.  Basically be a good kid again and not show any weakness.  Pretend everything is fine.  Fucking perfect.

“Yeah, whatever.”

She left then, and Kurt wound himself around Romeo, letting the dog lick him lazily.  “Sorry boy… sorry.  I didn’t mean to get you involved in all my bullshit.”

More talking in the hallway, including a few high pitched noises that came from Blaine and Wes and then a door closing and more talking.  Finally footsteps came towards the room and Blaine emerged from behind the door.

“Hey.”

Kurt let his eyes drift up and over the man hovering in the doorway.  He saw in those amber eyes that the game was up.  The bitch had told them and now it was definitely pity he saw in Blaine’s eyes.   

“She said… ah… you might want a bath and to change…. Wes is making you a bath in the big bathroom - and getting your medication ready before he goes to fill that prescription.  Can I get you some breakfast maybe?”

Kurt sighed.  He had to put his act back on.  He couldn’t risk them taking him out of this apartment.  The outside was dangerous.  He couldn’t go back out there.  He needed to stay in here.  Here was safe.

“You going to wipe my ass too?  I can take care of myself.” He snarked, using all the effort he had in himself to fling back the blanket and stand up, ignoring the aches within him.

Blaine held up his hands in surrender, “Sorry.  I didn’t mean… I… just wanted to help….”

Stay up, stay up, stay up.  

“Thanks.  A fucking lobster would be great.”

Blaine sighed before him and looked down at his toes and then back up, “Just… I’m glad you’re feeling better.  I’m here if you need me.”

_Blaine.  Safe.  Blaine._

“Great.  Now let me soak.  I hope there’s bubble bath.” Kurt grumbled, pushing himself to step one foot in front of the other.  How Blaine managed to get him to the bedroom last night he didn’t recall, but it must have been some kind of miracle.  “I fully expect to smell like lavender after all this nonsense.”

True to Blaine’s word, the bath was ready, though bubbles weren’t in the equation.  Wes had left his pills on the counter with a glass of water which Kurt took quickly before he did what he spent most mornings doing and second guessing his need of the little tablets.  He shucked off his clothing then, tossing them in the basket and making a point of not looking at the insides of his boxer briefs before climbing into the tub with an audible moan of appreciation. He would never get tired of having warm baths, not after he had gone so long without them.

Kurt closed his eyes and dropped his head back on the edge of the tub, letting himself soak as long as the water would stay warm for.  It felt good - amazing in fact - and he stayed in well past when the water was warm and until it was cool.  Only then did he force himself up, using both hands braced on each side of the tub to push himself out and up.  

Dizziness hit him then, spirals of colours and movement in front of his face and he stumbled back, splashing back into the tub as he lost his balance.   He whined and struggled again to get up, this time managing to step out of the tub before the vertigo hit him and he collapsed on the ground.

The door was opened, and true to his form, Blaine was there to save him yet again.  Kurt was quickly draped in a towel and picked up, taken to his bed, and set down again.  

“Wes will be back soon with that medicine.” Blaine said softly as he pulled the blanket up and over Kurt who by this point was looking away, humiliated yet again in front of this kid.  Romeo jumped up on the bed and Blaine reached down to rub behind the dog’s ears, telling him he was a good boy as the chocolate lab laid down at Kurt’s feet.

Well that they could agree upon at least.

Blaine excused himself for awhile as he went to collect breakfast for Kurt and tidy up the bathroom.  Toast and fruit was brought to Kurt’s bedside and Blaine sat himself on the edge of the bed.

“You know you snuggled me last night hey?”

Kurt groaned a little, “Yeah?  So?”

“So I never had you pegged as a cuddler.”

“And I never had you pegged as a butler but here you are serving me my meals and fluffing my pillows.”

Blaine chuckled, looking towards the ground before he returned to being somber, “I’m glad you’re here though.  We were really worried…”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not… but that’s okay.  I know you will be.  It won’t be today… or tomorrow… but someday you will be, and you need to know that so long as you’re trying, I’ll be there to help you.”

Kurt couldn’t think of a damned thing to say to that so he just grabbed an orange slice and shoved it into his mouth so he had an excuse not to talk.

“Do you want me to stay or go?” Blaine asked then, looking over at Kurt.

Kurt swallowed the orange, looking at Blaine intently for a moment.

_Safe.  Blaine.  Safe._

“Stay.”

“Okay.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

Blaine tried to pour cat food with one hand and hold his phone in the other as he held a conversation with Wes on the other end while he was at work.

“Well what do you want me to do about it from here?  He listens to you better anyhow!”

Since the incident, which they didn’t know much more about, aside from the doctor telling them that Kurt had some kind of a traumatic experience and to ensure he took it easy before she gave Blaine a prescription, Kurt had refused to leave the apartment at all.  He smoked with the window open in his room despite Blaine’s open fear of getting in trouble with the condo board, he refused to go to his appointments, and he gave the entryway a wide berth.  Now Wes was calling Blaine to let him know that Kurt was sulking in his room and wouldn’t go to his check-up.

“Just… just call the doctor.  See if they’ll do a home visit or know someone else who will.  Shit!”

Cat food was spilling everywhere.

“Look.  I need to go Wes.  I’ll deal with it when I get home.  Bye.”

He shoved his phone into the back pocket of his pants and sighed, kneeling down to scoop up the spilled cat kibble and put it into the little dishes.  He’d deal with it.  Yeah right.  Kurt was too big to force into anything and Blaine felt so bad for him he didn’t want to put Kurt out of his comfort zone.  Obviously, whatever had happened had been bad, and had hurt Kurt in some way.   When Blaine had filled the prescription for Kurt, the pharmacy clerk had raised an eyebrow but gave him what turned out to be yet another bottle of pills and some cream.  It made Blaine wonder.  

But he wasn’t going to ask.  When and if Kurt felt comfortable enough to tell them, or one of them anyhow, he’d tell them.  Blaine didn’t want to force it.  Blaine was sure Kurt had been forced to do enough in his lifetime.

“Wes having trouble with your mutt?”  Sebastian asked.  He was sitting down at a desk that was shoved awkwardly in the corner of the supply room, rooting through a bottomless box of receipts and forms.

Blaine shook his head, “No… my roommate.”

“Right… the one you ran out on me for.  Sounds like whatever issue he was having, he’s still having it.”

Blaine rolled his eyes.  Understatement.  “Yeah.  Anyhow… Wes can watch him tomorrow night so if you want to finish our date…?”

Sebastian selected a few choices papers from the pile and set them on the desk.  “Blaine, I’ve got to say, I really don’t like having to schedule dates based on when your friend is available to take care of a roommate that I’m beginning to think would be better off living with family given how high needs he appears to be.”

Blaine stood up and stepped over to Sebastian, reaching over to take one of his hands, “I’m sorry Seb.  I’ll make it up to you.  He’s just having a rough time and really needs the support.  He doesn’t have any family to go to.”

Sebastian sighed, setting the box aside with his free hand and then pulling Blaine into his lap.  “I’m just jealous.  I’d like to have you all for myself.”

Blaine grinned and took the rare opportunity of being alone with Sebastian to spend a few minutes locking lips with him until he needed to get back to the floor to feed the cats.  “You know Sebastian, you could always come over and I’d make you dinner.  You could meet my friends then.”

“Maybe…”  Sebastian murmured, getting back to the paper sorting with a noncommittal tone.

Blaine huffed, setting the dishes on a tray, “You’re going to have to meet my friends and family at some point… and you know I’d be okay with meeting yours.”

“Oh Blaine, my parents are in Europe on a six month tour… and most of my friends are back in France still.” Sebastian tutted as he entered numbers into the large, outdated calculator on the desk.

“Well… how about just meeting some of the people on my side then?  It would make seeing one another a lot easier…”

Another sigh from Sebastian, who paused to look up and over at Blaine, “I’ll think about it alright?”

Blaine smiled.  That was the most he had ever gotten out of Sebastian which meant he was working his way up to a yes finally.  “Alright.”

That was the most interaction he had with Sebastian that day, having to run around to feed and bathe animals, help organize a shipment, and sweep out kennels.  By the time he got back to the supply room, Sebastian had left for the day and Blaine was exhausted.  Just once it would have been nice if Sebastian stuck around so they could grab a coffee together after work.

Oh well.  He had two men and a dog waiting for him at home.

Romeo always bounded up to greet Blaine when he came in the door, but dutifully returned to Kurt’s side, wherever it was, afterwards.  Today was no different, and once Romeo and Blaine had said their hello’s, Romeo retreated to the dog bed now positioned in front of the couch where Kurt was sprawled out on. Blaine had a sneaking suspicion that part of Romeo’s attachment to Kurt was based on the fact that Kurt would slip Romeo bits of meat from his own plate when they ate despite Blaine trying to keep Romeo away from people food.  

“Where’s Wes?”

“On the shitter.”

“What’re you watching?” Blaine asked as he came up behind the couch and set his hands on the back of it, trying to figure out if he’d seen the figures on the screen before.

“Mmm… I don’t know.  Wes decided it was his turn to pick a show since I apparently have shitty taste in entertainment according to him.”

“And you made me have to reschedule ANOTHER appointment today.” Wes added on as he walked back in.  “You’re going to get Blaine and I in trouble.”

“Whatever mama-bear.”

Blaine snickered as Wes gestured around, “Why am I a mama?  Why isn’t Blaine the mama?  He’s the one who cooks and cleans and everything!”

Kurt lazily looked up and over at the pair standing behind the couch, eyes flicking thoughtfullly from Blaine to Wes.  “Stereotypical much?”

“Oh for…. whatever.  I’m done here today.  See you tomorrow.” Wes grumbled as he retreated to the doorway.

Kurt looked back to the screen, and shook his head, “God… the hillbillies on this show… just like the bean town I came from.  At least this means I can change the channel.”

Blaine smirked a little, while Wes shuffled back towards them, “What was that?”

“I said I’m changing the fucking channel.  You going to send me to my room without dinner for that mom?”

“No, no.. the other thing.” 

Blaine furrowed his brow.  Wes had that crazy look in his eyes like he did whenever he had an all consuming idea.  It was always very good or very bad… but never inbetween.

“What?  These hillbillies?  Yeah…. they’re just like the town I came from… Hey!  Don’t you go fishing for information out of me.  Fuck that noise.” Kurt grunted and looked back to the screen once again.

Blaine looked at Wes, eyes asking and getting a shake of the head back from Wes in response as the asian man dashed out then as if he were late for an appointment he just realized he had.

“So… did you just watch TV again all day?” 

Kurt shrugged, drawing his legs up as Blaine wove around the couch and sat where Kurt’s feet had been while the boy changed the channel to something animated.  “Periodically I went to foul up the bathroom and then Wes gave me shit for smoking in my room again even though I did it by the window and using the fan…. oh!  Add Monopoly to the list of games that I’ve destroyed Wes at too.  He just doesn’t take the risks he needs to on that game.”

Blaine chuckled and waited.  It would only take a couple minutes.  Kurt would slowly gravitate towards him until Blaine was once again used as a pillow to Kurt’s head.  Since that night they had found him in the stairwell, Kurt inexplicably and, apparently, subconsciously sought out that connection.  The first few times it had freaked Blaine out.  It completely went against everything he had come to know about Kurt, and he wasn’t prepared for it, much less knew if it was alright to allow.

But Kurt would fall asleep like that, and Blaine knew that for whatever reason, he was the one able to make Kurt feel at peace.  They didn’t talk about it or acknowledge it.  Blaine knew that he would probably just get told off if he did anyhow, and since it was the only way Kurt was able to fall asleep now (a dramatic shift from how easily he had fallen asleep before the incident), Blaine didn’t want to force Kurt away and have him unable to sleep on his own.

Even though he was everything BUT on his own with Blaine and Romeo always there.

In addition to being used a pillow for his names, every night Blaine would go to his own room, complete his nightly ritual, and then climb into his own bed.  After a few minutes Kurt would show up in the doorway, looking like he was lost.  Blaine would pull back the blanket and held up an arm, giving Kurt the permission he was silently seeking to climb in and use Blaine as a means to induce himself into sleep.  Wes didn’t know, since he hadn’t been around to see the new behaviour aside from the night of the incident, and Blaine sure as heck wasn’t going to tell Sebastian who was already jealous of Blaine’s friends for getting to spend time with Blaine.  

What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him right?

As expected, Kurt had moved around and let his head flop like a weight on Blaine’s lap, still watching the show absently.  It wouldn’t take long, a few strokes of his hair and he’d soon be out like a light.  Blaine would have to crawl out from under him in order to check on the supper he’d put in the oven, and then wake Kurt once it was ready, but he figured that since Kurt had gone from sleeping away most of the day to not being able to sleep without help that a little nap before dinner was probably in order.  The sleeping pills still sat unused in the cupboard, and given how many drugs Kurt’s liver had to process before he came here and even now to help with the addiction and depression, Blaine didn’t see any reason to suggest those as an alternative to his lap.  It definitely wasn’t an inconvenience to him and it actually helped mellow him out at the end of a long work day.

Just as Blaine was moving Kurt carefully so he could check on dinner, his phone went off.  

“Hey Wes.” Blaine answered, having seen the caller ID.

“I’m fucking brilliant!”

Blaine furrowed his brow, “You left… not even ten minutes ago and you called to let me know that?”

“I just got home.  I went online.  I found him right away.”

“Huh?”

“Kurt!  He’s from Ohio!”

Blaine’s voice dropped to a whisper as he skirted over to the kitchen, “What?  How’d you find that out…”

“He said he came from a bean town… to anyone else that might have just meant a small town… but then I remembered when I went back to Ohio to visit my family and saw the missing persons posts in the grocery store… He’s from Lima, Ohio. Lima… like the bean.”

“Shit…”  Blaine peeked around the corner of the kitchen, making sure Kurt was still away and asleep.  “You are brilliant Wes.”

“I checked Ohio and the name Kurt and he was the first one to pop up.  His last name is Hummel… the hair and height and eye colour all match up and there’s pictures of him and everything.  He’s only a month younger than me.”

Blaine took in a slow, steady breath.  “What about family…?”

“Mm… just has a contact number to report information.  Should I call?”

Blaine pressed his lips together, trying to think as quickly as he could, “I… maybe we should wait Wes… what if family isn’t good for him and then we’ve totally alienated him and he runs off or something?”

“I actually was thinking the same thing Blaine… but… man… this is huge.  He came from a town only a couple hours away from Dalton.  What are the odds?”

It was pretty uncanny.  Inside, somewhere in the back of Blaine’s mind, the word ‘fate’ flashed and he gave his head a shake to get the thought out.  “Crazy… look… let’s not tell him we know.  I don’t want him to get upset that we’ve been snooping.”

“Gotcha man.  Still… I feel better right now than I did when I completed my last essay for anatomy.”

Blaine chuckled, “Yeah… and that took you days to work on steady.”

The finalized the call and Blaine remembered that he needed to pull the food out before it burned anymore than it already had, setting it atop the stove to cool while he went to wake Kurt.  Though instead of rousing him, Blaine just looked down at him, wondering what had happened so close to where he had grown up that could have made him take such a dramatically different path than Blaine had.  What would have happened if things had been different for Kurt?  Or even for Blaine?  Would they have crossed paths?  Would they have noticed each other?

Would it have mattered?


	20. Chapter 20

“Kurt, wake up, I need to get ready for work.” 

Kurt grunted and ignored Blaine for the moment.  He didn’t want to get up.  He had been in the middle of a good dream and thought if he could get back to sleep he could back to it.  But… that never happened in the end.  Dreams would shift and change if there was an interruption in sleep to matter how hard one tried to hang on.

“Come on Kurt… rise and shine.”

“Fuuu….” Kurt groaned and acquiesced, rolling off of Blaine’s chest to free him and instead finding a normal pillow that didn’t have the warmth or beating heart he was able to fall asleep to.

“Thank you Kurt.” Blaine said softly and the bed shifted as he got up and went into the washroom.  Kurt could hear the shower start up, clothes being discarded, and the curtains being shuffled aside as Blaine climbed in.  Try as he might, now that Blaine wasn’t there, Kurt couldn’t fall back asleep so he sat up and rubbed his eyes and then shuffled out from under the blanket.

Another day, another set of hours he’d have to fill up with monotony until Blaine came back and he was able to relax again.  Another day he’d have to fight against going outside when everyone was pushing him to.  Another day of trying to distract himself so he didn’t have to think about what had happened or how badly he wanted a fix or wondering what the hell he was supposed to do with his life when all he had was a spot in an apartment and two guys who cluelessly seemed to want to help him do… whatever it was he had to do.  It would’ve been nice if someone told him what exactly that was though.

The routine was always the same.  Wes came, Blaine left, Kurt watched TV, Wes took Romeo for a walk, Kurt and Wes ate, then played boardgames, Wes tried to convince Kurt to go to whatever daily appointment he had, Kurt refused, Wes grumbled, move TV, more games, Blaine would come home, Wes would leave, Kurt would nap on Blaine, Blaine would feed him supper, then more TV, then bed.

A lot of people wouldn’t complain.  It was an easy life.  He was fed, he was entertained, and most of all, he was safe.  So long as he didn’t go outside anyhow.

But Kurt was quickly getting bored, and more than that, he was getting itchy.  Just not physically, though that was a problem too, but mentally.  He needed to occupy himself with something more challenging and he knew it, but didn’t know what.

They wanted him to maybe go to college or get a job - something to get him into the workforce.  Whatever support Blaine was getting for him, Kurt knew it couldn’t last forever.  He needed to figure out what to do now, especially since now that he was sober and getting clean he knew he didn’t want to go back to turning tricks.  

Sometimes it was like he had the memories of another person embedded within him.  He would remember something from the past couple years and thought for sure that couldn’t have been him that did that.  But it was… and he was disgusted with himself for it.

When Blaine emerged from his room, Kurt was already slumped over the table eating his cereal blearily.  He was still in his pyjamas with disheveled hair that Wes kept saying needed a cut while Blaine was all dressed prim and proper with his hair gelled up to keep it in place and his stubble all shaved off.

They didn’t look like they belonged at the table together.

“So… your tattoo…” Blaine started, once again trying to prompt Kurt into telling him the origins of the black lettering on his shoulder blade.

Kurt shook his head.  He definitely didn’t want to talk about that.  He’d get it removed one day or have it redesigned so he never had to see it like it was again, but for now, he kept it covered with layers of clothing.  Of course, Blaine had seen him, tattoo included, when he had rescued Kurt from the bathroom the other day, so he had been asking about it less than subtly ever since.

Not every tattoo had a significant and meaningful origin.  That fact that Blaine didn’t realize that just spoke to the kid’s naivety.

Wes arrived and so Blaine left, beginning the cycle of the day.  Days blurred like this, until Kurt wasn’t sure if he seen a particular movie that day or the day before or the day before that.  He didn’t know when he had played certain games or refused certain appointments.  The social worker visited at some point and, given what had been reported to her by his shrink, gave Kurt a temporary leave on his appointments so Wes and Blaine would stop fighting him on it.

They didn’t really fight all that hard to be honest.  They just grumbled when he refused.  Kurt knew they backed down because they didn’t know what else they could do, and he was glad they didn’t get more upset because there was no point in fighting.  He wasn’t going out.  

In the meantime though, the social worker and Wes gathered endless pamphlets for him, describing different programs he could study in and suggested things he might be interested in.  Nothing sounded appealing.  He didn’t want to go into child care or data entry or retail.  It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with those things, it just wasn’t that there was anything right either - at least not for him.  The closest thing they had suggested to what he might be fitting was auto mechanics - but that got shut down when he laughed so hard he cried once it was said aloud.  

Plus, it all required him to go outside.  They didn’t seem to understand that that just wasn’t an option anymore.  Not for him.

Days like this, maybe it was weeks - Kurt couldn’t track the time.  He knew he was getting better though, as much as that could be measured.  He didn’t want to sleep all the time, and his head felt clearer as bits of the fuzz in his brain seemed to dissipate.  He still needed Blaine to fall asleep at night, much to his own chagrin.  It would have been nice to be able to figure that out on his own.  Blaine did have a boyfriend after all, and once he got over his own insecurities, maybe that boyfriend would start making appearances over at the apartment and Kurt wouldn’t be able to use Blaine as a living pillow.  

He was also putting on weight, and had begun to start his day with an aerobics show on TV to ensure that he didn’t just put on fat, but muscle too.  Somehow, going from too skinny to too fat didn’t seem like a good plan.

Kurt also made an effort over time to help out more.  While Blaine was gone and Wes began to plan his fall semester courses, Kurt would deal with dishes and sort laundry.  He even began to start suppers so Blaine wouldn’t have to worry about it everyday when he got home.   

“Kurt.  Blaine’s running late and I need to get to the university before it closes today.  Will you be alright by yourself for a bit?” Wes asked of him that day, whatever day that was, already with his messenger bag slung over his shoulder.

“Of course.  I’m not going to shit myself or throw a party.  Go on before that dissection lab gets full and I have to hear about it for weeks.”

Wes grinned and nodded, out the door within seconds.  Not having anyone else around aside Romeo was definitely odd, especially since he had gotten used to having constant companionship since he moved in.

It also gave him the opportunity to try something he’d been thinking about for awhile.

He crept, not knowing why he needed to creep in the first place, into the music room and sat down carefully on the piano bench, just staring at the keys in front of him for a solid minute before summoning up the nerve to place his fingers on them.  A chill went down him as nostalgia hit.  He used to sit with his mother all the time to play.  She taught piano, and he was her most eager student.  It had been years since he touched one though.

He pressed one key, sucking in a breath as the note came out loud and clear.  Another key, another breath, until he was breathing in sync with the keys he played.  There was no specific song he played - one tune segwayed into the next flawlessly and he couldn’t help but be surprised at how easily it all came back to him.

His voice joined the keys, and as with the piano, sang no particular song but a medley of different tunes that fit the pieces he played.  Like the piano, it had been years sing he had truly sung more than a bit in the shower, and like the piano, he was amazed at how much he recalled without having to think about it.

“Wow.”

His fingers slammed the piano then as his head spun to find Blaine in the doorway of the room, staring at him.  Kurt hurriedly abandoned the piano and pushed past Blaine as he escaped the room, trying to make a break for his own room while Blaine called out after him.

“Why are you running?  That was brilliant!  Kurt!”

His door was slammed shut and he crawled up onto his bed, pulling the blanket over his head so he could hide in the darkness.  Stupid.  That was stupid.  Why did he do that?  

Blaine knocked on his door insistently, “Come on Kurt!  It’s okay!  I don’t mind you using the music room!”

Is that what Blaine thought was wrong?  God he was completely oblivious.  

A few more knocks, then an over dramatic sigh from behind the door, “Fine… just… it was nice Kurt.  You play and sing beautifully.”

That didn’t matter either.  He just didn’t want Blaine to know… know that there had been a point that Kurt was like him… creative, sweet, maybe even talented… He couldn’t go back to that no matter how hard anyone hoped or tried - especially Kurt.  He kept his walls up for a reason.  He didn’t want to disappoint anyone when he inevitably did something worthy of disappointment.

He stayed in his blanket tent for awhile longer before the beans from lunch caught up with him and he needed to escape not only the blanket, but his room altogether.  Blaine was setting the table, the casserole Kurt had put in sitting on the stove cooling.

“You know Wes and I met in glee club in school?” Blaine prompted, smiling at Kurt when he noticed him.

Kurt shrugged, “There was one at my school, but it got shut down in my sophomore year when the teacher was fired for creeping on a student.  No other teacher stepped up to run it so it went the way of the dinosaur.”

Blaine hummed thoughtfully, “That’s a shame.  I’m sure you would have been a featured soloist if you had the opportunity.. your voice is gold.  The Warblers would have killed to have a countertenor in their ranks.”

Kurt snorted, “The Warblers?  Really?  Fuck that’s lame.”

Blaine smirked, a bit of pride in his face, “Warbler pride.”

“What about your sister?  Wes said you two went to an all boys school and she went to an all girls school.”

Blaine nodded, “Rachel was the star of her group.  Won nationals after beating us in regionals in her senior year.  Still holds it over us.”

“Does she know I’m here Trust Fund?  I mean… she can’t like it.”

Blaine shook his head and sat himself down at the table.  “No… but it’s not her business and quite frankly she can’t have an opinion over something since she hasn’t been here since she moved out.  Hell… it’s been a month since I’ve seen her and even then it was just in passing.  Unless I’m a Broadway stage I don’t really have a chance of being a priority for my sister.”

“S’too bad.” Kurt huffed, sitting down across from Blaine.  “She’s missing out.”

Blaine beamed, “You think so?”

Oblivious.  Naive.  Kurt shook his head in disbelief as he looked at Blaine, “Well, fuck… yeah.  You’re like… the golden child every parent wants, the supportive friend everyone needs, the reliable employee, the A+ student… given the chance to be a brother, there’s no doubt you’d kick ass at that too.”

Blaine grinned mischievously, “You forgot that I’m the hero this city needs, but not the one it deserves.”

Kurt didn’t miss a beat, “And you’re also an incredibly dorky dork.”

Blaine chuckled and went to retrieve dinner, setting it on the table between them.  “Thanks for cooking again.”

Kurt shrugged, “No problem.”

“Have you crossed chef off the list yet?”

“Long time ago… I don’t like sweating and that’s all they do in a hot kitchen.”

“You have a reason to cross off every potential thing you could get training for.” Blaine mused as he served them both.

Kurt shrugged, “I don’t want to leave the apartment.”

“I know.”  Blaine said softly, somberly, “But even I can’t promise that I’ll live here forever Kurt… and who knows what’ll happen… if there’s a way I can help you get out of here, even for little periods of time you know I’ll do it.”

Kurt stabbed a noodle on his plate.  Blaine would, he knew, but it was Kurt that needed to want it.

“What if I take you on a trip somewhere else?  Is it just this city that’s scary for you?” Blaine offered.

Kurt shrugged.  He didn’t know, especially since he’d never thought about it.  Even if they went on a trip though, that still meant going through the city.  The thought alone made him cringe.

“Well… something to think about anyway…”

“Hey… when you and Wes are at school in the fall, are you just leaving me alone here or am I getting a new babysitter?” Kurt looked up.

Blaine’s brows lifted and he pursed his lips.  “Good question.  We kind of failed to think about it.  What do you think?”

Again Kurt rolled his shoulders up in a shrug, “I don’t know.  If you trust me… I won’t do anything stupid…. it’s not like I want to leave here and I don’t have any other friends anyhow.”

“What about doing some online courses Kurt?  There’s lots available…”

God… school… his high school experience hadn’t been special and he couldn’t see the appeal of continuing on past that.  “They won’t register me unless I give them more information.”

“About that…”  Blaine began, and Kurt could tell by his tone that he had some news, so he looked up warily, “.... your social worker said we could overcome that barrier by you taking on my last name and then we can get you a social security number and everything else….”

Well that was fucking weird.  Kurt Anderberry.  It did not flow well at all in his mind… granted… it’s not like he could go back to Hummel.  At least not now.  “Sure.  Whatever….”

“And then you could take some online classes…”  Blaine continued with a wry smile.

“Only if you help me out.  It’s been a long time since I actually put any effort into learning new shit.”

“You know I would.”

Kurt did.

  
  



	21. Chapter 21

Well it had to happen sometime.  Frankly, Blaine was surprised it had taken this long given the circumstances.  Between his legs, first thing in the morning, he was sporting an erection with Kurt not even a foot away, using his chest as a pillow.

He bit his lower lip trying to think of things to will the traitorous appendage down.  His mother talking about setting him up with a nice girl back before he had come out, his grandmother coughing up phlegm, Sebastian talking about economics… wait… what?  Sebastian?

Shouldn’t the thought of his boyfriend in any situation have the opposite effect?

No matter.  At least not now.  Blaine needed to get rid of his morning wood before Kurt awoke and teased him about it.  Think, think…. Cleaning up the kennels, listening to his boss with the nasal voice, his sister. Oh god yes.  His sister.  Perfect.  He was flaccid again and just in time because Kurt was shifting on top of him, murmuring in his sleep as he always did right before he got up.

Blaine moved his hand to pet over Kurt’s hair, “Hey Kurt… wakey wakey…”

“Mrrph!” Kurt protested, lifting one of his own hands up to try and smack away Blaine’s.  He was always so hard to get up.

“We’re out of groceries so I thought I’d make a run to the baker and grab us some doughnuts…” Blaine chirped down.

That got Kurt’s attention.  His head popped up and a grin was drawn over his face - half of which was red from being pressed into Blaine, “Doughnuts?”

“Yes.  I’ll just toss on some clothes and run over.”  Blaine said, slipping out from under the boy and going to his drawers to find something quick and easy to put on.

Kurt hummed happily and laid back on the bed, petting Romeo who had crawled up to replace Blaine.

“Romeo wants jelly filled.” Kurt noted.

“Romeo is a dog and has kibble.”

Kurt snorted, “Romeo still wants jelly filled.”

Blaine rolled his eyes and ducked into the bathroom to change.  

He was out for a half hour.  It was Saturday and the bakery was always busy on weekend mornings with everyone getting treats on their day off.  The bonus was that the doughnuts were baked fresh and still warm as he re-entered his suite.

“You can’t be here!” was what he was greeted with, though the shrill voice of his sister wasn’t directed at him, but at Kurt who was deftly trying to ignore the female intruder as he watched TV on the couch with Romeo in his lap.

“Rachel?  What?  Why are you here?” Blaine asked in confusion, setting the doughnut box down on the coffee table in front of Kurt who eagerly grabbed it and set it in his lap so he could feed himself and Romeo.

“Why am I here?  Why am *I* here?” She huffed and directed a hand towards Kurt, who, try as he was to seem indifferent was clearly tense.  Blaine knew him well enough now to see the furrow in his brow and the way his shoulders tightened to tell. “Why is HE here?”

“Because he’s my roommate.” Blaine said simply.  This was not the way he wanted to spend his Saturday morning.

“Oh no, no, no, no….  HE is a dirty prostitute… AND a crackwhore at that.  You can not have him living with you.” Rachel folded over her arms and Blaine couldn’t help but roll his eyes.  His sister was a testament to insanity.

“He’s neither of those things.  Not anymore.  And he has been living with me since you moved out.”  Blaine took a page from Kurt’s book and tried to seem nonchalant about it, sitting on the couch beside him and grabbing a doughnut before they were all gone.

“But… but… that’s been weeks!  Months now!” Rachel sputtered, her hands moving to her hips.  “I will tell mom and dad about this!”

“Go crazy.” Blaine stated simply.  Really, he didn’t want them to know.  They still paid for the place and could make the moves to have Kurt kicked out if they wanted to, but if Rachel thought that Blaine didn’t think it was a big deal, maybe she wouldn’t be as inclined to tattle.

“You have a boyfriend though Blaine!  You can’t live with a whore!”

Blaine could feel Kurt tense beside him, hear his breath as it became more shallow.  As much as Kurt tried to play off not being offended, Blaine knew he was.

“Shut up Rachel!  He’s not a whore!  He’s a human-fucking-being!  Unlike you you callous cow!”

All three of them in the room gaped.  Blaine because he had never said something so forthright in all his life and he was surprised at himself for being able to do so.  

“I’m… I’m…. “  Rachel took in a steadying breath and stood up straighter, “I am disappointed in you Blaine.  I thought mom and dad raised you better and I thought I was a better role model for you.  I stopped by so that I could make sure my baby brother was doing alright on his own and it seems without me being here to check on you that you’ve completely been corrupted by the evils of this city.  I’m sorry.”

Blaine groaned, giving his head a shake, “You’re intolerable Rachel.  Just… go.  You haven’t so much as texted me in the past few weeks and all of a sudden you think you’re the sister of the year because you stop by?  Get out.”

She did, making sure to slam the door for added dramatic effect on her way out, and Blaine just sat back in the couch with a sigh, immediately looking towards Kurt.  “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

Kurt shrugged, “It’s fine.  I know what I am.  You shouldn’t have to defend me.”

There it was.  “Just stop it Kurt.  Stop playing it down like it doesn’t bug you.  I know it does.  Hell, it bugs me that you pretend it doesn’t bother you.”

He watched as Kurt rolled his lower lip into his mouth and nibbled at it, tongue playing with the ring around his lip. “But she’s your sister… you shouldn’t have to pick me over her.”

“You’re my friend Kurt… and I’m not picking you over her.  She left, you came.  End of story.  I was just trying to let her know that she can’t dictate my life anymore.  I really don’t think having you here was a bad choice.  I like having you here actually.  You are easily ten times the roommate she ever was.”

Kurt frowned, looking back towards the TV while he licked the sugar off his fingers.  Blaine didn’t know what else he could say to Kurt to make him feel better, what he could say to make him see that Kurt wasn’t just what he had done to survive since running away from Lima.

So he just sat beside Kurt, watching bad reality television quietly and letting Romeo lick the sugar and bits of dough off his own fingers until Kurt reached over to grab a paper from the coffee table - one of many that he and Wes had accumulated while trying to help Kurt plan some online course work.  “These are the courses I’m signed up for.”

Blaine took the paper, looking it over.  English, History, Psychology, Sociology, and Classical Literature.  It was the veritable hodgepodge of introductory courses and Blaine nodded approvingly, “Any and all of these will help you out no matter what you choose to focus on in the future.”

“That’s what Wes said… though he was disappointed I didn’t want to take any science courses.”

Blaine chuckled and set the paper back down.  “You should get your certificate in the mail any day now and we can register you.  Are you sure you want to use the money you’re getting for academic upgrading like this?”

Kurt arched a brow, “Now you’re asking that?  You and Wes have been pushing for me to go back to school or study something since I got here and now you’re asking if I’m sure?”

“I just mean… you could have a lot of fun coming on campus with us… instead of staying here all day.”

“Trust Fund, I’ve got a nice ass groove going on in this couch and I don’t want it to disappear because you want me to experience the ideal college life.  Fuck that.  Stop trying to get me to leave my comfort zone.”

Blaine smiled, “Alright… by the way, I hope you like writing papers because English and History profs love their papers.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Fuck ‘em.  I can write a genius paper with my eyes shut.”

“I’m sure you could.”

The rest of the day was typical of their weekends.  Blaine did the laundry and Kurt folded it and put it all away when he got back from the laundry room.  While Blaine spent some time at the gym, Kurt played the piano (Which Blaine had figured out because one time he had come back earlier than planned from the gym and heard Kurt playing.  Now he always came back a little bit earlier than he said he would and listened to Kurt play from outside of their suite.)  They would argue over who was making lunch and then supper since Kurt insisted that he didn’t need to be treated like a kid and could help out and Blaine didn’t want Kurt to feel like he had to act like a servant in his own home.  

Of course, on this particular day, Blaine was now worried that his parents would be calling him up at any second given Rachel’s threats.  He pushed it to the back of his mind where it nagged at him quietly, but also allowed him to function and not upset Kurt.  

But the call didn’t come and Saturday swept into Sunday which followed much the same routine.  Blaine picked up a little bit something more to go with their Chinese food take-out that evening.

“Mmm… kung-pow chicken!” Kurt exclaimed, grabbing at one of the boxes and shoving his chopsticks into it without delay.

Blaine laughed and set down the little gift box in front of Kurt at the table who momentarily held off on chewing to stare at the box, then up at Blaine questioningly.  Once he swallowed the bite in his mouth he asked verbally, “The hell is that?”

“Something for you.”  Blaine said with a smile, about to sit down and join Kurt at the table when a knock came at the door.

Oh shit, went the voice in his mind, they decided to visit personally instead of calling.  He took a steadying breath, left Kurt eyeballing the package and munching on his meal, and went to the door.

However, instead of his mother or father, or worse, both, there stood his boyfriend, grinning smugly and holding a box of take-out from an Indian food restaurant.  “Surprise!”

 


	22. Chapter 22

“Why don’t you make me understand Blaine?!” Sebastian’s voice damn near shook the walls as he yelled and Kurt pulled the blanket up over himself and Romeo.  They were already locked and hidden in his room, but it still didn’t feel secure enough.  The blanket helped - a little.

“He’s my roommate Sebastian.  I don’t see what this is such a big deal…” 

“You’re having dinner with him?  You bought him a gift?”

“He’s my friend!  Answer me!  Why is this a big deal?!”

Kurt knew.  Kurt knew from where he hid, nervously trying to open his pack of cigarettes in the dark of the blanket, his fingers stumbling all over the package.

“Because…. ugh… don’t you see Blaine?  Don’t you know?” 

Kurt heard something thump heavily - maybe a fist against the wall or a foot against the floor.  Even though he could hear everything it was still muffled by all the barriers between him and the rest of the apartment.  He finally got a cigarette out and the next effort would be getting it lit.  Where did he put that lighter?

“What is it Sebastian… what are you getting at?”

There was a hush, and suddenly the voices outside the door weren’t so clear.  Oh yah… the lighter was on the window sill.  He pulled the blanket down and reached over to grab it, flicking it over and over until a flame held and he could light up.

“I already knew that Sebastian.  How did you know that?”  Blaine’s voice said steadily, calmly.

“I’ve seen him… out there…. only so many male whores with pink hair…. even in this town.”

“He doesn’t do that.  Not anymore.  He’s my friend.”

“He’s a goddamn whore Blaine… and my boyfriend, that I haven’t even seen naked after MONTHS of dating is living with him.  No wonder you won’t put out.  You’re probably getting all you need from him.”

Kurt trembled and shoved the window open as he took in long puffs, holding the cigarette by the window when it wasn’t between his lips so the night air dragged the scent away.  As if he knew, Romeo licked Kurt’s free hand and looked up at him sadly.  Somehow, the damned dog knew.

“Don’t you call him that Sebastian!  He’s my friend and you’re supposed to be my boyfriend.  There is nothing, NOTHING, going on that way between him and I.  If you can’t see that then you’re blind.”

“How the hell did you befriend a whore anyhow Blaine?  I really don’t think the prep school your parents had you at included those kind of extracurriculars.  Or is it at that charming state school you go to?”

“Really Sebastian, really?  Now you’re pulling this elitist bull on me?”

The cigarette didn’t last as long as Kurt needed since he was sucking it back hard and quick.  Another cigarette fell from the packet as he shook and another set of flicks before it lit up.  They were stomping around out there, yelling at one another like amateurs.  It must have been their first fight.

“You bought him a gift for god’s sake Blaine!?  Who does that?  We didn’t even go out for our four month anniversary last night!”

“Because you said you were busy Sebastian!  You’re the one who made that call and when I suggested we do it Friday or tonight you said you’d get back to me and never did!”

“I wanted to surprise you by coming over tonight!  Come on Blaine! You always bitch at me to come over and now that I do you don’t even want me here!”

“That’s not it at all!  I would have loved to have you come in and have dinner, but the second, the SECOND, you saw him, you freaked out.  Whatever he’s done in the past, he’s my friend and roommate now and you either respect that or don’t.  That’s up to you, but I won’t let you dictate who I can and can’t have in my life.”

“Fine.”  Several more stomps and then a door slammed for the second time that day resulting in a heavy sigh from Blaine.  

Kurt was on his fifth cigarette by the time Blaine made his way over to his door and knocked.  “Kurt.  Please.  I’m sorry.  Come out.”

He stubbed out his cigarette, leaving the window open to suck out the rest of the stink.  In a moment his door was opened and he realized the smell must have carried with him once he saw Blaine’s eyes immediately water and his nose twitch.  Oh well, collateral damage.

“Stop apologizing Blaine.  You’re not at fault for this.  You know that.”  Kurt said, leaning in the doorway of his bedroom.  

Blaine sighed, running a hand back through his hair, “Please… come out and finish dinner.  Let’s just… I need a distraction while I process.”

Kurt nodded, following Blaine out and back to the table.  The food had gotten cold in their absence, not that it stopped Kurt from downing several chicken balls in succession.  Blaine picked at his food meanwhile, looking sadly at his plate where he insisted on putting his food even though eating straight from the take out boxes eliminated the need to clean up dishes.  

“Okay… “  Kurt sighed and reached for the little box in blue foil wrapping in the center of the table, “Should I still open this?”

Blaine looked up, forced a smile, and nodded.  After a moment of hasty paper peeling, Kurt looked down at the small box in his hands.  

“A phone?”

Blaine nodded, “When Wes and I are on campus… it’ll let us get ahold of you and vice versa… so… if you have a hankering for chinese I can pick some up on the way home.”

Kurt took in a soft breath and opened the box, pulling out the sleek little black phone.  No duct tape, no cracks, no chips, no missing corners or scratches.  It was new.

“I can’t accept this Blaine… you already pay for everything and…”

“And nothing.  It would make me feel better.  Please?”

Kurt just nodded.  Pressing the button at the button so the phone lit up.

“I already programmed my number and Wes’ number in.  Everything else is up to you.”

Kurt chuckled.  “I don’t have anyone else I can add.”

“Maybe not yet.. but you will Kurt.”  

Doubtful.

Dinner was finished in silence, with Kurt eating the majority of it as usual.  When he had been chasing his highs, he was never hungry, now it was like he always was.  Wes warned him that he’d have to reign it in sooner or later, or start working out more, but for now, Kurt was still gaining weight back and was safe.

Once they were done, they moved to the couch, turning on a movie and assuming the usual positions - Blaine sitting up in a corner and Kurt spread out along the length of the couch with his head on Blaine’s lap.

It was thirty minutes into the movie when Blaine found his voice and asked the question Kurt had been dreading.

“Have you seen Sebastian before tonight?”

Kurt took in and held his breath.  

“Kurt… please…”

He winced.  He didn’t want to talk about this.  Not this.  Not now.  Not when he was in his safe place.

“Did he tell me the truth?  Did he just see you when he was going around town?”

There were two ways this could play out.  He could lie, or he could tell the truth.  Neither one appealed to him for various reasons.  In one case he would be blowing Blaine’s relationship wide open and maybe even Blaine’s ability to look at him, in the other case, he might have to continue to see Sebastian around, deal with him and his snottiness, and let him wedge himself between Blaine and himself.

“Because when he came in… it was like you both automatically knew who the other was…. and you ran to your room.  It didn’t seem like it was only him that recognized someone tonight….”

“He just looked mad Blaine… and he was unfamiliar…”

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck Blaine… you know I’m not all right in the head.  I can’t even think about leaving this place without shitting a brick.  Someone new?  Fucking scares my dick up into hiding.”

Blaine’s hand found Kurt’s hair and stroked it gently, and Kurt let his eyes close as he let the waves of calm fall over him in time with the strokes.  

“Okay.  Just… you shouldn’t be afraid of him no matter what he says.”

“You’ve defended me twice this weekend against people you shouldn’t have had to…”

“Don’t Kurt.  Don’t degrade yourself… “

“But you shouldn’t have had to.”

“You’re my friend.”

“You keep saying that… but what kind of friend am I that causes trouble with your other relationships?”

“You haven’t done a thing Kurt.  Rachel’s a crazy diva and Sebastian… well… I haven’t move further along with him because of doubts I’ve had.  There’s not a thing wrong with you.”

Kurt sighed and went back to letting his body relax bit by bit until he was asleep, woken again when the credits were rolling down the screen and pulled along to the bedroom where he fell back down, slumped against Blaine where he could listen to his heartbeat and bring him back to his dreams.  

“God… if Sebastian knew about this….”  Blaine murmured quietly.

Sebastian would freak out.  Sebastian would call someone…. he might call Cole in fact.  Suddenly Kurt’s heart began to race, thumping wildly in his chest as the fear that had hit him earlier suddenly manifested itself in his mind.  Sebastian knew Cole.  Sebastian knew where Kurt was.  If he told Cole… if Cole found him… No.  That couldn’t happen.  He needed to stop Sebastian from letting Cole know.

“You should talk things out with Sebastian Blaine… he was right to be upset… for all he knew you had just picked me up off the street…”

“But I didn’t -”

“And he came in expecting to have a romantic evening with you and saw you with a known streetwalker and jumped to a bad conclusion.”

“I suppose but -”

“I would have been upset too Blaine.” Kurt lifted his face so his eyes met Blaine’s. “I wouldn’t want to think that someone I loved might have been cheating on me.”

That quieted the kid down, and then, “You called me Blaine.”

“Huh?”

“You always call me Trust Fund… I just noticed though… you said Blaine.”

“So?  That’s not exactly what we were talking about here.”  Kurt mentally cursed himself for letting that particular wall fall.  

“I know… I just… I like it.”

Kurt groaned and put his face in his palms, “Can we not have a totally sappy moment here?”

“Okay… okay… I’ll talk to Sebastian… doesn’t mean he should have been so rude about you though.”

“You’ll make it better Blaine… I know you will.  It’s what you do.”

“You said it again!”

Fuck.  

“Whatever.  Just… he obviously cares about you since he’s worried about me being around.”

“Do you think he actually loves me?”

Kurt frowned to himself.  That was one thing he knew he couldn’t judge on since he’d had no experience in that department.  “I know that you’re worth loving… and he’s got no reason not to love you.”

“That’s sweet Kurt.”  Blaine brightened, “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome I guess.” Kurt grunted, shutting his eyes again, “Can we sleep now?”

“Sure.  Sleep tight.”

“Sleep tight…”

 


	23. Chapter 23

Making amends with Sebastian actually didn’t end up being as hard as Blaine thought it would.  He came in early on Monday morning to work and found Sebastian already there waiting for him.

“I’m sorry.” Both said at the same time, then both broke into nervous chuckles.

“I shouldn’t have been so harsh.  If he’s your friend, and he’s truly trying to get clean and off the streets, well then there’s no better person to have around him than you.”  Sebastian offered, reaching to take each of Blaine’s hands into his own.

“I’m sorry for not telling you more… I never realized someone might have recognized him from driving down the street.” Blaine smiled, squeezing Sebastian’s hands back.

“Let me make it up to you?”

“Sure.”

So, after making sure it was alright with Wes, they left work at the same time and had dinner together.  Sebastian asked a lot of questions about Kurt, and, assuming Blaine knew and could share the answers, told him all about his roommate.  He told him about the hospital, and how well he had been recovering.  How he was enrolled in online college courses for the fall and how Kurt could predict what was going to happen in any movie they watched with deadly accuracy.

He didn’t say anything about the fact that Kurt now shared his last name or that they shared a bed every night.  Baby steps.

Sebastian even suggested he come over more so that Kurt had one more person he might feel comfortable around.  Whatever doubts Blaine had about his boyfriend, this one dinner was helping ease them.  No wonder he had fallen for this sweet man.  

Of course, whenever Sebastian came over for dinner now, Kurt left for his room.  Blaine made excuses for him - he wasn’t feeling well, he was reading in preparation for classes, he was tired - but he knew that Sebastian wasn’t buying it.  Kurt hid because he either didn’t like Sebastian or was afraid of him.  Neither of those options sat well with Blaine.

Then one night, after dinner, they moved to the couch.  Blaine was expecting a little bit of making out while they watched a movie, but Sebastian seemed more interested in moving things along from just chaste kisses as he slid one hand up Blaine’s shirt and the other down to grope at Blaine through his pants even though Blaine was not even remotely at attention down there.

“Seb…”  He managed to whimper out but then Sebastian’s lips were back on him and  his body was being pushed back against the couch.

He didn’t want this.  Not now.  He fumbled a little, pushing Sebastian back, but he did and his boyfriend looked at him with shell-shocked eyes.  “Blaine!”

“No… I… I’m not ready Sebastian.” Blaine choked out, immediately feeling bad about what he knew was going to ruin Sebastian’s night.

“We’ve been going out for months Blaine… MONTHS…” Sebastian insisted.

“Kurt’s just in the next room Sebastian and I -”

“Kurt knows what sex sounds like Blaine.  He wouldn’t even bat an eyelash he’s so used to it.”

Blaine frowned at that.  He had purposely not tried to picture the things Kurt had done in that respect primarily because he had a hard time thinking that anyone could get Kurt to do anything he didn’t want to do.  But it didn’t matter now.  Sebastian wanted something that Blaine couldn’t give him.

“Sorry Sebastian… I can’t.”

“Fuck… I thought living with a whore might have made you a little less frigid…” Sebastian grunted and stood up, moving to leave the suite while Blaine just stayed in place, not even fighting his departure.

“I’m sorry Sebastian…”

“So you say.  Fuck… I’ll see you at work.”

Was there something wrong with him?  There must be if Sebastian thought that going out for months meant that he should spread his legs so easily.  

A door in the hallway unclicked and shifted open and within a minute, Kurt was sitting across from him on the couch.  “Well… he’s got blue balls.”

Blaine let out a small chuckle under his breath as the tension fell off of him.  “Yah… the soundproofing is terrible within the apartment.  Fine between suites… but not within… sorry.”

“Stop apologizing Blaine.  You need to just stop being sorry for what you believe in and feel and definitely stop apologizing for things you can’t change.” 

“But… it’s just part of me Kurt… I’m used to being sorry… sorry for being the less amazing child, sorry for not having a real ambition or plan, sorry for holding onto my ideals….”

“And what are your ideals Blaine?” Kurt asked, insistency on his face as he stared down towards Blaine.

“I just… I think when you give… “that” up it should be romantic and meaningful and… I don’t know…”

“The problem isn’t you Blaine.”  Kurt began, and Blaine smiled to himself.  He would never get tired of Kurt calling him by his name.  “The problem is that you don’t feel that way about Sebastian.”

“Romantic and meaningful?”

“Let’s make it plain… do you ever get a boner when he’s around?”

“Uh…”  Blaine blushed right from the tips of his ears to well below where Kurt could see.  

“So no.” Kurt said with a roll of his eyes.  “Which is interesting… because.. he’s not hideous, and he seems polite enough so long as he’s with his own kind… like you.”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” Blaine asked, hiding his eyes away as he looked everywhere else but at Kurt.  

He heard Kurt sigh, and then the couch shifted as Kurt advanced upon him, “Blaine… there’s nothing wrong with you.  Look at me.”

Blaine lifted his head, taking in a small breath as he found Kurt’s eyes instantly there and upon him.  Those eyes he could never quite decide on the colour of.  Right now they were blue, light sky blue.

“How can I put this so you get it….”  Kurt hummed and licked over his lips as he thought before finally speaking again after what seemed like an eternity, “You have a good sized cock that definitely has no functioning issues.”

Somehow, something had gotten stuck in Blaine’s throat that made him cough violently.  He turned his head away to try and deal with it while Kurt laughed beside him.  

“Jesus Blaine… you’re such a mouse when it comes to sex.  Can you even say dick without blushing?  I bet you can’t.”

Blaine sucked in a breath as soon as he could and looked at Kurt defiantly.  “Dick.”

He felt the colour surge up into his cheeks, and no amount of willing it back down made it any less visible to Kurt who just smirked at him knowingly.  At least he wasn’t laughing at him again.

“Kurt… what was your first time like?  Did it get locked into your memory forever in slow motion?  Do you remember the smells and every details of how he looked and what you felt and did it feel like perfection?”

Kurt’s adam apple bobbed when Blaine asked, and immediately Blaine regretted asking.  He had forgotten, for just a second, that what Kurt had experienced wasn’t going to be the same as what Blaine had envisioned for himself.

“I remember the grass in front of me, the way my knee’s were being burned into the ground such that I knew that I was going to have scabs on them afterwards.  As for smell… I don’t recall that.  I do recall holding back the vomit in my throat even though everything hurt and all I wanted to do was cry.”

“Kurt.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t-”

Fingers were pressed against Blaine’s lips to shush him.  “I told you to stop apologizing for things you can’t change.”  The fingers fell back down and Kurt sighed, “Anyhow… it gave me the funds I needed to get to New York… though I found out later that virgin sex goes for a lot more than I ended up getting.”

Blaine frowned, looking back down at his lap.  There was nothing he could say to that.  It sounded horrible.  It was definitely nothing like what Blaine had dreamed about.

Kurt pushed himself off the couch, going into the kitchen where Blaine could hear the tap going.  When he returned he held two glasses of water, one held to Blaine which he took gratefully and sipped from as Kurt joined him again.

“I had a lot of thoughts too when I was younger about how it would be Blaine.  Touching fingertips… the whole idea of slow motion I get.  I remember thinking that too.  Unfortunately, in the moment, it did feel like slow motion - just not in the good way… anyhow… I don’t mean to depress you Blaine.  But the point is that the way we think things should be and the way they are… two very different things.  Don’t miss out on what could be a good thing.”

“Has it ever been good.. for you?”

Kurt was quiet again and Blaine knew he wasn’t going to like the answer because of the delay Kurt had in answering.

“Not while I’ve been sober… and I don’t know that it really counts when I’ve been high because everything feels good then… No… no… never good… I don’t know why I’m trying to tell you it might be….”  He forced a chuckle and looked away, “When I don’t even know it can be.  You shouldn’t listen to me.”

Blaine’s heart sunk as he listened to Kurt.  He thought he detected a wavering in Kurt’s voice, but if Kurt was upset, he didn’t give it away wearing a plastered on smirk as his eyes moved to look towards the coffee table.

“You’ll find someone who makes you feel good Kurt… you deserve nothing less…”

Kurt shook his head, still avoiding Blaine’s eyes, “No… and even… “  He sighed, “It’s not something I can think about now.  I’m not in a place where I can even think about relationships.”

“That’s fair… and quite responsible I might add.”

Kurt snickered and shook his head, moving to settle in beside Blaine.  As soon as Blaine lifted his arm, Kurt’s head was on his lap.

“Responsible… now there’s a word I never thought I’d hear applied to me.”

Blaine smiled and lowered his arm, letting his fingers brush through Kurt’s hair, marvelling to himself at how Kurt managed to get brown hair so very pink with only the kool-aid mix he insisted on.  He was gorgeous when he was so relaxed, a perfect blend of alabaster skin, delicate bone structure, and soft hair - even with all the piercings and dye.  

“Blaine… could you not get aroused when my head is on your lap?  It makes it really hard for me to doze off.” Kurt mumbled, shocking Blaine back into the present.

And… oh shit.  He was aroused.  Not all the way, but definitely enough that Kurt would have had to been completely out of it not to notice.  “Sorry… sorry….”  He quickly flooded himself with thoughts of his grandma, his mother, his sister, and, sadly yes, even of Sebastian as he forced himself to relax.  

“Again with the apologies… listen… we were just talking about sex.  I get it.  Don’t worry about it.  Just makes for a lumpy pillow is all.” Kurt grunted and let himself snuggle back into Blaine’s lap.  

“Kurt… you said Sebastian wasn’t that bad to look at… yet I don’t get turned on by him at all.  He’s cute yes… but I don’t have… any reaction to him like I should…. like… that.”

Kurt snickered, and Blaine felt his breaths against his thigh.  “Well… what on earth am I supposed to tell you about that Blaine?  Given what you just tried to do to my ear, it’s clear you have no problem getting it up.”

He blushed again, glad that Kurt couldn’t see it from where he lay.  Blaine was on the verge of apologizing for his mishap again when he remembered that Kurt would just scold him for it.  

“Maybe… maybe you should just take a smaller next step with him Blaine… maybe it’s because you’ve only ever been formal with him and don’t see him like that because you haven’t broken down your own walls around him…”

Blaine looked back down at the head on his lap.  His fingers had paused and held in the high point of Kurt’s head when Kurt had pointed out his problem and he began running them back through again, brushing out the messy head of hair that could use more than a trim.  “Maybe… I’m just not comfortable even taking that next step… no one, aside from you, has really seen me….”

“No one?!”  Kurt’s head launched up and looked back at him incredulously, “Not even Wes?”

Blaine slowly shook his head, “No… I’m kind of… well.. modest?”

“No shit.”  Kurt landed his head back down to Blaine’s lap and clucked his tongue inside his mouth.

“Speaking of which… Kurt, I know your old clothes kind of played out to getting attention… but it’s the middle of summer and given that I do the laundry I know you wear not only a hoodie everyday, but a T-shirt AND undershirt… in addition to that is there any reason you need to wear both briefs and boxers?  There are these wonderful things called boxer briefs….”

“I’m cold.”

“That’s it?”

“Would you rather I walk around here in nothing?”

“No… but nothing is a far cry from the triple layering you’re doing right now.   Are you ashamed of your body Kurt?”

Laughter.  Of course he got laughter in response to that.  “No Blaine.  I am not ashamed.  Clearly my body is attractive or I wouldn’t starved to death early on in my illustrious career as a corner whore.  I’m just cold.  Can you drop it please?”

“Alright.  Sor-”  He clamped his mouth shut.

Did he always apologize this much?


	24. Chapter 24

He made it out into the hallway.  Wes wasn’t even beside him.  Sure, Wes was standing in the doorway watching him quietly, but he wasn’t beside him, not this time.  Kurt could make it out into the hallway on his own without his heart threatening to launch outside of his chest.  

Progress.

“Do you want to try farther?  The stairs maybe?”

Kurt shook his head, eyeing the door to the stairs suspiciously.  No.  Not there.  Not yet.

“Alright then.  Come on back in… let’s talk over how you’re doing.”

Kurt balked.  He was grateful that Wes was the one to oversee his progress instead of some stuffed shirt guy or girl from the hospital or a specialist agency, but he hated going through the checklist Wes talked him through to graph his progress.  He hated the mandatory questions about how he felt and how his cravings were and to verbalize his plan on how he was going to stay clean.  It was all so shallow and boring.  Most of the time the answers were all the same.  Occasionally he admitted one thing was better or something else was worse.  He still had chills, he knew he medicated himself by eating too much, and he still craved blow.  Somedays more than other days, some days less… but it was always there in the back of his mind.

Still, he went back into the sanctuary of the apartment and sat across Wes at the table, answering all of the same questions, one by one.  It probably wasn’t fair that he’d just pushed himself to go out into the hall because his heart rate was up and when his heart rate was up, he wanted cocaine more than ever.  

“Alright… we need to talk about one last thing that’s not on this list but should be.”  Wes intoned, peeking over the paper at Kurt.

“What?”

“Your sleeping arrangements.”

Kurt’s eyes darted away, “What about them?”

“You can’t keep sleeping with Blaine Kurt.  It’s not good.  Not for you.  Not for him.”

Kurt sighed and let his head fall into his waiting hands.  He knew.  

“I can’t sleep otherwise…”

“What happens when he has to go home for the holidays?  Or he gets serious with Sebastian or, hopefully, someone else?  You can’t replace one addictive behaviour with another Kurt.”

“I know…”

“Yet, unlike your willingness to venture out past the door, you haven’t even tried to address this problem Kurt.”

“One thing at a time right?”

Wes sighed.  That clearly wasn’t the right answer, at least not the right one for Wes.  Whatever.  Kurt couldn’t be expected to be a miracle.

They had their lunch and then Wes left to go buy his textbooks.  More and more they had left Kurt on his own for longer stretches of time.  Whether that was planned or not, he appreciated the time to himself.  He could play the piano, have his own private dance party, or just lounge around without anyone asking if he was alright. 

Today was no different.  He tried his hand at playing a new song, failing miserably as he tried to simultaneously read the music on the sheet and play.  His mind wasn’t in the place for it.  Then he went about trying out a new recipe.  He was hoping it would turn out well and he could make it for Blaine.  

He didn’t notice the door opening - granted, his music was turned up loud and the only people who had keys were Wes, Blaine, and himself.  When Rachel had stopped by the one time Blaine had the locks changed.  He didn’t want to worry about her coming by again and stressing both of them out.

He did notice though when a hand was set on his shoulder.  He jumped back in surprise and turned in place, holding up a spatula defensively in front of him.

“How cute.”  Sebastian said, puckering his lips as he looked Kurt up and down.  “I never would have figured you were the domestic type… mind you, I can see how you might like to take on that submissive role.”

“How the hell did you get in here?!” Kurt snapped, still holding the spatula out no matter how ridiculous he knew it was.  He needed something between himself and that snide weasel in front of him.

“I pressed a key the last time I was here and had it made into a copy….” Sebastian glanced to the stove, “Mmm… looks delicious.  Mind if I?”  

He didn’t wait for Kurt to answer, grabbing a piece of the omelette that was already cooked on the side of the pan and popping it into his mouth.  “Oh yeah… that is good.”

“Why are you here…?”  Kurt tried to keep his voice from wavering, keep it steady so he didn’t show the intruder how much his presence upset him.  His sanctuary had just proven to be not as safe as he thought it had been.

“Blaine’s out with that stinky mongrel getting him checked at the vet…. I just had a delightful text conversation with him.  We have this whole apartment to ourselves for now.”

Kurt’s eyebrows jumped up, “What the hell are you insinuating?”

“What is the going rate right now?  Last time you were pretty cheap but as I recall… you were pretty desperate too… Had to make quota probably.”

“I am NOT doing that anymore!” Kurt yelled ahead of him, “I am CLEAN!  I am BETTER!”

Sebastian seemed unphased, “So… double then?  I imagine you’re extra tight now since you’re not being used so much.  I don’t suppose you take credit card since you moved uptown?”

“Fuck you!” Kurt threw the spatula at Sebastian where it just bounced off him and clattered to the floor.  “Fuck you!  Get out!”

Sebastian took another piece of the omelette, eating it as if Kurt had made it for him and it made Kurt’s insides flame up in rage.  How dare he.  

“What about a blowjob?  What’s the rate for that?  I mean you are so conveniently located now.  I’d be a fool not to take advantage of that.”

“I am not doing ANYTHING to you or with you asshole.  Get the fuck out!”

Sebastian smirked and dropped his hand into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out a small clear baggie that was filled with powder, “Are you sure?”

Kurt stared at it, mesmerized.  His heart was already beating against his ribs and now there was the cure for it - right in front of him.  All he had to do was… no… no….

“Get out…”

“You don’t sound so sure anymore.”

“Get out… please… don’t do this to Blaine…”

Kurt was so fixed on that bag that he didn’t see Sebastian lick over his lips or smile so smugly as he knew he was getting his way.  “You already know that I have been doing this to Blaine.  Maybe not with you… but you’re not the only hot little number around and one can hardly blame me when he keeps leaving me with blue balls.”

Kurt tried to break himself out of his stare, biting down on his lower lip and wincing.  Even that didn’t work though because the instant his eyes opened, there was the bag again, right in his field of vision.  His resolve was quickening crumbling apart.

“I’ll make it quick…”  Sebastian put his hand on his buckle, unclasping it smoothly with one hand. “I don’t want to interrupt your playing of housewife for MY boyfriend.”

“Don’t…” Kurt’s eyes jumped from the baggie, trying to catch Sebastian’s gaze for just a moment.  “Please…”

“Ooo… I miss how well you beg.”  Sebastian chuckled, “Tell you what.  Do that thing you used to do where you’d strip down slowly like it was the first time I was getting to see you naked.”

“No…”  Kurt shook his head and had to physically turn his head away to stop himself from looking in that direction.  His heart was going so fast it made his entire chest ache. 

“Quick n’ easy.  Just like you.” Sebastian was having entirely too much fun with this and it was all at Kurt’s expense… and Kurt was letting him.

Stupid fucking bag of cocaine.

Sebastian’s pants dropped once his belt was undone, and Kurt didn’t look to see, but he knew that the man had to be ready to go already.  He always had been before.  Kurt had never had to do any work to get him interested.  The man was a fucking sex fiend.  He’d been one of Kurt’s regular’s that Cole would schedule for him, so the prices Sebastian were talking about Kurt didn’t know anything about since Sebastian had paid Cole directly.  

Kurt hated regulars, even back when he needed them.  He hated how they thought they knew him, how they took more liberties with him every time they saw him, and he especially hated how they pretended to be attached to him.  Sebastian hadn’t been guilty of that last one, but he always made sure Kurt knew that he was a paid whore.  He even had the audacity to proclaim on several occasions that Kurt was “lucky” that he had taken a shining to him because Kurt wouldn’t get any better than Sebastian.

Now the asshole was in his kitchen.

“You need to go.” Kurt tried again, keeping his eyes averted.

“Wrong.  I’m GOING to come.”  Sebastian laughed at his own joke and took a couple steps towards Kurt until Kurt could feel his body heat radiating towards him and saw the shadow of Sebastian fall over him.  

“No.  Go.” Kurt’s voice was barely a whisper.  

“Just a little suck.  Come on.  I already dropped my pants for you and everything.”  

Kurt felt frozen like he had before when Big G had taken him by the hand.  Below him, his knees came unhinged and he slumped down, hugging the cupboard behind him that was preventing him from moving any further back.  

“Oh good.  You’re getting into position.  Finally!  Thought you’d need retraining after being so long without a real man to take care of you.”

Kurt winced his eyes shut and kept his head turned away.  Maybe if he just stayed locked there like that Sebastian would get the hint and go away.  He wished he could fight back.  In all the scenarios that played out in his head when he was lost in his daydreams he always fought back.  Why couldn’t he do it when shit was actually happening?  What was wrong with him that when his adrenaline spiked he didn’t fight or flee but froze instead?  

“Go… go….”  Kurt mouthed, unsure of whether or not the words were actually being spoken or just in his head as he battled inside his mind, trying to convince it to make his body move to retaliate or at least run.

Running wasn’t an option though.  He was trapped in the small apartment sized kitchen.  Drawers behind him and on both sides.  The only way out was behind Sebastian and he didn’t want to touch him.

So Sebastian touched him instead.

It was slight, just a hand by his head, but Kurt cringed and let loose a string of expletives that would have made his dad cry to hear.  Clearly it wasn’t what Sebastian was hoping for because the hand on his head grabbed his hair and pulled, making Kurt yelp in pain and surprise.

He willed himself to leave his body, let him float away, but it wasn’t happening.  If Sebastian was going to insist on this, the least he could have done was let Kurt get high first.   Putting himself out of his body was hard when his mind was so sober yet clearly ineffective at letting him move when he needed to.

Fucking stupid bag…

Then the shadow moved back and he heard a scream and a growl and even then Kurt stayed pinned to the cupboard like a lifeline.  Even when he heard the voice of safety asking him if he was okay and then yelling back “You jerk!  What did you do to him?” he stayed in place.  Even when a familiar body covered in fur crawled up beside him and whined in earnest he stayed in place.  So long as he was like that, no one could make him relapse.  No one could hurt him.

His mind was an idiot sometimes.

 


	25. Chapter 25

Blaine had never sworn so much or so freely.  He had also never thrown a punch at anything other than a punching bag and in a matter of minutes that had all changed.   His adrenaline was soaring and he wanted so badly to go over to where the police were cuffing Sebastian and give him a second black eye but with Kurt latched onto him like he was, he knew it wasn’t going to happen, and that was probably for the best.

“Jesus christ Blaine…” Wes said as he looked around the scene after entering the apartment, “Drama much?”

“Screw off Wes.” Blaine snapped, drawing a shocked look not only from Wes, but from Kurt nestled against him, and even from Sebastian who glanced back at him one final time.  

The three friends existed in silence amoung the officers until Sebastian was hauled away and the friendliest looking officer of the bunch came and knelt down by where Blaine had Kurt wrapped up in a blanket (not that he needed another layer really) on the couch and was trying to soothe him by rubbing small circles into his back.  He had been able to feel Kurt’s pounding heart through his back and the blanket ever since he had gotten him to this spot, and it had barely slowed.

“We’re going to need your statement now hon.” She said, offering a weak smile as she patiently (and hopefully for that matter) waited for Kurt to speak so she could make notes.

Blaine had already given his statement.  He had come home with Romeo from the vet, heard a cry from the kitchen and went to investigate.  To his horror he found his boyfriend (well, ex now obviously) with his pants dropped and his hand in Kurt’s hair trying to pull him forward and towards his over eager self.  Blaine snapped then.  He didn’t know what had led up to that point, but he knew it was wrong and he lashed out at Sebastian with one solid hit at the same time Romeo went at Sebastian’s ankles.  Sebastian was knocked out long enough for Blaine to call the police and Wes, and Romeo snuggled up against Kurt while Blaine stood guard over Sebastian.

No, he told the officer that had questioned him, he didn’t know about the cocaine on Sebastian nor that Sebastian was muling drugs.  He never suspected.  No, he said to another question, he didn’t think there was any sort of agreed upon transaction going on given Kurt’s withdrawn behaviour and the position of power Sebastian seemed to have over him when he came in.  In fact, he had said, the suggestion was insulting since Kurt had been off the drugs and participating so earnestly in his recovery process. No, he didn’t give Sebastian a key and he didn’t know how he got one. Yes, he understood the way he reacted might get him in some trouble, but quite frankly he didn’t give a shit.  Sebastian was lucky that Blaine only punched him once and Romeo only tore the bottom of his pant legs.

Blaine had managed to get Kurt pried away from the kitchen and had led him to the couch where he tried to comfort him.  If Sebastian had caused Kurt’s progress to stunt or restart, Blaine was going to ensure that Sebastian paid for it - one way or another.

Part of him was angry at Sebastian, seething actually, but a larger part was angry at himself for being so completely clueless that he didn’t see what Sebastian was really interested in when he asked about Kurt.  It was his fault that this had happened.  He had let Sebastian into his life and he had used his closeness to Blaine to hurt Kurt.  What the hell was wrong with this world?

Blaine was also worried that Kurt wouldn’t respond to the police given his history in the hospital.  He didn’t know enough about the law to know if his statement alone would be enough to keep Kurt safely away from Sebastian and worried that if Sebastian was freed then Kurt would still feel threatened.  “Kurt… please… if you don’t say anything-”  

“He knows my ex-pimp.” Kurt blurted out then, pushing himself up to sit as he looked over to the officer.  “If he talks there might be retaliation against Blaine.”

The fact that Kurt so easily and calmly had found it within himself to respond to the officer gave Blaine pause.  He glanced back to Wes who looked equally surprised at the turn of events and gave Blaine a small but hopeful smile.  Maybe his progress hadn’t been as damaged as bad as Blaine had thought it might.

“Alright…”  She wrote down a couple things and looked up, clearly unphased by Kurt’s admission, “.. tell me sweetie, what’s the boss’ name?  We’ll look him up, check his status.”

“Cole Krentz.”

Blaine processed that.  It was the first time he’d heard the name and once it settled into his mind, he shuddered and felt sick.  There was an actual, real person that had done things to Kurt.  Everything was more real now… and that name… oh shit….

“Jerry!”  The woman called back to her partner who was looking over the scene lazily, “Can you call dispatch.  Get a record on a Cole Krentz?  He’s an escort boss!”

“You got it Shirl!”  Behind them a radio blipped and blooped as Jerry spoke in police code with a person on the other end.

“Now then hon, can you tell me what you were doing and what happened?”

Kurt did.  He did and while Blaine was so proud of him for speaking so honestly, he knew he was going to get sick the more he heard.  Every detail brought his stomach that much closer to his throat.  This wasn’t real.  This wasn’t how people were supposed to treat one another.  He had kissed Sebastian.. many, many, times… and he had… to Kurt….

Blaine ran for the toilet.  He didn’t even have time to close the door when he reached it and emptied his stomach out in hard, heavy heaves as he clutched the sides of the porcelain tightly.

Why hadn’t Kurt just told him he knew Sebastian?  Why did he lie?

More importantly, how was it that Blaine had ever been interested in such a sleazebag?  Wasn’t there supposed to be some kind of warning signs against that?  Didn’t the bad guys always look the part? Sebastian had been, at the very least, sweet, charming, and an upstanding citizen.  He came from a good family and had no want for money or brains or looks.  Wasn’t that stuff only supposed to happen to the downtrodden and needy?  Didn’t people only get that evil for a reason?

He held fast to the toilet for a few minutes more, knuckles white and fingers devoid of warmth as he ensured his stomach was truly empty before he hurriedly brushed his teeth and gargled some mouthwash before going back to the living room, Wes now acting as a surrogate for Blaine as he sat aside Kurt on the couch - even though it looked like Kurt really didn’t need it.

“Yeah Shirl.  There’s an active 10-92C on the guy.  Currently on roster and awaiting stage time.” The male officer said towards them as Blaine entered.

“Oh!  That’s an arrest right?!” Wes perked up and all eyes looked at him curiously. “I watch a lot of cop drama’s okay?”

Shirley laughed, and Blaine felt happy she was the one talking to Kurt as she seemed good natured.  “Right.  Can’t go into details, but he isn’t on the streets right now anyhow.  Anyone else we should be worried about?”

“Uh… I only know him as Big G… he… attacked me when he saw me out a couple months ago and he was Cole’s supplier…”

“Gabrielle Gonzalez.”  Jerry offered.  “Yah.  He’s in the roost too.  He’s big time.  Big crack down on him.  Surprised you didn’t see it in the papers.”

Kurt let out a long exhale and Blaine watched from a few feet away as the tension just seemed to melt right out of the boy and make an invisible puddle on the floor by his feet.  “I haven’t watched the news in a long time…”

“Alright then kid.  Here’s a card with the case number on it.”  Shirley handed it over to Kurt who looked at it quietly.  “You call if you remember anything else.  We’ll be in touch.  Hopefully this won’t end up being a big trial issue… for your sake kiddo.”

“Hmm…” Kurt nodded and tucked the card into the pocket of his jeans.  “Thanks.”

The police left and the three boys reclined on the couch together, letting the silence settle over them.  After several long minutes, Wes looked towards Kurt and asked, “Should I call your shrink in for an early appointment tomorrow?”

“Fuck no.  Just get me my cigarettes.”

For once, the worry and dismay over smoking in the apartment was forgotten and Kurt smoked freely as he sat on the couch, one after the other until the pack was gone and the whole place stunk.  It gave Blaine a headache, but one he felt he deserved.  In fact, he probably deserved a lot worse.  As Wes and Kurt spoke, Blaine drifted out, mentally cursing himself all the while.  He was so naive.

He didn’t even register Wes was going until the click of the door snapped him back to the present.

“So… you going to sulk all night?”  Kurt asked, breaking the silence but not the tension.

“I’m not sulking!” Blaine quickly retorted, looking up and towards Kurt.  

“Well you’re being a big, pouty baby over there.”

“Am not.”

Kurt snorted, “Right.”

“I’m just in shock.” Blaine tried to explain.

“Pretty sure that’s supposed to be my fucking job.”

“Kurt….” Blaine blinked a few times, letting Kurt’s tone really hit him.  Of course he was upset at Blaine.  This was all Blaine’s fault after all.

“Look.  I’m just…”  Kurt stood up, “I’m going to go to bed early.”

Blaine shuffled in spot, moving to get up as well when Kurt held a hand up, “On my own.”

Oh.

Blaine slumped back in place, looking after Kurt who walked away to his own room.  Could Kurt sleep on his own?  Or did he just not want Blaine…?  Blaine drew his bottom lip into his mouth and nibbled softly as neither option really sat well with him.  More importantly, could he sleep without Kurt there anymore?

 


	26. Chapter 26

Kurt had found a little upturned piece of skin on the side of one of his fingernails and had spent the past ten minutes mercilessly chewing it, and the skin and nail by it, up.  Blaine had abandoned him with the psychiatrist in the apartment in favour of going to the gym.  Not that Blaine was much better company today.  He was sulking and quiet and more mousey than usual.  He hadn’t said a word to Kurt all day even though he had taken the day off to ensure the locks got changed after the fun with Sebastian yesterday.  

“So Kurt, before you completely gnaw off that particular finger, maybe you could say more than two words to me at a time.”  She asked, leaning back on the loveseat, paper pad sitting on her lap untouched.

“Not likely.” Kurt retorted, inwardly grinning to himself for his purposely use of two words.

“I notice you’re drinking coffee.  Haven’t seen that before.”

Kurt side eyed the mug he had been refilling all morning.  He hadn’t slept last night and had decided to partake in one of his abandoned habits - namely drinking strong coffee.  “Yup.”

“You look more tired today than you have in a long time.”

“Yup.”

“Do you think that has something to do with what happened yesterday?”

Kurt rolled his eyes toward her just so he could roll her eyes at her.  Really?  How did this woman get a bachelor's degree let alone a doctorate?

“So yes.”  She shifted where she sat.  She was in Wes’ usual place and no doubt that man had formed his own groove in the cushion there.  “Yet you seem quite calm and with it despite that.”

“Yup.”

“Hmm…”  She brought the pen in her fingers up to her mouth and tapped it the customary three times before dropping her hand again.  “Kurt, we’re almost several months into your therapy and you’ve continued to refuse to talk with me.  I need to know if I need to find you a different therapist you will speak to or if this program is not a match for you.”

“I don’t need to talk to anyone.” Kurt stiffened.  He needed the program.  He needed the support, whether or not he liked all of the elements of it.

“I’m going to have to disagree.  So tell me… what am I going to tell your social worker?”

“Fuck….”  Kurt’s eyes sought out an escape, but of course there was none.  He could keep saying nothing but then he might lose the funding and then Blaine might dump him and he’d be back on the streets and everything would be for nothing… Kurt took in a deep breath, glanced over at the woman across from him and then gave her exactly what she wanted.

“You know, when I was still in school I wrote a whole paper on how I hated the damsel in distress character?  I fucking hate that type of character, always have.  I figured people should be able to save themselves and not always rely on someone else.  Yet here I am, saved once again by Prince Charming for the fuck-teenth time because I can’t seem to get my own head out of my ass.”

The psychiatrist’s usually dormant hand began to suddenly move on it’s own, writing across the page even though her eyes were on Kurt.  “Prince Charming being Blaine.”

“Yes.  Fuck him.”  Kurt’s eyes darted away from her, looking at the fibers of the carpet as he continued.  “I don’t mean… well… I’m sick of him saving my ass time after time.”

“Because you don’t want to be the damsel in distress?”

“Right.”

“Do you think the way you lived before Blaine came along was demonstrating your independence?”

Kurt shook his head, “No… I depended constantly on that asshole pimp and his dealers… on tricks… but I just wasn’t sober enough to give a shit.”

“I think it’s pretty fair to say that becoming independent is a real and achievable goal for you Kurt.”

“Fuck… I know… I just hate the being saved all the time part.  Whenever something bad happens I never fucking fight back.  I want to fight back… but I don’t.  I’ve never hit anyone or anything like that no matter how much I’ve been hit…”

The writing stopped for a moment, “Never?”

Kurt shook his head and the writing began again.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know… I fucking… I freeze up.  It’s like I’m locked inside myself or floating over myself watching myself get beat. I can see the bad things about to happen and I’m powerless to do a damned thing.”

“Have you always been like this Kurt?”

Kurt thought back… he had always been picked on, even well before high school.  “Yeah… I’d get shoved into lockers or thrown into dumpsters and I’d just let it happen… “

“It’s not all bad…”  She murmured, finishing a thought on paper before she continued, “Many people in your position I’ve spoken to are more apt to fight back and they get hurt a lot worse because of it.  Often if you freeze up like you’re describing it’s because you’ve never learned how to stand up for yourself and it could also be made worse by the trauma you’ve experienced.  It’s very likely you have post-traumatic stress disorder.”

“Oh goody.  Does this mean more pills?”

She smirked, “Not unless it becomes debilitating.  I try to focus on coping strategies for the symptoms and if there’s one thing I do know about you Kurt, it’s that you’re very good at coping.”

“Fuck… I have shitty karma… I’ve had to learn to cope.”

“Why do you feel you have bad karma Kurt?”

He sighed, “Of all the people Blaine has to be dating in this city of millions, it has to be one of the sleaziest guys I’ve ever met that I knew back in my whoring days….”

“Most people would call it a bad coincidence Kurt.  Not karma.”

“Oh no?”  Kurt felt challenged by the statement.  “How about this?  My dad got remarried in high school and the woman’s son was one of my main bullies.”

“Two bad coincidences don’t make for bad karma Kurt.”

“Well at what point is it bad karma then?”

“Well…”  She leaned back, tapping the end of the pen against her lips momentarily.  Three times, always three times.  “... The thing about karma is that it’s a reciprocal thing.  You do good things, good things come unto you… you do bad things, bad things come unto you.”

“Well shit… I’ve got nothing but shit coming my way then.”

“You think you’ve only done bad things Kurt?”

“Well I can’t think of anything good.”

She sighed, leaned forward, and looked at Kurt directly in the eye.  The contact made him uncomfortable and he squirmed in place, trying to hold contact with her out of pride, but definitely not liking it.

“Kurt.  You are doing good things.  Maybe you’re not Mother Teresa, but you’re kicking your cocaine habit, getting off the streets, trying to improve your life.  Sometimes bad things happen and it’s not your fault.  You didn’t bring Sebastian’s attack on you yesterday on yourself.  That was all Sebastian.”

Kurt shrugged up his shoulders and looked away, “But I screwed up Blaine’s relationship.”

“No.  That was still Sebastian.  He made the choice to hurt someone Blaine clearly cares about and, based on the information I got about your prior relationship with Sebastian, he was cheating on Blaine anyhow.  It’s honorable that you wanted to protect Blaine from the problems his boyfriend had, but that’s not your job.”

“Blaine’s so…. innocent though.”

“He’s also a grown man Kurt.”

As if on cue, the door to the apartment opened and both Kurt and his psychiatrist looked back at the sweaty mess of Blaine that entered.  “Sorry… they needed to close the gym for awhile to replace some lights…. I’ll just go shower.”  Kurt let his eyes linger on Blaine as the other man walked off down the hall.  So rarely did Blaine dress down as much as he did when he was going to the gym and the shorts and tank top hugged him well around the finely toned muscles he insisted on hiding.  This was the one time that Blaine ever screamed of masculinity and he was so obviously shy about it.

“You like him…” Came a small whisper.

Kurt gave his trademark shrug again and looked back, “He’s not bad when he’s not dressed like a total grandpa.”

“It’s okay to like him Kurt.”

“No… it’s not… but thanks anyhow.”

“Why don’t you think it’s not okay?”

Kurt sighed, waiting until he heard the shower going to respond, “Because - he’s Prince Charming remember?  Money and smarts and looks and could probably outdo Mother Teresa with his kindness.  I’m reliant on the government and have a history of idiocy and am covered in scars and burns and whatever else… and I have absolutely nothing to offer anyone, let alone him.”

“You’re right Kurt.  Until you learn how to accept yourself, you don’t have anything to offer… “

“Oh shit… the self esteem talk?  Really?”

“Yes.  Really.  When I look at you I don’t see all the problems you let circle around you like a cloud of doom… I see a man who made some poor choices and is letting those choices he made in the past dictate who he is forever.”

“Well don’t you just wax poetic so nicely.” Kurt sneered, slumping into the seat further down.

“You have plenty of good things to say about Blaine, but do you think he doesn’t have his own issues and things he doesn’t like about himself?”

Kurt shrugged.

“Tell me something you like about yourself Kurt.”

Kurt stared at the cushion beside him as his mind went blank.  

“It can be anything.  Ridiculous even.  For example, I like the way my hair coils around my finger when I twirl it.”

God, he couldn’t believe he was actually going along with this.

“I like how soft the back of my hands are….”

He couldn’t see it, but the way she shuffled in place told Kurt she was pleased with his effort - or the fact he was talking at all.  “Really?  Do you use lotion?”

He started to shake his head and then stopped, “Well… not anymore… couldn’t afford it when I came to New York… but before… yes… I had a whole skin care regiment at one point.”

“Skin care was important to you…”

“Well… yah… I didn’t want to become all leathery and wrinkled as I got older…”

“Do you think you’ll pick it up again?  The regiment?”

Kurt shook his head, “I don’t see the point.”

“Why not?”

“Well… I mean… I’m still soft after not doing anything for a long time now… and up until recently I had just kind of accepted that I’d die young anyhow and wouldn’t have to worry about getting older.”

“But that’s changed.”

Kurt groaned and tipped his head back into the couch.  She was dragging it all out of him.  The harpy.  “Well obviously… but I still don’t see the point.”

“What about because you just admitted that you might not die young after all and because you want to keep your skin looking nice for when you are ready for a relationship?”

Kurt sighed, “No one dates ex-whores lady…”

“You don’t know that.”

“Would you?”

Kurt expected her to backtrack on her works or come up with a flustered response, but instead she remained cool.  “I have actually.”

He swallowed, peeking over nervously, “But it didn’t last…”

“Only because she wanted to move back to Mexico to be with her family.”

Kurt paled slightly.  She had beaten him on this particular round.

“You thought I’d say no?  Why Kurt?”

“Because… everyone thinks we’re used up or loose or that we can’t be trusted to be monogamous… or… I don’t know… people don’t see us as people… we’re sub human.”

“Some people might Kurt… I can’t deny that…. but those aren’t the kind of people you should waste your time with anyhow.”

He tapped his fingers on the arm of the couch and looked over at the clock.  “Your time is up.”

“It is.  Thanks for talking with me today Kurt.”  She tucked her notebook into the oversized purse sitting on the floor and stood up.  “I enjoyed it.”

“That’s good considering you get paid to.”

She smirked a little, “Just because you’re getting paid to do something, doesn’t mean you always enjoy it though.  I think you understand that well enough.”

“Don’t I though.”  He rolled his eyes.    



	27. Chapter 27

Blaine stared up at the ceiling over his bed.  Why had he never noticed that small yellow stain in the ceiling before?  What could have caused it?  Where did it come from?  How come he never dusted the ceiling anyhow?  There were a few random strands of abandoned spider webbing in the corners and they really should be taken care of.

This is what Blaine thought of as his clock went tick-tick-tick to let him know that he wasn’t falling asleep and given how deeply involved he had become now with the state of his ceiling, he was sure sleep wasn’t going to be coming any faster than he was hoping for.

He needed it though - a good night’s sleep.  Three days now.  He wondered if his interest in the ceiling was a sign of impending insanity.  He had to be losing his mind at this point.  There was no way someone could go so long without a proper night’s sleep and not lose their mind.  

Had he always had a popcorn ceiling?

“Oh my god!” Blaine threw his covers off and sat upright in his bed, leaning over as he rubbed his temples.  “Come on, come on…. there’s only a few more days left until school is back in session and I need to get back into a routine.”

Oh great.  He was talking to himself now.

“Take a pill!”

He lifted his head, eyes jumping around.  Was that a voice in his head now?  Oh no, no, no… this was bad, this was very, very bad.

“In fact, take two.”

He looked towards the door and squinted.  Eventually the recognition part of his mind caught up with him and he registered the voice as Kurt’s - calling from his bedroom.  

Kurt might be used to not sleeping properly, but Blaine wasn’t, and he didn’t want to start popping pills to help with it like most of his school peers did (alternating with energy drinks and caffeine during the day in some kind of wretched cycle).  

He slipped off the bed and grabbed his bathrobe, pulling it on over his pyjamas as he slunk out of his room and crept towards the door a few feet down the hallway.

“Kurt… are you awake?”

He heard a muffled noise… was it a chuckle?  Blaine wasn’t sure of anything right now - except that his ceiling needed attention.  Inside he could hear Romeo’s panting and then some soft footsteps on the carpet before the door opened up in front of him - Kurt standing in its wake, wearing his own pyjamas complete with a zip up hoodie and oversized wool socks.

“Stop being mad at me.”

Kurt arched an eyebrow at Blaine’s greeting, or rather, lack thereof.  Blaine could barely form a coherent thought right now and was actually surprised he had formed a sentence, even if it was much more blunt and simple than he was used to speaking.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Oh… good.”  Blaine exhaled and slumped a little.  His eyes were fixated on Kurt’s left ear - didn’t that many piercings hurt?  How did he sleep on all that metal?

Kurt rolled his eyes, shook his head, and grabbed Blaine by the elbow, pulling him into the room and Blaine just let it happen.  He let himself be pushed back on the bed and let Kurt crawl up beside him and rest his head down on his chest, piercings pressing into Blaine’s skin through his pyjamas.  A blanket was pulled up, Romeo made a small grunt, and then, Blaine miraculously fell asleep.

By the time he awoke, the sun had passed over Kurt’s east facing window and Kurt’s warm body had been replaced with Romeo who gave Blaine a big lick to the face to welcome him back to the world of the living.

And god did he need that sleep.

Still in his robe, he sat up and looked around.  If Romeo was here, Kurt couldn’t be too far away, and he saw the other man sitting at the edge of the bed, reading through a book Blaine couldn’t identify from his point of view.

“Hey…”

Kurt snapped the book shut and looked over his shoulder back at Blaine, “Hey.”

“Sorry… I didn’t mean that you had to… and I… well I needed the sleep so thanks.”

As he had the night before, Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine and shook his head dismissively.  “It’s fine.  I couldn’t sleep either.”

“I think I got used to you being there.”

Kurt nodded and set the book on his dresser off to the side before turning around to face Blaine, pulling his legs up onto the bed and crossing them.  He was still in his pyjamas and hoodie, still in those same hideous wool socks, and now Blaine noticed the dual layer of pyjama pants he was wearing too.  “I was wondering…”

Blaine perked up and looked at Kurt expectantly.

“... if you could take me to the gym today?”

A broad smile stretched over Blaine’s face and he nodded quickly.  “Of course!  Do you think you’ll be okay with it?”

Kurt took in a small breath and nodded, “Yeah… I want to try anyhow.  I’m getting tired of smelling the same smells in here and seeing the same things and they changed my morning aerobics show to some sports show that I can’t stand so I need to do something…”

Blaine was elated.  He knew this was a big step for Kurt, even if Kurt himself was trying to downplay it.  “Sure.  The best time to go is right after lunch.  There’s usually, at most, only one other person down there.  Most of the time it’s completely empty.”

Kurt nodded, and Blaine could see the relief in his eyes.  “Sure.  Sounds good.”

“We could go to the pool too if you want.”

Kurt shook his head, “Never been a fan of public pools… it’s just a cesspool of feces and urine and bacteria.”  He shuddered.  “Besides, I don’t have anything to wear.”

“They chlorinate the pool pretty good….” Blaine noted, but he realized that Kurt not wanting to shed his layers was probably going to be a bigger barrier to overcome than the idea of sharing a big tub with everyone in the building.  Blaine hadn’t even seen Kurt’s arms in weeks.  “... but yeah.  When you put it like that, I can understand.”

The morning was a blur of watching re-runs of Friends on TV, pancakes, and pre-reading books and texts for their upcoming courses.  Kurt’s required reading was insane and Blaine was always ahead of his work, so both immersed themselves in bulky, overpriced textbooks for a couple hours.  When it was time to go to the gym, Blaine didn’t know what to expect, but Kurt still in his layers wasn’t it.

“You’ll overheat….”

Kurt shook his head, “I’ll take it easy.”

“Kurt… are you afraid of me seeing something?” Blaine tipped his head to the side inquisitively as he looked at Kurt, hoodie over his layering of a T-shirt and tank top with sweatpants over who knew what.

Kurt shrugged up his shoulders, “No.. yes… I don’t fucking know…  Can we just go?”

Blaine sighed and nodded, walking slowly out with Kurt behind him.  He didn’t move too quickly just in case Kurt needed the time to adjust to new surroundings, but miraculously, he didn’t hear so much as an increased in Kurt’s breathing as they made their way down the stairs and through the hallway to the workout room on the main floor.

Blaine offered Kurt a smile as he pushed the door open and surveyed the equipment, thankfully finding no one else around.  This was the perfect time.

“Okay… I’ll just… go on the treadmill.” Kurt uttered as he walked towards the item in question and played around with the settings before he began an uphill walk.  Blaine nodded and went to the elliptical, occasionally glancing over at Kurt to make sure everything was okay.

Kurt did take it easy, spending most of his time on the treadmill as Blaine finished his cardio and then went onto the weights and then onto the punching bag where he lost himself in boxing the bag into oblivion as he pictured Sebastian’s head on it.  His parents had bailed him out until the trial which was who knew when.  Everything in the courts was delayed.  A call to the cops who had been at the apartment a few days ago had been fruitless as they didn’t seem to know anything more than he’d been told.  At the very least though, there was a standing order to stay away from both Kurt and Blaine with a minimum radius.  It meant Blaine could go back to work once school started and not have to worry about Sebastian being there.  

“You’re more sweat than man.”  Kurt’s voice rang up from behind him and Blaine landed another set of punches before turning around, bringing his forearm up to swipe the sweat off his brow.  “Didn’t know you did that.”

Blaine smirked a little, “Took it up in middle school… after I got beat up.”

He hadn’t told Kurt about that incident, it seemed so minor compared to what Kurt had experienced, but he could see that Kurt’s interest was peaked by the statement so Blaine expounded.  “After a Sadie Hawkins dance where I went with another boy.  We were beat up by a few of our classmates.  I changed schools after that.”

“Huh… didn’t know that about you.” Kurt admitted, eyes scanning over Blaine’s face with such thoroughness that Blaine glanced off to the side under Kurt’s scrutiny.

“I don’t talk about it much.  Rachel always figured I was a wuss for not fighting back then… and my parents still get choked up about it.  Wes knows.  I met him at Dalton where I went after I got hurt.  He’s the one who suggested I take up boxing.”

Kurt’s brow furrowed a little and Blaine couldn’t help but grin at the way the wrinkles in his bunched up forehead enveloped his eyebrow piercing over the top.  It meant he had put on some weight even though Blaine couldn’t see it on his body anywhere else with all the layers.  “Wes boxes too?”

“Oh no.  Wes abhors any form of violence… but figures it would be therapeutic for me… and it has been.  Though up until the other day I’ve never actually hit another person before.”

“Really?  Because you did a pretty nice job of it.”

Blaine chuckled, “Yeah.  You want to try?”  He slipped off one of his gloves and held it out to Kurt who looked at it curiously, hesitating for a moment before taking it gingerly in his hands.

“Okay…”

Blaine helped Kurt put on and lace up both gloves, guiding him in slow motion as to how he should hit the bag in front of him, how to breath when he did it, and how to stand.  After a few poorly timed hits, Kurt managed to pound into the bag really well and then after that Blaine could safely say he was a natural as he hit the bag perfectly over and over again.

“God my arms fucking hurt now.” Kurt admitted after they had left the gym and were walking up the stairs.

Blaince laughed, “Yeah… takes awhile for your body to get used to that… but I always like the burn.  It felt good somehow.”

“I get that.” Kurt said, following Blaine into the apartment as he opened the door.  “I’m going to shower…”

“Yeah… you sweated through all your layers…” Blaine said, glancing down to the dark marks coming through the hoodie under Kurt’s arms and down his chest.  

Kurt shrugged and wandered off to the main bathroom, the sounds of the shower starting up following.  Blaine retreated to his own room with the en suite bathroom and doing the same thing.  Thank god for apartments and nearly limitless hot water.

When they were both washed up and smelled a lot less like sweat, Kurt suggested a lazy afternoon of watching more TV and reading more books.

“I have a better idea.” Blaine prompted, holding a hand out to Kurt.  As he had with the gloves, Kurt needed a moment to look at the hand suspiciously before taking it and letting Blaine lead him into the music room where Blaine immediately sat on the piano bench and patted the space beside him for Kurt.

“I don’t know Blaine…” Kurt mumbled, looking around the room as if he’d never seen it before though Blaine knew well enough he’d been in here lots - just not with anyone else.

“You don’t have to play or sing if you don’t want to… “ Blaine said, looking up with the best begging eyes he could manage, finally achieving a huff of acceptance from Kurt who sat himself down on the bench beside Blaine who grinned in triumph and let his fingers glide over the piano keys before the music hit him and he began playing.

And much to his own surprise, and maybe even Kurt’s own, it was Kurt’s voice who started singing along to the notes being played, filling the room with his angelic countertenor resonance.  Blaine kept playing, so long as Kurt would sing for, until his fingers cramped up and Kurt’s voice began to crack from overuse.  They stopped, and Kurt let his head tip to rest on Blaine’s shoulder.

“Can we go somewhere before school starts?”

Blaine blinked a few times and glanced down at the chestnut and pink hair on his shoulder, making sure that the question actually came from Kurt before responding.

“Yeah… of course.  Where do you want to go?”

“Somewhere… quiet.”

Quiet.  Yeah.  Blaine could do that.

  
  



	28. Chapter 28

Kurt let his hand dangle outside of the window, shutting his eyes as the air passed through them with furious speed.  It had been so long since he had sat in a car and didn’t have to do anything but just sit back and enjoy the ride.  Despite Wes’ suggestion that Blaine didn’t drive enough to be good at it, Blaine was a conscientious driver and even let Kurt have control of the stereo.  

They didn’t talk, just listened to the music that funnelled out of the speakers from some blend station.  Every now and then Kurt would hum along to a song he liked or Blaine would outright sing along making Kurt snicker and shake his head at the clear display of foolishness.

Blaine still hadn’t told Kurt where they were headed, and Kurt was strangely alright with that.  If it had been anyone else he wouldn’t have gotten into the car without a destination, but with Blaine, there was only safety.  

The building got smaller, and then fewer as they drove.  Kurt knew that Blaine kept glancing over at him.  He could feel those eyes, but didn’t say anything.  He didn’t need to say anything.  Blaine was checking to see that he was alright and Kurt was.

“You’re slowing down… we’re getting closer to wherever you’re taking me…”  Kurt murmured, feeling the change in speed of Wes’ car which Blaine was borrowing for the jaunt.

“I… I should tell you where we’re going Kurt.”  Blaine said, voice full of nerves that made Kurt’s own prickle.

“Well then tell me.”

“Connecticut… we’re going to my mom’s.”

Kurt opened his eyes to slits, looking at Blaine accusingly, “We’re what?  Are you trying to get me kicked out of the apartment she partially owns?”

“No… actually.”  Blaine sighed.  “We can go back if you want, but I want to be honest with her and even though she’s my mom and can be a little overprotective, she’s a good woman and I think she’ll like you… plus she has a nice home not too far from the beach with nothing much else around it.”

Kurt took in a deep breath and reached down into the bag between his feet to grab his cigarettes and lighter, hastily lighting one up and blowing the smoke out the window.  “Perfect for disposing of bodies I suppose.”

Blaine laughed, and Kurt took another drag from his cigarette, watching as the ashes that fell off the end of the cigarette got pulled out the window and blown away from the force of the air.  

“I did warn her that I was coming up with a friend.  I think, if anything, she’ll be happy that I’ve come to visit.  I haven’t been up in months now.”

“Because of me.”

“Partially I guess.”  Blaine admitted, making another turn and bringing them closer to the end.  “But also because I didn’t want to talk about my boyfriend at the time which I knew she’d ask about.  I think somewhere inside me I knew that Sebastian was bad news and I didn’t want to have a conversation about him with either of my parents.”

“And now you’re free.”

“Right…”

Quiet for a few more minutes, Blaine making another couple turns and decelerating as the speed limits reduced the further he got into residential areas.

“Hey Kurt?”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you tell the cops everything?  I mean… I’m happy you did… but it kind of shocked the hell out of Wes and I since… well… everything else that happened before.”

Kurt lit up another cigarette, letting the stub of his old one drop out the side of the window and bounce behind the car.  “Because Sebastian knew Cole and if he told Cole or Big G then they’d know, through Sebastian, where I was…. they could’ve come up and retaliated against you.”

“You did it to protect me?”

“Yeah.”  

“Oh… thanks.”

“Yeah.  Don’t mention it.”

“Is that why you seem alright about going out now too?”

Kurt shrugged, “Maybe.  I’m more afraid of New York Streets than anything though I suppose.  The wilderness of Connecticut is hardly intimidating and I don’t think those guys could follow me up here.”

“Not if they’re in jail anyhow.”

Kurt let his eyes roll and smoked up as much as he could.  He got the feeling that if Blaine was brought up as prim and proper as he thought than Blaine’s mother wasn’t going to be okay with Kurt smoking in the house.

If she was okay with anything about him at all that was.  He didn’t exactly know what Blaine was thinking bringing him to meet his mom.  Kurt had to be the least parent-friendly person on the planet - at least based on looks.  Piercings, pink hair, eye-liner when he bothered (which wasn’t often these days), the same uniform of layered clothings that probably made him look like he was in some kind of overdressed gang, and his tattoo.

“Kurt… I’m sorry.”

“You’re always sorry.”  Kurt let out a puff of smoke from between his lips.  He never had been able to make an O shape with the smoke as much as he tried.

“I mean about asking about your tattoo.”

“Huh…”

“I thought it might have been the initials of someone who was important to you or maybe even an homage to Calvin Klein… but… it’s a brand isn’t it?”

“No shit Sherlock.”

“I’m sorry about it then.  I didn’t know people did that to one another.”

He knew it was psychosomatic, but Kurt reached up with his free hand to clutch his shoulder that the tattoo was on the back of as it felt like it was burning then.  He remembered being held down as the sketchy looking guy with more beard than hair on his head inked the ghastly font into him.  Then he had been held back as the same thing happened to Quinn and he had to listen to her cry out while the guy not only branded her, but groped her as well.  Really, both of them were lucky they didn’t get infected.  Not like the girl that had been branded and was in the hospital a week later with a giant pussing green patch that had taken over her tattoo and was never heard from again.

“Would you ever want to get it removed?”

“Obviously.”  Kurt took another long drag, looking at the oversized homes they were driving between.  Did people actually live in those?  Shit.

“Costs a lot though….”  Blaine mused, making another turn into what looked like an open road into nothing.

“Yup… and I ain’t exactly rolling in it.”

“I could -”

“No Blaine.  You do enough.  I know there’s no way what you’re getting for me is enough to cover what I eat, my share of rent, clothes, utilities, and whatever the hell else I cost you.  I’ll deal with it at some point… for now… I keep it covered.  Bad enough I have to see it when I undress to shower.”

He heard Blaine’s adam apple bob as the other man swallowed and Kurt sucked back as much smoke as he could into his throat, letting it fill him with warmth and satisfaction.  

“Calvin Klein though?  Really?  Fuck Blaine… I may dress like I don’t care about designers but if I was to get a tattoo homage to one then I think I’d go with something a little more respectable like McQueen or Armani or Ford…”

“I… wow… I didn’t know you knew designers.”

“I used to.”  

There was a long stretch of nothing, and then. the ocean.  It wasn’t like the ocean he saw in New York, even though it was technically still the Atlantic.  This view was limitless, and aside from the vague outline of a few boats in the distance, there was nothing else hindering his view of the water and sky.  

It was gorgeous.

He sat up to look at it, taking in the view as they came up to a remote little home situated not too far away from a ramshackled looking lighthouse.  Blaine pulled into the driveway and stopped the car, turning to Kurt before he made any other moves.

“We can still turn back if you want.”

Kurt shook his head, looking past Blaine at the ocean still, “Nah… I’ll take my chances.”

They grabbed their suitcases and walked up to the door, Kurt keeping a few steps back as the door opened well before Blaine reached it and a woman ran out to embrace Blaine in her arms.

“Oh my baby boy!  I am so glad to see you!”

Blaine erked and hugged her back, “Hi mom.  Need to breath.  Please.”

She released him and smiled fondly at Blaine for a moment more before catching sight of Kurt.  He could see the confusion in her eyes and then the forced display of acceptance, “You must be my Blaine’s friend.”

“Kurt.” Blaine supplied with an eager smile.

“Hey.”  Kurt said, wishing he could just retreat to a room or the beach or anywhere away from the woman whose stare seemed to be boring a hole in him.

“Welcome.. welcome… sorry, when Blaine means he’s bringing a friend that has always meant Wes before - not that you’re not welcome of course.  I was just surprised since I thought Wes swore off hair dye after that incident in junior year and it took me a second to realize it wasn’t Wes.”

Blaine and his mother laughed at what was obviously an inside joke and then Kurt was thankfully led into the house and to the guest room where he and Blaine both deposited their things before being led next to the kitchen where Kurt could see through the patio doors that there was a pool in the backyard.

“Why is there a pool when there’s a beach only a minute away?” Kurt made the mistake of asking.

“The pool is heated.” Mrs. Anderberry said plainly, as if that made any sense to Kurt.  

“For winter swimming.”  Blaine added on.

“Of course.” Kurt gave his head a shake.  How foolish of him.  Honestly.

Blaine and his mother sipped lemonade at the kitchen table while Kurt listened in quietly.  They laughed and spoke easily, and Kurt decided that as far as looks went, Blaine probably took more after his dad and Rachel took after their mom.  Mrs. Anderberry was built exactly the same as Rachel, with the same dark eyes and long dark hair - though she looked less intense.  Through the conversation he was listening into, he found out that she was a teacher and that she taught music in the community they had passed through before reaching this little lost plot of land.

The pair of them obviously loved one another quite a bit as they took turns asking questions about how their lives were going.  Blaine admitted he wasn’t seeing the “young man he had told her about a couple months ago on the phone” anymore and would fill her in on the details later.  She told Blaine that she had dated a couple men but was generally disinterested in what they had to offer - to which Blaine looked pleased.  Clearly he was okay with being the main man in his mother’s life.

Kurt excused himself to go wander the beach, letting the smell of clean ocean air cleanse him as it washed over him.  He even let his feet go free, taking off his shoes and socks so he could feel the soft sand between his toes and let the tides lap at his toes.  

This place was exactly what he wanted.  Freedom.  It felt like freedom.  He was outside, completely in the open but he felt safe.  

He must have walked in the same space for hours because the sun dropped behind him, creating the most gorgeous blend of colours in the sky and making the water sparkle in its wake.   Kurt sat himself down in the sand and watched it happen.

Soft footsteps came up behind him, and a blanket fell over his shoulders.  For once though, he wasn’t freezing, though the gesture was still appreciated as he tugged the blanket around him and Blaine sat beside him.

“I love this view.”

Kurt nodded, “It’s pretty spectacular.”

“I told my mom… I told her everything.”

Kurt nodded again, “And?”

“And… she was upset.. then sad… then upset… then sad… and now I think she’s okay with it all.”

“All of it?”

“Maybe…. I don’t know.  She’s okay with you though.”

“I doubt that…”  Kurt dug his toes into the sand.

“She is.  Please Kurt.  Trust me.”

“You know I do.”  Kurt looked back, seeing the smile form on Blaine’s face.  “So what do I call her?  Mrs. Anderberry?”

Blaine chuckled and shook his head, “No… primarily because she reverted back to her maiden name when she divorced my dad.  It’s Corcoran… and if you call her Shelby that’d be perfect for her.”

Kurt nodded and looked back over to the ocean, catching a small wave folding over onto itself.  “I can do that.”

They stayed and watched the ocean until it became too dark and Blaine’s mother called out to them that supper was ready.  

The dinner was delicious, and Kurt again listened to Blaine and his mother banter back and forth before he could excuse himself to the bedroom where he read until Blaine showed up and crawled into the bed, offering Kurt his chest so the pair of them could fall asleep.

“She can’t like this.”  Kurt murmured as he felt the first wisps of drowsiness hit him.

“Hrm…” Blaine responded and then Kurt could feel in his chest the long, deep breathes that told him Blaine was asleep.

And he followed shortly thereafter.


	29. Chapter 29

Kurt watched as Blaine swam back and forth, back and forth in the pool before him.  He wasn’t sure how many laps Blaine intended to do, but Kurt was grateful for the view, even though he still didn’t understand why Blaine would choose the pool over the ocean.  Blaine’s toned body was nicely on display as he drilled through the water and Kurt felt free to look since Blaine had, after all, willingly put on those tiny shorts and was putting on such a vigorous display of strength and beauty.

If only Kurt didn’t have to maintain a shallow conversation while he was watching.

On the other side of the table was Shelby, sipping on some kind of tea while she also watched her son swim, periodically asking Kurt bland questions like “Are you excited about school starting” and “How is the apartment” and “Do you enjoy the dog” - all of which Kurt gave typical one word responses to. The dog question was the only one that gave Kurt pause, if only because he felt naked without Romeo around.  Wes was house and dog sitting back in the city - though now that he was out here, Kurt had to wonder why they didn’t bother bringing Romeo out here with all the space he could run in.

“You like my son.”

Kurt didn’t respond to the statement, instead taking a purposefully long sip of lemonade as he continued to watch Blaine’s body ripple through the water.  

“He says you two are friends but you slept in the same room last night.”

Kurt sighed and took another sip.  This line of statements was so much more threatening than the questions that came before.  

“What are your intentions towards my son Kurt?”

That made Kurt choke a little on his lemonade, if only because he had to laugh.  Intentions?  Really?  

“We’re just friends Shelby.”

“Friends with benefits?”

Another choking spasm was had on the lemonade and Kurt set the cup down.  “No.  Fuck… oh my god…”

Shelby laughed beside him, apparently amused by the response she was getting.  It quickly became clear where Rachel got her attitude from.

“Why are you wearing so much Kurt?  It’s hot as hell out here.”

“I’m still cold.”  Thank god she changed the topic of conversation.

“You have deformities then?”

He turned towards her, his eyes glaring and his mouth formed into a snarl, “I am just cold.”

“Scars then?”

Kurt took in a long breath in and a long breath out.  She was trying to get under his skin and it was working.  “I have them but that’s not why.”

“You don’t want to be sexualized?  Seen as a prostitute still?”

Kurt grabbed the cup back and took another sip, his throat suddenly feeling very dry and needy.

“That’s it then.”  She smiled smugly.  “So that eliminates the friends with benefits idea then.  That’s good.”

“Jesus….”  Kurt shook his head.  He couldn’t believe this woman had produced someone like Blaine.  Mind you, she did produce Rachel as well.

“My son is a tender soul Kurt.  I’ve always worried someone would take advantage of that.  He just wants to be loved and he only wants to love in return.  So much like his dad.”

“That’s an awfully nice thing to say about your ex.” Kurt grunted.

“Our separation was quite amicable Kurt.  We’re still very good friends in fact.  It was Blaine coming out that made us decide to separate.”

“That doesn’t sound very amicable.”  Kurt frowned, his heart dropping a little as he thought of a young Blaine coming out and causing his parents to separate.  No child wanted to be the reason their parents broke up.  “That sounds awful in fact.”

“How much do you know about Blaine’s dad Kurt?”

Kurt thought and his mind went blank aside from one detail, “He lives in Boston.”

“With his new HUSBAND.” Shelby purposely enunciated that last word a little too hard and too long, looking directly at Kurt whose jaw fell just a little, “We got married because I wanted kids but didn’t want a needy, overbearing husband and he also wanted kids but also someone who would protect him from the whispers and teasing he had experienced growing up.  He and I grew up together in a different time.  Coming out wasn’t an option he felt he could have… so while we have always loved one another, but weren’t IN love.  We had our kids and then when Blaine came out and then got… attacked…”  She spit out that word before continuing, “We wanted Blaine to see that what he was… well that it was okay and we supported it.   We separated so Blaine’s dad could be free to be who he was and be the role model Blaine needed.”

“That’s…”  Kurt’s heart ached, and his mind flashed back to his dad, telling him that he knew Kurt was gay and that he still loved him - even though Kurt had been awful to him - yelling at his dad as he came out.  He had tried to throw it into his dad’s face to make his dad hate him, and all his dad had done was quietly and lovingly acknowledge it. “... I don’t know.  I don’t know what to say to that.”

“Blaine’s dad is brilliant with money… you think my teacher salary bought me this place?”  She laughed, “No… he wanted to make sure I had a nice set-up when we split.  Blaine will tell you that both his dad and I pay for his place, but we all know it’s just his dad.”

Kurt was quiet at that.

“Which means if you’re worried about being kicked out, it wouldn’t be me you’d have to worry about.”  She whispered over, voice laced with delight.

“I do like Blaine…”  Kurt said as quietly as he could manage, eyes locked on the figure in the water going through the water like it was butter. “... but as a friend and I’m not at a place yet where I can even consider a relationship. Quite frankly, I think he could do better anyhow.”

“Oh hell Kurt.  You think we’re one of those hoighty-toighty yacht club families that ranks people based on how much they have or don’t have?  Please.  So long as my baby is loved and cared for none of us care how much the person has…. but I can respect that you’ve been through a lot and that you need time to figure out who you are as an individual before you dive into a relationship. Just know that he likes you too.”

Kurt shrugged.  Blaine liked him as a friend and as a bed-mate, he got that.  If there was any indication that Blaine liked him more than that - he didn’t see it.

“Certainly more than that scumbag he was dating.”

“Sebastian had money… and he was going places.”

“And he would have gotten Blaine infected with something from his sleeping around and crushed Blaine’s spirit in the process Kurt.  I want my son to be happy, not just well-off.”

The whole direction this conversation had taken wasn’t any better than it had been and Kurt needed to change things up.

“Did Blaine grow up here or in Boston?”

Shelby shook her head, looking back out at her son.  “Neither.  I came out here because it was closer to my kids when they left the nest - even though neither of them ever visit… and Blaine’s dad moved out to Boston because that’s where his husband works.  Blaine grew up in Ohio.”

Kurt coughed, so suddenly and violently that even Blaine heard him and stopped his swim to look over worriedly.  Kurt managed to shake off the shock though that had led up to that moment and waved a dismissive hand over at Blaine before calming himself and looking back at Shelby, who also had an eyebrow perked up in concern.

“Sorry.  Went down the wrong tube.  Ohio?”

She nodded, “Westerville.”

Well shit.  Blaine had only ever been a hop, skip, and a jump away.

“I had a job teaching out there and Blaine’s dad can do his work from anywhere.  Rachel went to a private school, and Blaine was in public school of his own wishes until the… incident and then we insisted he go to Dalton where there was a strict zero tolerance policy.  That’s where he met most of his friends, Wes included.”

“You don’t like to talk about what happened to him huh?”

Shelby shook her head, “No parent wants to think about their child being hurt like that… We raise them… trying to tell them the world is generally a good place but to not talk to strangers just in case… think they’ll be okay because of that, and then… well…”  She sighed and looked over, “Most parents just want their kids to be happy and safe.  Those boys that hurt my son… they took that away from him, all because we always tried to tell him to accept himself… He did, and…”

Kurt shook his head.  People were assholes.  Didn’t matter if they were in New York or Ohio.  The world was not generally a good place, it was generally a bad place and people choose to only see the good.  That was why Blaine hadn’t seen Sebastian for what he was.  That was why Blaine had taken Kurt into his home.

“Well he seems to be fine with what happened…  no worse for wear.”

Shelby offered Kurt a smile and nodded, “Yes.  He’s a strong boy.”

“I wouldn’t call him a boy….”

“He’ll always be my baby boy.”  Shelby asserted, “I’m sure your parents would say the same about you.”

Kurt went silent again and looked away.

“I’m sorry…  I’m making assumptions…”

“No… and… well yes.  My mom is dead.”

“Oh sweetie… I’m sorry…”

Kurt shook his head.  “It’s okay.  It was a long time ago.”

“And you dad?”

“Haven’t seen him in years now.  I don’t know… but I didn’t leave on good terms.”

“But he must love you…”

Kurt sighed, “Can we not talk about it?”

“Alright.”

The pair of them continued to watch Blaine swim laps and despite being under an umbrella, Kurt was definitely regretting the hoodie on this particular day.  It was hot out, and the humidity was making him sweat something fierce, but he wasn’t about to shed any layers out in the open like this.  It wasn’t like he had anything to show anyhow, not like Blaine did.

Eventually Blaine came out of the water, his body glistening with beads of water as he happily accepted a glass of lemonade from his mother who grinned knowingly towards Kurt.  He deftly averted his eyes once Shelby caught him, the thought occurring that Blaine’s mother and his psychiatrist must be in league somehow the way they both caught on to him and seemed to want to direct him towards doing more than using Blaine as a pillow.

But he knew he wasn’t ready.  If there was only one thing in the world Kurt knew, it was that.  More than that though, Blaine had just gotten out of a relationship himself and, besides, he was more of Kurt’s caretaker than his equal.  Kurt didn’t want to be involved with someone who had all the power… not again.  Maybe one day… when he could take care of himself.  When he didn’t just need Blaine, but was in a position where he could just want him…

“Excuse me.”

Kurt retreated from the patio as soon as he recognized what his mind had just been doing, splashing cold water on his face as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

He had thought about the future again.  His future.  Sure he had planned to do some college courses and keep himself clean, but he didn’t know where he was going with either of those things.  They were just to keep himself focused and occupied.  But he had just had a thought about how he wanted to have a relationship in the future.  How he wanted it to be.  Wow.

Kurt studied himself in the mirror.  He still didn’t recognize himself - he hadn’t in a long time.  The pink hair, the piercings, the dark circles that never seemed to go away… it was like a mask.  Somewhere under it all was what he really was, but he didn’t even know how to find that person again, and if that person in the past was really who he wanted to be.  

There was a knocking on the bathroom door, and then Blaine’s hesitant voice asking, “Kurt?”

“Yeah… yeah… just a minute.”  He washed his face over again, trying to cool himself off now, if only for a minute and then dried his hands off and left the bathroom.  Blaine was leaning against the wall outside the bathroom, a robe now covering him, waiting for Kurt.

“You alright?  You went kind of pale out there.”

Kurt nodded, “Yeah… just… really need a cigarette.”

Blaine rolled his eyes and nodded, “Right.  Cancer sticks.  How foolish of me to worry.”

Kurt chuckled and gave Blaine a gentle elbow to the side as he walked past, “Come on now.  Can’t give up all my habits at once.”

“I think you’re doing pretty good on giving up the bad things in your life Kurt.”  Blaine said as he walked alongside Kurt, “Maybe it’s time to start eliminating another thing.”

Kurt smirked.  He knew how badly Blaine hated his cigarettes, but he still needed some kind of fix, even if the nicotine was mild compared to a cocaine high.  “You’re right.”

“Really?”  Blaine beamed.

“Yeah.  Time for me to stop chewing my nails.”

  
  
  
  



	30. Chapter 30

Pink to brown, pink to brown.  That was the direction Blaine combed his fingers through Kurt’s hair while he slept.  Blaine had been awake for awhile now, but Kurt was still softly breathing and had his eyes shut.  Blaine didn’t want to wake him before he was ready, so instead he just kept fingering that hair and watching Kurt’s peaceful face.  He wasn’t sure how, since they used the same hair products, but Kurt’s hair was infinitely softer than his own.

The bedroom door cracked open and Blaine instinctively cupped a hand over the ear of Kurt’s that wasn’t against his chest to keep things quiet for him as Blaine’s mother peaked in.

“Aww…”  She whispered and then her face crinkled up with a smile as she looked from Kurt to Blaine.

“What is it?” Blaine whispered back.  His mother and Rachel had similar ideas about personal privacy when it came to Blaine, never warning him when they decided to come into his area.

She tiptoed in to look over Kurt more closely, “He wears that much even when he sleeps?”

“Yes mom… what do you need?”

She glanced over at Blaine, still wearing that telltale smile that meant she had an opinion, or a few, on something.  “I’m going to the grocery store.  Kurt eats a lot more than he lets on.  Is there anything you’d like?”

Blaine was quick, “Kurt loves cinnamon raisin bread for toast and get real butter, not margarine.”

Shelby’s smile turned into a smirk and she nodded, heading out the door, pausing when she was right under the arch and looked back.  Here it comes, thought Blaine, she’s going to say something that’s going to make me cringe.

She didn’t disappoint.

“What about some condoms?”

“Mother!” Blaine hissed.  He had been expecting something bad, but certainly not that. 

She snickered and left then, shutting the door behind her.  Blaine sighed and uncupped Kurt’s ear, letting his hand fall to the side.

“She gone?”

Blaine tensed right back up and looked down at Kurt whose eyes had fluttered open and were looking up at Blaine questioningly.

“How long have you been awake?  What did you hear?”

Kurt smirked and pushed himself up to a sitting position, “Awhile.  I like having my hair stroked and didn’t want you to stop.  Your mom doesn’t spare any words does she?”

Blaine groaned and covered his face with his hands to hide the mortified blush rising in them.  He mumbled through his fingers, “I’m so sorry….”

Kurt chuckled, climbing out of the bed and going to his bag to dig through it for clothes, getting a full stack out in his arms.  “Don’t worry about it Blaine.  It’s kind of entertaining.  Thanks for requesting my bread.”

Blaine mumbled a “You’re welcome” through his hands as Kurt left the room to go change in the privacy of the bathroom across the hall, leaving Blaine alone to try and deal with the embarrassment his mother had caused for him.  He had a hard enough time dealing with his increasingly frequent morning erections without his mother going ahead and suggesting a sexual relationship with the boy in his bed, as if Kurt would even be interested.  Blaine was a timid little virgin who had pretty much came the instant Kurt put his mouth around him the one time he had done something remotely sexual.  He had also been the reason that Kurt was subjected to Sebastian.  Blaine just felt lucky Kurt didn’t hold that grudge for more than a couple days.

He had worried about bringing Kurt here, exposing him to his mother, but both of them seemed to, at the very least, tolerate each other well enough.   His mother wasn’t in the dark as much as Blaine had thought when he had brought Kurt here.  Rachel had made good on her threat and called their parents to rat out Blaine, but neither parent entertained Rachel’s tattling.  In fact, Blaine’s mother had apparently told her to stop meddling.  Despite that, Shelby had been worried that first night that she and Blaine had spoken while Kurt wandered off to the beach.  

She didn’t want Blaine to get caught up in someone’s else’s problems - and he had to tell her that he was already long past that point, that he was drawn to Kurt from the start, and whether he could control it or not, he was somehow tied to Kurt.  Somehow that made sense to her, and he was grateful she didn’t dismiss him outright for saying it.  

He gave her the shortened story of what he knew - from Kurt working the streets, to how he came into Blaine’s life, the hospital, the attack they didn’t know much about, and the attack by Sebastian.  He also made it clear that according to the social worker Kurt was a perfect model of rehabilitation.  Kurt was clean, he was about to attend college, and he was speaking openly to the cops now.  Sure, he still wasn’t open about his whole backstory (and Blaine didn’t tell his mother that Wes and him knew more about that than they  let on), but Kurt had been nothing but trustworthy since he came into his home.

In the end, she had admitted she felt bad for Kurt and wanted to adopt him herself given how much trauma he’d been through.  That was when Blaine admitted that Kurt legally had the last name Anderberry.  She had been surprised at first, but then, okay - though she said that Blaine might want to let his dad know about that since it might somehow mess up the family genealogy project he worked on in his spare time, especially if he found out there was another Anderberry in New York that he didn’t know about.  

They were going to go back to the city tonight since classes started the next day.  Blaine always looked forward to a new semester, but he felt bad bringing Kurt back to the city that he had come to be afraid of.  Out here, Kurt looked different, moved differently.  He wasn’t afraid to go outside the doors here, and had become especially fond of the beach where he and Blaine spent several hours a day walking, making sand castles, and just relaxing.  If only the water was cleaner Blaine might have been inclined to swim in it while Kurt was insisting on hiding under an umbrella on the beach.  Blaine had had to explain to Kurt that the pool wasn’t just necessary because it was heated, but because there were factories down the coast that polluted the water.  Blaine had never been comfortable swimming in it because of that.

“I should move out here when I’m done whatever the fuck it is I’m doing.” Kurt said later that day when Blaine was busy digging out a moat for their little sand city and Kurt was leaning back on a blanket smoking one of those awful cigarettes.

“Pretty expensive.” 

“Guess I’ll have to get a good job then.”

Blaine chuckled and looked up from his work at Kurt, “Somehow I have a hard time picturing you in some kind of executive role.  All suit and tie and business.”

Kurt snickered, flicking the ashes off the side after he finished taking a puff, “Could happen.”

“Right.”

“Well what the hell should I do then?”

Blaine shrugged, “I don’t really know Kurt.  I can’t even figure out what I want to do.”

“You should be a musician.”

Blaine chuckled, “I don’t think Rachel wants to share the Anderberry spotlight - plus I’m not all that good.”

“Fuck her and fuck that.  You are good.  Besides, you love it.  Anyone can see that.”

“I do…”  he admitted, sitting back to look over the moat and nod in appreciation of his work.  “But it wouldn’t pay the bills.”

Kurt chuckled, “Well how about I become some rich suit n’ tie type and you become a starving artist and then I can take care of you.”

Blaine grinned at the idea.  He really did love playing and singing, but Rachel had always ensured that he felt that any talent he might have had was always dwarfed by her own.  She was the star of the family, not him.  

“I would you know… if I could.”

Blaine tilted his head to the side as he looked back at Kurt, “What?”

“Take care of you, or pay you back… if I could.”

Blaine shook his head.  He always remembered what Kurt had told him that one, cold night… that he never took charity.  Yet Kurt did, and was - even if it was a government sponsored charity.  “You know I don’t care about the money Kurt.”

“Clearly.” Kurt was wearing sunglasses but Blaine was sure he could see him rolling his eyes under them.

“And you know I don’t see you as a charity case right?  You’re my friend.”

“So you keep telling me.”

“And just like you’d do the same for me if I needed it, you have to know then that I will always be there to help you out when you need it.”

Kurt sighed and stubbed his cigarette out in the sand, lifting his sunglasses to look at Blaine eye to eye, “Sometimes I swear you get your words right out of a hallmark card.”

Blaine shrugged, “It’s true though.”

“Whatever.” Kurt’s eyes went back to being blacked out as he lowered the shades.

When they left that evening, Blaine’s mother packed them an oversized care box full of food from the grocery store as well as some clothes she thought Kurt would like, gave them both big hugs (despite Kurt looking like he wanted to run away), and waved goodbye to them both until the car turned the corner.  

“Your mom isn’t a total hag.” Kurt said after they had been on the road for ten minutes.

Blaine laughed at that, glancing over at Kurt who already had a cigarette lit and dangling out of the window.  “I don’t really know if I should be relieved or not by that.”

Kurt shrugged, “I figured she’d be more like your sister.”

“Ah.”  Blaine looked back to the road.  “Well… Rachel gets her fire from dad and her confidence from mom… both those things together make her quite formidable.”

“You say potato, I say po-tah-to.  You say formidable, I say bitch.”

Blaine chuckled and shook his head, “She can be nice you know… when she isn’t being a diva.”

“I’m sure she was a great big sister when she wasn’t making you run lines with her or play music for her to sing to.”

Blaine blinked, “How’d you know about all that?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Maybe you should go work on Wall Street the way you can figure things out like that.”

“Mmm… maybe.  Problem is I’ve probably screwed half the upright asses in there… or… well… vice versa.”

Blaine frowned.  “I don’t like it when you joke about it.”

“Well how else am I supposed to talk about it?”

Blaine bit his lower lip, earning him a small swat on the thigh from Kurt.  “I don’t chew nails, you don’t nibble your lower lip.  That’s why you get chapped lips so much.”

“And here I thought I just left my mother….”  Blaine tutted, earning a second swat.

Beside him, Kurt let out a harumph and flicked ashes out the window of the car from his cigarette, “Anyhow… it’s easier to joke about what I did before.  Besides, a lot of what I experienced felt like a joke anyhow.  A joke about how relationships were, a joke about life… whatever you want to think of it as… I can be serious about life now if I think that all that in the past was just a short comic sketch in my life.”

Blaine pursed his lips, trying to understand, but of course he couldn’t.  He hadn’t been there, he hadn’t experienced any of that, and even when he had tried to put himself in Kurt’s shoes, all that happened was he got sick the moment he thought of the things Kurt went through.  

“Thank you Blaine…”

Blaine shook himself out of his thoughts and glanced over, “For what?”

“For the vacation.”

Blaine chuckled, “It was hardly a vacation.”

“It was to me.”

“You’re welcome then.  I’m glad you liked it.  I wish we could have stayed longer.”

Blaine saw Kurt smirk from the corner of his eye, “If we had stayed much longer your mother might have involved herself a lot more than she already was.”

He groaned and bumped his head against the top of the steering wheel, reliving the mortification from the morning, “Again… sorry.”

“It’s okay Blaine… it was worth it to see you get so red.  Kind of like you are now.”

  
  



	31. Chapter 31

Once school started again, Blaine got wrapped up in a comfortable routine once more.  

6 a.m. Wake up, nudge Kurt to the other side of the bed, go for a run with Romeo.

7 a.m. Shower, get ready.

8 a.m. Make breakfast, watch Kurt blearily come in and go straight for the coffee.

8:30 a.m. Leave to catch Express A to the university.

9 a.m. Classes until…

12 p.m. Lunch and exchanging texts with Kurt to see how his online work was going.

1.p.m. More classes.

3 p.m. Classes done.  Go home.

3:30 p.m. Take Romeo for another run around the neighbourhood.

4:00 p.m. Work on assignments and help Kurt with his.

6:30 p.m. Hit the gym.  Kurt comes along three times a week.

8 p.m. Return home.  Watch TV or work on an item that was procrastinated on.

10 p.m. Bed.

On the weekends Blaine still worked at the humane society while Wes stayed at the apartment with Kurt and Romeo.  Periodically they also now were visited by Blaine’s mother who had taken it upon herself to ensure Kurt had a positive female role model in his life despite the fact that Kurt looked like a deer in headlights every time she made an appearance.

Kurt’s room, at some point over the course of time, had reverted back to a guest room as his clothing seemed to find its way into Blaine’s room since he slept and got ready in there anyhow.  Wes seemed both irritated and amused by that, but kept his opinion, which Blaine definitely knew he had, to himself.

They were kept apprised of the status with Sebastian’s trial, but much to Blaine’s dismay and Kurt’s lack of surprise, the legal system in New York was so bogged down that any progress was still months ahead of them.  Kurt still stayed inside the apartment unless he was going to the gym with Blaine and despite Wes’ efforts, no progress was made on getting Kurt out for a walk or even out of the front doors.  Thank goodness for the connected parkade that allowed them to take Kurt to appointments without him having to venture onto the street.

Rachel had even shown up once in late September, mumbling something of an apology to both Blaine and Kurt before slipping them passes to her show.  Blaine watched as Kurt looked longingly at the tickets and then put up his cold front again saying that Wes and Blaine should go and he’d take care of Romeo. 

In the end, Blaine set Wes up on a date to go to the show - which Wes was not pleased about despite the fact that he had all but begged Blaine for one of the tickets initially.

They were not without their bumps in the road though.  For example, Blaine had, by the time Thanksgiving rolled around, he had endured no less than ten mornings where Kurt had not only discovered that Blaine was sporting morning wood, but teased him for it.  It didn’t seem to matter how Blaine position himself in his pyjama pants, even if he wore briefs underneath, his member had no problem repositioning itself in his sleep and poking Kurt in the side.

At least Kurt found it entertaining though, and wasn’t embarrassed like Blaine was when things were the other way around. Blaine wished he had the gall to tease Kurt when he woke up to discover that even through Kurt’s layering he could still feel a morning erection.  All that happened to Blaine though was to first get bashful about the situation and then his own penis betrayed him and decided to join Kurt’s at attention - which of course Kurt sometimes awoke to and bugged him about even though it was Kurt initially that had caused it.

The first time Blaine saw Kurt without a hoodie on since he had helped him in the bathroom all those months ago was actually because of another issue.  Blaine had failed to realize that Kurt dedicated specific hoodies for sleep and specific hoodies for day wear and had only washed his nighttime ones in the laundry, leading Kurt to protest and stay in bed all day because he had no hoodie to wear outside of bed.  It should have made Blaine irritated, but he actually found Kurt’s odd idiosyncrasy endearing and just chuckled his way through it as he rushed a load of laundry with the right hoodies through the washer and dryer in the apartment laundry room.  When he got back, Kurt had had to abandon the bed to go to the washroom and Blaine actually saw his arms for the first time in months when he came back into the room.

“You look so much healthier…”  Blaine openly marvelled as he saw that Kurt had gone from skeletal to filled out and toned.  

Kurt huffed and grabbed a hoodie from the pile, throwing it over himself quickly.  

“You do…”

“Good for me then.”

Yes, Blaine saw the same old scars and burn marks, but with time they had faded and certainly didn’t take away from the overall creamy skin that Kurt was blessed with.  He really didn’t understand Kurt’s need to be so covered up all the time, especially since Blaine had seen him on the streets all on display, then in the hospital, and even nude in the bathroom the one time.   Short of certain nooks and crannies, he knew what Kurt looked like under it all, yet Kurt was freakishly modest, even for Blaine.

Another hiccup in their life occurred during Thanksgiving.  Kurt didn’t want to go to Boston so they decided to have Thanksgiving for the family at the apartment, which Kurt seemed alright with - at least until everyone arrived.

In retrospect, he should have warned Kurt about his dad more.

Blaine’s dad was nothing short of invasive - especially when it came to people’s personal space, and immediately cornered Kurt and asked him all sorts of questions.  His dad meant well, just trying to be friendly and get to know Kurt, but Kurt didn’t know him and certainly hadn’t been eased into the situation and fled to the bathroom as soon as he had the opportunity, smoking several cigarettes in succession until the smoke detector went off and they had to explain to the condo maintenance manager that it was just a mistake and they would check the batteries of the alarm to make sure everything was alright.

Blaine’s dad laid off a little after that, especially once Blaine’s mother took him aside to give him a warning.  When Kurt came back, Blaine’s mom and dad sat on the couches with him and had a more laid back conversation while Blaine worked on the meal with his step-dad, and Wes and Rachel tried to one-up each other in conversation on their recent accomplishments.

For her part, Rachel was actually much more tame and polite around Kurt than she had been in the past, though made every possible effort to undermine him.  She suggested her dad didn’t use big words around him to avoid confusing him(even though Kurt had yet to receive anything less than a perfect score in his English class), and that Wes shouldn’t sit in the same chair Kurt had so that Wes didn’t contract anything from him (which Wes politely told her wasn’t a possibility).  When she came up to Blaine though and told him that he should probably not wash Kurt’s clothes in the same machines as his own, Blaine lost it on her, telling her to leave if she couldn’t keep her attitude to herself.

Rachel stayed, more because her mother talked her into it than because she wanted to, and was quiet for the rest of the night.  Kurt told Blaine afterwards that her being quiet actually made her tolerable.

When everyone left, Kurt needed to sleep immediately, citing that “Too many people exhaust him” and so Blaine had to go to bed too.  

Kurt wasn’t just having a difficult time with new people, but with the people on his online discussion groups as well.  While he didn’t have to attend any classes, some of his courses required him to collaborate with other students online and because Kurt was not having any difficulties with the material in his classes, he got frustrated with those students that did.  He had absolutely no patience for what he considered “those online dumbasses” and regularly complained about the fact that he had to deal with them at all, going so far as to complain via email to his professors and suggest he work independently.

Then of course his professors became the “dumbasses” when they refused the request, citing that even though he was doing his work digitally that learning how to interact with others was a skill he should focus on.

“I’ll give them something to focus on…”  Kurt had mumbled.

“What do you even mean by that?” Wes asked, hands lifted up to either side in question.

“Well… I mean they can focus on my fist in their face.”

Wes and Blaine both laughed at that, knowing full well that despite Kurt’s positioning, he really was quite harmless, and even if Kurt did have ill intent, he would actually have to leave the apartment to make good on it.

Despite those bumps, things were otherwise okay in the Anderberry apartment.  Kurt went to all his necessary meetings, even though he grumbled about their necessity and Blaine had seen the psychiatrist smiling the last time he had gone past her which meant that maybe Kurt was actually opening up at his meetings with her.  Most days Blaine came home to to the delectable smells of something already cooking in the oven for him and Kurt always kept the apartment spotless.  

Things went so smoothly in fact, that time seemed to slip away from Blaine, and before he knew it December had come and the snow was falling outside their windows.  Kurt complained bitterly about the chill he got whenever he opened a window to smoke and Blaine gently reminded him that this time last year was when Kurt was outside all night, which quieted Kurt in what Blaine hoped was a retrospective moment - but he could never be sure what went on in Kurt’s mind.

He did know that he needed to come up with a good Christmas present for Kurt.  The problem was that was Kurt never asked for anything, never looked impressed by anything, and always complained when Blaine brought him home new clothes, saying that Blaine shouldn’t be spending his money on him like that.  Blaine didn’t even know what Kurt might want.  

In fact, after Blaine had walked through several malls and shops, all he ended up with was a couple bags of new toys and treats for Romeo, a gift card for Rachel, and a new geeky gizmo for Wes - despite his intent on finding something, anything for Kurt.  He only had a couple weeks left too and finals were right away which were going to sap up all his focus.  Blaine needed to figure this out, and fast.

Because, if Blaine could pull off some kind of miracle, he hoped it would make it easier to tell Kurt about his feelings.  He had gone months now keeping them contained, waiting for Kurt to heal, but Blaine found it harder and harder not to lean in to kiss the top of his head when he was sleeping, or tell Kurt that when he smiled it made his heart leap.  Somehow he had managed, waiting for some sign that Kurt might feel the same or at least, entertain the thought, but he knew there wasn’t going to be any magical beacon that alerted him to that kind of readiness with Kurt, so Blaine was just going to hope and pray that he was ready when he asked.

Or at least let him down easy.

  
  
  



	32. Chapter 32

“YES!”

Kurt nearly hit the ceiling with the calculator he threw up in the air when he did a little victory whoop.  Blaine and Wes had just texted him their semester GPA’s and he had gotten the highest GPA between them all, and even though their courses were higher level and more specific, he still felt like it was worth the little celebratory dance he was doing in the living room.  He wasn’t a complete idiot.  At the very least he could call himself book smart now… or at least dedicated.  It was the first time he felt like being a good student was worth something.  Back at McKinley, all being a good student would do was make you a target for bullies.  Well, more of a target anyhow.

He left his marks up on the computer screen so he could show them off to Wes and Blaine later and continued his day.  Both the other boys were still at school getting their final marks for the semester and tomorrow Kurt and Blaine were heading off to Connecticut for the holidays.  Kurt was elated, at least on the inside.  He couldn’t wait to be out of the stale smelling apartment and outside where he felt comfortable again.  Even though it was winter and Shelby had warned him on the phone that the beach was covered in a thin sheet of packed snow and ice, it was still freedom to him.  

The suitcase he was bringing was already stuffed and he hadn’t even finished packing.  Thankfully Wes was going to loan him a second piece of luggage so he could finish the process tonight.  Wes also had been keeping the gifts he had purchased online for Blaine and Shelby since Kurt had them sent to Wes’ house so Blaine wouldn’t intercept them.  Thank god he lived in an age of online shopping.

Getting to go away for the holidays also meant that Kurt didn’t have to worry about baring his soul or whatever nonsense was expected of him during his counselling and group addiction meetings.  He was free to be a normal human being for awhile and not have to think about what motivated him to do this or why he thinks a certain way about that.  He could just be.

So when he heard the sounds of footsteps outside the door, Kurt uncharacteristically bounded towards the entryway, excited to brag about his marks and confirm that they could leave first thing tomorrow morning.  Romeo followed behind Kurt, as always, tail just wagging as incessantly as ever.

But when Blaine came through the door, Kurt could see that not everything was alright because Blaine’s eyes were red and watering and he sniffled as soon as he got inside.  Sure he tried to give Kurt a smile, but it was definitely forced.

“Think the perfume section at the mall gave me a bit of a headache… mind if I nap for awhile?”

Kurt nodded, biting his tongue and hoping that was all that was affecting Blaine. 

“You can gloat if you want…. I’ll get you back next semester.”  Blaine said softly in regards to the marks, as he crawled into the bed with his clothes still on.

“Not fucking likely.”  Kurt responded smugly, pulling the blanket up with him as he got in alongside Blaine and curled up in his usual position.  He hadn’t had a nap in awhile, so he was definitely going to take advantage of this opportunity.

But when Kurt woke up a couple hours later, it wasn’t because Blaine was getting up, it was because Blaine was on fire to the touch.  Kurt pulled back despite an unconscious whimper of protest from Blaine and lifted a hand to Blaine’s forehead to confirm what he already knew.  

Blaine had a fever,

“Shit.” Kurt mumbled to no one but himself and crawled out of the bed, going into the bathroom medicine cabinet to see if there was anything that might bring down the fever.  Nothing.

“Wes.  I need you to pick up some medicine.” Kurt announced as soon as Wes picked up the phone when he made a call out to him.

“Why….?”

“Blaine’s got a fever and looks like shit.”

“Well then there’s no way I’m coming over.”

“Come on Wes.”

“Absolutely not.  I’m under strict order to avoid the sick.”

“You’re training to be a doctor for fuck’s sake.  How the hell do you do that?!”

“During holidays. Special Orders.”

“What special fucking orders? I can’t go to the store Wes.  I need you to get it.”

“Fine.  But I’m leaving it at the door.”

“Fuck.  Whatever.  Bring me the presents too.”

“You think you’ll get to Connecticut still if he’s sick?”

“I’ll make him better.  Just you wait and see.”

“Alright, but I’m not going into your apartment until he’s clean and it’s sanitized.”

Kurt rolled his eyes as he got off the phone and moistened a cloth with cold water to press against Blaine’s head in the meantime.  The man whined at the sudden coolness against his head, but the towelette soaked up his heat as rapidly as he absorbed the cold it provided him and soon Kurt had to moisten the cloth again.

By the time Wes texted Kurt that he had left a bag at the door, Kurt had moved a bucket of ice water beside the bed to hasten the recooling of the cloth.

True to his word, Wes was no where to be seen when Kurt opened the door, but he had made good on getting Kurt medicine, including some IB profin for the fever as well as a host of other medicines.  Attached to the bag was a note that warned: “Blaine can get loopy on Nyquil.  Have fun.”  In addition, his gifts and a pack of cigarettes were stacked outside of the door.  Maybe Wes wasn’t such a dick after all.

Kurt had to get Blaine awake to take the medicine, which seemed easy in theory, but the kid was just out of it and definitely not with it.  Kurt had to nudge him several times over and say his name a dozen times before Blaine finally sat up and allowed Kurt to spoon him some Nyquil and give him some IB profin to swallow.  

“‘m oh… kay….”  Blaine drawled as he looked towards Kurt looking like he hadn’t slept at all in days.  “We go…. to…. Con… Con…”

“Connecticut… when you’re feeling better.”  Kurt sighed and helped Blaine drink water from the cup he had ready.   God, Kurt thought to himself, what kind of bug had Blaine gotten that had hit him so hard so fast?

“Mmm… oh… okay…”  Blaine settled back down as soon as Kurt placed the cup on the nightstand.  “You call… my mommy….”

Kurt snickered at the term of endearment, covering Blaine back up with the blanket and putting the cool compress back on his forehead as he left the room to call Shelby, convincing her that she didn’t need to come and take care of them and they’d be off as soon as Blaine was feeling better.  It couldn’t last that long - right?

Blaine’s fever subsided a half hour after he took the medicine, but Wes was right, Blaine did get a little goofy when he was filled up with Nyquil.

“I want to kiss someone under the mistletoe this year…. Mom used to make me kiss grandma under the mistletoe when I was little… Have you ever kissed under the mistletoe?”  Blaine asked, his head settled on Kurt’s chest for a change and looking up at him as they stayed cozy under the blanket.

Kurt smirked in amusement, “No.  Never.”

“Not even your grandma?”

“Not ever.”

If Kurt didn’t know better, he might have said that Blaine was drunk on the Nyquil, but according the online medical sites he consulted from his phone, it was probably just a good mix of fever and codeine.

“Your skin is sooo soft Kurt….”  Blaine cooed as he spun his finger in a circle on the back of Kurt’s hand.  “I want a blanket of Kurt skin.”

“Yes, because that’s not creepy at all.”  Kurt said with an unappreciated roll of his eyes.

The next thing he knew, Blaine’s hands were trying to creep into the sleeve of Kurt’s hoodie though.  “All your skin is smooth….”

Kurt pulled his hand back and sighed, “Why isn’t this shit making you sleepy?  Isn’t it supposed to?”

All he got for a response was bright amber eyes and a cute little giggle, catching a glimpse of what Blaine must have been like as a child.  He did stay out of Kurt’s sleeves though, much to Kurt’s relief, and just went back to snuggling against Kurt’s chest, hugging himself against Kurt and continuing to babble incessantly

“You know my step-brother?  I don’t like him… I’ve only met him three times but I don’t like him…. he brags and he’s inappropriate… and he has no concept of personal space… and he’s a male Rachel and you think he’s cute.”

Kurt had only ever heard about the step-brother in passing, because of Blaine’s limited relationship with him and because he lived on the other side of the country.  He snorted and shook his head at the boy in his arms, “I don’t even know him Blaine.”

“But you’re always singing along with him on TV and I can see you doing that duck lipped thing when he comes on which means you think he’s hot and I hate it….”

On TV?  Kurt scrunched up his forehead and rolled his tongue along the inside of his lip ring, straining his mind as he tried to figure out what Blaine was talking about.  He didn’t have to think long though, because Blaine supplied him with the memory as soon as he started humming the FreeCreditReports.com jingle.

“That’s your step-brother?!” Kurt snapped, looking at Blaine in surprise.

“Yah… and I don’t like him.  He tried to give me a raspberry the first time I met him and called me squirt….” Blaine huffed, looking put out by having to relive the memory.

Kurt just laughed, both at the face Blaine had made and by the new information.  “Of all things… why didn’t you ever fucking tell me that was him?”

“‘Cause you’d want to meet him and have his babies.”

Another laugh and a shake of his head, “Hardly Blaine…. honestly…”

“But you puff out your lips…”  Blaine demonstrated, though Kurt really didn’t think he went to that extreme of a pout when he was checking out Blaine’s brother on TV.  Blaine just looked ridiculous… and admittedly, adorable.

“That doesn’t mean I want to have his babies.  You do know that’s not even possible right?”

Blaine harumphed and tucked his face back into Kurt’s chest and mumbled, “I know that… I just mean you want him and not me.”

That was the precise moment when Kurt’s heart seemed to stop and his skin went clammy.  When he recognized that this wasn’t merely playful banter, but that Blaine actually seemed sincerely upset because he wanted Kurt’s attention…. and Kurt hadn’t even realized it up until then.  He sucked back a breath and tried to restart his heart, reminding himself that Blaine was just loopy… He was just….

Shit, couldn’t Wes have used a better word in his note?  Loopy didn’t tell Kurt whether Blaine was delirious or unrepressed or facetious…. all of which would mean very different things and Kurt couldn’t stand to get all worked up if it was for nothing.

“Blaine… “  Kurt needed to figure this out so he could breathe and beat normally again, “... when you say ‘not me’... do you mean you’re jealous…?”

“Yeah.”

Kurt’s heart not only began beating, but it rose at the same time it fell.  “Why?”

“Mmm…. can we snuggle n’ sleep now?”

Kurt winced a little.  Of course Blaine’s mind drifted right at this exact moment.  “Blaine.  Tell me why?”

“‘cause I want to snuggle and dream….” 

“No.  Not that.  Why are you jealous?”

The fact that the question seemed to catch Blaine off guard made Kurt more skeptical about the legitimacy of what he thought he was catching onto, but Blaine seemed to recall the statement and then murmured.

“Because I want to be the one you poof your lips out at.”

It shouldn’t have been as funny as it was, but the fact that Blaine had said it with dead seriousness made Kurt laugh openly which made Blaine whine softly.

“Sorry… sorry… it was just… fuck… Blaine… you’re not going to remember any of this tomorrow and… shit…”

“Yes I am… I was gonna tell you when I gave you your present for Christmas…. just felt like sayin’ stuff now….”

Kurt pressed his lips together thoughtfully and brought a hand up to pet through Blaine’s hair, just like Blaine did so often to soothe Kurt before they slept, “I guess we’ll see in the morning….”

But come the morning, Blaine’s fever was back and Kurt had to go through the whole process of getting him to sit up and take the medication again, and once again, he had to phone Shelby to let her know that Blaine was still feeling bad and it didn’t look like they’d be there that day.

“Oh sweetie… are you sure you don’t want me to come up there?”

Yes.  Please.  Take care of him.  Save me from this.  I don’t like dealing with sick.

“No.  It’s alright.  I know you need to get the house ready for all the relatives come on Christmas eve.  I’m sure he’ll be fine by then.” Kurt responded, trying his best to sound upbeat.  

They spent the day mostly in bed, with Blaine sleeping through most of it and only getting up to lumber to the bathroom in what could have been sleepwalking for all Kurt knew.  Unlike the night before, Blaine wasn’t talkative, and he only spoke to complain about how his “everything” hurt and that he could feel the air particles smacking him as they drifted around.  Kurt did his best to keep Blaine hydrated and even made a chicken broth which Blaine only took a few sips of being declaring himself too full for more.  His fever was off and on, and Kurt made sure to keep up with the medicine regime to reduce the pain he seemed to be experiencing.

When the sniffling got worse though, Kurt knew he had to do more.  

“Can I put some vapour cream on you?”

“Mmmmmm.”

That was consent enough for Kurt, who gently peeled off Blaine’s shirt, the same one from yesterday still, and carefully applied the cream while Blaine snoozed under him.  Despite all the times he had been with other men, he had never stopped to touch another man’s naked chest.  It was just never part of the act.  At most he would swipe a finger down a man’s clothed chest to entice them into buying and then it was all business - either his face in their crotch or being bent over.  Foreplay wasn’t something a whore could waste time on.

Blaine’s chest was firm and strong without being overly muscular, and Kurt became absolutely fascinated by the short curls of hair on his chest - so different from his own.  He let them coil around the tips of his fingers and then spring back as he pulled his fingers away, just like the tails of pigs.

“Mmm… back now?”

Kurt blinked and lifted his hand away.  He didn’t realize that Blaine had been awake for that. “Ah.. sure.  Roll over.”

Unlike the front of him, Blaine’s back was smooth and as Kurt rubbed the cream over his back, Blaine moaned pleasurably.  Kurt didn’t know why, but it made him blush - and getting a whore to blush was something every pimp joked about because it just wasn’t suppose to happen.  

He got that done as quickly as he could manage and then he argued with a sleepy Blaine over putting a new shirt on.  Blaine insisted he didn’t want to and Kurt just didn’t know if he could handle having a shirtless man snuggle up to him like Blaine had been.  It was one thing to play off his morning wood, or Blaine’s for that matter, but consciously being that intimate well…

Kurt couldn’t help but inwardly shake his head at himself.  Only a whore would think that a naked chest was intimate while shared morning erections was a joke.  This was fine.  He could do this.

And if he couldn’t… then he hoped Shelby or Wes could because he wasn’t going to stick around if Blaine decided he could live without pants.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	33. Chapter 33

Blaine’s head throbbed and he was pretty sure his skull was too tight around his brain, but for the first time in days he didn’t feel foggy and confused, and his body seemed to be beating back whatever had taken him over.  Under him, Kurt was sleeping, well, napping more like it.  Blaine was vaguely aware that it had been Kurt taking care him him based on the flashes of memory he had in which Kurt was there giving him medicine, cooling his head, feeding him, holding water to his lips, and even, he realized with a blush, changing his clothing.  He knew that he had screwed up his great vacation plans by getting sick. which in turn meant he had screwed up Kurt’s vacation from the city.  To top that off, Blaine was well aware, thanks to his parents and Wes informing him in the past, that he was a big baby when he was sick and no doubt he had exhausted Kurt with his neediness.

He lifted his head up and off Kurt, wincing at how heavy and sore it felt, but pushing himself to do it anyhow and looked to Kurt’s face to make sure he hadn’t woken him.  Pink strands of hair fell across Kurt’s eyes, still shut as he slept soundly and Blaine smiled softly at the sight.  Usually he looked down at Kurt sleeping on his chest, so this view was different, yet still the same in that it was beautiful.  Kurt really had no idea how gorgeous he was.

As soon as Blaine sat back on his heels though, the bed creaked and Kurt’s eyes snapped open and looked directly at him.  In a flash Kurt had sat up and was face to face with him, one hand set on Blaine’s forehead.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah…”  Blaine said quietly, his voice strained as his own stared straight into Kurt’s, swimming in the cerulean blue depths and getting lost quickly.  

“Good… feels like your fever finally broke….”  Kurt glanced back at the clock, breaking the eye contact before looking back, “And I slept through giving you more medicine so it looks like the fever has really passed….”

“I’m sorry Kurt.  I didn’t mean to get sick.  We can go right away if you want and -” Blaine immediately started babbling his apology but Kurt’s hand moved to cup over his mouth and silenced him.

“Would you just shut up and lay back down so I can bring you some food… if your stomach is up to it?”

Blaine nodded slowly, still aware of the numb feeling in his head and Kurt released his mouth, leaving the bed and the room.  While he had the chance, Blaine went to the washroom, looking at the pile of garbage that had accumulated in the wastebasket there during his downtime.  Kleenex galore, mixed with empty blister packs of ibuprofen and an empty bottle of Nyquil.  Oh shit.  Nyquil.

He crawled back up onto the bed when he returned and pulled the blankets over him, still feeling chilly.  Where did Kurt get Nyquil?  Shit, shit, shit…

A tray was presented to Blaine, soup, sandwiches, and glasses of orange juice atop it.  Kurt settled in beside Blaine and took his own servings, eating quietly and glancing over at Blaine periodically who was eating slowly.  Apparently his stomach had shrunk a bit in the past few days.

“Did… Wes tell you about Nyquil?” Blaine asked, looking worriedly at Kurt once he’d finished his soup.

Kurt nodded, “He’s the one who got it for me.  Said it made you loopy.  That term seems mostly correct…”

Blaine groaned and turned his face away.  “What did I say?”

“Mostly nonsense… eat your sandwich.”

Blaine pursed his lips a little, trying to decipher Kurt’s tone as he took small bites of the sandwich.  

“Kurt… please tell me.  Wes calls it the Blaine Truth Serum….”

He heard a small snicker and then a hand gently petting his back, “Finish your sandwich and we’ll get you cleaned up.  The bed sheets really need changing too.  You have some insane fever sweating.”

Blaine sighed and continued to eat.  So Kurt wasn’t going to tell him.  At least not now.  Or maybe he was going to use whatever information he obtained from Blaine to blackmail him somehow… or tease him.  Wes had garnered a lot of information from a Nyquil drunk Blaine that he had taunted him with over the years and until now, Blaine hadn’t touched the stuff in a long time.

Once he was finished the sandwich and his orange juice, Kurt took the tray away and ordered him to shower while he tidied up.  Blaine, of course, complied, also making the effort to shave away the beard growth that had overtaken his face.  When he got back to the bedroom, the sheets, pillowcases, and blankets had been changed and a fresh glass of water had been set on the night table.  He could hear the shower running in the main bathroom, telling him that Kurt was also getting cleaned up.

“Wes!  Why the hell did you give Kurt Nyquil for me!” Blaine said as soon as he heard Wes pick up the phone as he made the call.

Laughter, then, “Because I figured it was the only way to make you admit you like him dumbass.”

“Oh my god Wes… I don’t even remember what I said… IF I said anything…. why would you do this to me?” Blaine’s heart started racing as he listened with one ear to ensure the shower was still going.

“Because at your current speed you wouldn’t have made a move for years and I don’t have that kind of time.”

“What the hell does that mean Wes?  And for your information, I had wonderfully laid out plans to tell him properly on Christmas!”

“Right.  Which you would have postponed after a panic attack, and then again and again… And I need you two to start dating already so we can double date with my new girlfriend.”

“What?  When did this happen?!”

“About a month ago… and you’ll meet her at your New Years Eve party.”

“What New Years Eve party?”

“The one I sent out invitations for last week.  Don’t worry.  I’ll supply the appetizers.”

Blaine groaned and flopped back on the bed.  He seriously had the worst best friend in the world. “How many people did you invite?”

“Just some old Warbler buddies and their significant others.  You’ll definitely want to make sure you have things figured out with Kurt by then because otherwise you’ll only have Romeo to smooth with when the ball drops.”

Damnit.  “Wes.  I hate you.”

“You love me!  Anyhow!  Talk to you soon!”

The phone clicked off and Blaine sighed, burying his face in the pillow as he rolled over to let out a cry of frustration.  He needed to not get sick ever again.  No.  Skip that.  He needed to invent a time machine so he could go back in time and stop himself from getting sick.

“Blaine?”

A hand gently touched his shoulder and he turned around to look up at Kurt, sitting on the bed with wet locks of hair dripping down over the fresh hoodie he had on.  

“It’s okay… did you know Wes invited a bunch of people here for New Years Eve?”

Kurt blinked a few times and then a smirk crossed his face, “No.  He’s kind of an ass hey?”

Blaine chuckled, “Yeah….”

“He wouldn’t even come inside the apartment to deliver the medicine.  Said he was under orders not to get sick during vacation and won’t return until the place is totally free of germs.”

Blaine shook his head, “I swear he’s gone mad… says he has a new girlfriend and… wait.  How did you deal with Romeo?”

“I asked the guy down the hall.  He was okay with helping once I said I was agoraphobic… Thankfully I didn’t have to explain anything more than that.”

“No… I’m sorry I left you with me and him to worry about.  You could have called my mom you know…”

He got an eyeroll as a response to that and Blaine couldn’t help but smile.  Kurt was kind of cute when it was clear he thought Blaine was being a dork.

“About what I said….”

Kurt shook his head, “It’s okay Blaine.  You were fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Kurt nodded, “Don’t worry about it.  Worry about being fine for the next twenty four hours so you can pass my health inspection and take my ass to Connecticut.”

Blaine exhaled in relief, “Yeah… of course.  Anything.  You deserve it.”

“Oh please.”  Kurt stood up and went to open the curtains, letting in an unwelcome blast of sunlight, “You’ve been taking care of me and dealing with my shit for months.  A few days doesn’t fucking matter.  I still owe you shittonnes more.”

“Still…”  

“Stop.”  Kurt turned to face him.  “It’s okay to let me take care of you.  I’m not a kid Blaine.  Fuck.  I’m older for you for god’s sake.  Let me be useful.”

Blaine swallowed, barely squeaking out an “Alright.”

For the rest of the day, Blaine was waited on hand and foot, even when he insisted he was okay to do things on his own.  Kurt fed him, read to him, made sure he was blanketed at all times, and even made him take a nap.  By the next morning, Blaine was much better - and definitely ready to get out.

Their bags were packed and they were soon in a cab to the train station where Blaine paid extra to give them extra leg room and avoid the stress that he knew Kurt felt when there were too many people around.  The whole process was stressful for Kurt; Blaine could see it in the way he moved and looked at everything, but Kurt’s desire to get to Shelby’s home must have been great enough for him to push through the anxiety and within a couple hours Shelby was picking them up at the closest station in Connecticut with big hugs for both of them.

“My boys!  I’m so glad you’re okay baby boy!  And Kurt!  Thank you so much for taking care of him!  You both look so good!  Oh I missed you so much!”

Blaine groaned, “Mom, we saw you last month at Thanksgiving….”

“And it was too long.”  She said simply, helping Kurt with his luggage and shooing them into the car.  

Blaine took the backseat, letting his mother and Kurt talk, mostly about his courses and how he did, as he just watched Kurt.  God he was beautiful.  How was he going to tell him?  Maybe he should keep quiet.  Damn.  Wes was right.

He hated when Wes was right.

Rachel wasn’t at the house when they got there, and Shelby noted that she had some special agent meetings in the city still that were delaying her.  Blaine’s dad and step-dad was there though, along with his maternal grandma and grandpa, who declared Blaine to be as “cute as a button still” and who both looked at Kurt warily.

“Why does he have all that metal in his face?” His grandpa whispered over to Blaine once Kurt and Shelby left to go work on dinner in the kitchen.  

“It’s part of his style.”  Blaine offered simply, really not in the mood to try and contest the traditional worldviews his grandparents had.

“He should be afraid of magnets.” His grandmother chipped in, her fingers busily involved in her current knitting project.

“Please just be nice.” Blaine sighed, glancing over at his dad for help, who gave him a shrug.  His dad had never been good at dealing with his ex-in-laws, especially since he had come out.

Both grandparents huffed at Blaine’s words, muttering under their breaths.  

“Cooper’s coming.”  Blaine’s dad spoke up, changing the subject.

Blaine groaned though.  Even though the change of subject was welcome, it wasn’t to a topic he particularly liked.  “Shoot me now.”

“Oh he’s not that bad - and he likes you.  Says he always wanted a kid brother like you.”

“He gave me a wet willy the last time I saw him Dad.  He’s ten years older than me and the man gave me a wet willy.”

“Whassa wet willy?” Blaine’s grandma chirped, “That one of those gay things?”

Both Blaine and his father groaned in unison, palms covering their faces.


	34. Chapter 34

Kurt was flushed from chin to cheek as he kept himself hidden safely away in the kitchen with Shelby for the third day in a row.  He thought this was going to be another glorious vacation, but there were so many members of the Anderberry family around, especially concentrated in the living room, and they all looked at him like they knew everything about him and were judging him for it.  As much as Blaine, Blaine’s dad, and Shelby insisted that they hadn’t told anyone else, Kurt just felt like everyone in that room knew he was a prostitute crackwhore.  Somehow they must have been able to smell it on him, and so he spent as much time in his guest room, in the kitchen, or talking extended walks on the frozen beach as much as he could muster.

Now he could hear them all discussing his pink hair even though Blaine was, once again, trying to change the topic.  The first day it had been his piercings, then the next it was his dark clothing and painted nails, now the hair.  Nothing was good about him as far as they were concerned it seemed, and even though they were stiffly polite with him to his face, he could hear every little thing they said with no problem.  Had it been anyone else he might have gotten up in their faces, but this was Blaine’s family, and he didn’t want to make a scene.

“Not right, not right I tell you… changing your hair colour to something unnatural like that.” Blaine’s grandfather was insisting at present.

“I just don’t understand why someone would think to do that…”  The grandmother chipped in, and Kurt could see her in his mind, perpetually knitting away at something.

“I like it.”  Blaine insisted and tried to steer the conversation into a new direction, “How’s aunt Beatrice?”

“Hmph.” Was the response Blaine got out of his grandmother, followed by a rant about how her other daughter was wasting her life helping children in Africa when she needed to find a man and settle down already.  God, how did Shelby survive growing up in their house?

“They’ll be gone to visit my brother on Christmas day Kurt.  Don’t worry.  You’ve been good about tolerating them so far…”  Shelby said softly as she sidled up to him and gathered the carrots he had been chopping up where he stood.

Kurt nodded, staring vacantly at the cucumber he was now working on dicing.  

“Besides, if you think what they’re saying now is bad, you should have heard them when we told them that Blaine was gay and so was his dad.”

Kurt chuckled weakly at that, picturing what must have been quite a scene in his mind. “How does someone like you manage to come from someone like them?”

Shelby tipped her head to the side as Kurt looked up awaiting the response.  

“Probably the same way someone like you can exist after how hard the world has been to you.”

Kurt gave his head a shake and looked back to the cucumber, “I put myself into that world though.  There’s a marked difference.  You didn’t have a choice about where you ended up growing up.”

“Well…”  She turned and leaned back against the counter as she spoke, “... I can say that I wasn’t always so open minded… I was definitely their child growing up, complete with their intolerances and attitudes about things.  What changed though was meeting the right person.”

“Who?”

“Blaine’s dad.  In high school.  I was one of those prissy popular girls that had everything going for me and no matter how awful I treated the geeky kid who had questionable sexuality, he was always kind to me.  No matter how badly people treated him, and did they ever treat him badly, he always chose kindness and always helped others.  I just… noticed it because it stuck out to me so much.  Everyone else was so concerned with themselves that someone who actually seemed to care about others was a complete novelty.”

“So you married him?”

Shelby chuckled, “Well first we were friends.  I stuck up for him one day… don’t know what came over me… and he told me later he appreciated it and no one had ever done it for him before.  Then we just started talking and hanging out more… and he became my best friend.  Still is.  I’m glad he can freely be who he is though now.”

“And you don’t ever… you know… regret being with a guy who couldn’t love you back as more than a friend?”

Shelby shook her head, “I know there’s all these modern labels for things… and it’s not that I don’t hook up from time to time… but I’ve never been someone who was all that interested in a romantic relationship.  I have my friends, my job, and my kids…. I’m good.”

“Huh….”  Kurt finished up the cucumber and turned to lean against the counter as well.  “... You don’t want more?”

“I used to… when I was younger… now I’m just happy to enjoy life.  Maybe I’ll even have some grandkids one day.”

Kurt smirked.  With Rachel as high maintenance and demanding as she was, he didn’t see her finding anyone anytime soon - especially not someone she’d have kids with, and Blaine, well… Blaine was gay.  Even though he could technically still adopt or breed some kids there was time and money required for that.

“I don’t see you as a grandma Shelby.”  Kurt admitted.

She laughed, “No.  Neither do I.  Doesn’t mean I would mind it if it happened…. though don’t expect me to start knitting or baking cookies if that happened.”

They finished making the salad and set the table, calling everyone in from the living room to eat.  Kurt settled in beside Blaine who gave him a smile which Kurt returned before everyone eagerly ate up, though Blaine’s grandfather complained that all the food needed more salt.  

“Thanks for helping mom.”  Blaine whispered over.

Kurt shook his head dismissively, “Definitely not a problem….”

“Walk after?”

Kurt nodded.  It was becoming tradition for them to take a walk and get away from the house, and Blaine’s grandparents.

“Why are you two sharing a room anyhow?” Blaine’s grandmother abruptly asked, staring at the both of them as they were caught off guard, “Are you a gay too Kurt?”

Kurt sighed.  He couldn’t stand this for much longer.  “Yes.  As a matter of fact I am.”

“Mother…”  Shelby hissed from her end of the table.

Her father though lifted a hand to her and glared over at them, joining his wife in her stare, “Is your dad a gay too Kurt?  Is that how you got it?”

“Oh my god…. LeRoy….”  Blaine’s step-dad dropped his fork to his plate and looked at Blaine’s dad expectantly.  Clearly he was done with the nonsense as well.  

Blaine’s dad though didn’t get a chance to say anything because Kurt stood up, shoving his chair back, “Excuse me.”  He snarled before walking out of the kitchen and to the front door where he grabbed his coat.  To hell with this.

He could hear an argument starting in the kitchen as he left the house, grabbing a cigarette out of the pack in his coat pocket right away and wasting no time in lighting it up.   The door opened behind him, and Blaine was soon at his side, apologizing, as he had been constantly for the past few days.

“Fuck… Blaine… don’t worry about it.”

“I do though… they shouldn’t say those things.  We can go home if you want… or anywhere else you want….”

Kurt snickered, flicking ashes off to the side as he started walking with Blaine beside him.  “Like what?  Tahiti?  Mexico?  Somewhere tropical maybe?”

“If you want… I’d make it happen.”

Kurt smiled softly, remembering how open Blaine had been when he had been sick and drunk on the medicine.  He had admitted so much to Kurt… and even now Kurt couldn’t believe it.  Maybe he just didn’t understand it…. how Blaine could think of him like that.  Damned dapper fool.

“No.  It’s okay…. they’ll be gone in a couple days and then we can really relax.”

“What about if we got a hotel until then?  Just came over for dinner and Christmas morning?  I don’t want you to be stressed Kurt… you’ve done so amazing…”

“I’m not a fragile little butterfly Blaine.  I can handle it.  I might need more cigarettes though at the rate I’m going through them.”

“God…. I can’t stand them… every Christmas it’s the same thing… though usually it’s just me and my dad they take out their homophobia on.  I’m sorry Kurt… I should have warned you about them.”

“It’s okay Blaine.  I have lots of books in the bedroom and I don’t mind going out for walks while I can.”

Blaine looked ahead, thinking loudly as they walked.  When they turned the corner, Blaine spoke his mind.  

“There’s an indoor recreation center nearby… it has a pool and a gym and a walking track… we could go there… get out… have some exercise that doesn’t include us shivering in our coats.”

Kurt smiled softly, “I don’t like to swim…”

“No.  You don’t like to show your body.”

“That too.”

Blaine sped up his walk and turned in front of Kurt, stopping him in his tracks.  “I’ve seen you though Kurt.  There’s nothing wrong with you.”

Kurt let his cheeks grow rosy.  Blaine didn’t even need any Nyquil to say that.  “I’m just… not ready.”

Blaine nodded, “That’s okay…”  He held out his hand, and Kurt stared at it for a moment before taking it, resuming the walk hand in hand.  It was weird, and Kurt didn’t even know why Blaine had offered it or why he took it.  Blaine’s hand was soft, with hard calluses on the pads of his fingers.  Kurt realized he had never held hands with another man before.

It was… nice.

“What about a movie theater? Think you could handle that?”

Kurt thought about it for a minute and then nodded, “If we went to an early show… not too crowded…. God I would love some fucking movie theater popcorn with that liquid butter.”

Blaine laughed at that and his hand gave Kurt’s a gentle squeeze which seemed to also gently squeeze his heart in the process.  “Great.  Early matinee tomorrow.  Check on your phone to see what’s playing when we get back and we’ll escape before they know it.  Personally, I’m in the mood for something funny.”

“Oh really?”  Kurt hummed, “No historical drama?  Action adventure?..... Romance?”

Blaine smiled warmly back to Kurt, “Maybe a romantic comedy?”

Definitely, Kurt thought to himself, returning the smile just as warmly.


	35. Chapter 35

Blaine just wanted to sleep.  He was so cozy and warm and Kurt’s left hand fingers were twitching against his belly in just the most calming manner.  Kurt had showered before bed last night too and used some soap or shampoo or something that made him smell even better than usual… like vanilla or something else subtly sweet.

Cooper though, had other ideas.

“SQUIRT!”

Blaine’s eyes shot open and looked in shock at the man standing at the end of the bed, hopping on his toes as he bounced the footboard of the bed and make it rock under his movements.  

Kurt whined and drew up the hood of his hoodie in an effort to try and hide himself.  “Go ‘way Cooper…”

“But it’s CHRISTMAS!  We need to get up and open our presents and sing songs and dance and eat!”

“Go away Cooper.” Blaine echoed and tried to turn towards Kurt as he also tried to hide away.

“No!  Get up!  We can’t open presents until everyone is in the living room!”  Cooper whined and bounced the bed again.

Both Blaine and Kurt groaned and then Kurt snapped his head up to glower at Cooper, “Get the hell out of here before I ensure that Christmas is your LEAST favourite time of year.”

Cooper paled and backed out the doorway.  When he was safely out of reach of Kurt, he yelled back into the room, “I’m sending Shelby in if you don’t get out here soon!”

“You know… he’s so much less annoying on TV….”  Kurt moaned and dropped his head back to Blaine’s chest.

“Agreed.” Blaine grunted and lifted a hand up to comb his fingers through Kurt’s hair.

Blaine’s step-dad had picked Cooper up at the airport yesterday and since that moment, Cooper had barely left Blaine and Kurt alone, following them along on their walks, sitting between them at the table, and inviting himself into their room to read along with Kurt who had been trying to escape him.  Despite his obnoxiousness though, Blaine’s grandparents had taken a particular liking to Cooper and declared him a “good ol’ boy”, which Cooper reveled in of course.   Kurt however, clearly couldn’t stand him despite his star status, a fact which made Blaine feel better about having Cooper around.  He didn’t know why he worried in the first place.

“Maybe we should go out there….”  Kurt said quietly.  Even though he was awake now, he still was petting Blaine’s stomach softly and Blaine didn’t want for that to end.

“Mmm… Maybe…”  Blaine responded, his insides quaking.  This was the date he set for himself to tell Kurt.  Shit.  It was here.  “Maybe we should just stay here for as long as we can though.”

Despite Blaine’s words, Kurt sat up and looked over Blaine, causing him to flush under those scrutinous blue eyes.  “I want to give you your present though…”

He chuckled and shook his head, “How did you manage to get me a present?  I wasn’t expecting anything from you.”

A gentle swat to the side and then the explanation, “Online shopping doofus.  I sent it to Wes’ apartment.  I’ve had your present for over a month now.”

Of course he would.  Blaine had waffled up until the last possible moment and only yesterday settled on a gift after making a couple calls and writing up a card.  Kurt however, had planned it all out and no doubt it would be spectacular… of course, Blaine didn’t know how anything he got from Kurt could be anything but amazing.

Blaine’s nerves began to show as he looked away, “A month…. oh man… okay… just so you know, my present is probably dumb and I can get you something better if you want and I really didn’t know what you’d like and you’re probably going to hate it and-”

He was silenced by a finger against his mouth and he glanced back to Kurt who had one brow arched up and an amuse smirk on his face, “Shut up dummy.  Let’s just go open presents.  This is my first Christmas in years now and so far it’s already pretty amazing.”

Blaine smiled and nodded, letting the finger fall away from his mouth and getting up.  They turned their backs to one another as they changed and got ready, walking out to the living room where everyone was already waiting and Cooper had already organized the gifts into piles.

“Hurry, hurry, hurry!  Shelby won’t let me open anything until we’re all here!”

Blaine rolled his eyes and heard a snort of amusement from Kurt as they sat down in front of their piles.  That was when Cooper began opening his gifts over enthusiastically and whooping triumphantly with each one.

“Are you sure he’s almost thirty?” Kurt whispered over to Blaine.

Blaine nodded and smiled back to Kurt, “Yes… shocking hmm?”

Blaine got the usual assortment of bowties, gift cards, yet another bible from his grandparents (it had become a consistent birthday and Christmas gift), and some new sheet music.  He left Kurt’s gift for last, looking at it worriedly throughout his present opening.  It didn’t matter what it was.  What mattered was that once he opened it he knew that the first part of Christmas would be over and he’d be that much closer to having to admit everything to Kurt.  That little box was all that stood between him and… well… whatever came next.

So he watched Kurt open his own gifts, thanking everyone in turn graciously, especially Shelby who had the sense to get Kurt a digital tablet with a large gift card for ebooks.  “You read so much that I thought this would save you and Blaine from getting buried under books.”

“Should get a bible on that whatcha-ma-dooie.” Blaine’s grandfather said with a huff, a statement which Kurt ignored.

Then Kurt was left with Blaine’s card, and Blaine with Kurt’s box.  Both looked at one another and Kurt made the movement to slit open the card, Blaine’s heart holding still as he watched.

“I… don’t understand?” Kurt said quietly as he read the card and then glanced over at Blaine.

“I looked around… for the best tattoo artist I could find and she actually specializes in covering up bad or unwanted tattoo’s… and so there’s an appointment for you next week…”  Blaine said it all really quickly, hoping he hadn’t overstepped.

“Blaine….” 

“I included those pictures… of things that might be good for covering it up… you don’t have to pick any of those though… I just… I thought those ones were nice…”

Kurt set a hand on Blaine’s shoulder and gave him a genuine smile.  “Thank you.  I love it.”

Then it was Blaine’s turn.  With Kurt beside him, holding his breath, Blaine unwrapped the small box and opened it.  It was a software package, one he wasn’t familiar with.

“It’ll let you record your own songs and music… “ Kurt said quietly.

“I… you think I can do that?” Blaine looked back to Kurt curiously, the boy nodding to him.

“You can and you should.”

Blaine smiled and moved to hug Kurt, who actually gave him a quick hug back.  Then it was all random conversation scattered among relatives, with Cooper dominating them all in the game of who could talk the longest and loudest.

At some point, Kurt snuck out, and Blaine found him in the guest room with the pictures he had included in the card spread before him on the bed.

“I’m glad you like it.”  Blaine said, shutting the door behind him.  Now.  It was now or never.  He could do it.

“I’m going to be rid of him…. Blaine… you don’t know know how much that means….”  Kurt looked up and grinned, truly and honestly grinned, and then let out a small, sweet laugh, “Now I just need to figure out what kind of tattoo is the most… me.”

Blaine settled on the bed aside Kurt, and then talked about each of the pictures in turn - their pros and cons and then they looked up a few more on the internet.  Kurt didn’t even narrow down his choices, clearly too overwhelmed to make a decision today, but he did keep telling Blaine how much it meant, and Blaine in turn told him each time that he was happy to do it.

“Can I come with you when you get it done?” Blaine asked, laying back on the bed and rubbing his eyes.  The day was already exhausting and it had hardly begun.

“I assumed you would… I need to get there somehow.”  Kurt said, humor in his tone.  “Maybe we could go see another movie to wipe the one from yesterday out of our memories.”

Blaine laughed at that.  The romantic comedy they had subjected themselves to the day before was an over-cliched, groan worthy, piece of shame.  They had, however, been able to secure a whole row to themselves with the lack of attendance in the early afternoon showing, and ate so much popcorn and movie theater candy that they had to forgo dinner the night before.  

And then of course there had been Kurt’s hands.

Blaine had been working up to it… trying to test the waters before he made his big reveal.  Everytime he reached for Kurt’s hand, Kurt had taken his.  Everytime their fingers touched, it was like Handel’s Messiah played at full volume in Blaine’s head.  Kurt didn’t pull away.  He didn’t reject Blaine’s slight advances. 

Maybe it would have been easier if he had.  Then Blaine wouldn’t have gotten to this point where he needed to make things clear.  

But he had to do this.  If for no other reason than to prove Wes wrong.  He could do this.  He was braver than Wes gave him credit for.  He was….

Kissing Kurt?

Blaine had missed the movement towards him entirely, so wrapped up in his own anxiety that he didn’t even see Kurt lean over him and didn’t register anything until plush pink lips were being pressed to his own.  Half startled his eyes went wide and he sucked in a breath that he was getting from Kurt before he relaxed and let himself go pliant below Kurt.

Well this would make things easier.

Blaine didn’t know how long they shared soft, chaste kisses.  He only knew that this was what kissing should feel like.  Like there were little electrical charges dancing between their lips when they connected.  It was nothing like the stiff, automatic way he had kissed Sebastian.  This was real.  Kurt had a taste - cinnamon and cigarettes.  He had a texture - silken with a small rub on one side from his lip ring.  So close, Blaine could even smell him better.  Not just vanilla… but some kind of spice too.

When Kurt pulled back, Blaine at first tried to follow but a hand was brought to the side of his head and Kurt’s thumb stroked his upper jaw line gently.  “I might have stockholm syndrome.”

It was the least romantic thing that could have been said, but Blaine laughed and that seemed to give permission to Kurt to laugh as well.  

“Are we going to talk about…?”  Blaine started when he finished laughing, only to have a finger come up and silence him again.

“Not everything has to be said Blaine.  You’re not my shrink and I’m not yours - even though Wes is convinced you need one what with the way you dress.  Can’t we just… be?”

Maybe he had been around upper white class people that overanalyzed their feelings and motivations too much, but the thought was absolutely novel to Blaine.  Just being.  No need for discussion or debate or exploration of their innermost desires, but acting on the way they felt without worry.

“Yeah… I think… I would definitely just like to be… with you.”

Kurt made a little chuckle aside him and lifted his head, centimeters away from Blaine’s own, “Good.  Because talking would take way too much time away from this.”  

Then they were kissing again, and Blaine let himself be, even when that meant having to yell at Cooper to get the hell out of their room several times that day.


	36. Chapter 36

As soon as Blaine’s grandparents and Cooper left, the vacation really began, at least for Kurt.  Once again he was free to just relax at Shelby’s house, now with Blaine stealing kisses and cuddles whenever they were left alone.  

Not that Shelby didn’t pick up on the fact that their relationship status had changed.  The instant Cooper had walked in on them engaged in lip locking, he made sure that everyone knew.  Blaine’s grandparents were less than impressed, Blaine’s step-dad was confused because he thought they already were involved, and Shelby apparently just grinned and said “About time”.

A little voice inside Kurt kept telling him that this was the way things were supposed to be between two people, usually whenever he realized how foreign his interactions with Blaine were.  He had been with a lot of men, more than he’d ever care to admit, but this whole thing with Blaine was all new.  Kissing, snuggling, enjoying one another without having to talk or do anything else.  He may as well have been a blushing teenager when it came to all this, and he was definitely feeling like one.

Now he could watch Blaine swim in the pool without having to make it seem like he was merely staring into space and Blaine just happened to be in his field of view.  Boyfriends were allowed to look at one another after all, at least that’s what the websites Kurt had been consulting had said - not that he’d ever admit to looking at them.  He needed a frame of reference though, and since had no other place to ask, the internet served that purpose.  Kurt needed to know what was normal, what wasn’t, and, for his own comfort, when he should expect different relationship milestones to occur.

Since kissing Blaine, Kurt had felt like he had released some other person from within him.  Someone who could appreciate romance and gentle touches - and he got his share of those.   Blaine’s hands were almost always on Kurt now.  Not in any kind of demeaning way either.  He would have a hand at the small of Kurt’s back, or clasp their hands together.  The night before Blaine had traced the outline of Kurt’s jaw as they snuggled.  Again, it was all new to Kurt and he could scarcely believe that such simple touches could make his heart feel so light and his skin feel so hot.

He hated leaving.

Unfortunately, Wes had decided their apartment was going to be the site of a party on New Years Eve, which meant Blaine and Kurt had to pack up the morning of the 31st and head back to New York City.  Shelby gave them both hugs and even kisses, whispering to Kurt to take care of her baby boy which prompted Kurt to roll his eyes but agree all the same.

The benefit of being back at their place though was that they could spend the first couple hours home just making out on the bed without feeling guilty about ignoring Blaine’s mom though.  There is no worry about being walked in on as they languidly press their lips together time and time again until their lips are swollen and numb and they’ve tried every angle possible from which to kiss in, including some that had them awkwardly bumping noses together.  

Blaine seems happy to take whatever Kurt is willing to give, the irony of course being that Kurt blew him in the alleyway just under a year ago.  But this is all different.  There’s no money, there’s no desperate need to get a fix or unnecessary pride causing him to make stupid choices.  He knows he’s going to see Blaine the next day, and the one after that, and for as many days as Blaine will have him.   The Kurt that did that seems alien to him now and even though he has those memories, it doesn’t feel like him.   It doesn’t seem like something he’d do, especially not now.

So it’s good that he can take things slow now and do things the right way, whatever that may be, because Kurt has become timid.  Now that this “thing” is an actual “thing”, he doesn’t want to screw it up.  In this world, Blaine has more experience than he does, even if it was with the small dicked wonder of Sebastian.  

When they do manage to part themselves, their hair is disheveled and Kurt swears there’s a twinkle in Blaine’s eyes that wasn’t there before.   They tidy up the apartment, which in truth is quite alright since Kurt has been adamant about keeping it clean, and Blaine goes to get some groceries while Kurt rearranges the furniture to make it more open for their guests.  When Blaine returns, they work together in the kitchen, purposely bumping into one another and sharing kisses as they move past one another even though Kurt has memorized every small peak and valley of Blaine’s lips by now.  This is a kind of intimacy he can’t get tired of.

Then the guests arrive and Kurt introduces them all in turn.  There’s David and his girlfriend Vanessa, Thad and his girlfriend Janice, Trent and his girlfriend Lorraine… and from there Kurt has a hard time memorizing them all.  How did so many people from Ohio end up in New York for New Years?

Finally Wes shows up and compliments Kurt for a job well done on the food and musical selection that’s humming in the background of all the intermingled conversations.  That’s when Kurt hears Rachel and Blaine arguing.

“You don’t show up at mom’s but you show up here?!  Uninvited?” Blaine’s voice becomes pitchy when he’s upset and Kurt looks over at the brother and sister.

“Actually, I WAS invited little brother.” She states smugly and that’s when puzzle pieces connect in Kurt’s mind, slightly ahead of Blaine who doesn’t realize what’s going on until Wes comes up alongside Rachel and sets a hand on her back.

Well that makes no sense and a lot of sense all at once.  It explains why Wes was so eager to see her perform but upset at the date Blaine setup for the event, why the pair of them were so comfortably engaged in conversation at Thanksgiving… and it also explained why Wes wasn’t allowed to come near a sick person, even if it was his best friend.  Rachel is notorious for avoiding the ill so she never had to worry about letting her understudies perform.

“I need a drink.” Is how Blaine reacts to the situation, and Kurt grabs him a beer and pops the cap for him right away.  For the most part Blaine avoids alcohol, and Kurt isn’t sure if that’s to support his own need to stay sober, or because Blaine just isn’t interested in drinking as a pastime, but tonight Kurt can definitely forgive him for partaking.

“You don’t even want to know how we got together?” Rachel asks with a tinge of sadness in her voice, clearly wanting to tell the tale.

“No.” Blaine and Kurt answer together, eliciting a laugh from nearby friends.

“Are you upset?” Kurt asks of Blaine when they’re back in the kitchen, getting freshly baked snacks and refilling dishes for the coffee table.

“About Rachel and Wes?  No… actually… surprised… yes… but not upset.  It’s… it’s just weird.” 

Kurt smiles to himself.  Weird is an understatement.  “Have you told them about us?”

Blaine shakes his head, “No… I was kind of thinking they could figure that one out on their own after the countdown.”

Countdown… Kurt takes a moment to process that and then grins to himself.  Fair enough.

Even though they all live in New York, everyone gathers around the TV for the countdown, counting along much too loudly as the ball descends in Times Square and then, along with the rest of the city, everyone yells and whoops and kisses their significant others, and if anyone is even watching Kurt and Blaine as they kiss, it goes unnoticed by Kurt because he doesn’t register anything else but Blaine’s lips on his own and Blaine’s hands around his waist.  

Well, except of course for Romeo whining at his feet.  The dog will have to just get used to being a third wheel.  

While everyone else continues to yell “Happy New Year” out the window and to one another, Kurt leans up against Blaine who keeps an arm around him.  That’s when Wes and Kurt make eye contact and when Wes gives Kurt a thumbs up which Kurt just rolls his eyes at.  That man is meddling… and he and Rachel definitely deserve one another.

The party continues long after midnight, with some of the guests opting to use the guest bed or couch instead of finding their way home on the subway.  Kurt excuses himself to the bedroom well before that though - there’s still only so much socialization he can take at once, even though he’s been working his way up to more.  Blaine is by his side not long after, and they cuddle together.  Something about the way they lay together is different now, even though it must look the same.  They’ve been sleeping together for months, but now that they can kiss freely, Kurt feels like he’s even safer than he knew he could be with Blaine there.

“I want to try something.”  He announces to a bleary eyed Blaine who looks at him questioningly from where he’s already laying back in bed.

Kurt slowly peels his hoodie off, making a point not to look at his own arms, and then lays down in his usual place.  Without a hoodie, there’s a lot less fabric separating his body from Blaine’s, and Blaine immediately takes advantage of it, running his hands up and down Kurt’s freed arms.  

“You’re so smooth…”  

Kurt chuckles and pulls the blanket up over them both, though Blaine is still drunkenly fascinated by Kurt’s arms and keeps stroking them up and down, sending goosebumps up them and shivers down Kurt’s spine.  No one has ever touched him like Blaine has.  With luck, no one ever will but Blaine.

Maybe he’s getting ahead of himself with thoughts like those, or maybe he’s just making up for the kind of love he should have had in his teen years, but he can’t imagine anyone else being as comforting and safe.  It feels disgraceful to even consider it.  

He gives Blaine one last kiss, which turns into a good half hour worth of kissing as they reacquaint themselves with one another’s lips since it’s been at least half a day since they have spent any dedicated time making out at this point.  All the while Blaine’s hands move from his arms, to the small of his back, to his face, his neck, and then begin the cycle again until there isn’t one part of Kurt’s exposed flesh that Blaine hasn’t touched before they fall asleep in one another’s arms.  Kurt makes a mental note to do the same to Blaine - so long as he can figure out how to focus on more than just Blaine’s lips when they’re kissing.  

And at the foot of the bed, Romeo just whines - probably remembering a time when he was the center of Kurt’s affectionate world.


	37. Chapter 37

“Did you take your pills?”  Blaine asked, setting two plates down on the table as Kurt poured them both coffee.

“Yeah.  Did you make sure to print your essay?”

“Oh!  Right!”  Blaine spun in place as soon as Kurt reminded him, gave him a peck on the cheek and hurried off to the bedroom to grab his essay.  He had printed it, but just forgotten to put it into his bag.

“I already put in your sugar.”  Kurt noted when Blaine returned to the table.

“Thanks.”

This had become their mornings.  It wasn’t that different from what they had done before, but now Blaine could kiss Kurt freely, and did he ever.  No more holding back or worrying about that Kurt would think he was crazy.  He had never been so grateful as he had been on Christmas day when Kurt had made that first move and made everything easier.

And it was easy.  Being with Kurt was simple.  There was no forced conversations, and he didn’t feel like he needed to fill the silence with anything.  He wasn’t bored when Kurt talked, unlike his dates had been with Sebastian, and Kurt initiated kisses just as much as Blaine did - another thing Sebastian hadn’t done past their first date.  

Oh sure, there were bumps.  Like the first time Blaine had gotten too comfortable and called Kurt “baby” when they were making out.  Kurt had pulled away and brought his knees to his chest, rocking in place for a moment in some kind of self-soothing motion before he explained.

“Please don’t call me that… fuck… when you’re on the streets, no one calls you by your name… it’s always baby or honey or sweetheart… and that’s if they think they’re being nice… otherwise it’s all whore, or trash, or cunt… no matter whether or not you have one of those.”

Blaine had just nodded and pulled Kurt into his arms, apologizing with whispers and soft kisses until Kurt became pliant and relaxed again.  

Blaine still had a hard time imagining Kurt in those situations, but he never made the mistake of using a pet name again.  Kurt was always just Kurt to him, and likewise, he was only ever called Blaine - except of course when he was a doofus or dork.

Like when Blaine had decided to bring flowers home to Kurt as a surprise - and it did surprise Kurt when he took the roses into his hands and smelled them suspiciously.  

“Don’t you like them?”

“I just… no one has ever gotten me anything just because before… even growing up.  We didn’t have the extra money for it really.”  Kurt looked them over.  “Plus I don’t think many people would say that I’m a flower kind of guy.”

“Oh… well… I just wanted -”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like them doofus.” Kurt snapped before Blaine could even get the chance to doubt himself or his gift, then finding a vase up high in the cupboards and placing the flowers very delicately into it with water.  Blaine caught him more than once just sitting and staring at the flowers after that, until Blaine had to insist they throw away the wrinkled, dead husks.

After that he got Kurt fresh flowers every week.

Then when Kurt went in to get his tattoo done, Blaine had initially offered to hold his hand through it, but had to escape to the washroom when he saw the needle going at Kurt’s skin.

“You’re a dork.”  Kurt stated on his return, still laying lazily on the bench, stomach down, as the woman turned colouring book tattoo artist chuckled and continued work on Kurt’s new tattoo.

“How can you stand that though…?”

“I have developed a high tolerance for pain… and it’s not really that bad.”  Kurt said softly, reaching to take Blaine’s hand anyhow.

The new tattoo was definitely better than Kurt’s old branding mark, and Blaine was even allowed it see it on occasion, and then allowed to trace it over with his fingers when the redness around it had gone down.

“Do you like it?”

Kurt nodded, pulled his T-shirt on over his undershirt.  It had still been months since Blaine had seen Kurt completely shirtless.  “I don’t feel like I belong to anyone but myself now.”

“You should have never had to of felt that way…”  Blaine had replied, wishing the boy in front of him hadn’t had to experience all that he did.

He did like the tattoo though, especially how masterfully the artist had covered up the old CK that had been on Kurt’s shoulder blade.  Now all that could be seen was a feather breaking apart into birds that were flying away in all directions.  

“Why that one?”  Blaine had asked when Kurt had settled on a design.

“Reminds me of a song…” Kurt hummed softly before breaking into a tune,  “One day I’ll fly away…”

“...Leave all this to yesterday….” Blaine finished off and smiled as Kurt looked at him with a mix of surprise and amusement.

Really, Kurt shouldn’t have been so surprised that Blaine knew his musicals.

Kurt had gotten in the habit of sleeping without his hoodie, though he still kept everything else at night.  It was a special time for Blaine because it meant he could appreciate even more of Kurt’s skin, making sure Kurt knew just how much he liked it.

“I don’t understand how we can use the same soap and you end up with skin like this…”

“Different skin types?” Kurt offered.

“And you smoke.”

“I’ll quit when I’m damned ready.”

Blaine was still working on that one.

Wes said they might have well been married for years the way they interacted, while he was just coming out of the honeymoon period of dating with Rachel and regularly stopped by to escape.

“She is so demanding…”  He said in exasperation towards Kurt and Blaine one evening, “... how am I supposed to make her happy?  She expects dinner that’s gourmet, healthy, and delicious?  It’s not a possibility!”

Kurt snickered and Blaine just shook his head.  He didn’t even try to understand his sister and his best friend’s relationship.  

“The sex must be good.”  Kurt said one night after Wes had stopped by to rant and then left.

“What?!”  Blaine had looked at him completely blindsided by the statement.

“That’s the only reason I can think of.  According to this one website I read, a lot of flaws can be overlooked if the sex is good.”

“Why are you looking at websites … that tell you about….”  Blaine was confused and couldn’t even put why into words.

“I was just trying to figure out how Wes and Rachel work is all.”

“Ah.”

In early February, Kurt’s social worker set up a meeting with them all which had Kurt on edge and smoking up almost a full pack of cigarettes in anticipation.  Mostly because no one knew what the meeting was about other than the one year mark was getting closer and Kurt was sure he was going to be cut off from funding since he was apparently doing okay.

“How am I going to pay for school and everything?  This is insane… I just…”  He rambled between puffs. “... I just don’t know how I can be expected to be okay…”

“Calm down Kurt…”  Blaine rubbed Kurt’s shoulders as he tried to ignore the acrid cigarette fumes and calm him down before the meeting, “You know no one is going to kick you out of here and I won’t let them stop you from going to school.”

Well, he was mostly right.

“We’d like you to be a poster boy for the program Kurt.”  The social worker explained, drawing a look of absolute disgust and incredulousness from Kurt.  “Compared to a lot of people who enter rehabilitation, you’re a total success story.”

“Let me get this fucking straight…. I still smoke, I’m afraid of the streets, I’m caught up in a case against a former trick that’s going no where and I’m a success story?  What the fuck kind of program you running?”  Kurt spat.

“One that isn’t properly funded or supported.”  The social worker said plainly.

“Fuck.  The answer is no.  I don’t want to be on posters anymore, especially not those kind of posters.”

“That’s fine.  I’ll let my superiors know.  I really didn’t think you’d go for it.”

“Then why the fuck would you ask?”

“My superiors wanted me to and I’m just doing my job.”  She tutted, pulling out some papers which she then set in front of Kurt.  

“What’re these?”

“Scholarship forms.  Your grades are fantastic and you qualify for a number of scholarships and bursaries.  If you’re not going to work you need to supplement your funding somehow because it will start to taper off once we hit the one year mark.”

“Fuck.  I knew it… they’re going to cut me off… they’re going to…”  Kurt shook his head and started searching his pockets for a cigarette in front of Blaine who just reached out to take his hand and hold it in place.  

“Not cut off Kurt… taper off.  The government thinks that’s the best way to get rehabilitated persons back into the workforce.”

“But I’m in school!”

“And they don’t pay for regular citizens so they don’t really think they should pay for you either.”  

“Fuck….”

“I’ll help him apply for the scholarships.”  Blaine offered, taking the pamphlets and tucking them into a folder he had ready for anything they got from this meeting.

“Thank you Blaine…. really Kurt..”  She looked at him intently.  “You have the potential to get a good amount of support from those bursaries I included in there.  Maybe even more than what the government was providing you with.”

“Yeah… and what happens when I’m out of intro courses and they get tougher and my grades drop…”  Kurt grunted, holding onto Blaine’s hand tightly in lieu of having a cigarette.

Blaine interrupted there, “Well… actually Kurt… intro courses are designed to fail students to filter out the ones who are ready for college and the ones who aren’t…. The courses actually get easier after you’re done the intro’s…”

“Wait, what?”  Kurt perked up, “And I’m STILL beating you and Wes for GPA?!”  

Blaine chuckled and nodded.  The way Kurt felt competitive about that was adorable.  

“Hell yeah!”  Kurt whooped and even the social worker cracked a smile.

“Anything else we need to know?” Blaine prompted the woman across the table.

“No.  That’s it for now.  But happy belated birthday Kurt.”

Kurt’s brow furrowed, “What?”

“Since you won’t even share the date of your real birthday, your papers have it set for the beginning of the year.”

“We should have a party.”  Blaine offered with a grin to Kurt, who looked absolutely distraught by the idea.

“Let’s not.”

“Just a small one… with Wes and my mom?”

“It’s not even close to my real birthday.”

“Well let me know when it is close if you won’t tell us the exact date so I can make sure I get you something.”

“You already spoil me.”

“Well….”  The social worker snapped her binder closed. “... with that I’m off.  See you in a couple weeks.”

Blaine saw the woman out and then came back, finding Kurt rubbing his hands together - one of his nervous twitches.

“You alright?”

“It’s May twenty seventh.”

“Huh?”

“My birthday… May twenty-seventh.”

Blaine took a moment to let that sink in and then stepped over and wrapped his arms around Kurt.  “Thanks…”

“What?”

“For telling me.  It means a lot.”

Kurt shrugged in his hold, but leaned up against Blaine and breathed him in.  For whatever reason, Kurt seemed to like the way Blaine smelled even though Blaine was convinced that Kurt was the better smelling one of them.

“Can we have a party for you then?”

Kurt snorted against him and shook his head against Blaine’s chest, “No.  Just a quiet night in please.”

“With cheesecake?”

“You’d better fucking believe it.”

 


	38. Chapter 38

“Am I just… “  Kurt sighed, pressing his fingers to his temples as he tried to ward off a headache and simultaneously try to figure out his question.  “When you were with your ex-girlfriend did you have hesitations about… getting it on with her?”

Kurt’s psychiatrist leaned back in the loveseat and pursed her lips as she looked out into space, drilling up the memory.  “No… No… not at all.  In all honesty we were pretty much all over each other… You think Blaine doesn’t want to be intimate with you?”

Kurt sighed and let his hands drop, each settling on one of his knees as he leaned forward, “Yes… no… I don’t fucking know.”

“I guess the more important question is, are you ready to move ahead in your relationship with him?”

Kurt rolled his lower lip into his mouth, rolling his lip ring around with his tongue as he thought about what had been consuming most of his thoughts lately.  He had been attracted to Blaine for a long while now - at least long past doubting that he was genuinely attracted and just not going through some kind of crazy sex withdrawal that his psychiatrist assured him didn’t really exist for sluts like him.  Kurt would watch Blaine when Blaine didn’t know, just conjuring up images of their sweaty bodies pressed together and then trying to fend off inevitable hard-on’s that he felt guilty about jerking off in the bathroom.  

“Yeah… yeah… definitely ready for more.”

“Then tell him.”

That seemed too easy.  Kurt eyed his psychiatrist suspiciously, one brow arching while the other flattened.  

“Honestly Kurt…”  She began, picking up on his wariness, “... he probably doesn’t want to push you into something if he doesn’t know you’re okay with it.  Especially given the nature of your past employment.  Based on everything you’ve told me in our sessions, he genuinely cares for your emotional well being and would hold off on moving ahead without knowing you were ready.”

“Huh…”  He poked his tongue ring up and down against the top and bottom of his mouth as he considered that.  Blaine did wake up with wood way too often to just have any sort of disfunction… and he was definitely noticeably aroused whenever they made out. “So… just tell him.”

“Just tell him.”  She echoed with a nod.

“And you’re sure… that it’s okay n’ all?  My having sex?”

“Kurt, you’re a young man - you should want sex.  The fact that you were used and abused sexually might make you more cautious and sensitive around the topic, but the fact that you’re responding to another man, your boyfriend, like you are is perfectly normal.  In fact, it’s a good thing.  You shouldn’t expect to have to be a nun after all you’ve been through.”

“Especially since I’m not a chick.”

They shared a laugh and continued the session.  These things had gotten much easier once Kurt accepted their necessity, and the woman had become a good sounding board for him.  The fact that she was a smart dyke certainly made her more relatable to Kurt, plus she was honest and didn’t sugar coat things for him.  A quality he definitely appreciated.

Now Kurt just had to figure out how to tell Blaine.

He wasn’t great at talking about his feelings, even with the shrink.  The benefit she had was she was trained to pull out feelings and thoughts so he didn’t have to work as hard at it so she could help figure things out with him.  With Blaine though, it was still a learning process.  Part of it was that he didn’t want to become overly analytical about his feelings - that seemed pointless and it would take away from good make-out time.

And boy did they ever have good make-out time.

So Kurt decided to tell Blaine in the best way he knew how - by showing him.

“I can’t believe Dr. Procue gave me an A on that paper… I thought it was garbage but I guess it must have been at least better than everyone else in the class….”  Blaine said as they cuddled that night.  Kurt had been listening on and off, trying to decide if he should make a move.

He decided for it.

Interrupting Blaine’s talking about his school day, Kurt lifted his head to press his lips firmly against Blaine’s, who had no problem stopping his line of thought to meet Kurt’s mouth.  For a few minutes they just swung their tongues over each other’s lips, into each other’s mouths, and spun their tongues together like two snakes dancing in the sand, and then Kurt brought his hands to Blaine’s waist and started pushing up on Blaine’s pyjama shirt.

Blaine chuckled and pulled back, pulling the offending shirt off and letting it fall off to the side on the floor before leaning forward to continue the kiss.  However, Kurt pulled back and for a moment Blaine looked at him in confusion until Kurt pulled his own shirt off.

And his undershirt too.

He held his breath as he watched Blaine, and tried to keep himself from trembling.  He wasn’t, but he already felt completely naked and exposed.  Kurt purposely didn’t look down at his own chest and stomach.  He knew what was there.  He had stared at himself many times in the safety of a locked bathroom, mapping all of his scars and imperfections.  

“Kurt….?”  

He was taking deep breaths, trying to show Blaine, just trying to let him know without having to say anything at all, but his breaths didn’t seem sufficient and this was all too scary.  With a blush he turned his head away and looked down to the blanket.  This was crazy, this was insane, this wasn’t the way to do things…

But Blaine surged forwards and wrapped an arm around Kurt while the other snuck under his chin and redirected his jaw so Kurt was again looking at Blaine whose eyes had turned from gold to black.  

“You are absolutely gorgeous.”

The flush on Kurt’s cheeks became deeper and he reconnected his lips to Blaine’s, moving his hands up and down the smooth, well toned sides of Blaine’s body while Blaine’s hands explored the expanse of his skin which seemed to involuntarily shiver every now and then.  It had been so long since he had been touched that way….

But he had never really been touched that way before.  Not so slowly, so carefully, so focused on making him feel wanted and good.

Which was why when his cock swelled up in his pants it came as somewhat of a shock to him and he whimpered into Blaine’s mouth.  If only he could say things properly, if only…

But Kurt wasn’t the only one with that problem, as became abundantly clear when he shifted against Blaine’s body and found his thigh pressed up against another bulge in Blaine’s pants.  Both of their eyes opened and they looked at each other, stared really, until small smiles grew on their faces and Kurt could see the twinkle in Blaine’s darkened eyes.  

He could do this.

Apparently Blaine just thought it was going to end at both of them being bare chested because when he saw Kurt’s hands move down to push down his double layer of pyjama pants, his eyes bugged out and his jaw dropped.  

“K-Kurt?”

But Kurt wasn’t going to be deterred.  He had made up his mind and he needed to get this out of his system and move past it.  He wasn’t going to go hide in the bathroom again and whack off as quietly as he could.  Not tonight.

Again he didn’t look down at himself as he found himself only with his socks left on as he sat back on his knees on the bed and tried to gauge Blaine’s reaction by looking at him.  After half a second, Kurt immediately began to worry again.  Maybe Blaine genuinely didn’t want to have sex.  Maybe it wasn’t just because Sebastian was a jerkward, maybe Blaine had no interest in it, maybe he wasn’t ready, and, oh god, Kurt had never considered that Blaine wasn’t ready, and…

“Wow…”  

Blaine’s hushed awe echoed through Kurt’s head as he spent the next half a second watching Blaine take in his body and knowing that even though a hundred men had seen it all before, that somehow this one was different and worth the blush he could feel spreading over his body.  

Kurt stayed frozen in place during the next whole three seconds as Blaine shucked off his own pants, kicking them awkwardly off the side of the bed and even whipping his own socks off so he was more naked than Kurt was.

Then it was Kurt’s turn to take in Blaine’s body.

He had seen it before of course.  He already knew Blaine was well equipped courtesy of the alleyway blowjob he gave him last year.  He also knew Blaine’s legs were wonderfully strong from watching him swim.  But to see all of Blaine, all at once, well… that was definitely something else.

He crawled forward and closed the gap between their lips, kissing Blaine urgently, needily, even desperately as his hands began to explore Blaine’s body with virgin eagerness.  The more the let their fingers roam over one another, the more anxious Kurt became.  

It would have been less stressful with a trick.  They would tell you what exactly they wanted and you would do it.  With Blaine there were so many options on how to proceed and Kurt didn’t know what he wanted or what Blaine wanted, he just knew that he wanted.  And for once, it was okay that he wanted.  He wasn’t worried about making enough cash to keep Cole happy or get a fix, he was doing this because he actually wanted to.

A slight pull back from their kiss and Kurt found that Blaine’s lips has gravitated to his neck as they moved back together.  They had done that before when they had made out and Blaine already knew just how much Kurt enjoyed his collarbone being touched, but he didn’t stop there.  Bit by bit his lips drew themselves downwards and Kurt’s body rolled backwards under Blaine’s kisses which drew a line down his chest and to his abdomen.  By the time Kurt realized what Blaine was intending, he could scarcely prepare himself for it.

Because even though he was a fucking master at giving blowjobs so his tricks came quickly without a lot of work, he had never, ever received one.  

“Oh holy fuck!” Kurt hissed, his hands dropped to either side of him and pulling the blanket into his fists as he braced himself when Blaine’s tongue rolled over the head of his cock and his lips pulled over the head.  No wonder guys paid for this.  He was one second in and it was already amazing.

Blaine was tentative though, and Kurt couldn’t help but think of his own techniques that he had always used as Blaine tried different things.  It wasn’t bad by any means, but it was clear that it was the first time Blaine had done this, moving his tongue in different ways along Kurt’s length and trying different angles, all the while watching Kurt’s reaction to see how his different methods affected Kurt.  

When Blaine figured out that by rubbing his tongue along the bottom of Kurt’s cock while simultaneously keeping a solid suction on Kurt’s cock as he bobbed up and down, he got the reaction he was clearly looking for.  Kurt’s eyes rolled back and he ended up shutting his eyes tightly as he came down Blaine’s throat without warning, crying out softly in soft, choked gasps.

To his credit, Blaine was able to drink it back, only gagging a little as he was hit by the surprise.  Even Kurt had taken awhile to learn that particular talent.

Panting, writhing, and coming down from what had easily been his most satisfying sexual encounter, Kurt made a small murmur to acknowledge Blaine, “I’ll… just give me a minute and I’ll take care of you….”

He heard a small chuckle and peaked his eyes open to look towards Blaine whose cheeks were red and lips looked extra plush from the work he had just done.  “I… uh… you don’t have to.”

So Kurt’s eyes drifted away from Blaine’s face to his crotch and saw that while Blaine had been taking him in his mouth, the bed had essentially been victim to Blaine’s needy rutting and at some point during all of that - Blaine had come, leaving a sticky mess on the top of the blanket.

“Huh… guess we’ll need to wash that.”

Blaine laughed softly again and Kurt found strong arms wrapped around his waist that pulled him back with Blaine to the head of the bed.  

“Is it too much to hope that you might stay like this all night?”

Kurt tilted his head to the side, looking at Blaine who looked so hopeful.  “Probably.”

Blaine kept smiling despite Kurt’s noncommittal tone and held him for a moment, skin flush against skin, before he pulled away to change the blanket and wipe himself off. 

Kurt pulled his pajamas back on while he left, now feeling more naked than ever.  That had been good… wonderful in fact, but he still felt like he needed that additional layer to feel safe.

“Was… I… ah….okay?” Blaine asked sheepishly when he crawled back into bed with Kurt, clad only in boxers now which Kurt really didn’t mind.  The feel of Blaine’s skin was completely soothing to him.

“You were perfect.”

“Really?”

“Best blowjob I’ve ever had.”

Blaine was silent for a moment, and then, “How many have you had?”

“Just one.”

“Oh…. Really?”

“Blaine…”  Kurt lifted his head to look up at the man holding onto him so snugly, “... I got paid to give pleasure, not receive it.”

Blaine looked at him sadly, and Kurt sighed inwardly, immediately regretting that he had brought up his past.  Then, Blaine brought his head down and kissed Kurt’s forehead, whispering “I’m glad I could give you that then.”

Kurt smiled and rested his head back down, listening the steady beat of Blaine’s heart and breathing in time with him until Blaine fell asleep beneath him and Kurt was left thinking about what had just happened and the sweet, if not sappy, words Blaine had left him with for the night.

Because when it came down to it, Blaine was the first person in the world he had given himself to for free, and the first one he had enjoyed it with.


	39. Chapter 39

Blaine never hung around after school anymore.  He didn’t join any study groups or hang out in the library unless he needed to grab some books for research purposes.  He cancelled his university gym pass since he only ever went to the gym at his apartment now, and didn’t talk much with other students.  He just wanted to get home.

At home he had Kurt.  

It didn’t mean he didn’t study.  In fact, he and Kurt would often have dedicated study time together even though they weren’t in the same classes.  He still went to the gym too, it was just the one that Kurt also happened to go to.  His life had become the man with pink hair that he used to pass by, and Blaine had never been happier.

Kurt would hold him, Kurt would cuddle him, Kurt would kiss him.  He was always there for Blaine, always listening, always grinning his way, always marking his heart. 

Yes Blaine was in love with Kurt, though he didn’t know if he should bother expressing it openly because he had a feeling that might just weird out Kurt, even if he did feel the same way.  

In fact, Blaine was pretty sure Kurt felt the same way.  Stripping down in front of Blaine had to have been a big deal for Kurt who kept himself hidden away in his layers.  He knew it would have taken a lot of trust and then some to do, and now that that bridge had been crossed, it had paved the way for even more intimacy between them.

For example, on a few occasions Kurt had woken him with a blowjob, and if Blaine thought snuggling with Kurt was the best way to wake up before, it was quickly surpassed by waking up to that.  

Blaine was still trying to get as masterful as Kurt was at that particular skill.  Kurt’s tongue and lips and ability to suck in just the right way would make Blaine orgasm so quickly even when he was trying to hold off so he could enjoy it for as long as possible.  Blaine meanwhile took awhile longer when he was working on Kurt, still learning just what would send Kurt over the edge.  Sometimes he took so long his jaw would hurt, but Kurt was nothing short of forgiving and would help him out on those occasions, directing Blaine on just what he needed.

Aside from blowjobs and a few handjobs though, they hadn’t gone any further - unless of course Kurt’s sudden and frank discussion about protection was considered moving ahead.

“You’re clean though right?  I mean… you had that one infection last year but they used antibiotics and said you were clear and you haven’t been with anyone else and…”  Blaine babbled when Kurt had asserted that condoms would be a necessity - even for blowjobs in the future despite that first time in the bedroom when Kurt had revealed himself.

Kurt had sighed and rolled his eyes as if Blaine was completely naive in what he was saying… and who was Blaine kidding?  He was naive when it came to all this.

“Some things can take awhile to show themselves Blaine… and I don’t want to ever be the cause of something like that for you.  We’re using condoms.  End of story.”

Blaine nodded and had thought that would be the end of the discussion until Kurt tacked on a bit more.  

“And when you’re buying them, don’t bother getting anything fancy.  Honestly.  Glow-in-the-dark, ribbed, whatever… just… get the normal kind.  And grab some lube too.  Again - nothing fancy.”

Blaine had blushed at that, though was glad Kurt made a point of saying it.  He could see himself doing something stupid like getting every possible type of condom available just because he wouldn’t have known if Kurt had wanted anything in particular.  And lube… well…

That opened up a realm of new possibilities for them.

Wes was showing up at their place regularly again, though was bitterly grumpy each time he arrived.  Rachel was apparently driving him crazy but despite their suggestions that he end it he had refused each time.  He loved her, he insisted, and wanted to make it work despite her high maintenance demands and requirements.

“The sex has got to be epic.”  Kurt had said.  “I don’t see how anyone could put up with someone like her unless there was that.”

Blaine groaned at that.  It was bad enough that his sister and best friend were dating, but he didn’t want to think about them having sex.  That was just… well that was something beyond what he wanted to consider.

Today though, Blaine was rushing home early.  He needed to skip his afternoon classes, but had some other students grabbing notes for him.  It wasn’t because he was that desperate to see Kurt, even though he was happy to get to be getting back to him earlier than usual.

No.  Today they were meeting the lawyer in charge of trying the case against Sebastian.

The case hadn’t been going anywhere, but now all the appeal processes had been exhausted and they could only move forward.  Sebastian would get what was coming to him and Kurt would see that there was some justice in the world.

The music was up loud when Blaine stepped in, and he watched in amusement as Kurt danced as he pushed the vacuum along the floor and sang along.  Blaine so rarely got to see this side of Kurt - completely uninhibited.  Only in rare moments where he caught Kurt playing the piano in the music room or when he was moving along to an aerobic workout on TV did he see Kurt move so fluidly, swaying his perfect hips in sync with the beat, shoulders rolling to accentuate the movements.  He could be quite the dancer if he was willing to ever go onstage.

The remote was grabbed and the music muted though once Kurt caught sight of Blaine.  He also shut off the vacuum before coming over and immediately wrapping his arms around Blaine’s waist and letting his head fall onto a shoulder with a sigh.

“Hey… hey…. what’s up?  I thought Wes would be here to drive us already.”

“Meeting’s cancelled… sorry.. I might have chucked my phone across the room when I heard and wasn’t able to tell you.”

Blaine arched an eyebrow and let his messenger bag drop to the ground so he could embrace Kurt.  “Why?”

“Sebastian fled to France and the charges aren’t hefty enough to bother with an extradition process.”

Blaine’s heart cracked and tightened his grasp around Kurt just a bit.  That asshole.  How dare he run away like a coward…

“Blaine… don’t worry about it… I mean… I was mad when I heard but it’s nothing I didn’t expect in the end.”

“He shouldn’t get away with it!  How can they let him get away with it?!  WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Blaine snapped his jaw shut then and Kurt lifted his head and looked at him with wide eyes.  As much as Kurt swore, Blaine had never let himself do it - until now anyhow.

“Sorry.. sorry… I just don’t get it.”  Blaine shook his head and sighed.  “I’m sorry Kurt… it’s not right…”

Kurt shrugged and went to grab the vacuum by the handle again.  “I don’t have the power to influence the courts Blaine.  Justice is only there for those that have power.  The rich win over the poor, the strong over the weak, and in my case, a john has more power than a whore.”

“You’re not that…”  Blaine tensed, watching as Kurt turned the vacuum again and continued rolling it back and forth over the carpet, which already looked quite clean.

“I’d appreciate it if you could grab me a fresh pack of cigarettes Blaine… I smoked them all up in anticipation of the meeting and now I’ve got fuck all.”

Blaine sighed and let his shoulders slump on either side of his body.  “Sure…”

Kurt looked back towards him. “Really Blaine… don’t worry about it.  I’m not.”

“I want the world to be good for you though.” Blaine admitted, looking at those beautiful blue eyes.  God he just wanted to get lost in them right now.  Just go and swim into them and not look back.

Again the vacuum was shut off and Kurt leaned against the back of the couch with a sigh.  “The world isn’t good for anyone Blaine.  It’s not good for women, it’s not good for ethnic minorities, it’s not good for those that don’t have money, and it’s not good for gays… why the hell should it be good for a gay, effeminate, crackwhore?”

It hurt Blaine, felt like his heart was cracking, when Kurt talked about himself that way.  Most of the time, Kurt was so assured, so focused and brilliant, and then there was these moments, when he talked about himself in such a matter-of-fact manner that depreciated himself.

Didn’t he understand that Blaine thought the world of him?  That when Kurt diminished his own value he inadvertently diminished Blaine’s?

“You deserve only the best Kurt.”  Blaine reaffirmed, though he didn’t know how convincing he looked with eyes that were on the verge of watering and such a slouched demeanour.

“What a person might deserve and what they get are two very different things Blaine.  I’m pretty sure all those Jews that Hitler gassed deserved a lot better too… or the Tutsi that were chopped apart with machete’s in the Rwandan genocide… or any of the other thousands of incidents in history where innocent and good people were hurt by those with power and hate.  Really, I’m happy to be alive and with you and getting better and in school.  That’s a lot more than a lot of people get and I am happy to take it.  Having Sebastian run off is not the worst thing in the world.  Not by a long shot.”

Kurt always made it seem so easy to reduce his own problems to nothing, and when put into words like that, Blaine could almost understand where he was coming from.  It didn’t make him any less sad though for his boyfriend.  It would have been nice for Kurt to see justice done at least once in his lifetime, if only to confirm that there was some hope for the universe.

“Well… can we cuddle at least?  You might be okay with all of it… but us spoiled trust fund brats had higher hopes that have now been crushed.”

Kurt chuckled at that and nodded, walking to Blaine to take him by the hand and lead him to their room.  Blaine really did need a reassuring snuggle.  It was that or hit the gym until the anger boiling up in his stomach was too worn out to act on.

“We should go to Connecticut when school is out.”  Kurt said, adeptly changing the topic as soon as Blaine had stripped down to his boxers and crawled into the bed. 

“We could do that…”  Blaine mused, watching Kurt shrug off his hoodie before climbing in beside Blaine.

“Your mom says there’s an eclectic shop there I might appreciate, and a farmer’s market too.  I haven’t been to a farmer’s market in years and from what I remember, they smell really good.”

Blaine chuckled and drew the blanket up over them.  “You want to go just because of the way they smell?”

He felt Kurt’s shoulder shrug against him.  “I want to go because I can there.”

“Kurt… when we’re done school, let’s just move somewhere you feel safe… in fact… why don’t we go somewhere else completely for school next year so you don’t have to wait.”

Blaine felt Kurt’s breath hitch against his skin, and Kurt’s arm around his waist tighten, “But what about… your friends… work… scholarships…?”

“I just want to be with you Kurt.  I have friends all over the country, and I can get work anywhere… hell, I don’t even know what I’m in school for so I’m pretty sure I can continue on with that anywhere.  And your scholarships….”  He smiled to himself.  Kurt had gotten two letters already confirming he would be getting a couple monetary awards for his schoolwork.  “... both of those follow you wherever you go, and if you get more we’ll see.  My mom and dad don’t care where I go to school so long as I get a degree and would probably be happy to unload this apartment because I know it isn’t cheap… and apartments anywhere else would be so much more reasonably priced.”

Kurt was still tense in his arms, and Blaine worried that he was assuming too much, saying too much, suggesting too much.  It was out now though and he couldn’t take it back.

“I… I guess I need to think about that Blaine.”

Blaine nodded, leaning down to kiss the top of Kurt’s head.  “Just a thought.”

“A big one.”

“Yeah.”    



	40. Chapter 40

What was Kurt without New York?

The thought had never actually occurred to Kurt to move away from New York.  For his whole young life, New York was what he had been chasing after, and now it was his home but it was no longer his dream.  

Not that he knew what his dream was.  

But where would he go to?  He didn’t even know what he wanted to do let alone where he would go to do it.  Like Blaine, he was in college for the sake of being in college.  He had no major or minor declared and even though he was getting scholarships, he had no end goal aside from become better.  Better at what though?

Blaine’s idea might have seemed minor to him, but to Kurt it brought everything into question.  It certainly solidified where Blaine thought their relationship was going, and that was comforting to Kurt at the same time it was also scary.  It wasn’t that Kurt didn’t want Blaine, it was just he didn’t know if Blaine truly wanted him or was just still in that dopey infatuation stage.  

Moreover, moving somewhere else where all he knew and all he had was Blaine was scary.  At least he had Wes here… and even his shrink was kind of familiar at this point.  His social worker wouldn’t be a big loss, nor Rachel…

Where would they even go?

Connecticut was nice, but after doing some checking online, Kurt saw that their university programs were limited (even though they were well respected) and given that he didn’t even know what he was going to do, he didn’t want to limit his options and didn’t think Blaine should either - even though Kurt was convinced that Blaine should just sing and write music for a living.  If there was one thing that Blaine could do, and do well for that matter, it was that.

But Kurt also knew Blaine was under pressure to have a more secure form of employment than his sister had, and probably didn’t want to follow the same path in life she was if only out of spite - even though Kurt personally thought he was crazy to waste the kind of talent he had.  

So Kurt did search after search online.  Comparing university programs to locations to proximity to Blaine’s family and so forth.  

But even though his goal was supposed to be discovering a new place for them, somewhere with a good university and a small setting that was also close to family, Kurt found himself looking up his dad instead.

A simple web search revealed his dad was still in Lima, still with the mechanic business, and still married to Carole (at least as far as a phone number and address search was concerned).  Kurt himself was on a missing persons report for Lima and apparently his dad was offering a lot of money for any information on Kurt’s whereabouts - money he wasn’t initially sure how his dad obtained since the business he owned was modest at best.  

But then he found out.

Sometime after Kurt had gone missing, his dad had run for and successfully won a seat in congress.  His dad was a big shot now, and there wasn’t any shortage of news on him.  Kurt spent nearly a whole day he should have spent on an essay just reading through his dad’s work in congress from pushing bills that would have supported LGBT rights and freedoms, to addressing the discrepancies in how bullies were dealt with.  Everything his dad spoke out for Kurt would have supported, and in so many of his dad’s speeches, Kurt was mentioned.

Everyone knew Kurt, at least Kurt Hummel, through his father’s speeches.  He was the “missing son”, the “victim of schoolyard bullies”, the “great political mystery”, the “child that everyone had heard about” - and yet, despite all that, no one had ever identified the pink haired kid on the street as the same person.  He knew he had been bought by guys that would have read the paper, would have known enough to know about Congressman Hummel and his wayward son, probably would have even seen the missing photo that was flashed around whenever his name was mentioned in a speech, but yet, none of them put two and two together.  

He didn’t really think he looked all that different… sure the photo was him right before he had the pink in his hair and the piercings everywhere… but when he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror he still saw that kid.  

Maybe he was giving himself too much credit.  Blaine and Wes were smart and on top of things and they hadn’t pieced it together yet, and Kurt didn’t even know his dad was in politics until now, let alone that his face had been attached to every second article on his father.  

God what a fool he had been.

His dad had only ever been looking out for him and Kurt had done everything in his own power to rebel - and for what?  There was nothing he had done in his rebellion to be proud of, not even remotely.  He only had regrets, and chief among them now was that his dad was still telling reporters that he still had hope of Kurt coming home and that his heart would never be full until he had his son back.

The sentiment was made all the more poignant when he discovered that Carole’s son had died last year.  Kurt had never been close to Finn, and certainly hadn’t liked him, but Carole had been kind and the pictures of her tearstained face after what had happened to Finn were enough to shatter anyone’s heart.  

As the door rattled, Kurt quickly closed all the open browser windows on his laptop and turned to grin at Blaine as he came through the door.

“Hey.”  Blaine beamed towards him and Kurt set his computer to the side to get up and greet Blaine properly - with a kiss.  Kurt had easily embraced this domestic side of himself, and knew it had been a part of who he had been before.  It also was something his mom and dad had always done when the other had come home, and now, more than ever, Kurt knew theirs was the example to look to when it came to his own relationship.

“So I was thinking…”  Kurt mused after Blaine had put away his bag and coat.  “... That maybe we could take a tour of a few universities that might interest us for next year?”

Blaine perked up at that and nodded eagerly, “Absolutely.  Did you have any in mind?”

Kurt shook his head, even though that wasn’t the truth.  “Not really… though there’s a few that have a great music program for you.”

He watched as Blaine’s nose crinkled at the bridge and those big triangular brows bent together.  Kurt had been pushing the idea more and more, but he knew it would ultimately have to come from Blaine.  “Maybe for a minor… what else?”

Kurt shrugged, and walked towards the kitchen, Blaine following, as he set about getting supper ready for them both.  “I really just need to narrow down my own focus too… it would probably make getting scholarships easier if I declared a major at least.”

“You should take journalism.”

Kurt blinked a few times and then tipped his head to the side.  Blaine’s declaration seemed to come out of no where, but thankfully he quickly followed up into an explanation.

“You read all the time… you can outwrite Wes and I to no end, you have top marks in all the classes where you need to write papers after all.  Lots of journalists are working from home these days and don’t have to keep regular business hours which I know appeals to you… and you always look most at home behind your computer.”

“Huh…”  Kurt had never actually considered it.  He knew the program existed but hadn’t ever looked into it.  Blaine made it seem so obvious though.  “I will be checking that out then I guess.”

His boyfriend shrugged and smiled, clearly pleased with himself for coming up with the idea, and it was a fitting idea, the best fit Kurt had considered.  The only time he’d have to deal with other people was when he was doing interviews or dealing with an editor, but otherwise he’d be allowed to work alone - something he definitely preferred.

“So then… a place with a fine arts program and a journalism program.  I’ll check things out and see where that leaves us.” Kurt thought out loud as he set some vegetables to steam.    

“Business too.”  Blaine added with a sigh.

“Why business?”

“Just… backup… for me.  I can’t live off my parents good graces forever after all.”  

Kurt turned up his nose and pointedly huffed indignantly in response to that.  “Write a damned song already and we’ll get it released and then all you’ll have to worry about it keeping the paparazzi away from me.”

Blaine chuckled in response to that, and Kurt found a familiar strong hand settling on his waist from behind.  “I have been writing you know… song… there’s one problem though.”

“What’s that?”  Kurt asked, for the moment ignoring the hand as he was heavily involved in slicing up a chicken breast.

“They’re all about you…  and I don’t know that music producers are looking for anymore love songs based on what I hear playing on the top 40 station.”

Kurt held his breath, though tried to play it cool.  Love songs… for him… Never in a million years did Kurt ever think that someone would play him a love song let alone write a bunch in his honor.

“Love songs always sell.”  Kurt said, once he had remembered to breath, and turned his head to peck Blaine on the cheek.  “Now scoot so I can get this fucking bird cooked.”

“Mmmm… you have such a way with words.”  Blaine hummed as he backed up, eyes trained on Kurt as they always were.  

“You’re the one suggesting a journalism career for me.  I’d better know how to say shit.”  

They laughed together and, as with most of their evenings, ate and talked and laughed some more.  They studied side by side, aimlessly playing footsie as they did, and went to the gym where Kurt praised himself silently for having worked up to a new weight level - even though Blaine’s weights were still twice as much as his own.  Watching TV was skipped that night in favour of snuggling earlier, and as Kurt was pulling off his hoodie for bed, Blaine was watching him from the bed with intent eyes.

“Kurt?”

“Hmm?”  Kurt folded up his hoodie and then set it on the night table.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You already are you doofus.”

“Right.”  Blaine blushed a little, the colour always hitting him first in his cheekbones.  Kurt rolled his eyes but really he found it just adorable.

“Ask.”

Blaine nodded and swallowed, indicating that he thought this was a big question so Kurt made sure he bit his tongue and waited until Blaine was ready to tell him what was on his mind.

“I… “  Blaine’s blush had spread down his cheeks by this point, and with a huff of frustration he looked away for a moment before turning back to Kurt, apparently collected now. 

“Kurt, will you make love to me?”

Kurt’s eyes went round as he kept on looking at Blaine.  Oh.  Yeah.  That was a big question, one that not only got his attention, but the attention of his cock which twitched in his pants to let him know that it had indeed heard that.  

“Yeah… Yes.”


	41. Chapter 41

“Yeah…. Yes.”

Blaine felt like he was choking on his own breath when Kurt agreed.  He had been turned on all night long watching Kurt.  He didn’t know if it was too early for Kurt, or if Kurt never wanted to go beyond oral sex, but with his dick pressed up against the fabric of his boxer briefs, it was hard to think of anything clearly.

Kurt reached over to turn off the lamp, leaving them with only the glow of the streetlamps outside creeping into the window to illuminate things.  Blaine knew Kurt was self concious about his body, and that’s probably why he did that, but Blaine would have just loved for Kurt to let him see him completely - even though the street lights did a pretty good job.

Kurt was slow in his efforts to strip down, and Blaine heard as his breath became more shallow, akin to Blaine’s own.  The smooth, pearly expanse of his boyfriend’s skin was revealed though, and Blaine moved forward to run his hands up and down Kurt’s arms and then his thighs as they connected their lips in a delibverately slow dance.  They could take their time.  

Blaine wanted to take his time.

No matter what abuse Kurt had suffered, and what he thought about himself, he was beautiful.  There was no doubt about it.  Sometimes Kurt would reveal a little tidbit about one scar or another, stories that made Blaine’s heart crack and his stomach turn.  Like the pattern of cresents on his hip - a trick with nails so long they broke the skin and stayed there as he was used.  The silvery scar along the bottom of his ribcage on the right - a result of his pimp having a freak out and beating him when Kurt stood his ground on using condoms even though he could apparently get more to go bareback.  There was another scar that ran along the back of Kurt’s thigh - the result of one of his self-hating tricks that felt the sadistic need to hurt Kurt while he was using him.

Looking at those scars did make Blaine’s heart swell, knowing all that Kurt had been through and suffered - probably without proper medical help either, and yet, because they were a part of Kurt, Blaine was able to see past them as just a small part of the man before him.  Kurt wasn’t the sum of his scars after all, he was so much more than that, and now he was willing to share himself with Blaine.

Blaine’s mouth travelled down from Kurt’s lips to under his jaw, and then to his neck, kissing a path to Kurt’s collarbone where he had discovered Kurt was especially sensitive, and, as expected, the instant he reached it Kurt’s head tipped back and he moaned softly. 

He was careful not to leave a hickey.  Unlike so many other men who had touched Kurt, he never wanted to leave a mark on him - at least not one that was visible like the others.  He wanted Kurt to feel good, but never dominated.  He needed Kurt to know that he saw him as an equal in this bed.

Though the whimpers Kurt was making made it hard to Blaine to hold back from just pushing Kurt down against the mattress and having his way with him.  Every noise that came out of those perfect pink lips went straight to his cock, which kept twitching and pulsing, begging to be attended to.  

“I should….”  Kurt whined as Blaine’s lips travelled to one of his nipples and sucked it gently, making him lose his words for a moment until Blaine pulled his head back, “... I should prep you.”

Blaine nodded, and while he wasn’t quite ready to jump into his first time like that, he did reach back to the nightstand and pull out the yet unused bottle of lube and a condom, ready for when they were, before he reconnected his lips to Kurt’s chest.  

Kurt’s fingers wound their way into Blaine’s hair, cracking apart the gel and loosening his curls which he coiled around individual fingers and tugged back on with an accompanying gasp every time Blaine seemed to touch a particularly sensitive place.  Kurt’s skin tasted so sweet under his lips and Blaine still hadn’t been able to figure out how that was.  They used the same shower, with the same products, and Blaine was pretty sure he didn’t taste even a tenth as good.  Maybe Kurt just secreted sugar.

While Kurt’s hands buried into Blaine’s hair, Blaine’s hands explored Kurt’s skin, running his palms over Kurt’s arms, his sides, his thighs, and then sweeping around to the swell of Kurt’s ass, his arched back, and up to his shoulders on the return voyage.  He took note of the places where Kurt’s breath became a shudder under his touch, like the small of his back and his sides, tucking that information away for later.

Then something happened that made Blaine lose all capacity for thinking.  Their cocks brushed against each other, both fully at attention and damn.  Blaine didn’t understand why that felt as good as it did but clearly Kurt felt the same as a small hiss came from his parted lips which Blaine’s were back on in an instant, slowly arching his hips forward and back as he rutted their cocks together.  Why they hadn’t done this before, Blaine wasn’t sure.  He was sure thought that it was enough to make him come.

Kurt trembled in his arms and hands were pulled away from Blaine’s hair and palms pressed against his chest after a minute of heavy and gasp filled breathing.  He was pushed gently back on the bed and by the time the fog in Blaine’s mind subsided, he realized that Kurt had the condom and the bottle of lube in hand.  He knew what was coming, he had made sure to reread all the information on the health websites he had checked out, knew what Kurt was preparing for, and now, after getting to feel his boyfriend so close, wanted it more than anything.  No more waiting.  He needed this yesterday.

“Grab a pillow.”  Kurt directed, and once Blaine had one from the head of the bed in his hands, Kurt directed him to place it under his hips, improving the angle and access to his ass which seemed to be twitching along with his cock in eagerness.  

The cap was undone with a small crack and Blaine watched with wide open eyes as Kurt liberally spread lube on a finger, licking his lips over as he did, which had Blaine’s eyes jumping from Kurt’s lips to his finger as it was brought down to where he couldn’t see it any longer.

But he felt it.

Instinct told him to clench up, to tighten and create a barrier against intruders, but Kurt looked up, eyes full of warmth, and told him, “You need to relax…. do you want to stop?”

“No… nonono….”  Blaine groaned.  Why did Kurt’s voice have to sound so hot?  He focused on relaxing his body, breathing, and Kurt’s finger slipped inside him slowly, moving the opposite way things generally did there and creating a burn as it pushed ahead until Kurt had it slipped inside him completely.  

“Breathe.” Came a gentle reminder, and Blaine did, letting go of a breath he didn’t know he had been holding as Kurt wiggled his finger inside of Blaine before pulling it back and running it back in again.  Slow, gentle movements designed to spread Blaine apart bit by bit.

He felt kisses along the insides of his thighs and glanced back down at Kurt as his eyes had rolled back a moment ago.  As the finger worked its way in and out, Kurt was watching his face for his reaction and laying kisses to him.  The scene couldn’t have been hotter.

“I’m going to add another.”  Kurt let him know, and cracked the bottle open with his free hand.  Blaine felt more lube trickle down into his crack, pushing pushed up inside of him by Kurt’s finger that was already there while a second brushed along the rim of his pucker.  God.  Had anyone ever done this for Kurt?  Someone must have.   How else would he knew exactly what to do?  

When the second finger pushed into him, Blaine momentarily tensed before remembering that he needed to be pliant and exhaled as Kurt watched him with concern from below.  A second finger added so much more than the first.  It was exponentially a larger feeling inside of him even though the fingers were relatively the same circumference.  Once the initial drag had passed though, and Kurt had his fingers both submerged inside of Blaine twice, the scissoring began.

It wasn’t anything like Blaine imagined it to be from reading the websites.  He expected a very mechanical stretch of his insides, not the sudden change from dull pain to pleasure that spread over him.  Kurt knew exactly what to touch inside of him, knew just how to make him unravel, and within seconds he was no longer breathing but panting and begging for more.

“Shh… soon enough…”  Kurt cooed from below, another kiss granted to Blaine’s thigh as a third finger was added and Blaine was sure the stars in his vision were a sign that he didn’t have too long to enjoy this for.  

“Please Kurt… please, please, please, please….”

He got a chuckle in response and then the fingers that had been filling him up so nicely were pulled out, leaving him with an uncomfortable openness that made him writhe a little.  He needed more, not less.  The crackle of the condom wrapper though alerted him that things weren’t at an end and as the stars faded, he let himself look down at Kurt, now protected and rubbing lubricant over his shaft before aligning it to Blaine’s ass and asking to make sure.

“Ready?”

“So ready….”  Blaine grunted and then his breath held as the head of Kurt’s cock pushed into him, far wider than the three fingers had completely prepared him for.  He tensed again, and again reminded himself to relax and let Kurt slowly push his way up inside of him, stretching him more and more.  It was slow, and Blaine was sure he was going to tear apart from the inside because, wow, Kurt was neverending.

But miraculously the tear never happened and once Kurt was fully inside of Blaine, both men panting out their breaths, they shared a few sloppy kisses as Kurt just held his position to allow Blaine’s body to get used to him.  That’s where Blaine realized just how great he felt; how full and complete he was with Kurt in and over him like this.  

“You can move.”  He weakly mouthed up at Kurt who nodded, gave him one quick kiss, and withdrew his length slowly before pushing back inside of Blaine just a little bit faster this time.  It made Blaine’s breath hitch, but Kurt knew what he was doing, and the second push felt better than the first.

Then there was the third… and the fourth.

By the time the fifth came around, Blaine was an absolute mess under Kurt.  The sheets were fisted balls in his hands and his head was tossing back and forth chanting Kurt’s name in random pitches.  His boyfriend had already figured out how to hit his prostate just right and Blaine knew why men did this.  It felt fucking amazing.

The pace quickened and Kurt found a rhythm that gave Blaine’s body just enough time for anticipation right before his prostate was bumped from within.  One of his hands managed to untangle itself from the sheets and reached up to gently hold onto Kurt’s side, giving him something else to brace against as the warm heat balled up inside him and threatened to burst.

He wanted to keep his eyes open and watch Kurt move, but the sensations were completely overpowering and his eyes had screwed shut on some point while his mouth had gotten completely loose - gasping and whining and pleading for more. 

Blaine already felt close, embarrassingly too soon, but then one of Kurt’s hands wrapped around his otherwise unattended cock and began stroking it as well, and it was so much, too much, all at once.  His body locked and he cried out into the night, feeling the strands of come spill out from inside of him and onto his chest and stomach.  Somewhere in that wonderful bliss, he also felt Kurt still inside him and heard a gasp over him and he assumed Kurt came as well, though in all honesty, Blaine was so undone that the only they he could focus on was the wonderful warm tingles shooting along all his nerves.

Thankfully Kurt seemed to have more presence of mind post-orgasm to deal with things.  First Blaine felt himself empty again as Kurt pulled out, the squelching sound of the condom being tied off and tossed into the garbage.  Then he was left for a moment while Kurt grabbed some kleenex which was used to wipe off Blaine’s abdomen.  Finally his boyfriend returned to the bed, dressed back up in his pajamas, and cuddled up against Blaine as he pulled the blanket over them both.  By that point Blaine was back to consciousness, though was saddled with a dopey grin directed at everything he looked at, which made sense when he looked to Kurt.

“Was that alright?”

Sometimes Blaine was blown away by how much his sassy boyfriend actually cared.  Enough that that would be the first thing he asked.

“Perfect.”  Blaine responded, wrapping his arms up around Kurt lazily, “Thank you…. that was… yeah… perfect.”

“You swore… like… a fucking lot.”

Blaine chuckled at that.  Yes, some cursing did occur when he had lost his mind to the moment, and he knew how much Kurt revelled in it when Blaine did lose himself enough to lose his grip on language.   “It was that good.”

“I’m glad.”

“Hey…”  Blaine suddenly remembered that he was the one who was supposed to be a gentleman, “... was it okay for you too?  I mean I know you haven’t… and….”  

Damnit he hated it when he couldn’t articulate what he wanted to say.

“Yes Blaine.”  Kurt seemed amused by it anyhow and leaned up to kiss his jaw, “I’m okay.  I’m not freaking out or anything anyhow.”

“Oh…. good… I guess that’s… good?”

Kurt laughed a little at that, and Blaine spotted the sincere twinkle in Kurt’s eyes and felt relieved.  “Yes.  It’s good you doofus.”

“And you came too?”

Another little laugh, “Yes.  God… you really were out of it there.”

“I was.”  Blaine admitted, his grin still plastered on even though his jaw was aching.  “I know why guys like it now.”

“Doofus.”

They snuggled for awhile, coming down from the high of the orgasm.  Eventually Blaine’s nerves seemed to numb back down and he reflected on the whole event, smiling to himself the entire time and so happy that he could remember it all.  It was was something he definitely wanted to remember in its entirety for forever.

“Blaine?”

“Kurt?”

The pink hair was tossed back as Kurt looked up at Blaine, eyes opened and lips pressed together to form a thin, serious line.  Uh-oh… now that he had time to think about it was he going to be upset?  Did Kurt regret it?

“I… I need to tell you.”

Blaine pushed himself up to sit, Kurt following suite.  Clearly this was going to be serious and Blaine wanted to give Kurt all his attention.  Grasping Kurt’s hands in his own, he looked at Kurt steadily, “Go ahead…”

He braced inwardly, sure that Kurt was going to tell him it had been a mistake or that he was about to freak out, or even that the whole thing had been imagined in Blaine’s mind.  But that wasn’t what came out of Kurt’s mouth.

“My name is Kurt Hummel…. I’m from Lima, Ohio…”


	42. Chapter 42

Kurt was freaking out in his own special way.  Not because of the sex, but because of the emotional torrent that came over him afterwards.  Blaine had never asked for anything before, not even for Kurt to quit smoking in the apartment even though Kurt knew it bugged Blaine to no end that he was doing it - though maybe not in this moment when it had been clear that Kurt needed a cigarette to stem the overwhelming things he was feeling and couldn’t even hold onto them long enough to put names on them.  He knew that anxiety was in there, as it always was, joy too for some reason, and also grief, also for no reason that he could pinpoint.  Other emotions floated in and out of him like he was an open house for them to explore and, damn it, the cigarette was the only thing helping him.

This had been the first thing Blaine had truly asked of Kurt though, and Kurt had been more than happy to give it to him, trying to ensure Blaine’s first time was good - not like Kurt’s.  He wanted to show Blaine love and caring and concern, not pain and fear.  Based on how blissful Blaine had looked afterwards, he had succeeded, but as his own orgasmal bliss subsided, Kurt suddenly had felt like he hadn’t given Blaine enough.  He had never given him enough, and Blaine had trusted him so entirely, and… and….

Kurt couldn’t help but spill.

“My name is Kurt Hummel… and I’m from Lima, Ohio….”  was just the start.  Blaine sat and listened attentively as Kurt launched into what became three hours of his life story.  He told Blaine about his mother, about her death, about his father, about the bullies, about how the small steps he had taken to try and distance himself from his abusers at school had grown into something that took over his life.   He wasn’t who he looked like, but he was.  The pink hair, the piercings - they were nothing his former self would have accepted, but he didn’t fit into the mould of who he had been before either.  

Blaine had quietly listened the whole time, bringing Kurt a glass of water when he needed it, and holding him close when he needed that.  To Blaine, Kurt fully exposed himself, and when it was all over he felt relief like he never knew existed.  Someone knew.  Someone truly knew him.

“So what do you want to do now?”

Kurt shook his head, “I want to see my dad… and yet I don’t…. I want to go see if Quinn is okay… and I’m afraid of that too.  I feel a pull to go back there but I’m scared to.”

“Well…”  Blaine squeezed the hand he held gently, “We have another month before semester ends.  Why don’t you talk about it with your doctor and see how you feel as time goes on… it’s not like you have to go see him this instant after all.  Work yourself up to the idea.”

Kurt nodded.  That made sense… and he also didn’t want to abandon school just like that to run back home that might not even welcome him.  As much as his dad spoke about him in his speeches, Kurt had a niggling feeling that maybe, like so many politicians, his dad might just have been exploiting the situation.  Maybe his dad was happier without him.

Quinn he was worried about too.  Would she even want to see him again?  A memory of a time gone by?  Maybe she had cut him out so quickly because she hadn’t wanted any reminder of who she had been and what she had done.  Kurt wanted to know she was alright though.  He needed to.  Kurt had purposely not done any web searches on her, worried that he’d find out she had outed him as a crackwhore.

“Will you come with me… if I go?”

“Of course.”  Blaine drew Kurt in against his side with an arm wrapped around his waist.  “I’ll be there for whatever you need…. though….”

“Hmm?”

“Honestly?  Kind of nervous to meet your dad.  One of the benefits of being with you was never having to worry about the whole meeting the parents things.”

Kurt heard the playful tone in Blaine’s voice and chuckled along with the joke.  “Well… don’t worry about that.  Let me worry about if he even wants to see me, let alone my boyfriend.”

“Mmm… I like it when you call me that.  Boyfriend.”  Blaine damn near purred as he said it and Kurt chuckled again, thankful for the change in mood.  “Anyhow, of course he wants to see you.  You’re his son.”

“We left on bad terms.”

“So you’ve told me… but still… they were as bad for you as they were for him and you still want to see him.  Why should he feel any differently?”

Kurt sighed.  Damn Blaine and his making sense.  “I don’t know… and now he’s this big important public figure… and with my whole…”  he swept a hand over himself to indicate all of himself, “.... look now… maybe he won’t want to associate with me.”

“That’s ridiculous.”  Blaine said quickly.  “Everything I’ve heard about in the news says your dad is the first person to help others and support people.  He won’t care what you’re dressed like, he’ll be happy to have you back.”

“So you have heard about him…”  Kurt mused.

“I’m gay Kurt…”  Blaine winked at him, “Just in case you haven’t noticed.  I pay attention to the people in power who are fighting for my rights.”

“And yet… you didn’t….”

“Connect the dots from him to you?”

“Yeah.”

Blaine sighed softly and looked towards Kurt, holding his gaze, “I might have, but I wasn’t going to push you on something you weren’t ready to tell me yourself.”

Kurt blinked a few times, stupefied by Blaine’s admission, “How long have you connected the dots for?”

Blaine looked down, “Since… I don’t know… last summer I guess.”  His head snapped back up then to look at Kurt worriedly, “That doesn’t make you upset does it?  That I kept that from you?”

Kurt snickered and shook his head, “I’ve kept a shitload more from you Blaine.  Thanks though.”

“For what?”

“For not pushing it.  I wasn’t ready.”

Blaine mimed a ‘phew’ motion with a toss of his hand by his forehead and chuckled.  “Good guessing on my part then.

“Anyhow… it’s late now… we should sleep. I need to write a brilliant paper tomorrow on the themes in the assigned novel.” Kurt noted, scooting down into the bed with Blaine following his motions after making a ‘Yuck’ noise in response to the assignment.  It was easy to fall asleep that night.  Easier than it had ever been.  Without the weight of all his secrets on his heart, Kurt found it easier to float into his dreams.

After his night of admissions to Blaine, things went way too quickly.  

There were the investigations into various universities and colleges, with Kurt maybe spending a little bit too much time on the Ohio State University website, even though he was pretty sure a younger version of himself had sworn to the non existent gods above that he’d never in a million years go to college in Ohio.

Then there was the inevitable break up between Rachel and Wes which had Wes over way too much, eating way too much take-out pizza, and sobbing to both Blaine and Kurt endlessly despite the fact that he had been the one to end things after Rachel had told him he would need to change programs because if he was a doctor he’d expose her to far too many things that she needed to stay away from to avoid giving any stage time to an understudy.  Wes eventually moved into the guest room since his lease was up in another month anyhow and he needed the emotional support.  Plus there was the added benefit that, of all the places in New York they might meet up, Rachel was almost guaranteed not to show up at Blaine and Kurt’s apartment.

Romeo also ate something questionable off the street when Wes, in his state of breakup sadness, had taken the dog for an extended walk.  That led to Romeo needing his stomach pumped after he continually dry heaved for a couple days and wouldn’t eat anything else.  Kurt made sure the poor pup was adequately spoiled on his return to the apartment, even going so far to have Romeo snuggle between him and Blaine much to Blaine’s grumblings about wanting to be touching his boyfriend.

Blaine would periodically show Kurt an article or interview he’d find on Congressman Hummel, all of which included him talking about Kurt.  How talented Kurt had been, how intelligent, how he had been so much like his mother.  None of those things really resonated with Kurt though, mostly because he didn’t see any of those things within himself.  He knew Blaine was trying to help, but honestly, he had seen most of the articles during his own personal searches and they were redundant if anything.

Somewhere during that last month, Kurt managed to produce a plethora of essays and projects for his courses, getting him, once again, the top mark between the three men - though none of them mentioned that to Wes who was already a sad sack of emotion.  They didn’t need one more thing for him to blubber over.

Blaine quit his job too, or, at least gave notice for the end of the month.  

“It’s not just the thing with your dad Kurt… it’s that we’re talking about moving, and also that I need to find something that will actually look good on a resume for whatever I want to do.  I like the shelter… but it won’t help me get into business or music.”

Kurt nodded to that, if for no other reason than that he wouldn’t have to share Blaine with another place on the weekends until they had settled somewhere else.  For as much time as he spent with Blaine it never seemed like enough.

Wes was also bitchy about them leaving.  He called them various things, traitor being the most favoured term.  He said they were abandoning him and even though they invited him along, since medical programs were scattered all over, he refused.  He wanted the best, and in his mind he was in the best program.

So they just rolled their eyes and continued on.

Kurt noted his dad was in Ohio for the first week of May, since he apparently split his time between Washington and Lima now.  He knew he was going to go, ready or not.  He wanted his daddy.  It was no longer a choice for him.

Blaine was also nervous about it, though he tried to act otherwise.  Kurt knew he wanted this to go well for him, but because he couldn’t control that, he worried on Kurt’s behalf.  It would have been sweet had it not been so exhausting.  Thank goodness they had crossed the step towards intimacy so he could at least soothe his boyfriend over with an orgasm.  That always worked to mellow him out, not unlike cigarettes did with Kurt (though the orgams definitely helped too).

Kurt also told Shelby the coles notes version of his life story over the phone and was so grateful when she told him how strong he was and how if his dad didn’t accept him then she’d adopt him officially anyhow - especially since he called more than any of her legitimate children anyhow.  

“Already have the last name anyhow.” 

She tutted on the other end of the phone, “Would you change it back now?”

Kurt wasn’t sure, but now it would just be one more thing to wrap his head around.

So, at the end of the month, he and Blaine were reiterating the instructions for taking care of Romeo to a sullen Wes before rolling their luggage out behind them and catching the cab waiting for them just outside the apartment door which took them to the airport.

“You ready for this Kurt?” Blaine asked as they heard their boarding call and offered his hand.

Kurt looked up at the flashing sign that read LIMA, OHIO: BOARDING NOW, GATE 21 before taking the offered hand and looking back to Blaine.

“Yeah.  Let’s go.”

 


	43. Chapter 43

“I don’t know if I can do this!  God, what the fuck was I thinking coming back here… it all looks the fucking same and everything… like time stopped… and…. shit… where’s my cigarettes….”  

Kurt was rifling through one of his bags in an absolute frenzy.  They had managed to get through the flight, the drive from the airport, and up into the hotel room before it happened, and Blaine had thanked his lucky stars it had taken him this long for his mind to catch up with what his body was doing, but it seemed inevitable that he would have a break down at some point.

“Shit, fuck, shit… shit!”  Kurt cursed, throwing his neatly folded clothes to the floor in his race to get his nicotine fix.  With a sigh, Blaine gently tapped him on the shoulder and held out a pack to him which was greedily grabbed away.

“Remember… you had me holding onto them since your packs were already too full?”

Kurt made a noncommittal nod and quickly lit his cigarette, puffing in the stinky smoke and holding it before breathing it back out. “Yah… s’good.”

Blaine just shook his head.  There was no rush to go meet Kurt’s family, and he was nervous about the whole thing along with Kurt.  He didn’t want Kurt to be put into any more pain, and he was afraid that Kurt’s dad might also be protective and not like Blaine.  So they had decided to sleep for the night at the hotel and then see how Kurt felt about things in the morning.

“No one seems to have recognized you though… have you recognized anyone you’ve seen?”  Blaine asked, trying to remain calm for both their sakes.

Kurt shook his head, sucking back the cigarette as if his life depended on it.  “Nah… hope it stays that way… can’t think of anyone in this town aside from dad and Quinn I’d want to see.”

“Well… what about visiting your mom’s grave?”

That seemed to give Kurt pause as he looked vacantly out over the mediocre hotel room before nodding, “Yeah… let’s do that.”

They ordered room service, with Kurt declaring that the subpar food they were eating was likely the best thing Blaine would be offered in this “shithole town” and watched the local news.  Everything was going alright and Kurt seemed to be calming down until the anchor on the news show showed a stock photo of Kurt’s dad on the screen and began talking.

“Local Congressman Burt Hummel is under fire today after he visited McKinley High school and ended up arguing with Principal Sue Sylvester over the lack of support for the Arts in the school.  Hummel cited a number of research studies showing the involvement in the arts can lead to better student morale, increased grades, and more engagement overall from students.  In response, Principal Sylvester argued that the lack of funding is the reason the arts have been cut from McKinley’s extracurricular programming and if Congressman Hummel was so invested in the arts, he should be ensuring that schools are properly funded and not wasting time on trying to come up with reasons why his son might have run off.  McKinley High School was where Congressman Hummel’s son attended school.”

A picture was shown of Kurt, the same stock photo as always, and before Blaine could even look over to gauge Kurt’s reaction, Kurt was grabbing for the remote and chanting, “Turn it off, turn it off.”

Once the TV was clicked off, Blaine turned to Kurt, reaching to hold him as his boyfriend panted softly, chest rising and falling heavily.  “Hey, hey… it’s okay… you’re okay…”

“Jesus… fuck… what the… fuck, fuck, fuck!”  Kurt swore, to no one and about nothing Blaine could discern other than his own discomfort.  He rubbed circles into the small of Kurt’s back, where he had so many times before to try and soothe him to sleep, but it wasn’t working and Kurt only seemed to get more ramped up with each passing second.

Blaine thought he would be sent on a cigarette run, since Kurt was down to his last two, or even to find a cheesecake, but Kurt pulled away from him and peeled off his hoodie, shirt, and undershirt in one swift motion, whipping them to the ground before he started making short work of his pants as well.

“Kurt…?”  Blaine asked warily.  It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his boyfriend naked, it was just it was very uncharacteristic of him to go from fully dressed to naked so quickly, and given how it was prompted, Blaine felt he had reason to be concerned.

“Please…”  Kurt turned to him then, reaching to tug at Blaine’s bowtie in an effort to undo it with one hand while the other one fumbled with the buttons of Blaine’s shirt.

Most boyfriends might have been alright with this, but Blaine reached up to trap Kurt’s hands with his own, looking down to Kurt in puzzlement while Kurt returned his gaze, though needy.  

“Please Blaine… just… distract me please.”

“I don’t want to be a distraction to you Kurt… not like that…”

Kurt huffed in frustration and pulled away, wrapping his arms around his torso as if he was only then aware of just how exposed he was.  “Damnit Blaine.  It’s not like I’m asking for a pity fuck or something.  You’re my boyfriend and I need some fucking tranquilizing and an orgasm does that…”

Blaine bit his lower lip gently.  Well….

“Okay… okay… “  He unbuttoned his shirt, glancing up to find Kurt staring at him hungrily, like a lion on the prowl.  It sent shivers down his spine and it didn’t take long for whatever hesitations he had to dissipate once his cock tented hard in his pants which he couldn’t pull off quickly enough.

As soon as he was naked, Kurt pounced.  Blaine fell back beneath him and accepted the hard, eager kisses he was getting with a moan.  The feel of Kurt’s tongue ring inside his mouth was a novelty he’d never tire of, nor the feeling of the lip ring being crushed into his own lip.  

They’d had sex a few more times over the course of the past month, though not as frequently as either of them would have liked with Wes invading their home and having his all too regular pity parties.  Blaine had always bottomed so far, and that had been just fine because he wasn’t even sure if Kurt could bottom given his history.  There was definitely a lack of online resources when it came to finding out if someone who had been abused sexually down there could comfortably take it anymore.

But until this point, the sex had all been done slowly and had been more of making love.  This was already leading into fucking, pure and simple.  The insistent way Kurt’s body was pressed against his, the urgent rutting against Blaine’s stomach, and the rushed fumbling to grab the lube and condom that Kurt had gotten out at some point.  All of it was incredibly rushed and it quite literally rubbed off on Blaine to the point where Kurt couldn’t move fast enough either.

One finger, two fingers, three… added so quickly in succession that Blaine wasn’t sure if it hurt or if it felt good.  He knew it felt right though.  The stretch, the fill - it had him writhing beneath Kurt and begging for more as his hands swept up and down Kurt’s side and around to gently flick at his nipples.  

Kurt kept screwing his fingers of one hand up into Blaine while the other unwrapped a condom and slid it on himself.  More lube was drizzled down the crack of Blaine’s ass and then fingers were removed and the blunt pressure of Kurt’s cock was pressed in to replace them, this time slow and steady until he was bottomed out within Blaine and gritting his teeth, obviously holding back.

“It’s okay…”  Blaine half-whined as he looked up at Kurt, “... I want this.”

That bit of permission was all Kurt needed to break into a fast, jerky series of thrusts which had both of them crying out in ecstasy.  Blaine’s hands fell to the bed where they reached up to grab at the pillow as his back arched up, while Kurt leaned forward, panting softly between moans as he slammed into Blaine over and over again.

The instant Kurt came, Blaine felt it.  He lurched himself forward the one last time and held, moaning for any neighbours to hear as his cock pulsed and throbbed within Blaine.  It was hot, and Blaine reached down to touch himself with one hand, barely stroking once before he too was coming between them and gasping for air.

They held together for a moment after that, both working on catching their breath before Kurt withdrew and quickly peeled and tied off the condom, reaching for kleenex to wipe the both of them off before collapsing beside Blaine with a grunt.

Ignoring the smarting feel inside him, Blaine rolled on his side and gently wrapped an arm around Kurt, who crawled into it as his breathing slowly came back down to normal, and, as predicted, he dozed off, leaving Blaine to pull the blanket over the both of them and settle in for an early night.

Not that he was complaining.

If anything, the only thing Blaine had to complain about was that, upon moving his feet under the covers so they could cuddle with Kurt’s feet, finding out that Kurt had kept his socks on.  Blaine hated socks, especially those wooly ones that Kurt wore that tried to cling to his own skin when he wanted to play footsie.  

When the next morning came, Blaine threw out an arm that unconsciously was searching for the usual warmth that was beside him, only finding an empty bed.  He sat up and blearily looked around with squinty eyes which found Kurt on the hotel phone ordering breakfast.

“You should get showered and dressed.”  Kurt said once he hung up the phone.  

“We goin’?” Blaine grunted, scratching his stomach.

“If I don’t go soon I’m going to lose my nerve and regret it.”

Clearly sex, sleep, or a mixture of the two had helped Kurt’s nerves.

So Blaine quickly got himself up, had a quick shower, dressed, ate the soggy eggs and pancakes that constituted their breakfast, and went out to get the car rental while Kurt packed up their stuff.  Not much was said, but the tension and urgency Kurt was giving off meant nothing had to be said - it just had to be done.

Kurt directed Blaine as they drove, pointing out the high school he went to, including the bleachers he started all his bad habits under, the house he grew up in, and then, finally, driving up to the town house his dad and Carole had listed as their address.

Of course he froze when the car came to a stop.

“I can’t do this… I can’t… what if… fuck, Blaine…. Fuck!  How am I supposed to do this?”  Kurt stammered, white knuckles drawn around the handle of the door but not opening it.

Blaine sighed and stepped out of the vehicle, walking around to Kurt’s side and opening the door slowly, Kurt just staying in place. 

“Come on Kurt.  Just one step at a time.  That’s all you need to worry about…”

“Blaine… Blaine… “  Kurt seemed to be searching for words that had escaped up, looking up at Blaine like the lost boy he was.

Blaine held out a hand.

As he had so long ago now, Kurt looked at it thoughtfully, brow furrowing, but detached his fingers from the car door and placed the cold, clammy hand into Blaine’s, letting himself be helped out.

“One step at a time.”  Blaine repeated, shutting the door behind his boyfriend and slowly leading him towards the door.

Kurt looked like he was going to be sick.

“Ready?” Blaine asked as they reached the door and he hovered a finger over the doorbell.

“No…”  Kurt mouthed weakly.  “... but do it anyhow.”

The doorbell chimed a little melody and footsteps were heard within.  The closer they came, the more Blaine’s hand was crushed by Kurt’s.

“Hello?” An older woman peaked out, glancing curiously at the pair when recognition seemed to hit her and she too began stammering, “K-k-Kurt?”

Kurt just rapidly nodded, holding himself in place as if he’d been glued to the ground.

“Kurt!”  She turned her head back, “BURT!  Burt!!!”

The insistence of her tone must have been alarming to Kurt’s dad, because what followed was a clamor of quick footsteps and then the door was swung completely open to reveal the Congressman dressed down in flannel and khakis.

“Kurt….”

“Hi dad….” 

  
  
  



	44. Chapter 44

Kurt couldn’t help himself.  He launched himself into his father and, thankfully, his father did the same in that moment, hugging each other with desperation.

Kurt heard a sob break from his father and realized then that he was sobbing too into the all too familiar and comforting flannel of his dad’s shirt.  Another arm looped around him and he could smell Carole’s perfume - still known to him after all these years, so different from his mother’s and yet still as soothing.

They just cried like that, and hugged for god knew how long until the strong arms pulled back and Kurt lifted his face to look up at his dad, tears streaked down his face.  

“It’s you… it’s you… god Kurt… I never thought… I wanted to believe… but I prepared myself to hear the worst one day… but you’re here.  It’s really you.”

Kurt wanted to say something back, but all he could up with was another choked sound as the emotion bubbled up inside of him and he could only squeak out a distorted, “Daddy…” like a small child needing comfort.

He was wrapped up in those arms again, his dad holding on fiercely and Kurt holding on just as tightly.  Kurt heard Carole then, taking a step behind him and uttering a quiet question to Blaine, whom, up until now, Kurt had forgotten was there.  “Hello… I’m Carole.”

“Blaine.”

He didn’t see the interaction, but knowing Blaine, Kurt knew he most likely had held out a hand for shaking, and, even though years had passed, he knew Carole had ignored the hand and swept Blaine up into a hug by the sudden “Omph!” noise emitted by his boyfriend behind him.

After a while longer, when his heart had stopped beating out of his chest, Kurt pulled back and rubbed the drying tears off his face with the back of his hand, his dad keeping one hand on his shoulder to ensure he stayed close.  “Can we… go inside maybe?”

“Yeah, yeah… of course kiddo… god… it’s you Kurt.”

They all shuffled in together and Kurt was led to the living room, so much more nicer than the living room he remembered growing up in but somehow much more impersonal with the perfect looking, unused furniture.  

That’s when his dad seemed to notice Blaine for the first time, looking at him curiously when Blaine sat down beside Kurt and offered him a tissue that he must have brought with him out of a package in his pocket.

“Hello?”

Blaine looked up, smiling perhaps a bit too much, “Hello Congressman.  I’m Blaine Anderberry.”

Kurt quickly tacked on, “He’s my boyfriend.”

Burt looked from boy to boy and then just nodded, sitting down on the couch that was align perpendicular to the loveseat they were on with Carole running to the kitchen to get them drinks and snacks.

Then it was awkwardly silent.  No one seemed to know what to say now that the obligatory sobbing and hugging was out of the way, so Blaine, being his usual self, chirped up.

“We came in from New York yesterday.  We wrapped up our semester courses just on Friday.  Kurt had the highest GPA, again, between him, me, and our roommate.”

Burt nodded, looking thoughtful as he looked again to Kurt, “You’re in school buddy?”

He nodded, thankful for something to talk about.  “Yeah… just… undeclared though I’m thinking of taking journalism now… NYU… I do all online courses.”

“Really?  Journalism?  Honestly not something I would have ever thought you’d be into!  Not that I don’t think you’d be good at it.”  

Kurt smiled weakly.  His old self wouldn’t have considered it either, but, things had changed.

“Blaine helps me a lot.  So does Wes, our roommate.  If I could help Wes with his medicine stuff I would, and Blaine does a lot of philosophy courses that just blow my mind when I try to listen to him talk about them.”

“So you two… together huh?”  

Kurt smiled and nodded, glancing over at Blaine who was blushing, definitely nervous, and nodding as well.  “Yeah.  Since Christmas.”

“Gotta be honest… you don’t match.”  Burt chuckled as he said it and Kurt chuckled along with him.  They were quite the pair.  Blaine always had his bowties and button-ups and perfectly pressed pants and Kurt had his jeans and hoodies.  Blaine’s hair was always smoothed back with gel like a dapper 50’s movie star while Kurt’s was striped down the center with pink, always a bit too long, and tousled randomly. 

Not to mention that Blaine looked absolutely clean cut while Kurt had his piercings and tattoo.

“He matches me where it matters dad.”  Kurt said with a grin as he looked back to the man he’d been so stressed over for the past month, marvelling in how easy it was to just be near him again.  God he missed his dad.  How much had his pride cost him when it came to this relationship?

They spent the whole morning just talking, mostly about school and his relationship with Blaine, Connecticut, and Blaine’s family.  He didn’t talk about how his first two years in New York had been spent.  He didn’t think he could stomach telling his dad what had truly happened there and the things he had done to get by.

“When Quinn Fabray came back to town… we were all so hopeful Kurt… but she told the police that she didn’t know where you were…  I went out to talk to her after she had her baby but she wouldn’t tell me anything and I was so worried she knew that something terrible had happened to you and she didn’t want to tell me.”  Burt finally admitted when lunch arrived, delivered by some chinese food place in town even though the delivery man was hispanic.

Kurt perked up.  “Quinn had a baby?”

Burt nodded, “You didn’t know?  I guess she really didn’t know anything… yeah… she was already a couple months along when she came back to Lima and had her baby… oh… I think it was in the summer or fall last year.  Little boy.”

Well, fuck.  That explained why she had been so bloody emotional and stopped using before she ran back home.  Why the hell didn’t she tell Kurt though?  She would have had to of known he would have helped her out…

Granted, he was a different person then.  Someone could have put some coke in front of him and he would have done anything for it.  Quinn was right to doubt his loyalty.

“Did she…. tell you about what she did in New York…?”  Kurt asked hesitantly.

Burt looked down at his hands and sighed, “She told the cops when they came to question her… so I heard… yeah… and…”

Kurt felt the tears growing behind his eyes, “She told you…?”

“About you too… yeah….”

So he knew… he knew… Kurt dropped his head into his palms and cried silently into them, Blaine wrapping an arm around his shoulders.  “I’m sorry dad… I’m sorry.”

Heavy, solid hands found their ways to his knees as his dad moved to crouch in front of Burt, “No Kurt… no… I shouldn’t have forced your hand… you never should have felt that you had to go…. son, please.”

More sobbing, more hugging, more holding onto one another for dear life.  He never wanted to let go of his dad ever again.

“How is she….?  Quinn I mean.  Do you know?”  Kurt asked his dad once he had control control over his currently fluctuating emotions.

His dad hesitated, which wasn’t a good indication of how Quinn was.  “I guess she was fine until the baby came… then she tried, and failed, to get joint custody of the girl she had in high school… her parents wouldn’t take her back, not after what happened in New York…. and… well…. she went down a bad road.”

“Is she okay?” Kurt’s eyes got wide as worry flooded him for his old friend.

“Last I heard she was in some kind of rehabilitation program.  Foster system has the kid since her parents wouldn’t take him and there’s no dad.  Poor boy.”

Kurt immediately decided that a visit would be in order.  He needed to help Quinn get back on her feet even if she hadn’t been there when Kurt was.

They were invited to stay over for as long as they wanted, a spacious guest room, certainly bigger than his room from the old house, provided to them which Blaine excused himself into to unpack and call his mom and Wes to let them know how things had gone.

“How long do you think you can stay?”  His dad asked, hopefulness and dread both apparent in the tone of his voice.

Kurt shook his head and shrugged at the same time, “We made no plans for the summer… we might even be changing universities to somewhere more… accommodating to me…”  He sighed when his dad looked confused by that and explained, “I kind of have a fear of going out in the big city… it’s why I do all my work online.”

“Oh… well.. you know you’re always welcome here son…. you need to know that… I’ve missed you so much…”

Another hug, and Kurt promised his dad he’d stay as long as he could, citing that Blaine was totally supportive of anything he chose to do.

“Seems like a nice enough guy…”

Kurt smiled, “Yeah… pretty much is.  My Prince Charming.”

“How long have you two known one another?”

Kurt rolled his eyes upwards as he thought back.  “Since last winter… but I didn’t move in as his roommate until early last summer.”

“And together since Christmas?”

Kurt nodded, “Yeah… I wanted to wait until I was sure I wasn’t just ogling him because he was basically the main person in my life and he got out of a bad relationship in the fall and I think maybe he wanted to wait until a while after that ended…”

“Well, so long as you’re good to one another.”

Kurt chuckled as a thought surfaced in his mind, “Well, my last name currently is Anderberry… so…”

“Wait… what?”

“The only way I could register for university and my benefits was if I had a legal last name and Blaine technically took guardianship of me last year… so I took on his last name.”

“You going to change it back?  I mean… you don’t have to… I just….”

Kurt smiled up at his dad, “Probably?  I don’t know?  I didn’t even think about it until now to be honest.  In my head I was always Hummel but I didn’t ever let anyone else know that.”

“Why?”  His dad looked saddened by that.

“Because I didn’t want to come back until I’d done something… anything good with myself… I ran out of this town with that stupid ‘I’ll show you’ attitude and I never did have anything to show…”

“Oh son…”  Burt’s voice cracked again, “You never have to prove anything to me… I’m just so glad you’re back and you’re healthy and you seem happy….”

“I am…”  Kurt said quickly, thinking of school, and Romeo, and Blaine.  “We have a dog too.”

Burt’s cry-hoarse voice turned jovial again as he chuckled, “A dog?  What kind?”

“Chocolate lab.  His name is Romeo.  He’s a good snuggler.”

Another chuckle, “Your mom and I always thought you’d get a cat long before you ever got a dog.”

“Well… things change.”

Burt nodded, “Yeah… you know I’m a congressman now.”

Kurt laughed at that.  “Yeah dad.  I know.  I’ve seen all the articles.”

“And would you vote for me?”

Kurt looked his dad up and down, eyes twinkling, “I would have before and I still would now.  As stupid as I was before, I still loved you you know.”

And for the hundredth time that day, Kurt was pulled into his father’s arms.  “I know son.  I know.  I love you too.”

  
  



	45. Chapter 45

Watching Kurt and his dad interact made Blaine both jealous and so happy.

Jealous because the way those two just hugged and consoled one another other the loss of each other and their reunion made Blaine, for the first time with Kurt, feel unnecessary.  He had always been the one to hold Kurt and soothe him, and now there was this other man there, that always seemed to get to Kurt first when he was looking like he was about to breakdown, that was able to calm his boyfriend down.

On the other hand though, he was so happy for this major step in Kurt’s healing process, and so happy that Burt was the politician that Blaine had always hoped he’d be based on his speeches.  This was a father that loved his son and cared for people.  With no questions he had so eagerly taken Kurt back into his life and given him the love that Blaine now saw Kurt desperately needed - the unconditional love of a parent.

Those two weren’t the only ones crying though.  Blaine had firsthand witnessed Carole break down a few times in the kitchen or heard her crying in the bedroom, heard how Burt had tried to console her as well.  She was happy Kurt was back, but it just reminded her that she would never have that chance with her own son.  She had seen his body lowered into the ground and there was no coming back from that.

Burt had made a point to tell Kurt that Finn had really changed over time and Kurt probably would have really gotten along with him.

“He told us… everything you didn’t.  The bullying in high school, Karofsky, his part in it all.  He felt horrible.  Went without sleep for days on end when we started looking for you after you went missing because he didn’t want to stop.  Never gave up hope… he wanted to apologize you know… do what he could to make things better….”

Kurt looked uncomfortable with the whole topic of Finn.  Blaine would watch Kurt as he looked at pictures of his step-brother with clear uncertainty.  He didn’t know how involved Finn had been in Kurt’s bullying, but it was clear it was enough that Kurt had a hard time stomaching what his dad told him.

Regardless of Finn’s death and Kurt’s absence until now, the house was littered with pictures of both boys from babies to the last ones they had taken.  Kurt was an absolutely adorable child - all cheeks and freckles, and on more than one occasion Blaine would get nudged in the side and told to stop staring at one of the many pictures of a young Kurt by Kurt himself who insisted that he was a homely child.  

“You were absolutely precious.” Blaine argued.

“Uh-huh.  Says you and my mom.  I’m so glad I grew out of my baby fat finally.”

Blaine would laugh and shake his head in disagreement.  If they ever had kids, they would definitely need to have Kurt supply the sperm because no child of his could possibly be ugly if the photographs were any indication.

Most of the week was just spent hanging around the house.  Burt shows Blaine old photo albums, much to Kurt’s chagrin, as well as old home movies, which made Kurt cringe and groan throughout.  Burt’s aide stopped by at one point and they sat down together to draft a statement about Kurt’s return, asking for the press and public to give them their privacy during this special occasion in their lives.  Burt was especially adamant that no photos or interviews be done with Kurt, which relieved Kurt to no end, and that anyone looking into what Kurt had done for the past few years should be politely told to stop.  He didn’t want anyone causing Kurt any unnecessary grief by bringing those matters up.

Of course, the press only listened for a few hours before photographers started hanging out across the street and phone calls from news agencies started coming in.  The curtains were drawn and the phone unplugged while Burt grumbled about needing a more aggressive aide.  

Burt couldn’t take a vacation though from office, and after the first week, he sadly excused himself for a week back in Washington, holding onto Kurt for a long time and pleading with him to not disappear again.  Kurt readily agreed.

Which is how they found themselves snuggled up in the guest bed a couple days after Burt and Carole had left (but not before ensuring the fridge was stocked and Burt’s local secretary was informed to get them anything they needed if they called).  For the week they had been there with Kurt’s dad and step-mom, they had refrained from having sex.  It would have just been too weird.  Now Kurt was naked with a sheen of sweat coating him and comfortably tucked in aside Blaine who happily had his arms around him, sheets and blanket strewn around them haphazardly.

“It’s weird seeing my dad in a suit…”  Kurt murmured out of the blue.

“All those photos and home movies show him in flannel….” Blaine admitted.

“More comfortable he always said… I always complained about his limited wardrobe back when I cared more about my own clothing.”

“He said he has boxes of your old clothing packed downstairs still… you could put on a fashion show for me.”

Half an hour later, Kurt was parading through the doors of the bedroom every few minutes, each time in a new outfit that made Blaine openly gawk.  Kurt had been into designers.  He had form fitting clothing of every cut and style imaginable, and while Kurt played it all off with a giggle, Blaine could see the twinkle in his boyfriend’s eyes when he looked at himself in the mirror.  Some kind of nostalgia or reminiscing.  Meanwhile, Blaine couldn’t help but check out Kurt in the tight pants he was wearing which were definitely a throwback to his days on the street.

“You make everything look so good…”  He murmured when Kurt came in wearing some tight white pants and a blue button up shirt.  “And how many scarves do you actually own….?”  

Every single one of the outfits Kurt had walked in with had included a different scarf.

Kurt reached up to twirl the end of the current scarf in between his fingers, “About as many as you have bow ties…”

“So… a lot.”

His boyfriend laughed at that and crawled up over Blaine, straddling his lap and looking down at him as his arms roped behind Blaine’s neck.  Blaine didn’t think he could get much more content than having Kurt like this over him.  

“We should go to Scandals.”

Blaine blinked a couple times, “Huh?”

“You came from Westerville right?  Scandals is the gay bar between here and there.”

“Oh… well… I never went there… I was underage when I lived in Ohio…” Blaine was taken aback.  Since when did Kurt want to go to a bar?

“Quinn and I always went in high school… fake ID’s…”  Kurt admitted with a half smirk “We don’t have to drink… but it would be fun to just get out and dance.”

“Really?”  Blaine cocked an eyebrow up, looking at Kurt curiously, skeptically.

Kurt gave Blaine a quick peck on the lips and then nodded eagerly, “Yeah… I feel like… like I could do anything right now… and all I want to do is dance with you.”

Blaine’s lips quirked up into a smile.  “Sounds like the lyrics to a song.”

“Well then let’s make it one we dance to.”

The spent the rest of the afternoon in happy domesticity - watching movies, mutually reading, and making dinner.  When it came time for them to go, Blaine found himself being dressed by Kurt who even insisted on styling his hair - with a lot less gel than Blaine was used to.

“It’s going to go crazy…”  Blaine whimpered, eyes rolling up to peak at a curl that was already ready to bolt free.

“Good.  It’s pretty fucking hot when it’s all curly.  Untuck your shirt.” 

Blaine blinked, but did as instructed.  Kurt was never this demanding, and, truth be told, Blaine has mixed feelings on it.  On one hand, he was worried his boyfriend was pushing himself out of his comfortable little box and might end up freaking out when he found himself completely out of it, on the other hand, it was hot, and Kurt’s demands were going straight to his cock.

They left when Blaine was deemed “club worthy” - untucked dress shirt with an open vest on top, and no bow tie to be seen.  Kurt in pieces from his youth - tight white skinny jeans and a black button up with half length sleeves and accessorized with some kind of chain that started off like a necklace but tucked into his breast pocket.  Blaine’s boyfriend was a fox.

Kurt drove for part of the trip there, insisting that he refresh his driving skills he hadn’t used in years, and, remarkably, didn’t hit anything (though there were a few near misses that had Blaine bracing his hands against the dash for most of the trip).  Scandals stood still, one of the magical bars that had managed to stick around and not swap owners or names over the years like the clubs did in New York, and the bouncer didn’t even give their ID’s a second glance - a good thing too since Blaine was still underage.  

“Fuck!  This place hasn’t changed a bit!” Kurt declared and grabbed Blaine by the wrist, dragging him onto the dancefloor where Blaine quickly developed a severe case of sexual frustration as Kurt ground up against him in time with the beat of the music.  He had never seen Kurt so open, so free, and it was intoxicating more than any alcohol could ever be.  Blaine saw other men looking lustfully at Kurt through the corner of his eyes and made his claim - clasping his hands onto Kurt’s hips and dancing just as feverishly against Kurt as he was getting from him.  

They lost a whole hour to the music, both sweating profusely by the time they made it to the bar and each got a virgin drink as they took a break.  The neon light from the novelty light up signs in the room reflecting off Kurt’s eyes and giving him a soft glow around all his features.  He laughed and joked with Blaine, talking about how Wes would never step foot in a place like this and telling Blaine all about the time Quinn and him came into Scandals and never had to pay for drinks because all the guys bought Kurt drinks and all the girls bought Quinn drinks.  

“Wow… Huh.  Kurt Hummel.”

The intruding voice came from a burlier looking man that stepped up behind Kurt, and Blaine could see that Kurt recognized the voice by the way his eyes snapped open, looking back and tailoring on that smirk and glare he used as a wall against those that might hurt him.

“Karofsky.”

“Read that you were back in town.  Glad uh… you didn’t end up the other way.”

Kurt snorted, and Blaine reflected back on a conversation from earlier.  Hadn’t Burt mentioned a guy named Karofsky?  “Right.  Can I help you?”

The man shook his head quickly, “No… no… just… glad you’re okay is all.  I felt real bad after you went missing… and… just glad.”

Another contemptuous huff came out of Kurt and Blaine gently set a hand on his knee to just make sure he knew he was there.  “Got it.  You’re glad.  Now get out of my face.”

The man looked somewhat taken aback by the curtness but stepped back and then turned around, retreating quickly to the crowd.

“You okay Kurt?”

His boyfriend sighed and the wall came back down as the muscles loosened under Blaine’s hand and Kurt’s back went slack.  “Just an asshole from high school.”

“You going to tell me about him?”

Kurt shook his head, “Not here… later.  Tonight I just want to fucking lose myself on the dance floor with you if that’s alright.”

Blaine nodded slowly, giving Kurt’s knee a gentle squeeze.  “Sure.  Let’s finish these and get back out there to show them how it’s done.”

He got a grin and the flash of humour in Kurt’s eyes when Blaine said it, and before long they were back on the floor, more one than two, as Blaine held Kurt close and warded off any onlookers with threatening glares.

This was his boyfriend, his friend, and he while his walls were down, Blaine would be the one that protected him from anyone and anything that could hurt him.  

  
  



	46. Chapter 46

Kurt could never remember feeling so carefree as he had been the past week.  After Scandals he felt like he could do anything and so he dragged Blaine to everything he could think of - movies, shopping, picnics, - he even made Blaine push him on a swing at a nearby park and his boyfriend had been nothing but amused by it all.  He caught the questioning glances, sure, and that was to be expected, but Blaine didn’t realize how much coming back to Lima meant.  Not only had his dad accepted him back, but when he drew up the nerve to go not only go to Scandals, but also stand up to Karofsky, Kurt realized he had power, more than he ever knew.  He had his addiction beat, he was good at school, he had a smoking hot boyfriend, and he had the love of his family.  All these epiphanies hit him at once, as did the realization that he was wasting his life away in that apartment by hiding.  

No more.

He had goals now, a future.  He would make Blaine and his dad so proud of him and nothing would get in his way.  Especially not his past.

Except of course, when the week was up and Burt and Carole returned, Kurt’s past decided to blindside and kick him right where it hurt.

“This story can’t get out Tom!”  Burt yelled through the phone as Kurt slunk back into the arms of Blaine as they sat together on the couch.  “It’s unacceptable!  Get the lawyers on this NOW.”

They had been given a pre-release of a story that was going to be printed the next day - interviews from Cole, and Big G, and several others all talking about Kurt.  What he had done, who he had slept with, how he’d do anything for a high.  Because he was no longer just a slut on the street, but the son of a congressman, what he had done to survive was sure to hurt Burt’s credibility regardless of the fact that the two weren’t related.  Burt’s fathering would come into question, which would have the media questioning how he could govern if he couldn’t even parent properly enough to have a kid that didn’t fall into the cracks like Kurt had.  

Of course, it would also expose Kurt to the world.  Not even him, but the person who had seemed to occupy his body for those years.  Kurt had that person’s memories, but he didn’t feel like they were one and the same, though the press and the public wouldn’t care about that small detail.

He felt horrible and guilty making his father have to deal with this.  Deal with his mistakes and maybe even suffer the consequences of them.  When they had gotten the call and Burt had checked his computer to read the story over, Kurt had watched as his face had gone beyond pale to almost transparent.  At that point Kurt didn’t even know what the article was about, but he knew it was bad.  

Then his dad had let him and Blaine read it.  Kurt had been so angry that he excused himself to the bedroom to punch the mattress until his arms were boneless and numb, Blaine coming in after him to hold him tightly in his arms and rub his back over, telling him it would be alright, they’d take care of it.

“Kurt loved what he did.  He was a pro in the business.  Sometimes he enjoyed himself so much he wouldn’t accept payment!” Cole had said about him at one part.  Lies.  Kurt had hated it all, and, until Blaine, he never enjoyed it.

“He’d do anything for a high.  Would mule for me… even tried to seduce me!” Big G had said of him, and apparently his name was Gabrielle.  More lies, and even more of a disgusting taste left in Kurt’s mouth.

“You need to know Blaine…. some of what they said is true… but a lot of it isn’t…” Kurt had told Blaine once he had calmed down enough to find his mind and use it.

“I know Kurt… and it doesn’t matter anyhow.  A little unprofessional journalism isn’t going to scare me OR your dad away.”

Still, when Kurt and Blaine returned to the living room to find his dad hollering into the phone like that, he couldn’t help but worry.  How many dads had to deal with something like that?  He hadn’t been expressly open with his dad about what had happened, leaving it vague until this point.  Now his dad knew precisely what kind of things Kurt had done - even if the question of whether or not he enjoyed it seem to be the topic of the article.

“I’m sorry dad… I didn’t want you to have to… deal with all this…” Kurt immediately said once Burt had hung up, rubbing a hand over his bald head.

“We’ll shut it down Kurt.  Don’t worry.  I won’t let them parade whatever mistakes you made out in the open like that.  No one should have to suffer that.  Not for newspaper sales.”

“What they said dad….”  Kurt felt Blaine squeeze him supportively, “... it wasn’t all true… I didn’t enjoy it…. I never did… I hated it.”

He watched his father wince and then wring his hands together, looking at the footstool intently as he kept his gaze averted, “I’m not… whatever you felt about it son is for you and you alone.  If those guys were lying we could get them for libel or slander or whatever the print one is… but they’re already in jail and from what I’m told only did the interviews for their fifteen minutes of fame so I don’t know that there would be a lot of point to it…”

“Dad, what can I do?”  He looked at his dad until his dad finally looked back, eyes full of stress and worry, “Do you need me to go back into hiding?  Do you want me to go back to New York?  I don’t want your career to suffer because of the things I’ve done.”

It was just a gesture, one he already knew his father wouldn’t accept, not after all he’d done and said to welcome Kurt back.  “No Kurt.  Never.  I went into Congress because I wanted to push bills that might have done things to help you back in high school, especially after what Finn told me about how him and those other guys were mean to you…  I would never give up what I’ve been fighting for all this time - you.  Your safety.”

Kurt nodded weakly, resting his head back against Blaine’s chest with a soft sigh.  

The phone rang again and Burt quickly grabbed it, speaking loudly and animatedly to the person on the other end while Blaine stroked his fingers through Kurt’s hair, “It’ll be okay Kurt… We’ll get through this.  Can’t be any worse than dealing with a heartbroken Wes.”

Kurt chuckled softly, reaching to capture and entwine his fingers with the fingers from one of Blaine’s hands, “Let’s hope we never have to deal with that again….”  Kurt wriggled his toes.  “I miss Romeo… he always kept my feet warm.”

“We could always send for him?  There are a lot of parks around here that I’d bet he’d love to run around in.” Blaine offered,

“Let’s see what happens with this first….”  Kurt sighed.

On cue, his dad finished the call, clapping his hands together, “Alright.  We got it delayed.”

“But it will still run…?” Kurt asked weakly.  He didn’t know what good delaying it would do.  It would still be out one way or another.

“Yes.  But this will give me a chance to prepare a statement and….”  He glanced at Kurt and swallowed before continuing, “There’s the suggestion that a statement from you might help too.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide. “I can’t talk in front of people… not about that!”

“Oh no son!  It could be a written statement… pre-emp them.  What you say could make the article worthless.  You don’t have to do it son, but can you think about it?  It could make things a lot easier on you…”

Kurt looked to Blaine’s hand latched together with his own, Blaine’s thumb gently swiping back and forth over his hand.  “I can write… I might… I could do that… how much time?”

“My aide will be by in the morning to talk about it.  No need to rush into a decision now Kurt.  Just… let’s just enjoy tonight - or what’s left of it huh?”

Kurt readily agreed to that at least.

They had dinner, Burt and Carole talking about Washington and then Burt retreated to the sofa to watch a game, something Blaine joined him for. 

“I never knew you liked basketball.”  Kurt said with a tip of his head.

Blaine laughed, “Thats because you never let me have the remote.”

Burt chuckled at that too.

“Well… I’m going to go do some reading.  Enjoy your sweaty men running around and playing with balls…” Kurt said with a wink, getting a grunt from his dad and a chuckle out of Blaine as he left for the bedroom.

Come morning, after getting ready and eating breakfast, a wiry man invited himself in, introducing himself as Tom and over-enthusiastically telling Kurt how happy he was to meet him and how glad he was that he was back in Burt’s life before sitting down the family and laying things out.

“Okay.  We have a delay until next week.  Burt, you need to prepare a statement.  Last statement was that Kurt was back and asking everyone to give you space, now we need a statement addressing the deplorable things Kurt has had to experience and your desire to fight to make things better for kids who find themselves lost like that.  It wouldn’t be too far off from your usual statements so it would be taken as face value.  And Kurt….” 

Tom looked towards him, opening his mouth just as Kurt opened his and made sure he went first. “It’s done.”

“Huh?”

Kurt pulled a folded over sheet from his hoodie pouch and handed it over to Tom.  “A statement right?  Here.”

While Blaine and his dad had watched basketball, Kurt had tried to read, tried to refocus his thoughts, but he couldn’t.  He needed to make this right, and so, he found himself at his computer typing easily and then printing off the short piece he now handed off to Tom.  

Tom blinked a few times and opened the paper, reading it over and nodding as he mouthed the words.  On either side of him, Blaine and Burt looked at him with a blend of surprise and curiosity.

“This is good… perfect.  I have a few suggestions but nothing major.. just some wording changes.  Wonderful.  Truly your father’s son Kurt.” Tom said once he was done.

“Thanks.”  was the simple reply Kurt gave.  “Anything else I can or should do?”

Tom shook his head, “No.  I think we have this all covered now.  Enjoy your family time.  I’ll email a copy of my edit Kurt and if it looks okay to you we’ll send it off right away.”

“Can I read it?” Both Burt and Blaine asked the instant Tom walked out, making Kurt chuckle as he knowingly pulled out a couple extra copies and handed them to each man who immediately went silent as they read it.

“Wow…”  Burt said after a moment.

“Oh Kurt…” was Blaine’s response, lowering the paper and immediately drawing Kurt in for a hug.

“Can we not get all sentimental and emotional over this?”  Kurt laughed and he pushed Blaine back.  “I really want to watch a movie and if we don’t get to the living room, Carole’s going to pick some old action movie with some guy that delivers terrible one liners.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” his dad and Blaine said in unison, blinking and looking at one another in surprise as Kurt laughed again.  His boyfriend was kind of like a dapper version of his dad and he had just noticed.

  
  
  



	47. Chapter 47

_May 23rd 2014 The Union Herald_

_Two weeks after the return of his son that was missing for three years, Congressman Burt Hummel has addressed the press with a statement declaring that his son was sucked into a dark world of drugs and prostitution._

_"As a parent, I am mortified by how easy it was for my son to be dragged into a vicious world like that where adults that should have been looking out for him instead took advantage of him and made him dependent on them in turn."_

_Congressman Hummel went on to praise the efforts of two men who befriended his son and helped him turn his life around and get him off the streets and into school where he had thrived according to Hummel. He also noted that "by the time I realized my son was in trouble in high school, he had already turned to and become addicted to drugs", reaffirming the need for stronger anti-bullying protection for youth and warning other parents of just how quickly children can be lost to vice under their watch._

_After Congressman Hummel took questions from the press, a print statement was released by his son._

**_My name is Kurt Hummel. I am the son of Congressman Burt Hummel and I grew up in Lima, Ohio. I always thought I was blessed with the best mom and dad in the world when I was younger, and when my mom died, my father became a single parent and did his best to raise me on his own. Despite that, he still couldn't protect me from the words, assaults, and alienation I experienced in school. When he had a heart attack in my junior year of high school, the pain and stress became too much and I turned to drugs in the hopes it would be a temporary fix to what was, at the time, a temporary problem. Now it is quite clear that it was anything but temporary._ **

**_My dad made a lot of effort to reach out to me, but I ran away after graduation, thinking I could find a better life away from my tormentors in high school. Instead I was lured in by the worst kind of people, forced to prostitute myself and pay my pimp in order to have a place to sleep at night and some food to eat. I was sexually and physically abused not only by my pimp and drug pusher, but by all the men who paid for me, raped me, and beat me to make themselves feel better in one way or another. During my whole ordeal, not one person stopped to see me for what I was - a lost kid who was scared to death of what the next day would bring or if it would even come. Drugs were used to control me and it wasn't until I was so sick that I was dumped on the streets by my pimp and dealer to be left for dead that I realized I needed to change things._ **

**_I was taken in by a person I barely knew and cared for for the first time since I ran away from home. I went to school, and made new friends that supported me despite my past. With their help I have managed to kick my cocaine habit, even though I will always struggle with the memories of what I have done and what it did to me._ **

**_When I returned to my hometown, I was worried that my dad would turn me away after finding out what I did to survive the past few years, but he took me back with open arms. That's the kind of man he is. He will always support the underdog, always take care of the weak, and always open his heart to you. You might not agree with his politics, but you can not disagree with his parenting. I still think I have the best dad in the world, and one day I hope to be just like him._ **

_Following Kurt Hummel's statement, Union Herald corroborated the story with that given by Quinn Fabray, Kurt Hummel's friend that ran away with him after high school. Last year Fabray returned to Lima and was interviewed by reporters, citing that she had been involved in prostitution and had lost touch with Kurt and did not know where to find him. Fabray is currently in a rehabilitation center serving a sentence after an attempted robbery on a convenience store, allegedly to fund her own cocaine habit._

_The Union Herald will keep you posted. Follow us on twitter at…._

* * *

Blaine looked up over the paper at Kurt who was reading the exact same article on his computer, grumbling at how Tom had asked him to dumb down some of the language he used since most people read at a lower level than Kurt liked to write at.

"Why should I have to dumb myself down? Maybe people should smarten up…."

Blaine had chuckled and nodded. He didn't disagree, however, that certainly wouldn't happen overnight.

"Well kiddo… regret it at all?" Burt asked from across the table as he buttered a croissant.

"I regret allowing Tom editing rights. He made me sound like a middle school whiny brat…"

"But… the actual statement?"

"It's fine… it's… whatever. If it helps you then I'm happy dad… stop putting so much butter on that thing! You're making it more butter than bread!"

Blaine laughed as Kurt scolded his dad over his eating habits, even though Blaine was pretty sure Burt couldn't hold a candle to the unhealthy foods Kurt liked to binge on. Blaine was pretty sure he had eaten more cheesecake in the past year than he had in all the years leading up to it.

It was fun watching them, acting so much like father and son you'd never know they had been apart for years. Little by little, Kurt would tell his dad things, and Blaine was pretty sure he was doing it purposely so that he wouldn't be dropping any huge bombs at once on his father and causing any undue stress on his heart. Kurt had shown his dad the tattoo, and talked about what had been there before, he talked about his stay in the hospital, he even mentioned how he knew Blaine was from working his streets - though thankfully he never mentioned anything beyond that. Blaine was pretty sure Burt would kick his ass if he found out his son had felt the need to give Blaine a blowjob after passing Kurt a few measly bucks. The man was a great politician, but definitely gave Blaine the feeling that he would give it all up if he felt the need to protect his son.

Aside from the fact that it put a crimp in their sex life, Blaine was glad Burt and Carole had returned and would be home for a two week stretch this time. Kurt had exhausted him by taking him all over Lima, showing him every little thing there was to do and shop.

God could Kurt shop.

Blaine was almost glad Kurt never wanted to go out in New York because Blaine was pretty sure that Kurt would destroy Blaine's feet by how much he would have to walk from store to store in New York, let alone traversing a mall in Lima.

But Kurt had money. Burt had a trust fund set up for Kurt that was supposed to come of age when Kurt was twenty, which he was now. Plus, all of the money Blaine got for Kurt he just applied to his credit card which he let Kurt use.

He was having fun though. Kurt would dress him up in all sorts of different styles and Blaine would happily model for him, thrilled at how far Kurt had come that he was okay with it all now.

Yesterday had been a more somber day though. They all went out to the cemetery where Kurt paid his respects to his mom, crying softly at her grave and apologizing to the tombstone there that bore her name. Carole meanwhile was at Finn's grave, and Burt traveled between them both. Blaine had only lost a grandfather so far, and he had never been all that close with him, so the sight of so much death causing so much grief for an otherwise good family broke his heart.

"Blaine. I need your help getting ready." Kurt whined to him now. He was going to visit Quinn. Today was visiting day and because Burt needed to get some paperwork done and Blaine's feet were chock full of blisters from all the mall walking he had done lately, Carole would be taking him.

Kurt was full of nerves, styling his hair in various ways and every couple minutes asking Blaine his opinion, which was always, "It looks fine!". Clearly that wasn't the correct answer though because Kurt would just mutter to himself and then go back to rearranging his hair.

Just like the hair, the ensemble was also carefully selected. Kurt was still wearing layers in public, but now he seemed more insistent on coordinating pieces for distinctive looks. One pair of pants would be swapped with another and then he'd change his shirt because he'd get a better idea… then the pants would get changed again to better suite the shirt… and so on.

The only thing that never changed was that Kurt always wore those damned woolen socks.

"Should I put on eye liner? Do you think she'd recognize me without it?" Kurt asked, bouncing on his toes as he looked himself over in the mirror.

"I don't know how anyone could possibly miss you Kurt." Blaine said, reaching his arms around Kurt and holding him, looking at their reflection in the mirror with a fond smile. "You always look exceptional."

Kurt settled and calmed as he leaned back against Blaine, though Carole called from down the stairs that visiting hours didn't go on forever and that sent Kurt back into a tizzy as he collected his things, including a small package of homemade cookies for Quinn, and dashed off down the stairs. The door slamming behind them as they left.

Blaine had an enjoyable afternoon, despite being Kurt-less. He watched TV, read the news, and even had a good long conversation with Burt about both politics and his thoughts on settling somewhere Kurt was more comfortable.

"I'm no fool Burt. I know that Kurt's been looking seriously at OSU in Columbus, and honestly, I'm happy to go wherever he goes. It's a smaller campus and setting, away from the persistent threat of danger he always feels in New York, and I have extended family in Westerville too so it's not like I would be coming out here and not having any of my own people around to see."

"That's a pretty big commitment to make though…" Burt noted, sipping a beer leisurely as he spoke, "... You that invested in my boy?"

Blaine smiled, not hesitating for an instant, "I am."

"Well then, we'll do everything we can to support you. If it's what Kurt wants, I'll make sure it happens. He deserves happiness… and clearly you make him happy."

"Thank you sir."

The conversation drew on long after that, and it wasn't until they heard the door swing open that they paused their debate over basketball players and waited for the reemergence of their significant others.

"Burt… Blaine… we're going to need some help…" Carole called out, voice wavering. She didn't need to ask twice as both men stood up and rushed down the hall to the entry where Carole was leading a very pale and stunned looking Kurt in, trying to direct him to take off his shoes at least.

"Oh… Kurt…" Blaine rushed up and wrapped his arms around him, Kurt instantly melting against him as Burt looked on speechlessly.

"What happened?" Blaine asked, looking back to Carole, his heart pounding as a million worst case scenarios rushed through his head. Was Kurt attacked? Or threatened? Or did he see someone from his past?

Carole bit down on her lower lip, looking past Blaine and towards Kurt as if asking silent permission to speak.

She didn't have to though as Kurt managed to choke up a breath, followed by a statement that shook Blaine to his core.

"I'm a dad."


	48. Chapter 48

“Kurt!”

“Quinn!”

They rushed to hug one another until a nearby guard cleared their throat and Quinn backed off hastily, mumbling that they were only allowed one hug for only a ten second maximum.

“You look… wow… just amazing Kurt.”  She said as she slid into the seat across from him amidst tables of other inmates that were visiting.

“And you… you…”  Kurt stuttered on his words.

“Look like shit.  Don’t worry babe.  I know.”  She winked at him and Kurt let out a breath of relief.  She was so small, so skinny.  She always had been, but now even more so.  He could feel her ribs when he had hugged her and even though that had always been the case when they had lived together in the city, it seemed more pronounced now that he was at a healthy weight.  The orange jumpsuit didn’t suit her at all either, and without makeup to hide the bags under her eyes and the paleness of her skin, she looked so much older than she was.

“God Quinn… after you left… I never thought I’d see you again.” He admitted, reaching across the table to try and hold her hands which she pulled to her lap after the same guard tutted near them in warning.  Asshole.

“Me too… I mean… you were so lost there that I thought for sure you’d end up dying out on the streets rather than trying to get clean… yet I read the paper and now here you are.  It’s some kind of miracle…” 

Kurt smiled weakly, “You really thought I’d die out there?”

She nodded, “You lived for coke Kurt.  You’d just get high and so blissful and happy while it made me cranky the more I took.  I watched you getting smaller, weaker, and doing more and more things that came with greater risk… doing whatever they wanted you to do… I thought for sure you’d overdose one day and be happy about it.  I wanted you to come with me… but… you wouldn’t, and I didn’t think I could convince you to no matter what the reason was.”

“You were clean though Quinn… you said so yourself before you left.  Two months was it?  And then I found out you were pregnant… and you kept clean for all of that too.  Oh Quinn… why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Would it have made a difference Kurt?  Really?”

Kurt bit his lip and looked at the table.  Probably not.  He had the memories of that other Kurt who just wanted to be high all the time.  That Kurt would have waved Quinn off just as easily had she been pregnant or not.  He wouldn’t have given it up then.  He hadn’t reached rock bottom at that point.

“I know you Kurt… well… I knew you I guess.  I never would have guessed in a million years you would have cleaned up and come back like you have.  I’m so proud of you Kurt.”

He smiled again, more genuine and less forced as he looked sadly upon his old friend.  By all accounts he should have been the one in jail because what she said was true, he was the one that would have killed for blow back before he had been dumped in the alley.

After updating her on what had happened, Blaine, school, the program he was in, Romeo, and reuniting with his dad, Kurt turned the conversation towards her.

“How did this happen Quinn?  You were clean…”

She shrugged and looked down towards her lap.  “I tried to get Beth… at least for every second weekend… but because of what I had done, and even though I had Junior, they deemed me unfit.  I had to prove I could stay clean for at least six more months and then reapply…. but the stress just got to me…. I was waiting tables, single parenting, living in a shithole apartment, trying to pay the bills and buy diapers, and then legal bills on top of it… My parents aren’t like your dad either Kurt.  They kicked me out in high school when I was pregnant with Beth and I lived with Finn and then Noah after Finn found out the truth about Beth… My mom would slip me money back then but when I came back.. this time she wasn’t as supportive… said I should have learned my lesson the first time…”

Kurt wished he could reach over and hold her, hug her, do anything to help her know how much he cared even after having not seen her for so long.  He felt guilty for not running back home with her.  He could have helped support her… 

He instantly knew how Blaine felt about him in that moment and Kurt couldn’t help but smile to himself about it.  He had always felt guilty about Blaine doing so much for him, but now… now he understood, and his heart warmed thinking about it.

“... one of the other waiters saw and offered me a little bit of marijuana to help me calm my nerves… but it was just like high school again.  It didn’t take long for me to be in debt because I was buying drugs instead of paying the bills… and then I got an eviction warning and I didn’t know what else to do…”

“My dad would have helped.” Kurt looked up, holding his hands in his lap to keep from trying to reach across the table again like he wanted to.

“God Kurt… I was so full of stupid pride….”  She was tearing up and there was nothing he could do about it.  “... I didn’t think I could ask anyone for anything…. and then I was arrested and Junior was taken away….”  She gulped back a sob and looked away, trying to contain her emotions.

“Tell me about him.”  Kurt said, hoping talking about something more pleasant would distract Quinn from her tears.

“Oh Kurt… he’s perfect.  The sweetest little boy.  I have some pictures of him in my room… but I can’t bring anything out here… you’ll see him though I’m sure.”

Kurt smiled, “Yeah?  How?”

She blinked then a few times, reaching up to wipe the tears out of her eyes.  “Kurt… do you remember the conversation we had before I left?”

He thought back, eyebrows trying to touch as his brow furrowed, “Vaguely…. I remember you talking about two months clean… and needing to leave and asking me to come…”

“Don’t you remember what had happened two months before that?”

He rolled his eyes skyward, trying to dig up memories.  Everything from that time was a blur.  Sex, and drugs, and being so wonderfully high… he couldn’t put a timestamp on any of it because it all ran together.

“Oh god Kurt….”  Her eyes went wide as he looked back towards her, “I thought you figured it out… I mean… I thought you knew then but had put it out of your memory… or you just didn’t want to talk about it… or…. and I thought you were here because you pieced it together…”

A niggling feeling started in the back of his head and in his heart.  What was she talking about?  Piece what together?  

“Oh god… Kurt…”  She bit her lower lip and then quietly whispered, “Junior… K.J…. Kurt Junior….”

It took him a moment, but then he sucked in a quick breath and his eyes soon matched the openness of her own as he pushed his body back into the stiff chair.  No… no…. that couldn’t be right….

“Two months before that… they made you… made us…”  She gulped, not even able to say it.  “And you know I always used protection on the street, with Cole, whatever…. but we were so high… and it just didn’t happen… and… oh god Kurt…. I thought you had figured it out…”

He gripped the edge of the table, and couldn’t press his fingers into it hard enough as his knuckles went white.  “Quinn… I… how can you know….”

“Even if I doubted it before he was born Kurt… he’s just… he’s you.  Just like Beth looks like me and no one can doubt who her mother is… he’s definitely you.  Eyes, hair, build….”

Kurt was silent as he ground his teeth together, still holding onto the table as his heart tried to beat it’s way out of his chest.  No.  He couldn’t be a dad… he was gay, so happily gay.  He couldn’t have slept with his best friend… gotten her pregnant… 

Then, just like that, a spark of memory hit him.  It wasn’t much, but it was definitely him laying back on the ground, eyeing up Big G’s erection as his drug pusher stood above him and laughed while he stroked his member.  He could hear Cole laughing too, and as he looked over at his pimp, he saw Quinn bouncing up and down over him… on him…. oh fuck.

“I’m going to be sick.”  He warned and dashed towards the door where he remembered there being a wastebasket and promptly began emptying breakfast into it.

“Kurt!”  Quinn cried from behind him.  He could hear her trying to come up to him, but a guard must have intercepted her because he heard that familiar tutting again and no one came to his side.  

“Do you need to go?”  Another guard by the door asked, eyeing him up and down with a squint of her eyes.

He shook his head.  No.  As much as he wanted to escape this, and the memory, he needed to know.  Shaking, he stumbled back to the table where Quinn was sitting again, watching him with such worry.  Why didn’t she tell him… why, why, why…..

“He’s in foster care… but if I tell them you’re the father… you can get a paternity test Kurt… you know I’m not looking for money or anything because what would be the point while I’m in here… I just want him to be okay…” 

He nodded, using his pointer fingers to rub each of his temples as a headache began to violently take over his brain.  “You should have told me Quinn.. you should have…”

“I thought you knew and didn’t want to take responsibility Kurt!”  She insisted, “And would it have made any bit of difference more than if you only knew I was just pregnant from a trick?  You didn’t care about anything but getting your next fix!”

“How can I be a dad Quinn… fuck…”  His fingers twitched as he felt the itch for a cigarette hit him, hell, a whole pack of cigarettes.  “... I can’t even take care of myself.  I rely on Blaine for so much… and …  just fuck.”

“I’m sorry Kurt…”

He bit the end of his tongue piercing between his molars, trying to make himself focus, just a little bit of pain to keep himself from freaking out - at least for now.  

“He really is the sweetest baby though….”

“Is he… okay?  I mean… did the drugs hurt him or anything…?”

She shook her head.  “I was honest with the doctors… they checked him thoroughly and I went for more than regular checkups with him afterwards just to make sure.  He’s perfect… he really is.”

“And he’s in foster care…?”

She nodded, “He’s been to a few families already… but a couple of those families have brought him to visit me.  I miss him so much…”

The tears made a reappearance in her eyes, though this time Kurt felt no pity for them.  He was too focused on other things and his emotions were already having a battle within him for dominance.  Anger, worry, sadness, joy, grief… none of them were dominating and yet they all were.

“I need.. I’ll have to get a paternity test.”

She nodded, “Yeah….”

“Will they even give me custody?”

She shrugged, “Your dad has power… even if they doubted your ability as a parent, I’m sure he could pull strings.”

“Fuck Quinn!”  He glared at her, the anger winning out for the moment, “You let me go on about school and my romantic life and the first thing you should have told me was about him!  What the hell!”

“I’m sorry Kurt… I’m so sorry…”

That was all Kurt could handle.  He loved her, platonically anyhow, but now that the anger was in charge he couldn’t stay.  He stood up, shoved his chair in and walked out, calling back to her, “You tell them.  You tell them NOW.”

He saw her nod and then walked back into the lobby of the building, rushing to Carole who looked at him curiously before he rushed into a hug and started babbling up at her about it all.  

“Oh… sweetie…”  

He managed to survive the trip back by going through cigarette after cigarette, Carole never saying a thing but looking at him periodically with worry.  By the time they got back, his pack was empty and he could feel his emotions starting to declare war again, legs all jelly as he awkwardly waddled to the door.

Fuck.  He was a dad.  It might not be a hundred percent confirmed yet, but he knew it.  A dad.  Him.


	49. Chapter 49

Blaine had one hand tucked under the bottom of Kurt’s hoodie, rubbing slow circles over his stomach while Kurt laid back against him as the pair of them watch Burt, for the second time in a week, on the phone trying to deal with Kurt’s past catching up with him.  

“I can feel your heart beating fast…”  Kurt murmured upwards.

Blaine was feeling frantic, that was for sure.  This was one danger a gay prostitute should have never had to deal with.  Blaine could accept the infection risk, and the damage done… but it should be a solely female problem.  And if the kid was really Kurt’s, what would Kurt do?  He wasn’t old enough or in a place yet to be a parent.  He didn’t have a job.  Hell, he was still learning to take care of himself let alone having to care for a small human.  

If Kurt wanted to take care of the kid though, if it was his, where would Blaine be?  Blaine was no more ready to parent than Kurt was.  What would his parents think?  What about school?  This was supposed to be the time in his life that he was free to do what he wanted and a kid would mess that all up.

And if this is what Blaine was thinking about, he couldn’t imagine what Kurt was going through inside his mind - even though he could not only hear Kurt’s heart, but feel it beating insistently through his skin and clothing layers.

Burt hung up the phone and made a very audible sigh as he walked over to the living room area and sat on the loveseat across from Blaine and Kurt.  “Okay.  Paternity tests will be fast tracked but we need to get you in first thing tomorrow for bloodwork Kurt… and then we’ll see about meeting the kid.  He’s apparently in a foster home south of here on an acridge right now.”

Kurt nodded and sat himself upright, Blaine’s hand being pulled away from him in the process as he looked towards his dad.  “What about if he’s not mine?”

“What do you mean Kurt?” Burt lifted a brow.

“Don’t get me wrong… I’m insanely mad at Quinn for not being upfront with me… but… she’s still my friend… if the kid isn’t mine, shouldn’t I take care of him anyhow?”

Blaine’s jaw dropped right in sync with Burt’s, and both men worked to bring it back up - Blaine choking back a breath and Burt shaking his head, “Kurt.  You’re a kid yourself.  You… can’t just up and be a parent.”

Kurt sighed, “I know… but…”  His head dropped into his hands and Blaine watched as he rubbed his fingers over his temples and then combed them out through his shock of pink hair before looking back up, “That kid shouldn’t have to be punished for what Quinn and I did.  Whether or not he’s mine… Quinn and I… we went to New York together, did everything together… apparently even…. *that*...”  he spit out the word and Blaine saw just a hint of a shudder go up Kurt’s back. “... I should have come back with her.  I should have helped her out from the start and then she wouldn’t be in jail…”

“You didn’t do a damned thing wrong son.” Burt insisted, face hardening, “As it is I’m angry that you won’t press charges against the jerks that put you and her into that situation -”

“- I can’t dad.”  Kurt interrupted.  “The last time I saw one of them I froze right up… I just… I’m not strong enough to face them in court.”

“Fine.”  Burt sighed again.  “Look.  Let’s focus on the plan for if the kid is yours first… if you want to go down that other path if he ends up not being yours, we can talk it out then.”

Kurt nodded, glancing back at Blaine who forced up what must have been the most awkward smile on the planet.  He was definitely not comfortable talking about this.  Hell, he didn’t know what the hell to say about any of it.

So he let Burt talk.

“First off, have you considered letting him be adopted by someone ready to have a kid?”

Kurt looked up at that, and Blaine could see that that particular option wasn’t going to fly.

“I’m pretty sure Quinn would have to sign off on that too and she wouldn’t… and no dad… I’ve barely been able to register the news let alone consider my options, and, quite frankly, I don’t like that option.”

“Can I ask why?” Burt queried as he looked at Kurt somberly.

“Because if he is my kid, I want to know him.  I don’t want him thinking he was some kind of mistake and that I didn’t want him because I’d fucked up.  Besides, it’s not like gay guys get this sort of thing handed to them easily.”

That didn’t mean they were ready for it, Blaine thought to himself as he winced.  Just because it was more difficult for a gay couple to acquire kids didn’t mean it was impossible and that they should just throw themselves at the opportunity whenever it arose.  

Burt seemed to be on the same page, because his next question was “Do you honestly think you could offer that kid a better life than someone who’s ready for him?  Who would be in your interests - yours or the kid, if you decided to care for him?”

Blaine saw Kurt draw his lip ring into his mouth and suck on it as he thought, one of his tells.  Kurt was making a realization.

“Dad…”  He finally said after moment, “... I guess I’d want it for the both of us.  Me because I couldn’t see myself just letting him go if he’s mine.. and for him because I want to make the first year of his life up to him.. make sure he knows he’s wanted… and has a wonderful grandfather…”

Burt rolled his eyes at the obvious play for his affections, but ultimately it was up to Kurt and both he and Blaine knew that.  “Alright… just… please… go into this with your eyes wide open.  Kids aren’t all cuteness and love.  They’re sacrifice and occasional torture too.”

“You’d know that for sure.”  Kurt said, a genuine grin crossing his features.

Blaine just kept quiet.  

The next day was bloodwork, after which Kurt whined bitterly that since he’s been with Blaine doctors were always demanding his blood even though he was pretty sure they had more of his blood in stock than he had in himself at this point.  Quinn was apparently giving her own blood sample from the jail medical clinic, and Kurt Junior, a name which Blaine wasn’t sure how he felt about, would be taken that afternoon.  Then it was a three day wait - even with the rush.

Those three days felt like three years.

First, Kurt immersed himself in reading, though instead of his usual fiction, he was reading parenting books, quoting off points which he must have felt were interesting to Blaine who just tried to keep himself occupied online - reading the news, messaging with old Warbler friends, and watching videos.  

“Did you know baby talk is critical to early development?”  
“All those educational videos… total crap apparently…”  
“When a dad is involved in a kid’s life they’re 70% more likely to graduate… huh…”  
“Tears contain stress hormones and help calm down a baby….”  
“God I hope Quinn breastfed.”  
“Oh… personality is developed mostly before a kid is even in kindergarten…”

It all gave Blaine a headache.

Then Kurt dragged Blaine shopping, not for either of them, but for the kid.

“You don’t even know that he’s yours….” Blaine tried to instill in Kurt as he held several shopping bags filled with enough clothes for a small army of children.

“First of all, I’ve never gotten to shop for a baby before.  Secondly, if he is mine, I want to make sure I’m ready for him, and even if he isn’t… well… we’ll deal with that if and when it happens.” Kurt stated simply as he looked between a set of booties and then put both pairs in the cart.

Blaine just reminded himself to breath in, and breath out, breath in, and breath out…

Then, on the day they were going to find out the results, Blaine awoke to find Kurt looking at himself in the mirror, a pile of piercings on the counter before him - all removed except for the gage’s in his lobes.

“What… what are you doing Kurt?”  Blaine asked, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Have to look like a dad if I end up being a dad…”

Apparently that made sense enough to Kurt, and the next thing that happened was Blaine was coerced into helping Kurt dye the pink out of his hair with a box of boring, old brown dye from the store he had picked up at some point.

His boyfriend looked downright odd when he came out of the shower that day.  Blaine wasn't sure if he liked it or not.  It did look like Kurt… but not his Kurt…

Then they waited.  Sitting around the house making awkward and forced conversation as they waited for the call.

Burt’s phone buzzed and everyone looked at it.  He answered it and set it to speaker.  “Go ahead Martin.  Kurt can hear you.”

“Well… ah… congratulations?  You’re a dad…”  The nasally voice said on the other end.

Blaine’s heart plummeted as Kurt’s smile grew.  Whatever was said next, Blaine didn’t hear because of the thumping pulse of his own blood in his ears.  This was not what he had signed on for.  He wasn’t even sure he wanted kids, had never had a chance to think about it, but Kurt was a dad which meant….

Shit.  Blaine was going to have to figure this out.

“Blaine!”  

Blaine shook his head and looked towards Kurt.  Clearly something had been said or asked and he was awaiting a response.  “Come again?”

“I asked if you’d come with us… the foster family said we could go see him this afternoon.”

“Of course Kurt.”

So that’s how Blaine found himself sitting in the backseat with his boyfriend, trying to not rub his neck down to the bone as he nervously thought about how he was going to explain this to his mother… his dad… his sister… Wes… What were they going to do with a kid?  Was he going to have to drop out of school to get a job? Was Kurt? They weren’t even married… would they have to rush into that right away?  Kurt had never even mentioned kids...

They got to the house way too fast.

Inside was a veritable riot of children, the “mother” explaining that she currently had eight foster kids there along with four of her own in the mix.  Burt muttered under his breath that he would be looking into how the foster system was managed once he got back to work while Blaine just tried to weave between the pair of identical girls running through the room towards him.  Holy hell it was a zoo.  Was this what he could expect?  Was this being a parent?

Then they all stopped in their tracks.  At the table there was several high chairs set up in a row and it didn’t take a genius to figure out which one was Kurt Junior.

“Oh my god Kurt… son… he’s your spitting image.” Burt said in shock, well before the woman could introduce them.  

The boy at the end of the row was.  He looked like he had been plucked right from one of Kurt’s baby photos that Blaine had looked over not a couple weeks before.  Bright blue eyes, a mess of brown hair, pudgy cheeks, and freckles splattered over his nose.  The boy was currently deeply interested in gnawing on a cookie, both chubby hands gripping it tightly as he tried to shove it into his mouth.

“He’s a little bit drooly… more teeth coming in and all.”  The woman noted, taking the tray off the chair and unbuckling the belt holding the boy in while he peered up at her, continuing to make a mess of his face with the saliva soaked cookie being pressed against it.  

“Can I… hold him?”  Kurt asked, suddenly timid.

“That’s the plan isn’t it?” She asked, holding the boy out to Kurt without further ado.

Blaine watched him take his son slowly into his arms, very gingerly holding the small version of himself who seemed completely disinterested in Kurt, or anything else besides the cookie.  Kurt, however, was very entranced.

“He’s so small…”

“He’ll get bigger son.” Burt said, clapping an arm onto Kurt’s shoulder as he looked over his grandson, a twinkle apparent in his eyes.  Carole edged up beside them, smiling widely at the little one as Burt wrapped his other arm around her waist, leaving Blaine the odd man out in the picture.

They stayed for awhile, Kurt marveling in everything his son did (or didn’t for that matter) do from eating to rolling around on his back, to changing him (which was disgusting).  Throughout it all, Kurt’s attention was given solely to that child, trying to get him to respond with a smile or a laugh to his constant talking, telling his son how happy he was to meet him and apologizing for not being there.

“You okay Blaine?” Carole asked him, sitting beside him at the table where he was watching Kurt.

“I shouldn’t be here.” Blaine said softly so Kurt couldn’t hear.

“Kurt wanted you here though dear.”  Carole said, reaching over to pat him gently on the back, “You might not be doing much, but it means something to him that you’re here for him.”

“I guess…”  Blaine sighed, looking away from Kurt and to Carole, “I have no idea what to do…”

Carole smiled sweetly, as she always did, “Oh honey.  No one really does when these things happen.  Hell, I had nine months to try and figure out what to do when Finn came along and I still wasn’t ready for him.”

“What’re we going to do?”

She shook her head, “We won’t let you boys starve or suffer… don’t worry about that.  Burt is set on doing right by Kurt and Kurt Junior… god… of all the names…”

Blaine laughed at that, “Yeah… why would she call him that?”

Carole shrugged, “I get that it’s a nice homage to his dad and all… but as if it isn’t confusing enough in the house with a Burt and a Kurt… now there’s just one more “urt” in the mix..”

“If it was a girl we could’ve gone with Gert...Gertrude or whatnot… or Myrt for Myrtle…” 

“Oh god no sweetie.”  Carole pulled a face.  “Forget what I said.  Kurt Junior is fine.  We’ll call him K.J. or Junior or something… “

And for the first time since this whole thing had begun, Blaine let out an honest laugh.


	50. Chapter 50

“What’re you doing?” Carole asked, coming up to Kurt in the kitchen, covered head to toe in flour and sugar and egg goo.

“Making cookies for K.J.” Kurt responded, looking over at his tablet to see what the next step was.

She chuckled and set about taking off her necklace and earrings, putting on her custom apron that read black on pink ‘Never Trust a Skinny Chef’ and joined him.  “Making everything from scratch even…”

Kurt nodded.  He had been reading a lot about parenting and was suddenly quite concerned over processed foods entering his child.  “I figure I’d make a whole stock of things and then when he’s here I won’t have to worry about making any more for awhile.”

There had been a lot of discussions in the past week since he’d seen his son and his heart had absolutely melted into a puddle that he was still trying to pull out from his feet where it had settled.  His dad was insistent that he stay in school and not drop out to take a job, saying the between being a congressman, the profits from the shop, and the payments he and Carole were getting from the university Finn had been attending (a topic which he had made some assumptions on but was afraid to ask about), there was more then enough to support Kurt and K.J., and even Blaine for that matter.  

They would stay here, in the townhouse.  The guest room he had would be for him and Blaine, and the second guest room across the hall was currently being emptied by Burt and Blaine so Kurt could start painting and decorating it for his son - once he was done making a mess of the kitchen anyhow.  Kurt was deciding between staying on as on online student with NYU, since it didn’t matter where he studied from, or doing the same from another institution.  He couldn’t just attend regular classes at Ohio State since that would put him out of the city.  Ultimately it was all about course options.

Burt had also been working on a statement and press release regarding the very latest news in the Hummel household.  The press had already been calling and asking for confirmation as someone in the foster care department had leaked the information to someone in the media.  There was already an article out about “Congressman Hummel’s Illegitimate Grandson” in the local paper that Kurt refused to read, even though Blaine assured him that, title aside, it was actually not a bad piece.

Carole had volunteered to stay behind as much as she could when Burt was in Washington to help out and to ensure Kurt had quiet time to work on his courses, as well as, Kurt surmised, to ensure he was parenting properly.  Her help was welcome though.  As much of an ass as Finn had been, Carole had always been good to him and he was finding he enjoyed his time with her.

“Are you sure your friend is okay staying in a hotel dear?” Carole asked as she used the blender to mash fruit for popsicles as per one of the teething remedy recipes he had out.

Kurt rolled his eyes.  Rachel was not a friend, but, whatever.  “She’d prefer it even if we had a guest room open I’m betting…”

Blaine had held off on telling his family until just a couple days ago.  Despite his apparent fears, both of his parents responded quite happily and Rachel even insisted on coming out to Ohio during her well timed break in production to meet the little one.  Wes seemed to be the only one concerned, and Kurt knew that he and Blaine had been having a lot of conversations over Skype while Kurt had been reading or getting things ready for K.J.

Blaine.  Kurt sighed as he thought about it.  Blaine had been insanely quiet since Kurt had come home from visiting Quinn and told them everything she had told him.  He followed Kurt, snuggled him, and was there for whatever Kurt asked of him, but it was like his personality had taken a vacation and he was just a shell.  Carole had suggested that he was just getting used to the knowledge, but Kurt wasn’t convinced.  Something was definitely off.

Or maybe it was just Kurt was overly aware of everything suddenly.

Like all the potential dangers in the house.  He had already spent over two hundred on paper proofing items which he had Blaine installing yesterday and now every time tried to open a cabinet only to remember they had to push the thing down inside to get into it they grumbled at themselves.  It had entertained Kurt immensely to watch.

“Unless you have more of those tiny freezer tubs I think we’re done.”  Carole announced a little while later and Kurt looked into the freezer to survey their work with a nod.  Stacks and stacks of baby sized portions of food all labeled with what it was and today’s date.  The cupboard was a similar set-up, though there wasn’t as much concern over portioning since everything was scoopable or already in a portion size (like the teething cookies).  It looked like a mob of babies had taken over the kitchen with all the food ready for just the one coming.

“Great.  Well I’ll tidy up and then go see if the bedroom is ready to paint.”  Kurt announced and Carole tutted at him.  

“You go.  I’ll clean up.”

He smiled at her, appreciating being released to deal with the next task.  The upstairs hallway was a maze of furniture that hadn’t been taken down to the basement storage yet, but the room itself was clean, Burt and Blaine sitting back against the wall and sitting beers as they spoke.

“Well son.  It’s all yours now.  Did you decide on a colour?” Burt said once Kurt entered the room.

Kurt nodded, and pulled the swatches from his back pant pocket, “Two actually.  I’m going to do blue on the top - a nice deep one, and green on the bottom.  Both are calming according to all the colour psychology sites I read and it’ll go good with the theme I want in here.”

“Which is…?”

“I’m going to make my little man a jungle in here.”  Kurt bounced on his toes as he announced it, so pleased with himself and his vision of what K.J. would get to live in.  

Burt chuckled and took another sip of beer, Blaine doing the same with a slight smile on his face.  Kurt left them to gather the paint and supplies he had bought earlier, setting up around them and taping off the window and trim as they continued conversing about a particular bill in the house that Burt was dealing with.  Try as he might, a lot of that stuff went in one of Kurt’s ears and out the other, but Blaine always seemed to have a firm grasp on national politics and he was glad his dad had Blaine to bounce his thoughts off on.

“Need me to do anything?”  Kurt was asked by Blaine after the beers were apparently finished off and Burt had gone to see about supper with Carole.

Kurt pressed his lips together thoughtfully.  It was still a surprise to him to not feel his lip ring when he did that, but he had set ideas about being a dad and lip rings weren’t included. “I forgot to get some books.  Can you go to the bookstore and get him some books?  Not regular paper ones… the thick cardboard like ones.”

He heard Blaine snicker and as he looked over curiously, he saw his boyfriend shaking his head.  “What’s so funny?”

“It’s just…”  Blaine held his hands out to either side, “Of all the things I thought a year ago, the very last thing I expected was you being concerned with the type of baby books purchased.  It’s just… so… not you.”

Kurt huffed and turned back to taping up the trim where he was, “Things change Blaine.”

“Obviously.”

Kurt didn’t miss the hint of sarcasm in Blaine’s tone, but let it go for now, focusing on the task at hand. K.J. would be here tomorrow and he wanted things to be perfect - and the paint needed to be dry before he could sleep in here.

The day progressed quickly from there.  Kurt only took breaks between coats of paint, and Burt worked on a release with his manager.  Carole helped Kurt build the furniture for K.J.’s room and the only time he had a chance to sit was when the care worker stopped by to bring over K.J.’s documentation.

“Okay… birth certificate, now with your name on it as the father, social security, copies of medical records, and Quinn’s release signed to you.”

Kurt nodded, going through the paperwork but stopping abruptly on the birth certificate.  “Carole…”

She looked over and then drew a hand to her mouth with a small gasp.  “Oh…”

His son’s full legal name, as of the change in birth certificate and Quinn’s sign off was Kurt Finn Hummel.

When the care worker left, Carole gave her head a shake and looked to Kurt, “You know… that girl had Finn convinced he was the dad of her first child… and now… there’s got to be some sort of irony that she had her second child with you.”

“Must want into the family bad I guess.”  Blaine offered with a shrug.

They chuckled at the unintentionally funny statement and as soon as Kurt was done eating, he was back upstairs, positioning furniture in the bedroom, leaving some room between it and the wall while it continued to dry, and arranged toys and books and clothing into the closet.

“Rachel’s on her way over…”  Blaine interrupted him as Kurt was peering through the books Blaine had bought.  

“Okay… I’ll go shower…”

By the time he was done washing the sweat and paint off him, and getting dressed, Rachel was there, in animated conversation with Carole and Burt about the play she was in.

“Kurt!” She exclaimed gleefully when she saw him and he had to do a double take to make sure it was really Rachel who was excited to see him and not some doppelganger.

“Uh.. hey Rachel.”  He offered, glancing towards Blaine with an arched brow in question and getting a shrug in return as he went to sit aside Blaine.

“So.  Big day tomorrow!  Mom sent me with all kinds of gifts for the little one… and I need to know what we’re calling him because calling him the same thing as you would just be silly.”

Kurt shrugged, “They tell me that depending on the home he’s been at that it’s either been just Kurt or Junior.  Quinn apparently called him K.J. though so I think that’s what I’ll go with too.”

She squealed and Kurt immediately tensed, thinking she had seen a mouse or something by the noise.  “Oh!  Little K!  I love it!”

“You’re… awfully excited about this Rach.”  Blaine noted.

“Oh baby brother, of course I am!  My first nephew!  Mom always said you’d end up with kids before me and look, it’s true!  Thank goodness too because I don’t know where I’d fit kids in with my schedule.  Being an aunt is perfect.”

Kurt glanced to his side, watching Blaine purse his lips and remain quiet, as he had so much throughout this all, clearly keeping his thoughts to himself.  It was unsettling and something in Kurt’s stomach turned.

Rachel continued her uncharacteristically overly pleasantries until she left for the night, and Kurt crawled in with Blaine, though was so giddy with excitement and nerves that he had trouble sleeping, instead staring off at the ceiling well until morning.

He got up and got ready, minding that he wore something soft so K.J. could huddle against him easily, and then made a big breakfast for everyone who slowly filtered down the stairs in varying states of wake.  Rachel arrived too, noting that because she was a vegetarian she couldn’t have the bacon Kurt made, to which he rolled his eyes, and then lectured his father on having bacon as well given his heart issues in the past.

Then the doorbell rang and Kurt suddenly wasn’t so concerned with who could and couldn’t eat the fried bits of pork as he bounded to answer the door to find a couple care workers and his son there, held by one of them and looking very drowsy.

Kurt quickly took K.J. into his arms and held him closely, letting him fall asleep against him after making a few whines.  The caregivers inspected the house and then noted to Kurt specifically that they’d be by, unscheduled, over the course of the next few months to ensure everything was good for K.J. and then left, leaving Kurt with his son and everyone gathered around in the living room.

“He’s so pudgy…. maybe you should put him on Baby Atkins.” Rachel noted.

“Babies are supposed to be more fat than muscle Rachel.”  Carole interrupted before Kurt could say something snarky back to her.  “Once he starts walking that’ll change.”

“I can’t get over how much he looks like you Kurt.”  Burt noted, leaning in to inspect the sleeping boy’s face which was creating a small puddle of drool in Kurt’s shoulder.`

“Well, at least we know he’ll be a looker than.” Kurt teased, moving a hand up to stroke K.J.’s fine, chestnut hair over, revelling in how soft it was.

“Is he going to have any attachment issues?” Rachel asked, and all eyes turned onto her, “I mean… he’s jumped from place to place and his mom was taken away from him…”

“They did talk about that… yesterday when they were here….”  Kurt sighed, “It’ll probably take him awhile to get used to us all and realize that we’re here for good for him.”

Honestly, it broke his heart a little that his son had been in limbo for so long, and he didn’t even want to think about how traumatic it must have been for him to be stripped of his mother at such a tender age.

“What about Quinn?  Won’t she want him back when she’s out?”

Another touchy point.  “She’s in for another eighteen months… and then parole… Apparently her lawyer advised her against trying to get custody for awhile even after she’s out because of her history with losing Beth and then losing him… it’s not going to look good for her… but, I’m not going to deny him his mother either.  I’m going to make sure he knows her and that she knows she’s welcome here too.”

“Even after… exposing him to all that?  You don’t think that’s dangerous for him?”

Kurt frowned, “She’s my friend… and his mom… I need to give her a chance to be both.”

“So… she’s a part of your and Blaine’s life for good then huh?” Rachel asked, peering over towards her brother who gave one of his more and more frequent shrugs.  “Guess I’ll have to get to know her too.”

Kurt was happy just to recline back on the sofa and let K.J. sleep on him as people passed in and out of the room, usually to see if K.J. was awake so they could let him get to know them, well, except for Blaine.  He stayed in the room and watched the news quietly, every now and then asking Kurt if he needed anything.

When his son did wake up, Kurt quietly told Blaine he could let everyone know, but first he smiled and talked to his son who looked less than interested in Kurt and more interested in his new surroundings, making occasional noises which Kurt mimicked as the baby books had suggested he do to improve learning development.

Then Burt and Carole came in, each taking a turn holding K.J. and talking to him as well.  K.J. took a particular shine to Carole, babbling nonsensically at her and trying to grab at her shiny earrings before Rachel took her turn and K.J. promptly yanked a strand of her hair so hard she yelped and tears sprang forth from her eyes.  Kurt smirked to himself.  Karma.

Then K.J. was back in Kurt’s hands, Blaine having gone to get a bottle and some lunch ready for him to eat at Kurt’s request, and Kurt cooed at his son and helped him open a present from “Grandma Shelby” which was a baby rattle and gumming toy all in one.  K.J. seemed to understand the gumming part at least, gnawing on it with a small growl that delighted everyone in the room.

“Well son… how do you feel?” Burt asked that evening as Kurt fed his son, or at least tried to since K.J. was getting more of the mashed potatoes on his face and the high chair tray then into him.

“Like… things are going to be okay dad… I know this wasn’t ideal… and I’m still not sure about it all, but I feel happy…”

And really, Kurt did.

 


	51. Chapter 51

Blaine sleepily fumbled his hand around, searching for Kurt and coming up empty.  He opened an eye then and looked around the bed, finding it absent of his boyfriend.  Then he remembered, K.J. had been crying and Kurt had left him to go soothe the child, as he had every night for the past month.  That kid was pleasant enough during the day but a terror at night, crying and sobbing, often waking up multiple times, and each time Kurt would gently let Blaine know he was going to K.J.’s room where Blaine would often find Kurt dozing in the rocking chair of in the morning, K.J. clutched against his chest and sleeping along with him.

The kid was a serious cockblock.

A year ago, Blaine wouldn’t have cared.  Hell, a few months ago he wouldn’t have.  But now he knew how great sex was and Kurt was too preoccupied with K.J. to have any.  

Blaine was sure aliens had snatched up his boyfriend and replaced him.  This wasn’t the Kurt Blaine knew at all.  He had, cold turkey, cut out the smoking, pulled out his piercings, barely ever swore anymore, and bit his tongue whenever he seemed to be about to say something nasty about someone or something.  All of the sass and snark had disappeared and been replaced by some doting daddy stereotype.

And, oh yeah, Blaine was well aware he was jealous of the kid.  This kid, who without saying anything, had convinced Kurt to give up smoking where Blaine had been suggesting it for over a year.  This kid who slept with Kurt more than he did.  This kid who had Kurt wrapped around his finger while Blaine hung out in the background.

Blaine had always liked kids, always done alright around them despite having no younger siblings and having never babysat, but he wasn’t good with this one.  Internally he was raging.  Mad at Quinn the most, even though he’d yet to meet her, for being the cause of this.  

Sure, one day he wanted kids…. when he and Kurt were older and married and settled in their careers perhaps.  When they’d talked about it and decided how to go about it… but right now?  Blaine wanted Kurt to himself, and he knew he wasn’t going to get it, not with the kid around.

“Maybe your folks could adopt him?” Blaine suggested one night when Kurt was trying to figure out how to schedule his classes around Carole’s availability.

He had gotten one hell of a bitch stare for that.

It didn’t help that his family were all gung ho about it either.  Rachel’s visit had only been for a few days, but it was followed up by Shelby coming over too and declaring herself the “Favourite Grandma!” which resulted in a playful battle between her and Carole for the rights even though K.J. was not buying into it.  Then his dad and step-dad had shown up unannounced and Burt grumbled about having to compete with two other men for favourite grandpa status while Carole only had to compete with one other person.

Blaine even had his surviving grandparents calling him, asking when they could see their great-grandson.  It was insanity.  K.J. wasn’t their great grandson… that would have made Blaine his dad and he honestly didn’t even know what he was with this kid.

He knew the kid probably didn’t like him.

Every time Blaine got a chance to snuggle with Kurt on the couch, K.J. instantly whined and made grabby hands for his dad, resulting in a baby stuck between Blaine and his boyfriend.  When Blaine wanted to sit by Kurt at dinner, K.J. took all of Kurt’s attention away for feeding.  When Blaine actually did hold K.J., usually as a favour for Kurt while he grabbed something, without fail, K.J. would spit up on him.  No one else got it but Blaine.  He was sure the kid had it out for him.

So when Carole and Burt announced that they’d take K.J. for the evening so Kurt and Blaine could go on a date, Blaine jumped at the chance.  He booked a nice restaurant (Well, nice for Lima anyhow), tickets for the movies, and a hotel suite.  The opportunity to be alone with his boyfriend was not one to skimp out on.

And the date went well enough… but it was quiet.  Kurt seemed nervous the whole time and despite asking him if things were alright, Blaine only got a shake of the head and “I’m fine” as a response - which he knew very well meant things were not fine.

Yet as soon as they got into the hotel, and Blaine figured that the most he was going to get was watching some TV in peace while Kurt napped, Blaine found himself pushed against the door and kissed hungrily, Kurt pinning him there as he ensured Blaine had totally melted under the spell of his touch.

Blaine let himself be led to the bed then, both of them shucking off their clothing as made the trip so they were both completely undressed, socks and all, by the time they made it there.  Blaine crawled up over Kurt, straddling his body and pressed heated little kisses up his neck and jaw while his boyfriend groaned beneath him.  Their cocks bobbing and twitching between them, every now and then rutting against the other which produced a moan that Blaine couldn’t pinpoint the source of between them.

Then he was flipped, and Kurt was on top of him, the same horizontal dance continuing as Kurt took his time sucking softly at the base of Blaine’s neck while his fingers rubbed over the erect little buds on Blaine’s chest and Blaine knew for sure then that he was the one making all those noises.  

“Make love to me.” Kurt whispered into his ear then.

It took Blaine a moment to register that - mostly because his mind was totally adrift since his cock was the one doing most of the thinking then.  

“Are you sure you can…?”

Kurt whined softed and crawled backwards off Blaine, touching his lips down to his abdomen, each of his hips, and each thigh before laying himself back on the bed and stretching his legs apart, knees pointed up, as he exposed himself completely to Blaine for the first time.  “I want you to be the last person who’s ever been there… I want you… Please Blaine.”

Blaine sucked in a breath, looking at his boyfriend, so perfectly laid out before him, not a trace of hesitation evident in his face or the way he was holding his body.  

“O- Okay…”

He had to reach over the edge of the bed to grab the lube and a condom out of his jacket pocket, hands shaking as he slowly coated a finger in the sticky, clear substance.  This was going to be the first time he did this… and the first time Kurt had since… well… Blaine wanted to make sure he did good.  Lots of lube, he told himself as he lined up his finger with Kurt’s waiting hole and glanced up to see if Kurt had changed his mind.

“Go ahead.”

Blaine slowly let his finger slide in, eyes jumping between the delicious sight of his finger being taken in by Kurt and Kurt’s face.  He wanted this, so badly he didn’t even know it until moments ago, but he had to make sure it felt good for Kurt.  

But Kurt seemed alright, and so Blaine slowly thrust the finger in and out after he reached the base of the finger, trying to think back to what Kurt did when he was prepping Blaine.  He wiggled his finger inside a little, seeing if he could find Kurt’s sweet spot, but he didn’t get a result so he dribbled more lube along Kurt’s pucker and onto his middle finger which he had join the first in another slow push up.

“Oh….!”

It was the first sound to come out of Kurt since Blaine had begun.  Concerned, Blaine looked up but breathed a sigh of relief to see his boyfriend moaning softly and rubbing his cock over with one hand.  Blaine wanted to frame that image.

He spent a good few minutes with two fingers in Kurt, thrusting them until they went in easily, and scissoring his fingers apart to help with the stretch, still working on finding that spot inside of Kurt that would send him over the edge.

The transition to three fingers was easier than Blaine thought, and he commended himself inwardly on doing a good job with the stretch, beaming when at that point he clearly hit Kurt in the prostate and his whole body writhed in response, Kurt making the sweetest little mewling noise along with a follow-up stream of explicates.  “Fuck Blaine… now… please… you… fuck!”

He slowly withdrew his fingers, marvelling at how greedily Kurt’s ass tried to grab them back, and set about putting on the condom and putting an extra coat of lube over himself and again putting some on Kurt’s hole before lining up and letting his nerves take him - trembling as he held himself right against Kurt without entering and releasing a shuddering breath.

Blue-green eyes gazed up at him, and Kurt leaned up to press a gentle kiss to Blaine’s lips before dropped back down to the pillow, “It’s good Blaine… you can do this.  I want you.”

He took a deep breath and slowly pushed forward, gasping immediately as he felt the tight heat around him.  It was like nothing he imagined - so welcoming, and warm, and tight…. Kurt was tight even after all that prep work.  Blaine forced himself to keep going until he bottomed out, heaving and looking down at Kurt whose eyes were wide and breath just as shaky as his own.

“You alright?”

“Yeah… you can move.”

Blaine was thankful for the permission, drawing himself back and groaning at the amazing friction that tried to draw him back forward, and then pushed back in.  He found a steady rhythm, one that he felt still fell under the speed for “love-making” as opposed to “fucking” and that allowed him to watch Kurt’s reaction to the swap in positions.  His boyfriend seemed to be enjoying himself in any case, moaning and repeating Blaine’s name as a chant, and then yelling out suddenly, “There!  RIght there!”

Blaine took the hint and continued to slam himself into that spot until a cry from Kurt and a spurt of white spunk between them signalled just how much he was doing the right thing.  He had never seen Kurt so undone before, and after a few more thrusts, he was coming as well, buried deep inside of Kurt and moaning low in his throat.

He could have happily stayed there forever.

But the strength of Kurt’s inner muscles began to push in on his weakening cock and that hurt - so he pulled out and peeled the condom off, tying it off like he had seen Kurt do so many times before.  He grabbed the kleenex off the night table and wipes Kurt clean before crawling in beside him, drawing up the blanket around him, and cuddling against his still panting boyfriend.

“You alright?”

“Yeah… yeah… fuck… that’s gotta be the first time that has been good.  I get it now… Fuck… do I get it.”

Blaine beamed, so proud of himself, “Get what?”

“Why guys like that.  Fuck… I could totally be a power bottom.”

Blaine laughed and spread a few kisses over Kurt’s cheek and chin before nestling against him and letting the post-orgasmic cloud of drowsiness hit him and knock him out.

Morning came, much too quickly for Blaine’s liking, and they got themselves dressed and ready in relative quiet.  Kurt looked a little lost without K.J. to prepare for the day, and so Blaine made sure to give him lots of hugs and kisses everytime he went by to make sure he knew just how much he cared for Kurt.

“I’m driving!” Kurt noted, sliding into the driver’s seat of the car Burt had bought for them earlier on in the month.  It was a bit of a fixer-upper, but Kurt and Burt both seemed to enjoy that fact - talking about what modifications they could make to it and discussing advantages and disadvantages of different parts they could put in.  Blaine was pretty much lost in those conversations and often would talk with Carole during those times.

It took Blaine about five minutes to note they weren’t returning home the way they had come, and another five to realize they were going completely out of the way.

“Kurt…?  Where are we going?”

Kurt sighed and pulled up to the train station in Lima.  “You’re going to New York.”

“.... what?”

Blaine’s heart began to beat erratically and forcefully as he looked over at Kurt sitting in the driver’s seat, looking out over the hood vacantly.  Oh god, oh god….

“You didn’t sign up for this Blaine… I get that, but I can’t pick between you and him because he’ll win every time.  I’m the one that needs to own up to my mistakes, but you, you didn’t make any.”

“Kurt… no...nonono..”  Blaine looked between his boyfriend and the tracks sitting behind him.  Kurt still wouldn’t look him in the eye, and Blaine, in all his years, had never felt so trapped even though nothing was keeping him there.

“Yes Blaine.”  That’s when Kurt looked up and Blaine could see the gloss of tears in his eyes.  “My dad and Carole have your stuff packed up and it’ll be sent back to New York… I have a bag of your important person items in the trunk.”

“You… you’re breaking up with me….”  Blaine choked out, finding that he was having a hard time remembering to breath and everything seemed to be foggy in his head.

“We’ll skype and call.  You’re important to me Blaine… you always will be.  I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.  You mean the world to me.”

“But… you’re….”  Blaine bit down on his lower lip.  He couldn’t say it a second time.  It physically hurt him to say it.

“You know how I feel about you Blaine…. please… don’t make this harder…”

What was there to do?  As always, Blaine obeyed, slowly pulling himself out of the car and going to retrieve the aforementioned bag from the trunk of the car, hands shaking the whole time.  Breathe, breathe…. he told himself.  God, it even hurt to do that.

Kurt escorted him quietly to the place where he got on board, and the pair of them looked at one another quietly before Kurt leaned in and pressed a sweet, chaste kiss to Blaine’s numb lips before stepping back.

Blaine didn’t know what to say, what he could say, even though his mind was yelling at him to say something to make this all better.  Make it right.  Fix it.  He didn’t know how.

So, short on breath and ability to think for himself, he climbed aboard the train, and let it take him back to New York, holding back his tears the whole way.

  
  



	52. Chapter 52

“Are you sure you don’t want me to watch over him sweetie?  You look like you need a break.”

Carole was in the doorway to K.J.’s room, looking over at where Kurt had the little boy huddled against him sleeping in his arms.  He probably could have moved him into his crib at this point, but Kurt wouldn’t be getting any sleep anyhow so he figured he’d keep holding onto his boy, keep his focus, and stop himself from sobbing any more than he already had into his pillow.

“I’m fine Carole.  Go to sleep.”

She hesitated, but then gave him a nod and walked off, leaving Kurt alone again with his son and his thoughts.

A week had gone by and he didn’t hurt any less than he did on that train platform seeing Blaine off.  He thought it would’ve been easier, especially since Blaine had been pulling away more and more and aside from the fact that they shared a bed up until that point, they hadn’t really been connecting anymore.  No conversations, no shared laughs, no secretive smiles across the room.  Nothing.  What was more was that Kurt recognized that Blaine’s discomfort with K.J. wasn’t merely a phase, a transition as he got accustomed to the baby.  No, Blaine avoided the baby.  He didn’t try talking with him, never changed or fed him, and the only time he held him was when Kurt basically thrust K.J. into his arms so he could grab something, always looking at odds with it too.  

Whatever Kurt’s life had been until K.J. was done.  Babies truly did ruin what life you had…

But you got a new life in return.

Kurt, who had been taken care of by the government and Blaine until recently, now had a chance to pay it back.  Prove to everyone that he was capable and had changed for the better through raising K.J.  The boy might have been an accident, but he was the best possible thing that could have come out of that hell Kurt had survived.  

Slowly but surely, K.J. was beginning to recognize Kurt as someone more than just another cog in his transitions from home to home to home.  He would reach for Kurt when Kurt entered the room, and had begun to babble directly to Kurt instead of to nothing at all.  

They had also gone to visit Quinn, who had been able to hold and hug K.J. for a whole minute before the stupid rules of the jail dictated that she give him back to Kurt.  Kurt was still upset with her, not just for not being open with him in the first place, but also about causing trauma in their son’s life, but he wasn’t going to deny his son his mother out of his own anger.  Plus, try as he might, Kurt still worried over Quinn and wanted her to know that no matter what, she’d have someone in the world.

“Puck was by too… with Beth.” Quinn told him, a smile crossing her delicate features as she spoke towards K.J. even though she was informing Kurt.

“First time he’s been by here?”

Quinn nodded, “Yeah…  She’s grown so much…. so perfect… they both are…”

Kurt sighed, hugging K.J. a little tighter, “Quinn, what are you going to do when you’re out of here?”

She glanced down momentarily at her hands which she was rubbing together nervously now, “I don’t know Kurt…  I really don’t…. maybe get my tubes tied.  It’s clear I can’t take care of my own kids…”

“Huh!” Kurt huffed in a stunted laugh.  He caught himself though.  As truthful as Quinn was being with herself - it was kind of funny at the same time.

“I guess I’ll see when it happens.  Right now I’m just trying to get by day to day.”

“I get that.”

Kurt did.  It wasn’t that long ago that he was doing the same.  He still remembered having an epiphany when his thoughts started moving towards thinking to the future.  It had been a big step, and one that had to happen naturally.  No one could force a mindset to change until it was ready to.

Which was why he had taken Blaine to the train that day.  Blaine wasn’t ready to be a dad, and Kurt wasn’t going to push him to be.

So his nights were filled with sleeplessness, tears, constant hankerings for a cigarette to dull his senses with, and cuddling K.J. back to sleep when he woke up with teething pains.  In fact, had it not been for snuggling with his son, Kurt wouldn’t have gotten any sleep.  A warm body against him helped Kurt relax to the point where he could drift off in the rocking chair and get in a few hours here and there.

In fact, it was pretty much thanks to K.J. that he could function at all now that Blaine was gone.  Having a child gave him a singular purpose in life and even though most of his day was spent on autopilot - feeding, changing, playing with, and otherwise occupying K.J. so that he himself was occupied.  

“So now that you’ve been one for… oh… six weeks… what do you think about fatherhood?” His dad asked him once night, back from Washington for a few days.

Kurt shook his head, “Exhausting… everything I read said a kid would be constant work, and that’s fine… but it’s kind of… boring work?”  He looked guiltily at his son whom Carole was trying to feed.  “It’s tedious and time consuming but it feels like my brain is screaming for more.”

“Yeah… well… that’ll come when he’s older son.”  Burt chuckled.  “And you have school starting up again in a month or so, so your brain will have something more intellectual to do besides worry about the consistency of his bowel movements.”

They chuckled and K.J. mimicked them, spurting semi-mashed carrots up over Carole which made them laugh even harder.

“Anyhow… you’ve impressed me son.  You’ve done good by him so far, and believe me, I’ve been watching.”

Kurt smiled to himself and gave his dad a small nod.  That was all he wanted… his dad’s pride.  Yet, now that he knew he had it, it didn’t seem so important.  Maybe it was because everytime he looked to his other side he kept thinking Blaine would be there and instead there was an empty space.  Every time he remembered, it was like his heart broke all over again.

He told himself he had done the right thing though,  He had to.  It was the only way he could live with himself.  

After the first day he had been alone, he had called Wes to make sure Blaine had made it.  He had, he was told, but then Wes sighed softly and asked Kurt.

“Why’d you have to go and break his heart?”

“I didn’t mean to Wes… that wasn’t why…”

“But you did….”

“He didn’t want to be a dad Wes.”

“Well… yeah… but….”

“There is no but.  He’s not ready and I have to be.  Love isn’t the problem.  Readiness for a change is and I can’t think just about my own needs and wants anymore.”  

“Fuck Kurt… well… fine…. in the meantime though - I’m kind of mad at you for unloading his whiny ass on me.”

Kurt smiled a little despite how much his heart ached to hear it.  “Sorry Wes.”

“Yeah, well… don’t forget about me you jerk.  I’ll call you later.”

And he had.  Wes had periodically and updated Kurt on how he was, and Rachel too for that matter, as if Kurt cared, but never talked about Blaine, even though that’s what Kurt wanted to know about.  Each time he asked, Wes would, not-so-deftly, change the topic.  Clearly it was not something that he was going to be apprised on and that made it hurt even more.  He wanted to know how Blaine was.  Was he alright?  Was he angry?  Sad?  Indifferent?

Blaine wouldn’t return any of his calls either, and Kurt had tried every day.  Not hearing Blaine’s voice was torture.  At least Kurt still had pictures to see of Blaine, and the bedroom still smelled like him, but his voice… well… Kurt hadn’t thought to record it at any point and now he desperately missed it.

Since the press release about his son, Kurt had been receiving mail, usually vetted through special screenings to make sure it was clean - as was apparently the norm for politicians of his dad’s rank.  Some of it was good - letter’s of support for him and his son, or ones that told him how much it meant that he had returned (usually from parents whose own children were missing), and some of it was bad.

He got one letter that suggested K.J. would be better off without a crackwhore daddy, lots of letters quoting biblical verses at him to indicate that he was an abomination (his sexuality had been made public long before he had returned home care of a slip by Finn before he died), and a few letters that were just sexual and weird.  

And those were the ones that got through to him.  He had to wonder what letters got pulled before he had a chance to see them.

The one letter that really caught his eyes though was from a former trick.  Kurt didn’t know the guy to be able to recall what he looked like, but the essence of the letter was that he was sorry for taking advantage of Kurt and didn’t realize kids that had good parents (like Congressman Hummel) could get into that sort of stuff.  Until then, he had thought it was all nymphomaniacs and welfare babies that went into prostitution.  He had changed, the letter read, and he hoped Kurt could forgive him for what he’d done.

Considering that Kurt didn’t even know the guy from a hole in the wall, it was easy enough to do.  

He had shown that letter to his dad, whose eyebrows arched as he read it over and then grumbled, “We should get this guy charged… we have his address…”

Kurt had been surprised by that, but then realized that his dad was acting protectively and while Kurt didn’t think much of his days on the street anymore, it was clearly still a sore spot for his dad who didn’t like the idea of anyone using his son in that way.  “It’s okay dad… if I can’t go through with charging Cole or Big G, I’m not going to go after some little guy.  Besides, he’s asking for forgiveness.”

He watched his dad take steadying breaths and then shake his head, “Sorry kid… I just… I don’t like to think about you… and that… and… it kind of makes me sick… YOU don’t make me sick… just… that there are so many people in the world willing to do those kinds of things to others… and you.”

Kurt had shrugged it off at the time, but later, when he was thinking about what he would have felt like if he had been in his dad’s shoes and K.J. was the one being hurt he got it.  It made him mad enough to think about someone potentially hurting his kid.  He knew he’d be livid if anyone actually did hurt K.J.  Heaven help the person that tried to lay a finger on his son because all the anger he housed would be laid into them.  It didn’t matter that he was slight, or still was working on improving his stamina, he would hurt anyone that tried to hurt his son.  

He had scanned and emailed a copy of the letter to Blaine, hoping that it would get his attention and maybe he’d get a response, but nothing.  The more nothing he got from Blaine, the more he wanted to just run to New York and tell Blaine to come back.

But it wasn’t a possibility.  Not even remotely.   For starters, it would be incredibly selfish for him to expect Blaine to come back to him and his child after he had been the one to send Blaine off, and secondly, it wasn’t like Kurt could just run through New York without suffering a panic attack.  It was an idle thought at best.

So, in the meantime, Kurt just kept himself busy with K.J., hoping that one day his heart would hurt a little bit less and he’d be able to feel less numb to everything around him.    



	53. Chapter 53

Blaine somehow got from the train station to his apartment, though he wasn’t quite sure about the details other than he had just walked into a cab sitting there and mumbled some directions.  He had given the guy some cash when he pulled up on his street, not even looking at the fare on the screen, but knew it was probably too much given how prolifically the guy had thanked him.  When he walked, his legs felt like stone that he had to physically pull up and drag along with his body, and he let his bags and coat fall off him once he entered the apartment, ignoring the joyful greeting of Romeo and the turned heads of his sister and Wes on the couch looking at him in surprise as he stumbled to his room and just crawled into bed where he pressed the pillow up against his face and screamed.

Wes came in shortly thereafter.

“So… I’m guessing things are not okay…”

Wes was clearly a genius.  Blaine didn’t bother pulling his face away from the pillow, or moving at all for that matter.  He didn’t want Wes to see how much he had already cried in such a short time span, how utterly hopeless he felt.

“Do you…. want to talk about it?”

No he didn’t!  If he did he wouldn’t be hiding in his blankets and sheets and pillow and avoiding any form of contact!  How the hell did Wes get into medical school if he couldn’t figure something as obvious as that out?

“Oh for gosh sakes… let me handle this Wes.”  Blaine could hear Rachel make her way in and then he was promptly shoved in the side and rolled over by his sister.  “Get up and explain!”

Blaine made a grunt and rolled himself back over.  He was not doing anything under duress, especially not for his two faced sister who only cared because it meant her contact with K.J. would now be limited or cut off entirely.

“Did you cheat on him?  Did you lie?  Explain yourself young man!” Rachel huffed above him, trying to dig him out with her hands though this time Blaine braced himself better and could stave off her attempts.

“Blaine wouldn’t do that Rachel…”  he heard Wes note quietly.  Why the hell were both Wes and Rachel in the same room anyhow?

“Then why is he here all of a sudden without Kurt and that cute nephew of mine and all sobby and pathetic?!”

He heard Wes sigh, and then murmur something to Rachel, which got her off the bed.  The door was closed a moment later letting Blaine feel like crap in peace.

They gave him his space, at least for a day when Wes came in and tried to get Blaine to get out of the bed, saying he stunk and noting that Blaine hadn’t moved since he was in there before.  If Blaine didn’t have to go to the bathroom, he would have ignored him.

After that, Blaine lost all track of time.  He didn’t bother to charge his phone or change his clothing, or get out of bed, sucking in as much of Kurt’s scent that was left there from so long before until it seemed to vanish and then he cried before going into his closet and smelling all of Kurt’s clothes that were still there.  Wes found him there at one point, a pile of himself and all of Kurt’s clothes on the floor.

“Oh my god Blaine.  Get up.  This is ridiculous!”

“Go ‘way!” Blaine muttered, closed the closet door on Wes who yelled through the wood accusing him of being a baby.

So what if he was?  What did it matter if he was anything anymore?

Eventually, Blaine took his pity party out of his bedroom and into the music room, turning it into a new home for himself where he slept on the floor (with the help of Kurt’s left behind sleeping medicine he never took), drank all of the alcohol he could find in the house, and tinkered aimlessly on his instruments.  

“Ew…”  was what he woke up to on one particular morning.. or was it afternoon?  Whatever it was, Rachel was walking tip toed around his mess on the floor and towards him.  “Blaine.  You can’t keep doing this.  I’m going to call mom and dad.  You need an intervention or something.”

He was pretty sure he grunted up at her and then rolled the other way.  If he couldn’t see her, she couldn’t possibly be there.

At least that’s the way he thought things would work out until she poked him in the back with her pointy heels,  “Get up Blaine.  You’re a disgusting mess.  When was the last time you shaved?  Or showered?  Or put on pants for that matter?”

He glanced down at himself.  When did he end up only in boxers?

“Don’t wanna.”

“Don’t care mister.  Get your pathetic heap of bones vertical or, so help me, I will get Wes to help me and we will dump you into a bath even if you’re kicking and screaming the whole way.  You are stinking up the whole apartment so bad your dog doesn’t even want to come close to you.”

“Don’t care.”  He mumbled, but pushed himself up to a sitting position, looking at all the empty cans of vegetables and cracker boxes that he had consumed over the past… however many days it had been.

“Come on.  I’m not leaving until you’re in the shower washing your grimy butt.  Honestly, how are you even my brother?”  She tutted, crossing her arms and waiting as Blaine slowly stood up and walked out towards the main bathroom.  It was just safer to comply with her when she made threats like that.

He found himself cleaned up after when he got back out, and went to lay on his bed, purposely leaving off his clothing.  She wouldn’t bug him if he was nude right?

Wrong.

“Augh!”  Was her first reaction on walking in and seeing him there in the buff, but she got over it quickly and tossed a towel over him.  “You didn’t shave!  Get shaved now!”

“Why Rachel?  What’s the point?”

“I’m your big sister.  You have to listen to me.  That’s the point.  Now do it or I’m going at you with a razor and I can’t promise I won’t cut you.”

Ugh.

So he shaved, and then combed and styled his hair because she insisted on that too.  Then she forced him to finish cleaning up with her and then sit down to eat a real meal as she prattled on about her current role.

“Why are you here Rachel…?” He mumbled at one point, tired of listening to her.  God she was exhausting.

“Because I live here you dope.”

He squinted and looked around.  Sure enough, he had completely missed that a number of her decorations were back in place from when she had lived here with him before.  “When did that happen?”

“Honestly?  You’ve been home for almost two weeks and you haven’t noticed?  God Blaine… you’re just….”  She shook her head, “Wes and I are back together and we decided to move in together when we both figured that you and Kurt would be happily married in Ohio by now.”

That little piece of information came out too readily and as Rachel slapped a hand over her own mouth, Blaine began openly sobbing over his salad.

“Blaine… Blaine… I’m sorry…”

“He… broke… up… with… me… over… his…. kid….”  Blaine managed to get out between choked sobs.

She scooted her chair over and wrapped her arms around his shoulder, “Oh Blaine… It wasn’t over his kid.  It was because he thought he was setting you free from something you didn’t want.”

“But… I…. love…. him….”

“And he loves you too baby brother.. but he can’t pick between that love and his child… if you want to be with him you have to be more than just a boyfriend now.”

“I… don’t…. know…. how….”

“Well for starters… start taking care of yourself… honestly Blaine, you’ve always taken care of everyone else but yourself.  You need to change that.”

“How?”

She sighed and he felt her rubbing his back gently.  The last time she had consoled him like this was after he was hurt in middle school.  “You know Blaine… it’s funny… I always get told I’m so self focused and don’t think about others… and you’re the opposite… maybe we both need to learn from one another…”

“I miss him…”

“Understatement much baby brother?”  She said, pulled back and lifting an eyebrow playfully, “You were snuggling his socks in the music room.  His socks.  Clearly you miss him or at the very least you have some weird foot fetish.”

“He does have nice feet…”  He murmured while she chuckled and shook her head.

“He has nice everything.  Now come on.  Finish your food.  You need to get back to real life.”

So Blaine complied, but inwardly he still ached.  Real life?  What was his real life?  And why would he want to get back to it?

 


	54. Chapter 54

“WaaaAAAhhh!”

Kurt groaned and rolled himself out of bed, trudging towards K.J.’s room and wondering, yet again, why he didn’t just move a cot into his son’s room instead of suffering through this walk every night, at least twice a night, and even more lately.

He plucked the boy, who was sitting up and reaching out to Kurt as soon as he saw him, big crocodile tears coursing down his cheeks, out of the crib and went to sit in the well used rocking chair by the window.  “Come on buddy.  You have to learn to sleep through the night sometime…”

“Mmmm…. buh!”

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Mmm buh to you too.  Snuggle up and fall back asleep.”

“Buh! Buh!”

Kurt groaned and let his head tip back over the edge of the chair, “I don’t know what you want!”

“BUH!”

“Kurt honey, do you need a hand?” Carole peaked in.

“I just… he’s woken up every hour for the past few nights… and I can’t get him back down…”  Kurt caved.  He had been putting up a strong front until this point, but he couldn’t figure out what K.J. needed and it was driving him mad.  His eyes stung from his lack of sleep and his eardrums seemed to be ringing with perpetual crying.

Carole came over and scooped K.J. up into her arms and away from Kurt, “Hey there little one… Grandma’s got you… what’s going on?”

“Buh!”

“He keeps saying that… I don’t know what buh means…”

“Probably just a sound he’s working on learning…”  She hummed and set him on the change table, checking him over thoroughly, “No rash… but his stomach does look a little swollen.  Let’s see the doctor tomorrow.”

Kurt nodded, looking blearily over, “Thanks Carole…  You think he’s okay?”

“Oh yeah sweetie.  Could be anything but probably excess gas or some constipation.  Pretty normal in babies.  Finn always had the first issue.”  She smiled, despite her words, and looked vacantly off into the distance for a moment before remembering herself and looked back towards Kurt, “You sleep.  I’ll try and soothe him.”

“It’s okay Carole… I can - “

“Stop it.  Stop trying to be a superdad.  When I had Finn I would have given anything for his dad to be there to help me.  Raising a child is not meant to be a one person thing even though lots of people have to tough it out through that.  Your dad and mom were lucky to have one another and you’re lucky to have me and your dad.  Take advantage of it.  It takes a village to raise a child Kurt, whether you have something to prove or not.”

Her words weren’t meant to be so harsh, but it felt like a slap in the face to Kurt who pressed his lips together and skulked back to his room wordlessly.  Like he had so many nights for the past month, he grabbed a shirt that his dad had forgotten to pack for Blaine and held it close to him.  If raising a child was a two parent thing, no wonder Quinn had failed at it… and now he couldn’t even figure out that his son had a stomachache because he was so inept…. why couldn’t Blaine have wanted a kid?  He had taken such good care of Kurt… why not a kid?  Was the transition really so hard?

Well, at least Kurt didn’t wear diapers.

Every day seemed more difficult.  Every day he seemed lonelier.  Sure, he always had K.J., but being with a baby wasn’t really being with someone you could talk to and laugh with and share deep thoughts.  He missed that.  Missed Blaine… and Wes for that matter.  

He still talked to Wes, getting occasional updates and conversing a little bit too readily, wishing he had more to tell Wes than he did because the conversations always ended too quickly for his liking.  The only time he really got to see someone on the same level as him was when he went to visit Quinn - and that could only happen once a week.

Kurt had even tried to make new friends by going down to the park during the day and talking idly with all the other moms there with their kids - but he stopped as soon as he got the same reaction a few times.  They all thought he was an older brother to K.J…. and then when they found out, they all gave him a look that clearly told Kurt they didn’t approve.

Fuck them.

There had been a few days, when Burt was in Washington and Carole had gone out for a public event that Kurt had broken down and snuck in a cigarette.  He needed something to calm his frayed nerves and wasn’t getting it anywhere else.  He made sure to do it by the window and away from K.J., but felt guilty nonetheless.  Everything he had read said smoking by a child was terrible, but he needed something.  Was this how Quinn had felt?  No… she had probably felt worse.  At least Kurt had a roof over his head and food in the kitchen - all taken care of by his dad and Carole.  He didn’t have to worry about buying diapers or formula, and he even had been bought a car with a good safety rating that his dad had equipped with a top of the line baby seat so he could get around.  

To where though?  Kurt didn’t have friends out here.  If the women at the park were any indication, he didn’t want to start K.J. in any swim or play classes and have to suffer through meeting other judgemental parents in the community.  He supposed it would be nice if there were an emergency and he needed to get K.J. to the hospital, but aside from that, it was pretty useless.

“Do you think dads can get postpartum depression?” He asked aimlessly one day, watching K.J. play with some of his blocks on the floor, trying to shove them through a circular hole on another toy.

“Ppppppptttttthhhh!” was his son’s response, complete with raspberry tongue action.

Kurt sighed, “Well… at least you’re honest.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t love the kid and didn’t want to spend the time with him.  He just thought it would have been different… but now that he had had K.J. for over two months, he realized that raising a child wasn’t all sunshine and roses, dolling him up in cute outfits and singing lullabies and and taking cute pictures, even though Kurt did all those things, it was also lots of spit-up and up-the-back poops that came out of nowhere, random crying fits that he could never figure out, and absolute tedium.  

When it came time for him to register in the courses he wanted, Kurt had never been so overjoyed.  Finally, something intellectual to do!  He spent more time deciding over courses than was expressly necessary, but because he had nothing else to do, it allowed him to eat up at least a day.

He had also never been through so many books.

Kurt got a bit of reprieve when his dad was home from his Washington trips, since Burt had taken to K.J. like a fat kid on an ice cream cone, and insisted on K.J. watching sports with him even though Kurt didn’t like the idea of K.J. watching too much television at such a developmentally important time. But it was important to Burt and Kurt had suffered through the same torture when he was a baby and turned out fine… mostly… so he didn’t worry too hard over it.  

Kurt:  Hey Wes.

Wes:  Hey Kurt.  What’s up?

Kurt: Why were the elephants asked to leave the swimming pool?

Wes:  Uh?  Is this some kind of joke?

Kurt: Because they wouldn’t pull up their trunks!

Wes:  Seriously man?  This is what you have to text me?

Kurt: Well I don’t see you sending me anything better.

Wes: That’s because I honestly don’t know how to respond to the insane number of baby pictures you send me.  I get it.  You have an adorable son.

Kurt:  You don’t want me to send you any?

Wes: No.  In fact Rachel can’t get enough of them.

Kurt:  Does she still think she’s K.J.’s aunt?

Wes: Oh she doesn’t think it, she knows it.  I dare you to convince her otherwise.

Kurt:  She’s not even my sister… ugh.  

Wes:  Yeah.  She doesn’t care that she’s not blood related.

Kurt:  People can’t just decide to be related to my son.

Wes:  Why not?  I’m his asian uncle after all.

Kurt:  You’re different.

Wes:  Why?  Because I’m adorable?

Kurt:  Because you’re tolerable.

Wes:  You wound me sir.

Kurt:  GTG.  K.J.’s trying to make a break for it.

Text exchanges like that because Kurt’s only lifeline to the world, and he only had Wes to share them with.  He had thought about calling Shelby but that would have been too hard.  She had been a parent to him when he hadn’t been willing to seek out his own yet and he missed her almost as much as he missed Blaine.  She really would have been a fantastic mother to K.J.

But that would have first meant that Blaine would have had to be willing to be a dad.

The doctor gave K.J. the okay, telling Kurt to make sure he fed him more veggies and less starch since the problem was that he was a bit backed up which was causing him to hold in his gas.  Easier said than done, Kurt thought to himself, as much as he tried to get K.J. to eat his vegetables there was always more on the floor, his face, and Kurt than ever got into him.  

“At least the worst of his teething is done.”  The over-cheerful doctor offered, inspecting K.J.’s mouth despite the boy wriggling and wailing in his face.

“Oh yah.  Fabulous.” Kurt rolled his eyes.  It was just one issue traded out for another.

“And how’s daddy doing?” The doctor looked over at Kurt and he instantly tensed up, feeling the need to be defensive.

“Fine.  Just fine.”

“When was the last time you had a full night’s sleep?”

Kurt cringed, “I’m fine.”

“Do you have help with him at home?”

Kurt nodded quickly.  In theory he did, though letting Carole help last night was the first time he’d truly taken advantage of it.

“Well don’t stress yourself out too much.  Babies, and kids for that matter, feed off your emotions.  If you’re stressed, they’ll be stressed.”

Well that was fucking great.  So because he felt lonely, depressed, cranky, and borderline meant that K.J. was too.  What a great fucking parent he was turning out to be.

“You still taking your medicine?”

Kurt nodded.  He had kept up with his anti-depressants, if only out of fear of just how miserable he’d be without them given how terrible he felt lately.  

“Okay… well… let me know if I can help you out with anything.”

“Sure thing doc.”

He couldn’t leave fast enough, buckling his wiggling child into the carseat which took about ten minutes worth of effort alone.  He was not looking to winter when he would not only have to get him into this seat but have to put outerwear on him too.  Diapers were a challenge enough.

Kurt wished he knew when this phase would end, if it really was a phase, just so he had something to count down towards, something to look forward too, but in the meantime he was stuck in what felt like a dark hole, with no one to reach out to and no one around him and no way that he could see out.

 


	55. Chapter 55

“Blaine Devon Anderberry!  You get your carcass right here right now young man!”

Blaine grimaced and opened his eyes.  What was going on?  Why did he hear his mother?

“If I have to come drag you from your room there will be penance to pay!”

Oh… because she was out in the living room apparently by the sounds of things.  

He sat up in bed and, without bothering to throw anything on over his undershirt and boxers, dragged his way out to greet his mother, who had apparently, at some point, entered his home unannounced only to yell at him for god knows what - because there was a list, he was sure.

When he did make his appearance, a letter was tossed at him too fast for him to see where it had come from or for him to react to grab it.  Lucky for him, his mother was all too happy to tell him what it contained.

“You didn’t register for your fall classes!  They reimbursed me the tuition!  Care to explain yourself?”

She was fuming, hands on her hips and eyes ablaze.  In moments like this it was not hard to see where Rachel got her fire from.  

He shrugged and leaned down to pick up the letter, holding it back out to her even though she didn’t move her hands from where they were situated.  “Explain yourself mister.”

“There’s no point in me going… I’m wasting your money and dad’s… I don’t know what I’m doing there.”

“You don’t get to decide if you’re wasting our money.  You need an education and you’re better off in school discovering what you want to do with your life than waiting tables or stocking shelves.”

Another shrug, “Don’t you think that’s up to me to decide?”

“Look mister.  I don’t know what’s gotten into you.  I get that Kurt dumped you and you feel like crap - but it’s gone on long enough don’t you think?  You’re not doing anyone favours, least of all yourself by spending your days in bed and that music room in your underwear that CLEARLY needs a wash.”

He looked down at himself.  Sure there were a few… well… a lot of stains… but who was around to care?

“Your sister has been frantic trying to get you back into the real world son.  It’s the most I’ve seen her care for anything aside from her career, and you just snub her by sleeping all day and tinkering on the piano at night so she can’t even sleep.”

He rolled his eyes.  Sure, Rachel had been nagging at him incessantly, but it wasn’t like she was innocent either.  Blaine did have to hold a pillow over his ears every time her and Wes went and “got loud” in their own room, and he avoided the day because he had come across them being all cute and cuddly on the couch one too many times.  

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me son.  Your dad and I pay your bills.  You will get off your ass and get back to being a respectable young adult.”

Blaine sighed and turned in place, moving to walk back to his room.  “Then kick me out.  I don’t really care.”

“Blaine Devon Anderberry - you get your butt back here right now… so help me!”

“Yeah.  Whatever.”

“Did you just…. did you just WHATEVER me son?!”

Oh shit.  Here it came.

His mother raced down the hall after him and flew in front of him before he could get into the safety of his all too cozy bed.  

“Now look here mister.  I don’t care if a rabid monkey chewed off your leg and the store only had pink prosthetics - you DO NOT talk to me like that.  I am your mother!”

Blaine just gawked for a minute, jaw hanging slightly unhinged as he tried to process the warped image his mother had used on him before snapping back, “Then make me feel better instead of making me feel guilty!”

Now she gawked, “Blaine!  It has been almost two months!  You need to get on with your life, whatever that may be.  You can not just hide in your room like a child because you don’t like what happened!”

“I don’t WANT to get on with my life MOTHER.  My life only felt like I was living when HE was with me.”

She rolled his eyes at him, and he felt like he was missing out on some universal bit of sarcasm.  “Please Blaine.  Your life can’t just be about one thing only.  Yes, Kurt is and was wonderful, but he can’t be the only thing in your life.  No wonder you’re floundering.”

“Oh please mother.”  He spat, “Enlighten me, since I’m clearly so inept.”

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, patting the space beside her which Blaine sat on with a huff.

“Son, if a table only has one leg and that leg is knocked out from under it - what happens?”

“It falls.”

“Right…. what about a table with four or more legs?”

Blaine shrugged, “It wobbles I guess.”  Was there a point to this?

“Son… if you only build your life on one leg, you end up like this.  The more things you have to hold you up… family, friends, work, hobbies, love, charity… whatever they may be… the stronger you stand.”

“Oh good… well let me just go to the corner store and go grab some of those things!” Blaine said with a roll of his eyes.  She had a point, but it didn’t do him a fat lot of good in this moment.

“Son…”  She sighed and set a hand on his thigh, “I know you miss him… but if you really want him back in your life, you need to have a life to offer him… and then some.”

“I don’t know how mom…”  Blaine dropped his face into his palms.  “I want to know how… I get that I need to do something… but I don’t know what… or even how….”  Eyes full of tears now, he looked back up at his mother, “My heart aches so much it feels like the only way to remedy the pain is to dig it out with something blunt… like a spoon… I’m not saying I’m going to, but that’s what it feels like.  I’ll look at the piano sometimes and it’s like I don’t know what it’s there for or what to do with it… like I’ve forgotten how to play…”

“Oh… sweetie…”  She scooted up to him and wrapped her arms snugly around him, letting him rest his face against her shoulder and sob for a moment. “We’re going to get through this baby boy… I’ll stay on the couch and between me, Rachel, and Wes… we’ll help you come back to us.”

That was it.  No longer did Blaine have any time to himself anymore, like he did when Wes and Rachel were out for the day at work or school.  Now his mother, taking a sabbatical from work, stayed with him during the day.  Between them all they made him wake up in the morning, shower, get dressed, shave, do laundry, and yes, even go to school.  Because his mother was a bulldog when it came to her kids, the university allowed Blaine to register for classes late after she “spoke” with them, however, she did let him take a reduced course load for this semester.

“Take anything you want son.. just take something.”

Thinking of Kurt, he enrolled in some music classes and actually found them therapeutic to be in.  Music really was calming to him in a way nothing else had ever been, and it couldn’t dump him either so he felt safe with it.

And yes, he did start to feel a little more normal.  It wasn’t that he didn’t still want Kurt back in his life, or that he didn’t miss him, but he started to feel less like an insignificant speck in the universe and more like a person with conscious again.

“You should record that man.”  Wes noted one day as he stepped into the music room to find Blaine scratching notes on a paper as he wrote out a song.

“No one would listen to it…” Blaine hummed, absently recording some notes down and then trying them out on the guitar in his hands.

“I bet Kurt would.”

Blaine sighed and looked over at his friend in the doorway, “And just HOW would I get it to him?”

“Oh Blaine… I would like to introduce you to the 21st century….”  Wes snickered and walked over to Blaine’s open laptop, “Where you can self publish books and films and even music to your heart’s content.”

“But… what would I even….”  Blaine’s mind was motoring… if he could… would it matter?

“You’re the music man Blaine… I just tell you if it sucks or not.  Tell you what - I’ll help you out and you do everyone a favour and read this….”

Blaine looked over at the screen, eyeing the e-book his friend was pulling up, “The Idiot’s Guide to Parenting…. really Wes?”

“You want him back don’t you?  Preferably before your balls drop below your knees?”

Blaine sighed, looked down at his guitar, over at Wes, and back to the screen.  Was it worth it?


	56. Chapter 56

“In other news, local mayor Bryan Ryan is pushing for a bylaw that will….”

Kurt tuned out the local news Carole had playing on the radio as she worked in the kitchen near where he was sitting at the table, head laying sideways on his textbook and probably absorbing the highlighter marks he had made.  He was so tired.  He didn’t care about World History.  Too many names and places and dates and everything he was told was significant sounded stupid.  The whole course was stupid…. the only thing worse than taking it would have been taking it in a class with a professor who actually thought this shit was important.  At least all Kurt had to do was memorize things for some online quizzes and write a couple papers.  He could bullshit his way through papers no problem.  His special gift.

“Kurt, why don’t you take a break.. since you pretty much already are.”  Carole noted as she looked over.

“Because he’ll only nap for an hour more at best and I need to know about the Muhgals and Mongols and Ottomans and all that stuff….”  He didn’t bother lifting his head as he admitted it, though moved a hand up to rub away from drool that was threatening to come out onto his page.

“You need to know that stuff for your degree?”

Kurt snorted softly, something of a chuckle as he peeled his face off the paper to look up, “I have to take a couple history courses.  I thought this one would be a little more interesting than it has been.  Basically, world history is all about these guys who have penis envy and attack each other’s lands and change the borders so many times it’s a wonder there are borders anymore…”

Carole laughed and shook her head, rolling her eyes as the news went into sports and switched the station.  “What else would most men have to worry about other than politics and sports?”

“I don’t know… maybe world peace or curing cancer or something…”  Kurt shook his head.  He had decided he would definitely not be focusing on international and political journalism in his degree.  Arts and Culture, Entertainment, Fashion even… that’s what he was more interested in writing about.

He looked back at his textbook then, trying hard to remember the details of the latest war he was reading about - who was involved, why it had started, how it had ended… when the highlighter fell from his fingers and he turned his head with a gawk towards the radio.

Carole was staring too.

It was Blaine.  Blaine was singing.  Blaine was on his radio!

Kurt launched himself up and rushed over to the counter where Carole had the radio set, looking at the little box as if it contained the mysteries of the universe.  Blaine was crooning on there… some kind of upbeat poppy song that kept saying his own name… Kurt’s name… 

It was over way too fast and as Carole was about to speak, Kurt shushed her and listened to the radio D.J.

“And that was Blaine Anderberry on his debut track titled ‘Kurt’ which apparently is a homage to Congressman Hummel’s son.  Good way to get yourself noticed as a new artist, especially here in Ohio where we can’t get enough of the Hummel drama!  Next we have…”

Kurt rushed to his laptop at the table, flipping it open, history forgotten as he pulled up any information he could find and then went onto the online music store, finding not only the namesake song, but two others - all of which he downloaded immediately.

“Kurt….”  Carole mused, peeking over his shoulder, “Have you tried calling him…?

“Yeah… yeah Carole… I mean…”  He paused his typing, trying to look up… look up… he didn’t even know.  “... not in awhile.  Wes makes it sound pretty clear that he doesn’t want to talk to me….”

“Sounds like maybe the opposite is true?” She suggested as Kurt played the downloaded song with his name attached.

“What do I do Carole?”

She shook her head, “Not sure sweetie.  It’s kind of unprecedented…  I’d also be worried that he’s doing this just to make a name for himself off of you.”

Kurt sucked in a breath, “No… no… he didn’t want to go into music… well… I knew he wanted to, but he always felt like he had to go into business to make his parents happy.  He was okay with settling on that… I’m the one who pushed him to try music.”

“Well… maybe he’s trying to reach out…”

Kurt nibbled on his lower lip, always favouring the spot where his lip ring used to be as he focused on the lyrics, so perfectly cliched for pop, and yet… so meaningful…. “your addiction gave me addiction” and “sleeping isn’t the same when I don’t have a dream in my arms”....

“How did he manage this Carole…?” Kurt uttered weakly, setting the song on repeat.

“Well, given that his sister kept dropping big celebrity names when she was here, there must be some connections… and since you are, like it or not, Ohio’s local source of news, it’s not surprising that they’d play a song made out to you on our local station.”

“God Carole… how am I supposed to respond to this?  He’s fucking serenading me without even being near me!”

Carole shook her head, and then both their heads perked up to the sounds of a boy crying from his room. Kurt sighed.  K.J. hadn’t slept nearly enough and he’d end up grouchy because of it.

“I’ll get him sweetie.  You keep looking into this…. play those other songs you downloaded maybe.”

Kurt nodded, so grateful Carole was there to help.  He hovered over the other two songs, one titled Cage and the other called Waking.  How…. juxtaposed.  He went with Waking first.

Another poppy tune, and really, Kurt wasn’t surprised given that Blaine tended towards Katy Perry and Pink when given his choice of what to play in the past.  Not that Kurt was complaining.  It’s not like that many people shared his love of cabaret music anyhow.

Waking was also less than subtle but Blaine had come up with a brilliant sound and progression.  Lyrics including, “You left me in a nightmare and now I can’t get out of this sleep” and “I don’t know what I am without you.”  Kurt pressed a hand over his head, trying to brace the cracking feeling jerking through it as he listened.  God, Blaine could have been talking about the way he felt when they split… 

Carole came back down with K.J. in her arms who made an immediate grabbing motion for Kurt, “Dadadadadada….”

Kurt absently held out his arms, taking K.J. into them as Carole rested a hand on his shoulder, “Well?”

“Well I’m pretty sure Waking here is about the way he felt about breaking up… which may as well be the way I felt…. god… Carole… was I dumb?”

“He wasn’t ready Kurt.  We all saw it… That doesn’t mean we didn’t love him immediately though.  He brought you back to us.  He took care of you and made you feel safe and loved when we couldn’t… and you loved him…”

“Love him…”  Kurt hummed softly, wincing slightly as K.J. grabbed his ear and tugged.

“Dadadadadada….”

“Yes son.  Dada.”  Kurt quickly turned his head to peck his son on the cheek and then set Cage to play.

More pop, but slower this time.  Kurt was pretty sure Blaine had used the software he had gotten him at Christmas and was playing all of the instruments.  God… he was brilliant….

Wait….

“Did you get that Kurt?” Carole asked, leaning in to look at the track as if squinting at it would give her the answer she wanted.

“Let me play it back….”

“If I take care of you would show me how to care?  If I call you son will you call me dad?  I want to be there but only if you want me to be.  Oh baby boy, how’ve you’ve upset everything I thought life could be….”

“Jesus… little melodramatic…. but… fuu…. fudge.”  Kurt always had to bite his tongue around K.J.

“What’s fudge?” Burt walked in then, setting his briefcase on the island and immediately moving to scoop up K.J. whose arms were already held out to his grandpa.

So Carole and Kurt played the songs for Burt, whose expressions ranged from curious to thoughtful to confused as he listened through them.

“So that’s why Tom kept telling me if I’d been listening to the radio today….”  he mused when they were all played.

Kurt rolled his eyes, “Anyhow dad… what should I be doing?”

Burt shrugged, “He’s your ex-boyfriend.  You figure it out.  Sounds to me though that he’s not over you anymore than you’re over him.  The question is though, is he ready to make the sacrifice that parenthood entails.”

Kurt sighed and dropped his head into his palms, “Ugh… I just -”

Then the phone’s started ringing - the home number, the business number, and Burt’s cell phone.  Kurt made a point of not answering the phones after a journalist tried to conduct an impromptu interview him about his dad’s politics when he had answered once and then told her to screw off before handing it to his dad.  His little slip had shown up in the paper and even though Burt told him it was okay, Kurt knew it wasn’t.  He couldn’t hurt his dad’s image when his dad was trying to do so much good for the country.

So Carole and Burt raced to answer calls, all of which sounded the same.  “Yes” they had heard the song, and “No” they didn’t have a comment to make.

“Guess what son… you’re news once again!” Burt said with a chuckle in between calls.

“Great….” Kurt grunted, rolling his eyes and setting about getting a snack for K.J. who was whining and reaching towards the pantry - a sign that he wanted food and wanted it now.

Once K.J. was sated and back on the floor, grabbing at the edge of the coffee table in the living room and using it to hold onto as he walked around it, Kurt grabbed his phone and shot off a text.

Kurt:  The media is calling us non-stop about Blaine’s song.  Did you know about this?

Wes:  And what if I did?

Kurt: Wes!

Wes:  I may be taking a couple business courses this semester to help Blaine with management…

Kurt: You asshole!  Why didn’t you tell me!

Wes:  Because it wasn’t my information to tell you.  Besides, the surprise is more effective.

Kurt:  Effective at what?

Wes:  Getting your attention of course.

Kurt:  Wes…

Kurt: Please let me talk to Blaine.

Wes:  He’s not here.

Kurt:  Can you tell him to call me when he gets back then?

Wes:  It’ll cost you.

Kurt:  Honestly Wes?

Kurt:  Don’t be an asshole about this.

Wes: You should totally tell the press though that it’s your favourite song though!  It’ll help boost sales which improves my 10%!

Kurt: Asshole.

The doorbell was ringing now too, and Burt kept running to and from the door with an ever increasing sense of irritation.  “Gonna find that kid and smack him for writing that song… how am I supposed to watch the game tonight if the bloody doorbell keeps -”

BING-BONG!

“Oh for the love of…!’ Burt spun and walked back to the door, muttering all the while as Kurt smirked to himself after enjoying the scene.

Kurt set his phone down and watched as K.J., all so cautiously, worked his way around and around and around the table.  In his mind, Kurt was just yelling “Take a step on your own already!”, but his son was careful, which he supposed was probably a good thing.

“He’s really grown…”

Kurt’s head snapped up, eyes wide as he locked onto the source of the voice.  Blaine.  There.  In front of him… holding roses.  He was there… and holding roses… in Kurt’s living room.  

And Kurt couldn’t think of a damned thing to say even though his mouth had fallen open.

 


	57. Chapter 57

Blaine squirmed in his shoes, fingers glad to have the roses to hold onto because he knew he’d otherwise be fidgeting madly.  He didn’t mean for those songs to go viral so damned quickly, but thanks to Wes and Rachel’s interference, they were online, and being played, and he knew he needed to get to Ohio before Kurt heard them.

Except, at the door, Burt seemed surprised that Blaine was there and not a reporter.  Blaine thought for sure he would undergo twenty questions from Kurt’s dad, but all he got instead was “Maybe you could deal with all the news people since it’s your damned song causing this commotion buddy.” 

Blaine blushed to his roots and shrugged apologetically, “I’m sorry sir… may I see Kurt?”

The congressman had rolled his eyes at him and stepped back, “Like I’d be able to stop you.”

Now here he was, slack jawed as he looked at the little kid that had initially come between them - so much bigger now and angling along the edge of the table, repeating “dadadadada” over and over as he toddled about.  Could he walk on his own yet?  Had it really been that long since he had been here?

And there Kurt was, staring at him with eyes wide and face reddening.  Still, so gorgeous but also so alien.  He looked tired again, worn out… and even now Blaine had a hard time seeing him without the pink hair and piercings everywhere.  

It didn’t make his heart flutter any less though.

“You!  What the hell do you think you’re doing here?!”  Kurt snapped and shot up suddenly, walking forward to get face to face with Blaine, who, in shock, stumbled back a few steps.  He hadn’t been expecting that.  What he had been hoping for was for Kurt to jump into his arms, say he had been wrong, and take him back then and there… but what had his dad always told him?  Hope for the best and prepare for the worst… Blaine had forgotten to prepare clearly.

“I… I…. needed to see you Kurt… I wanted to… the song…”

A finger was shot up, centimeters away from Blaine’s nose, “Right.  The song.  You write a song about me, without telling me, after ignoring my calls for god knows how long… What the fucking hell Blaine?!”

“Ooo… kay.”  Carole stepped in and scooped up K.J., “Let me just take him out of here for this…”

As she walked off Blaine frowned and glanced down guiltily at his toes, “I didn’t know how I’d be able to talk to you on the phone Kurt… thinking about it…. well it hurt.”

“So you make my name even more public than it already is?  Even though you know I HATE being put on a stage? Then you show up here and assume I’d just what… jump into your arms and giggle like a schoolgirl?”

Blaine shook his head quickly, “No… no… that’s not it at all Kurt…”  Except that it was.  He glanced up, “I thought I’d get here in time… to let you know that Wes released it… I didn’t know Kurt…. I really didn’t….”

Kurt’s nostrils flared out for a moment and he crossed his arms over his chest. “I haven’t heard from you in months! Not so much as an ‘I’m still alive!’ or ‘I hate you!’ or anything!”

“I’m sorry….”

“I was worried!”

“You’re the one who dropped me off at the train station!”

“You’re the one who didn’t want to be here!”

“I do now!”

Blaine panted after he yelled it out, gripping the roses, thorns and all, under his white knuckles.  

Kurt looked at him, taking a step forward until they were nose to nose and whispered, “You can’t be here without… really being here.”

“I know Kurt…  I know…”

His face was scanned over by blue eyes, searching for something before Kurt’s face pulled away.  “I listened to the other songs you know…”

“Wes told me he released three in all…”

“Waking and Cage were the other two….”

Blaine winced a little.  Of all the songs he’d been recording, the three that Wes had released on him were the most exposing.  “You listened to them?”

Kurt nodded, “I donated a whole three dollars and eighty seven cents to the Blaine Anderberry cause.”

“Dollar and twenty nine cents each huh?”

“Your math is good.”

He could hear Kurt’s breaths become more calm and less ragged as looked Blaine over and then reached to take the flowers.

“You’re bleeding…”

“Thorns….” Blaine shrugged, glancing at the cuts he had suffered from holding the flora too tightly.

He found himself being pulled to the kitchen where Kurt first got the flowers into water and then directed Blaine’s hands under running water while he got out some bandaids.  “How can I know Blaine?”

“Know what?  Ah!”  Blaine winced as Kurt sprayed some hydrogen peroxide over his cuts and then gave him a paper towel to dry off on.

“Know you’re being truthful… about wanting to do the dad thing like you said in the song…”

“Because I named that song after him.”  Blaine watched as Kurt wrapped the bandages over his needy fingers and he then flexed them, “Thanks.”

“That song was named Cage.”

“Say the letters K.J. together really fast Kurt…”

“Kay-Jay… Kay-juh… Oh… I get it.”  He smirked, eyes alight with amusement. “Beats the hell out of Kurt Junior.”

“I happen to like your name.”  Blaine admitted as he looked shyly at Kurt.  He just wanted to lean in, press his lips to Kurt’s, and just.. be back where he belonged.  His heart ached to close the gap between them, but he was afraid of jumping to any conclusions, especially after being torn apart back in the living room.

“You never called me…”  Kurt repeated with a shake of his head and sighing as he shut off the tap.

“It broke my heart… I knew I’d just cry… I didn’t want you to just listen to that…”

“You think I didn’t cry?!” Kurt snapped as he turned to face Blaine, face red again.  “You had absolutely no problem taking care of me, who made my choices, stupid as they were, but you clearly had every problem helping me take care of a kid who was innocent in it all!”

“I wasn’t ready Kurt… honestly… I’m still probably not… but I don’t think you are or were either really… but you’re right.  He is innocent of all that, and he does deserve better.  I’m willing to try….”

“I need more than that Blaine.”  Kurt shot back, going back into his defensive posture, shoulders squared off and arms crossed in front of his chest.  “You can’t just try and then decide it’s not your cup of tea later on.  It fucking sucks.  It SUCKS being a dad.  I get no sleep, I don’t know what he wants most of the time, and he makes a mess out of EVERYTHING…. but I don’t get to go back on it.  I can’t.  He needs consistency.  He deserves it after the shit he went through with Quinn. If you come in here and then leave….”  Kurt sucked in a breath as his eyes went watery, “... he can’t lose another parent.”

Blaine’s heart ached as he listened to Kurt’s brutal honesty about his parenting experience so far.  He should have been there.  He should have helped.  He should have cared more….  “I’m sorry Kurt… I didn’t realize how bad….”  

Kurt held a hand up, “No.  It’s not bad.  Apparently this shit is normal, and no matter how crappy things are he makes up for it when he smiles at me and when the doctor tells me he’s healthy and thriving.”

“But YOU deserve better.”

“But this is what I have.”

They stood there, eyes fixed on one another and panting in shallow breaths, both filled to the brim with emotion that had been bubbling near the surface for months that now was able to escape.

“I hate that you took me to that station Kurt.  I hated you for it.  I wish you had just been open with me instead of dumping me there and breaking my heart.” Blaine said finally, staring at Kurt with intensity he didn’t know he was capable of.

“You should have talked to me about your feelings then before that!  I was trying to deal with the realization that I was a dad out of the blue!  I didn’t have time to figure out all your insecurities!  I would have thought you would have been happy at the prospect of having a kid!”

“I am!  I just didn’t think it would be so soon!  I thought we’d finish school… get married… spend a few years just enjoying one another… and then having kids… My god Kurt, up until earlier this year I was a virgin at an age when most people might raise an eyebrow at that but still be okay with it!  Now all of a sudden I have to be a full on dad!  You can’t possibly have expected me to have been totally happy with that!”

“You were happy to take care of me though!”

“You didn’t need diapers and feeding and nurturing… you did more for me than I ever did for you anyhow - don’t you get that?” Blaine shook his head in disbelief.

“No….”  Kurt said quietly then, looking at Blaine in what appeared to be surprise.  “... but K.J. does more for me than I think he’ll ever know either… I can’t screw up anymore.  There’s no and’s, if’s, or but’s about it.  He ensures that I’m going to be good.”

Blaine sighed and leaned back against the counter, exhausted by the conversation and the emotional toll it was taking, “You should be good for yourself Kurt… not for anyone else.  You do it because you want to take care of you…”

Kurt shrugged at that, leaning against the kitchen island across from Blaine in turn. “Sometimes people need a push.”

“I thought I was your push.”

He got a crack of a smile from Kurt after saying that.  “You were.  Now K.J. is there like a boulder in the path of anything else that I might do.  You pushed me in place… he’s keeping me there.”

Blaine took in a deep breath and shook his head, “Can I start again….?”

Kurt peeked over and nodded, one brow angled up in curiosity.

“Kurt Hummel… please take me back.  Please let me be with you AND K.J., whom I henceforth want to nickname Cage.  Please let me love you both.  Please let me help you parent and be there for you.  I don’t want anything else.  I’m done.  If it means being parents early - fine.  At least we’ll have the kids out of the nest earlier too.  We can make up for not having alone time together now then and in the meantime I want to have a family with you.”

He let out a shaky breath after all of that and let his eyes flick nervously towards Kurt’s face, trying to check his reaction.  Kurt looked thoughtful, eyes dancing over the island-top as he considered what Blaine had said and fingers trailing over the marble countertop.

“What do you mean kids?”

Blaine blinked a few times and then shook his head, “I just… I always envisioned having more than one kid is all…”

“With me?”

“With you.” Blaine breathed out.  God, Kurt was a master of drawing out a response.

“I’m not sleeping with Quinn again.”  Kurt asserted, glancing back up at Blaine, a twitch in the corner of his mouth and a twinkle in his eyes.

Blaine couldn’t help but let out a relieved laugh, “God… god no…. that’s not… I mean.. there’s other…”

“Shut up Blaine.” Kurt stated, silencing Blaine as he stepped across the floor and connected his lips with Blaine’s, ending the ache in his heart with the kiss that he melted so easily into.  This was exactly where he belonged.


	58. Chapter 58

They can barely make it up the stairs and to the bedroom.  Kurt’s eyes dart everywhere to make sure his dad and Carole and K.J. have truly gone off somewhere because there’s no way he can hold himself back right now.  He needs this as surely as he needs air or water.  The door is kicked closed behind them and they can’t strip down quickly enough, clothes flying in all directions and he’s pretty sure he’s going to find socks and underwear hidden behind the furniture later but he hardly cares in this moment.  

Then his hands on on Blaine’s skin and he sucks in a sharp breath as the reverse is also true.  It’s been too long and he has to glance down at the hand sliding down his side to make sure it’s real and not a figment of his imagination before lifting his head back up and pressing his lips against Blaine’s as they collapse backwards onto the bed with Kurt sandwiched between the mattress and Blaine, never breaking the kiss until they’re down and Blaine’s lips start to travel down to Kurt’s neck and Kurt’s head is tipping back and he’s biting his tongue to keep from releasing a song that he knows his dad will bug him about for years if he hears it.

“You didn’t…”  He gasps as Blaine nibbles on that spot right behind his ear that Blaine and Blaine alone knows about “... just…”  Another gasp as one of Blaine’s hands curve around the swell of his ass. “.... come back for the sex right?”

Then Blaine’s head is lifted away and Kurt immediately regrets questioning him because he hates the sudden disconnect between their bodies as Blaine looks at him incredulously, “No… I mean… I like this… but… I came back for you…”

Kurt groans and lifts his head to reconnect their lips and Blaine is back to swabbing kisses under his chin in a moment, “And K.J. too right?”

Blaine grunts and Kurt winces.  Why can’t he stop himself from talking right now?

“Yes… but can we not talk about our kid while… this?”

Our kid.  Those two words are enough to send Kurt to the brink right there.  His hands greedily move down to cup Blaine’s cheeks and spread them apart, kneading one in each hand.  “Lube… night stand.”

Blaine understands and rolls off him for a moment to retrieve the lube, untouched since he had been there, and a condom while Kurt watches him, absently touching himself and letting his eyes linger on the body that has been missing from his side for far too long.  Blaine looks like he might have lost a little bit of weight, and a little bit of tone, but it’s not like Kurt is in top form either right now.  Gym is a foreign word at present.

There’s more fumbling, more sloppy kisses as they reacquaint their bodies with one another.   Kurt is as careful with Blaine as he was the first time he prepped him, even though he wants nothing more than to completely bury himself in Blaine and make him his again.  Claim him like he’s got some dominatrix complex.  He wants Blaine to smell like him so no one ever comes close to him.  He wants Blaine for himself and himself alone.

“Ready?” 

Blaine nods quickly, fingers tied in the sheets as he looks up at Kurt, forehead drenched in his own sweat as Kurt pulls out the fingers he had been working in and out of Blaine and lines himself up in their place, pushing in as slowly as his body will allow and drinking in the soft, sweet whine of Blaine as he bottoms out inside of him.

“Please move.  Just… take me.  I need you.”

That’s all that’s required for Kurt’s hips to snap back and then slam forward again, breaking into a quick, hard pace as he lost himself in the moment and all he could see, smell, and feel was the man below him.  His man.  

He remembers that he’s not the only one there when he’s close to the edge and wraps his fingers around Blaine’s length, jerking him along in time with his thrusts until Blaine comes with a hand-muffled cry between them and Kurt feels safe enough to bury himself into Blaine and hold there as he fills the condom and gasps for breath.

Then they just breath.  Heavy and forced, hearts beating out of their chests.  All the emotion built up from the last few months spent in a matter of minutes and Kurt feels absolute relief like he never had before.  A new realization hits - sex can be therapeutic!

He pulls out with a little whine from both of them, disposes of the condom and cleans off Blaine before collapsing at his side, still panting softly when strong arms enfold around him and hold him close.

God, how did he live without this?

They nap then.  Neither one asks or talks about it - it just happens naturally.  When Kurt wakes, Blaine’s arms are still bound around him and he has to maneuver carefully to unwind himself from them without waking Blaine so he can relieve himself in his (thankfully) connected bathroom and have a shower, because, damn, he stinks after sleeping in his own sweat.

The shower is a place of deep thoughts and epiphanies for Kurt, and today is no different.  Kurt didn’t think of his past life at all when he had just been with Blaine.  No flashbacks to tricks or things he’d done.  It was positively normal and he wonders if he’s really okay - because shouldn’t he be more sensitive about that sort of thing?  But again, those memories he harbours seem to get less intrusive as time wears on and they’re so alien and foreign to him that when he does have a recollection, it’s more like watching a movie he’s seen once than a real event come back to visit him again.

When he comes out of the bathroom, Blaine is groggily waking, looking over at Kurt blearily.  His eyes squint at first, curious and questioning before Kurt sees the realization hit him and he remembers where he is and why and a smile lights up his face.  “You’re gorgeous…”

Kurt laughs and tosses the towel from around his hips at Blaine, “And you stink.  Go shower.”

They get cleaned and dressed and then return to the main floor where something is cooking and Kurt follows his nose to the kitchen where Carole is preparing pasta and his dad is feeding K.J. in his high chair.

“So… I guess… welcome back Blaine.”  Burt says with a nod of his head before looking back to K.J. and trying to airplane some food into his mouth.

“Uh.  Thank you sir.  Good to see you again.”

Kurt snickered at the exchange, moving to help Carole who looked at him through the side of her eyes and just smirked as the red crept up in his cheeks.  Blaine went to sit with Burt and K.J. meanwhile, offering to take over the feeding to which Burt flatly refused citing that “I’m going back to Washington tomorrow. You can get sprayed with food all you want when I’m gone but this is my time with him.”

Carole has Kurt make the salad, and it’s an easy task that lets him watch Blaine try his first real attempts at parenting.  At first he just watches Burt feed K.J., and then he goes to grab something out of his car, a little package which he presents to K.J. as soon as he’s inside.  

“Sorry I missed your birthday Cage.”

“Cage?” Carole asks, brow arching, and Kurt explains the nickname to both her and his dad who do that thing where they nod and hum thoughtfully as they consider it. 

“I do like Nicolas Cage…”  His dad admits and Kurt blanches.

K.J. is helped with the opening by Blaine, since the kid has no real concept of gifts yet and spent most of his birthday last month trying to eat the wrapping paper instead of playing with the toys he got.  

“Oh.  Look son!  Books!”  Kurt says as he sees the package revealed and Kurt steps over to investigate what new items he’ll have to read to K.J. at night.

“He doesn’t have these ones I hope?”  Blaine looked up questioningly at Kurt, “Because I can… get different ones.”

Kurt smiled and shook his head as he looked over the set that K.J. was opening and closing the covers of.  Musical books that played notes when buttons were pressed… as soon as K.J. figured out the buttons they’d be done for.

“We can read one of those tonight for bedtime.”  Kurt suggested, reaching over to swipe a bit of sauce off K.J.’s cheek.

“Can I try to read to him?” 

Kurt again faced those hopeful amber eyes and nodded, “Sure…”

He certainly wasn’t going to refuse him any attempts to parent.

“Buh!” K.J. announced triumphantly, holding one of the books to Kurt with both hands.  “Dada!  Buh!”

Kurt knows what ‘buh’ means now.  It’s book.  If there’s one thing K.J. loves it’s his quiet reading time he gets with Kurt before bed.  It took some effort and a regular sleep schedule, which Carole helped a lot with, but Kurt has started piecing together the different sounds K.J. makes and attaching them to the words he’s trying to pronounce.  

“Aww… he calls you dada now….”  Blaine says softly, a grin unfolding on his face.  

“He does.  For awhile though, he called me mama.. and shus.”

“Shus?”

Kurt nodded, “K.J.  Show me your shoes.”

His son is good about tricks and points at his feet, his shoes, “Shus!”

“Ah… Shoes.  Wait.”  Blaine looks up towards Kurt, brow furrowed, “He called you shoes?”

And, with a glimmer of amusement, Kurt grins and nods, “It’s definitely one of the better things I’ve been called though.”

Blaine chuckles and nods, and the fact that they can both laugh about it now makes it okay.  He’s okay.


	59. Chapter 59

Blaine could feel the back pocket of his pants vibrating but he was desperately trying to ignore it, cursing the fact that he had fallen into bed with it in that place of all places.  K.J. was curled up against him and one of Blaine’s arms was pillowed under K.J.’s head and the other was being gripped by the sleeping boy.

It had taken Blaine a whole two days to realize that the best time to sleep was when K.J. was napping, and somehow that had led to K.J. napping with him since it was so much easier to the boy to fall asleep when he had someone beside him.  He was trying to show Kurt how dedicated he was to helping parent and had insisted Kurt sleep the last couple nights when K.J. had awoken, going to take care of him on his own.  It really wasn’t as hard as he thought.  Just… be there. 

It did however take a toll on his sleeping, thus the napping with the kid right now and letting Kurt do his school work.

“Your phone is trying to creep its way out of your pants.”  

Blaine blinked and peered over his shoulder towards the door.  Kurt was there, watching him with a small, wry grin.

“It’s just going to be Wes.  I’m not talking to him right now.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m mad at him.”

“For releasing the songs even though that’s why you’re here?”

“That and being an ass.”

Kurt chuckled and shook his head, stepping over to the bed and slipping the phone out of Blaine’s pocket.  “You’ve missed seventeen calls from him….”

“I don’t want to talk to him.  He went behind my back even if it did make things good.”

Blaine curled himself back around K.J., focusing in on the snuffley-little breaths against his chest while Kurt sighed behind him before pressing a button on the phone and answering the call.

“Hey Wes.  It’s Kurt…….. Yeah…. He’s in Ohio obviously…… Well where did you think he ended up?........ Really huh?..... Well no, he’s pissed you put those songs out without him knowing…….. Oh really? …… Wait, what?..... You’re shitting me….. Wes, don’t joke…… Well… huh.  Fuck…..”

Blaine’s interest was piqued at this point and he rolled himself back a little to watch Kurt who had wide open eyes, shaking his head as he spoke on the phone, his voice rising as time went on.

“Wes… just a second.”  Kurt held a finger over the mic and looked down at Blaine, “You NEED to talk to Wes.”

“Fine.” Blaine grumbled in show, though now he was curious as to what the big deal was as he grabbed the phone and held it to his ear.

“What is it Wes?”

“So you finally grew a pair and went to Ohio huh?  Impressive.”

“Why are you calling Wes?”

“Well first, to apologize for realing those tracks without your permission.”

“I doubt you’re sorry.  What’s the real reason?”

“To congratulate you and to negotiate a larger percentage of the profits.”

“What are you talking about Wes?”

“You’re selling so much that you’re on the front page of the itunes store and I have people calling me non-stop for interviews on radio, T.V…. everything. I even have some of the big labels calling me Blaine!  Screw medicine… I’ll make way more being your agent.”

“Uh-huh.  Right Wes.”

“I’m being serious man!  Here.  I’m going to text you the account information I set up for this and you can go look in it and see for yourself what just over a dollar a song is earning you.  I’ll give you a hint - Rachel’s pissed off and definitely jealous.”

That got Blaine’s attention and he glanced back at Kurt who was smirking at him and then down at K.J. who was still blissfully unaware, clutching onto the arm his head was resting on since Blaine had taken the other one away to talk on the phone.

“I’ll get Kurt to check it out.  I’m a little bit preoccupied right now.”

“Preoccupied?  What the hell is more important right now?”

“Cage is sleeping on my arm.”

“So?  Move him.”

“It can wait.”

He ignored that Wes began rambling in response and held the phone back to Kurt, who again covered the mic, “By the way, I totally got some pictures of the two of you sleeping.  I’ll make sure to send them off to Wes right after I’m done talking with him just to rub it in his face.”

Blaine smiled lazily and turned his body back towards K.J., quickly dozing back off.  The boy was a little furnace of snuggles, and Blaine was pretty sure that he was better at getting Blaine to fall asleep than Blaine was at getting K.J. to fall asleep.

When they got up, rather, when K.J. got up and started crawling on Blaine and tugging his ears until Blaine also got up, they went into the kitchen where Blaine, carrying K.J., was damn near shoved over by Carole who wrapped her arms around him.

“You’re a star Blaine!  Oh my god!  You need to sign some stuff for all my girlfriends.  They are going to be so jealous!”

“Awuh… huh?”

Kurt laughed, sitting on a stool at the island in the kitchen and turning the screen towards Blaine, “I told you that music was your calling.”

It was true.  His name was one of the cycling banners at the top of the itunes store and beside that, Kurt had several other windows open - one showing a quick rise of Blaine’s name search in google, one an article where Wes was being quoted, and the last the account.

“Holy shhh…..shoot.”  

“Shus!” K.J. echoed, pointing at his feet even though they were presently shoeless.

“So I feel a lot less guilty about dropping school to come here now….”  Blaine muttered, looking again at the screen in disbelief.  “I can pay back my parents for all my tuition.”

“I spoke to Wes again too.  He wants to get some other songs you apparently recorded released as well.  You did this all in your music room?” Kurt asked, turning to Blaine.

Blaine nodded quickly, “It was just… a way to get my feelings out… I honestly didn’t think I was good enough to… to do this..”

“Dadadada….”

Kurt took K.J. from Blaine, allowing Blaine to sit beside them on a stool and read over all the little details.  “I… I never thought…. I really didn’t think I was good enough Kurt…”

“You are.”

“You always said that….”  Blaine looked up, “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

Kurt rolled his eyes at that, “Let’s agree that we can both be idiots and that clearly you’ve found your calling.”

Blaine chuckled, “I can really do this… I can make music for a living…”  He looked from Kurt to the screen and then to K.J.  “I can support us doing something that makes me happy…”

“I am not playing house husband while you’re touring and famous Blaine.  I didn’t get my ass off your street just to be stuck at home without you.  Not now.  Not after everything.”

Blaine shook his head, “No… no… we’ll make it work.  I’ll figure it out.  I don’t want to be away either.  We can do this though.”

“In the meantime though, Wes has suggested I hop on the boat and become your publicist.”

“Only if that’s what you want Kurt….”  Blaine grinned though, giving himself away.  A job that didn’t feel like a job, with Kurt there at his side the whole way.  

“I told Wes we’d see if this was something that we can maintain or just a short lived phenomenon.  I don’t want to get ahead of myself.”

Blaine nodded, “Right…”  Smart.  Above all, Kurt was smart.  Blaine was ready to sign on for a life of music since the door had been opened, but Kurt, Kurt knew he had to be more careful.

For now, Blaine asked Wes to refrain from agreeing to any interviews or anything that required his time.  He had only just gotten to Ohio a few days ago and wanted to spend the time with Kurt and K.J. before having to duck out to meet people and answer questions.  Plus he needed to talk it over with Kurt, decide what he was and wasn’t allowed to say.  There would definitely be questions, especially since the big seller was ‘Kurt’.  People wanted to know more about that song.  Why it was written, if it was really for the Kurt Hummel, if it was real… Blaine wanted to make sure anything he might reveal would be alright with Kurt.

“You can say what you want Blaine.”  Kurt assured him, head on his chest and looking up at the ceiling as they panted shallowly after a quick romp in bed one evening after putting K.J. to bed.

“Are you sure?  They could ask…. so many things…” He had his hands wrapped around Kurt’s chest, one of his hands holding Kurt’s hand against his heart there where they could both feel it thump-thump-thump through his chest.

“I’m a public figure whether I like it or not with my dad… and now I will be through you too.  I need to be okay with being an open book.  People know about what I did out in New York anyhow.  I don’t know what else they’d ask that could be much worse than what they already know.”

“Are you okay with that though Kurt?  I mean… maybe I’m just a one hit wonder… but if I do … make it.  Are you going to be okay with that?”

“I’m okay with you.”  There was a shift and Kurt rolled himself over, laying partially atop Blaine still but now looking down at him.  “You’re my sanctuary.  Cliched as that sounds… I’m safe if you’re here.  I need you.  I was stupid for taking you to that train station… “

“No….”  Blaine reached up to brush his thumb over Kurt’s cheek, “I needed the kick in the ass, even if it hurt.”

“Didn’t know you were into pain there Trust Fund.”  Kurt winked playfully.  

Blaine chuckled, “Just a sucker for punishment.”

A wail sounded from the next room over and Kurt groaned, hiding his face against Blaine’s chest.  “I’ll get him.  Just give me a second.”

Blaine snickered.  Honestly, now that he was open to the idea of being a dad, it was much easier.  Why he held back before he didn’t even know.  Just accepting it, trying it, made it so much easier.  He slipped out from under Kurt before he could refuse and pulled on his boxers sitting on the floor by the bed and snuck out.

“Hey Cage.  What’s wrong buddy?” Blaine asked quietly, slipping into the nightlight lit room where K.J. was standing up in his crib, holding onto the rail and whimpering softly, one hand lifting to reach for Blaine. “Dadadada….”

Yeah.  This wasn’t so bad.

 


	60. Chapter 60

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Kurt glanced out the car window and nodded that way, even though the gesture was for Blaine who was sitting beside him.  Behind them both, K.J. was babbling in his carseat - a blend of “Papa” and “Dada” and “Ball” - seeing as how he had a new plush ball that played music when it was pressed in different places.

Beside K.J. on each side, squished in the limited space of the car was Burt and Carole, who were already unbuckling themselves and also getting K.J. out of his seat, smiling ear to ear when K.J. looked upon her and said “Ga-muh!”

Kurt took in a breath, unbuckled his own seatbelt, and then stepped out of the car.  His old street.  Blaine’s apartment building.  He resisted the urge to just run into the safety of the building and instead looked at the spot where, for what seemed like a lifetime when he was in that place, he had stood and sold himself.

He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel relief or anxiety, but what he did feel came as a bit of a shock.

Nothing.

It was just concrete.  Concrete set against the brick of the building.

“Well?”

Kurt looked back at Blaine and shrugged, “I don’t know why I worried.”

Burt looked it over, stepping around the sidewalk, “You know… I pictured something…. seedier.”

“I liked this neighbourhood.  The architecture is well done.”

They shared a chuckle, K.J. laughing because they all were laughing and doing so in an over exaggerated manner.  Then the walk began.

“This is where… uh… I ran into Big G.”  Kurt said, looking around the small park, specifically towards the dark alleyway off to the side.

Blaine snapped some photos, like he had back at the curb Kurt had worked and Blaine had lived at, now where Rachel and Wes lived together - all his own and Blaine’s things, instruments included, shipped and residing in Lima.

Next was a trip in the subway, something new to his dad, Carole, and K.J. - who definitely liked the ride.

“‘gain!  ‘gain!”  He yelled, bouncing in Blaine’s arms and reaching back towards the departing train as they got off and walked to the stairs.

Blaine chuckled and patted K.J. on the back, “Later Cage.  First we have to finish some work for Daddy’s book.”

As Blaine’s self-published album, now with twelve tracks in total, took off, he was interviewed and on every show imaginable.  Kurt had everything he was on dutifully taped and backed up for his own collection.  As expected, Blaine was asked the tough questions about Kurt, and he responded honestly, always saying that Kurt knew and expected him to answer like that.

So it didn’t take long before Kurt started getting approached too - though not for music, but for a book deal.

Eventually, Kurt decided to do it, if only to ensure they had money coming in and he was finally contributing back to the family.  Part of what he wanted to do included revisiting the places he had existed in during his time in New York, which was why Blaine was taking photos.  They were vital to the book.  Kurt wanted to focus less on describing places and more on what happened there. 

He discovered that more than being a means to earning some money though, it was therapeutic.  Everything he had felt, thought, or experienced was now out on paper (well, metaphorically speaking since he wrote on his laptop) and out of his head.  He didn’t hold back in his writing, and knew that if his dad ever wanted to read the book for himself, it would be difficult - because everything was there from his initial break into drugs right up until he set foot back on his dad’s doorstep.  He had decided to end the story there because he didn’t want to draw K.J. into it, though he was mentioned in the foreword and dedication.  If K.J. wanted to write about himself one day, Kurt wasn’t going to step on his toes.

Besides, writing about K.J. meant writing about Quinn, and he had already changed her name in the book to try and protect her from being exposed too much, even though it wouldn’t be hard to link up who he was talking about given how the media knew she was his friend and companion when he went to New York.

Quinn had, to put it nicely, decided that she wasn’t going to be involved with either of her children.  She wanted to reinvent herself after jail, and despite having fought to get custody of Beth before, and being happy to visit K.J. when Kurt brought him to the prison, when she was released, she told Kurt flat out that the only way she was going to stay good, was by staying away from anything and everything from her past.  The last Kurt heard, she had applied to and been accepted into college and was pursuing her own dreams - whatever they were.

It was definitely a kick in the pants to Kurt though, who had been so ready to help her when she got out and wanted to make sure, not only for her benefit but for K.J.’s, that she knew she’d be a part of his life.  He was mad at her, even more now than he already had been, for abandoning her son and Kurt.

But, as his dad and Blaine kept telling him, maybe it was for the best - besides, she was the one losing out on not having a relationship with K.J.

They walked up to the old house he had lived at, now with new tenants who looked just as sketchy but were getting a cheque so that Kurt and his entourage could go through the house, letting him show his family where he had lived and letting Blaine take the photos.

This place was more unsettling.

When he looked into the living room, he saw flashes of memory, none of them good and wrapped his arms around himself with a shudder.  

Burt wrapped an arm around his shoulders, “You don’t have to do this kid…”

Kurt shook his head, “No.  I do.  I’m going to face this and get it over with so I can say that I did.”

He pushed his uneasiness down slat in his stomach and talked about what happened in each room.  The living room is where deals and parties happened.  The kitchen was often used not only for food, but as a place for a quick sex deal, the upstairs rooms were much the same, but for the girls and not him.  The bathroom, well, even more went on in there then in the kitchen.  The last thing he showed them was the basement.

“You slept here…?” His dad asked, looking around the space from the stairs since there wasn’t enough space on the floor for them all to stand.

Kurt nodded, looking down at the dirt with a sigh.  “Quinn and I.”  

Blaine frowned, “If I had known Kurt… I would have never let you come back here….”

Kurt shook his head, “You didn’t though, and at that point, I wouldn’t have let you hold me back.”

“It’s freezing…” Carole noted, face creased with sadness as she gave the little area a once over with her eyes, “.... I’ll take K.J. back up…”

Blaine snapped a few photos, having to be creative on where and how he stood in order to get the space in a picture properly with the lack of room to maneuver and the poor lighting.  After Burt went up after Carole, Blaine put the camera away and went to pull Kurt into a hug, “You’re brave…”

Kurt chuckled, leaning in against the warm body and shivering.  It was cold down here.  How had he never noticed that?  “Don’t get mushy on me.  We need to get this done.”

They left the little home, if it could even be called that, and Kurt looked it over one last time.  He’d never come back here again, he knew that, and as he recalled how many times he had willingly set foot in the place, there was only one proper way to say goodbye to it.

He spat at it.

No one questioned him on it, no judgement was given.  They shuffled the seating arrangements in the car so that Kurt could sit beside his son and read to him on the way to a restaurant where they were meeting Blaine’s family and Wes.

Well, Wes was basically family anyhow.

A room had been reserved for the group and hugs and kisses and loud hello’s were exchanged and the other grandparents cooed and doted over K.J. who was sure to show off his new ball to them all and fought over being put in a high chair.

“Poor guy has had to sit so much today he just wants to run and play.”  Blaine noted to his family who all nodded knowingly.  

“No talking business.”  Kurt said directly to Wes whose mouth clamped shut the instant it had opened and Kurt had seen it.  Wes had a bad habit of always engaging Blaine in discussions over promotion or new ideas to earn cash off Blaine and it was exhausting.  As Blaine’s publicist, Kurt generally had no problem talking up Blaine, but when it was family, he just wanted to forget that both he and Blaine were public figures and just enjoy the company.

So, as expected, Rachel talked about her current role and success, Blaine’s parents asked all about K.J. and both insisted that they come visit so that K.J. could get to know them better, Kurt proudly told them about K.J.’s latest milestones - walking and forming sentences included, and Blaine just bumped his foot purposely against Kurt’s the whole time.

“So what are you going to do about his last name?” Blaine’s dad asked with very transparent self-interest, talking about K.J.

Kurt pushed his face into a smile, even though he wanted to smirk, “It’ll stay Hummel once the adoption is processed.”

“Even after the marriage?”

Kurt nodded stiffly, “Yes.”

“And before you ask, yes, I am okay with it.” Blaine said, “In fact, I insisted on it.”

Blaine’s dad lifted his hands up in surrender and the topic was changed, Kurt smiling sidelong to Blaine.  His name meant a lot to him now that he had it back, and K.J. had already had two last names in his short life that he didn’t need a hyphenated name added to the list.

Dinner was finished and everyone got into their vehicles and to the next destination.

The courthouse.

The wedding was small, civil, and low key.  No reporters were there because, aside from the people in the room with them, no one else knew about it.  It was exactly what Kurt wanted.  Maybe not the Kurt from years ago, who hid wedding magazines under his bed and envisioned a big, fashionable wedding, but this Kurt, who had somehow survived and found someone that loved him and everything he was past and present.  Despite the very mechanical vows and process, Carole and Shelby still managed to cry, and K.J., so innocent of what was going on, alerted everyone to the fact by saying “G’ma owie.  G’ma cry. G’ma need kiss.” which totally stole everyone’s attention away from Kurt and Blaine as they awed over the sweet sentiment of the little boy.

“Romeo should have been here too.”  Kurt hummed softly after rings and kisses were exchanged and they were pronounced husbands.  

“Now allowed in the building.”  Blaine noted, squeezing a hand around Kurt’s waist and pressing a kiss to his temple.

“He’s the only one missing though.”

“I’m sure he’ll forgive us for misplacing his invitation.  Besides, I’m sure he much prefers staying in Ohio with the housesitter to being cooped up in a hotel room as he would be here.” 

Kurt shrugged and smiled up at Blaine, “I don’t mind being cooped up in a hotel room.”

“That’s because it’s our wedding night and we have both sets of grandparents and Rachel fighting over who gets to watch Cage tonight.”

Kurt laughed and looked over at the group, which, sure enough, was debating who K.J. would get to stay with that night.  “Poor kid is going to be spoiled to death in the next twenty four hours.”

“I sure hope not.  Little guy has kind of grown on me.”

Kurt just smiled, letting his mind float above him for a moment to take in the scene.  Blaine holding onto him, a son grinning towards him, surrounded by family.  Nothing more or less.  This was perfect.  

This was home.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I was hit by this story this evening and my brain wouldn't let me do any writing on Hell and High Water until I got this out. I have made notes and will continue to work on this fic as well, but the priority will first be getting Part I of Hell and High Water out so I can't promise a regular schedule for updates on this one. Just know that all the amazing fanartists have definitely inspired this one with their too good pictures of skank!Kurt.


End file.
